Bab 6: The Gift
I ignored his entreaties; of his wanting to be my most supportive friend; begging me to be mindful of him and to treat him seriously; and for me to be grateful for his intrusions for he was only giving me a friendly warning; a warning on the cruel reversal of my fate. In return I treated him with utmost contempt and never gave much concern nor interest to his warnings.
As he ominously warned, I began to lose my sexual appetite. His timely interruptions distracting me from my erotic fantasies took its tool. I persevered to get him out from my mind, but the presence of his abominable spirit overwhelmingly overpowered my denial and the resistance I exerted. I would soon fell under the spell of his wickedness and the consequent suffering it bestowed.
A long time of suffering from his villainous deeds had me hating myself. There was not a single time that he kept emerging from out of nowhere, then sprang on the scene without warning diverting my concentration from getting to exert that great effort for the ultimate success of my endeavor to satisfy myself. I had never hated him for I knew he was only created by the forceful imagination of my mind, but as my impotence progressed the circumstance had reversed itself and I found my disgust and repugnance turning on him completely.
My fears had completely overtaken me. It had put a great doubt on my mind on my ability to have a total arousal in the presence of a woman. The imagined picture of women laughing at me for my failure had taken a heavy toll on my confidence; it further deteriorated into numerous panic attacks, pressuring and distressing further the already imbalance makeup of my emotions. My misery had completely taken hold of me.
I persevered to stay normal in the course of living daily. There was something bothering me, and I accepted the presence of it inside of me in the belief that tolerating it would ease the dark and heavy load trying to pin me into submission. I gave it all to never let that something completely overwhelmed me. I would give the shadow a good fight and I intended to win. If distraction was his tool to subvert my will, then distraction would also be my shield. Making my mind to be preoccupied with anything that I could think of—to divert it from entering my thoughts—had given me some success. That was what I intended to believe; it turned out I was wrong.
I had not had the courage to touch myself for some time afraid my malady was not healed, but the thought of the young woman encroaching inside my brain was making me insane. The whiff of her scent had stayed permanently in my senses. It was the most potent weapon the shadow had in his arsenal to counter my defenses. One night he came in full force.
“So, you think you can evade me for long?” the shadow said, with a devilish grin. I kept silent never intended to respond. Talking would only encourage him.” I have the answer to what ails you, just ask for it, but it seems you’re too proud and stubborn to request for it.” He continued with a grimace. “I’m your friend, the best friend you can have, in fact, I’m your alter ego. Had it ever occurred to you that your well-being is my primal concern? Had your troubled mind never grasped that it was I who gave you some of the most satisfying nights of your dreams? It hurts me to realize that you’re turning out to be not only a fool but also an ingrate. “Setting aside your silent insults will be quite easy to me, but it will also quite easy for me to ruin you with full satisfaction the way I want to. Now, what choice could it be?”
My whole body was trembling not of fear but of trying to concentrate to eliminate him out of my main senses. I collected all my force and energy to block him from inserting himself inside my dream, but it was a futile exercise; he won again as he always does.
“Now that you’ve settled, let me try to give you what you′ve wanted all along,” the shadow said. He clapped his hands three times like a magician and afterwards a cloud came slowly falling in front of me bringing the goddess of my dream in its descent. She was a gorgeous mannequin. She just looked at her creator never saying a word. The young woman from Riz was within my grasp. Overwhelmed, I tried to extend my hand to feel her, to touch her skin, but a hand blocked me and signaled me to stop. The shadow placed himself between me and the young woman; he was blatantly telling me he was the creator and the master of the situation.
“Pleeaase!” I said. In all that time the pleading was the only word that I uttered.
“Ha! ha! Now you found your tongue!” he jeered. “Would it be much better if you bend your knees while saying those words? I’d love to hear it while I’m looking down at you.” He was trying to humiliate me, and it was working. His aim was to weaken my resolve and forced me into submission. It had been my assumption from the beginning that that was his truthful aim. His blabber about friendship was only a smokescreen in the furtherance of his ultimate goal. When he placed his bait, I didn’t fall for it; afterwards I noticed the increase in his venomous activity. I could see his meanness no matter how much he tried to clothe it with niceties.
“Well, will you or won’t?” I heard him ask, cutting the flow of my thoughts. He grabbed the young woman on her voluptuous waist and pulled her closer to him. His touch made her became miraculously animated. The young woman waved at me with a smile of irresistible sensuality. She sank her face on the neck of the shadow and licked his skin with her tongue. I froze in excitement. My heart was in its crazy full thumping. I felt a warm swarm of blood flowing down below my body begging to be let out, begging to be shared to the woman of my dreams. I grabbed my pride under my navel to raise it from dormancy. Then a deepening silence followed. I cried out a horrible, sickening howl.
I failed.
A ghastly boom of a laugh let out by the shadow reverberated in full crescendo. It was like coming from the deepest hollow place under the earth echoing in unrelenting cycle bouncing endlessly from wall to wall. I closed my eyes and cupped my ears to evade both his voice and his narrative of my defeat that I expected would follow.
“Go to her.” I heard a whisper commanding me. He had a way to invade the inside of my senses; He has a total control of me. With growing anxiety and the renewed buildup of my desires, I obeyed him. It was also a sign that I had accepted my defeat. My shadow was still holding her when I approached her. I was a breath away from her when the distinctive all too familiar scent floated in front of my face and flowed freely inside my senses. Pushing my face near hers, I relished for the first time the natural smell of her flesh. I closed my eyes.
I heard a flash of a soft squishy sound followed by a warm thick liquid splattering on my face. I shrieked in horror upon seeing blood was splashing on my face meeting my eyes as I opened them. I saw blurry picture of a hand holding a hilt of a double edge dagger plunged halfway above the collar bone of the young woman.
“I have to move it more inside,” said the shadow. Having said that, he pushed the knife further down.
“Noooo!” I screamed. I was late when I tried to grab the hand that held the knife to stop him. The blade had completely plunged in.
“Stop being foolish! Don’t be distracted, you fool!” said the shadow, angrily screaming at me.
“Do it now!” he commanded.
I felt the warm blood flowing down my sweat covered body. The abundance of the red liquid flowed down swiftly until it reached the foot of my genitalia. Like a bowed scorched plant receiving life-saving water, my body organ gradually came to life and started making that which I had wanted to be earnestly performed. My whole body trembled ecstatically. I was like being struck by a lightning that electrified my inutile organ to spring back to life.
“What are you waiting for! Do it now!” I heard him yelled the command again. I reached for my thing that had gone into full erection and slowly massaged it up and down. There was still oozing from the wound of the young woman. I gazed at the beautiful and sensuous face of hers and noticed she still had that erotic smile. It goaded me further into full concentration masturbating. I had the hardest erection in my life. The slow movement of my hand gradually moved faster as I was near my climax. I closed my eyes to savor the impending coming of heaven. When the sound of harps, drums and cymbals came, I gave out a loud moan and I exploded.
My heart’s pounding had started to ease. I felt weak as my breath had slowly come to normalize. I was in euphoria knowing that I was normal again.
Hadiah
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