Bab 13: Chapter: 13, I'm gay.
Esha's Point of View:
Mahdin's call came into my phone shortly after Sara finished her speech. He said that they were all waiting for me outside the court.
I bade her a good-bye then got out of the restaurant.
Outside, the sky was covered with thick black clouds. It looked like a storm was coming.
Sometimes it seems that nature can understand our state of mind. It is as if nature has been sitting outside for us for so long, observing the thoughts on our minds that we have been keeping a secret from everyone and can be understood by no one but Nature itself. Yes, nature has been always out there observing us and taking on a color of their own whenever we're happy or sad according to the color of our minds. Whenever my mind cries, I look out of the window at the sky and see surprisingly that the sky is also weeping profusely. Again, when the mind that is calming itself by forgetting the pain, looks outside and sees the clouds moving away in the sky, the sun coming out and a sun shining environment, as well as a rainbow in the clear sky.
At that moment I was very sad. And that was a worst case scenario I guess. For the last few days, my mind has not been calm at all, since I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. But today, after facing some difficult realities, my whole world seems to be falling apart. I can't calm myself down in any way. I am breaking down, shattering up into pieces and getting very weak. But that doesn't mean I can give up. I'm not that weak. Something has to be done immediately. No matter how!
I hurried to the court and got into Mahdin's car. It was raining outside. After arriving at home, I made a decision that I will 'come out' to Rokhsana ma'am at her party tonight. At the same time, I will explain to ma'am about 'accepting' Sara. I hope ma'am, being such a well-known lawyer, knows very well about the current situation of the world. She must know that LGBT is legal in Europe and America today. Being part of LGBT is not a crime. We all are human beings like everyone else. We have the right to be happy like everyone else. We, like everyone else, have the right to choose our own life partner. Here the state, society or family cannot enforce any law. They don't have this legitimacy. Moreover, she can't force the poor girl to sleep with a boy like this. Every time Sara had a physical relationship with the boy, it was completely one-sided. As a result, she has been raped every time she slept with him.
In the evening Mahdin picked us all up from our houses and drove us all to Ms. Rokhsana's house. Everyone of us went with him in his car except Neha. She didn't want to come along with us, she said that she had some errands to run then she would drive her own to go to ma'am's house. We all reached Rokhsana ma'am's house five minutes before seven o'clock in the evening. We all went inside and saw that a huge event had been organized. There were so many dishes arranged on the dining table that it caught all of our eyes. In the meantime, all of our eyes were fixed on a special meal. The dish was a red velvet cake. The decoration was so beautiful and catchy that I wanted it to stay intact like that for the rest of my life. Although my mouth started watering because it looked so delicious at the same time.
Mahdin asked madam in an audible voice, "Madam, did you buy this cake from the shop?"
Ma'am said in an exclamation, "Hey, it's not bought from outside! It's made by my baby niece Sara. She's an expert at baking. All the food items you see here are made by my niece."
I heard the sound of footsteps and looked ahead. Sara came and stood in front of us. She was wearing a dark purple sari at that time. The girl was fair-skinned, and she was adorned with that colorful sari. She was impossibly spontaneous beautiful. No one could deny that. The more I was looking at her, the more fascinated I became. Yes, I admired the girl a lot but I didn't love her that way. The way two lovers love each other. Because my love was reserved only for that one person, and that was Neha. Unfortunately, she was very helpless at that moment. So I shouldn't be stingy in extending my helping hand to her. I should definitely help her.
I came back to the real world immediately from my own thoughts when I felt an intense sensation of a pinch on my arm. Mahdin did it as he had already called me several times by name but I didn't response because I was profoundly zoned out.
Mahdin snapped, "What the heck, Esha? Do you know when Neha will come? Who knew this girl could be so lazy? Why isn't she coming yet? She's not even answering her phone."
Sara suddenly said from behind, "Maybe she's stuck at work. Or maybe stuck in a traffic jam. No need to worry. She'll be come by at anytime."
I obliviously said, "Hmm, I guess so."
Shortly after that Neha arrived. Sara served food to everyone by herself.
I saw Ma'am suddenly holding Sara's hand and leading her to her room. I also followed ma'am without waiting for a moment. Then straight I entered the room and closed the door but didn't lock it.
Ma'am was very surprised to see me and said, "Why are you here suddenly? Wanna say something?"
I said, "Ma'am, I'm here to talk to you about something very important. I want Sara to be with us too as she's already a part of that."
Ma'am said while crossing her arms, "Okay, go ahead. I'm listening."
"Ah....actually I--...actually I'm..."
"Yes, I'm listening. Actually you're what?"
I said with my both eyes closed, "Ma'am, actually I've been liking girls since I was very young." I uttered those words so quickly in one breath that Ma'am and Sara both were absolutely stunned.
Ma'am was about to say something but before she could I cut her off and said, "I know very well that you're gonna judge me by my sexuality now. You may think I am such a sick or crazy. But I wanna say one thing today. You've been in legal profession for a long time, so you should know for sure that LGBT rights are not only legal in Europe or America now, same-sex marriage is also legal there. I just wanna say that every person should have the freedom to choose his or her romantic partner. Especially it's good for all of us to know that homosexuality is completely natural. It's not uncommon..." I was about to say something more but ma'am stopped me right there.
Ma'am said, "Can you please be quiet now?"
Then she took a deep breath and said in a serene tone, "Let me tell you some important things today. Look, I am an influential reputed lawyer in our country. The stage I have reached today requires a great deal of knowledge. I didn't reach here without qualification. Look, I know very well that, what is happening in the world. You may know that I passed the Doctor of Juridical Science from England and I was in England for six years and also practiced law in the courts there. I am one of the open-minded lawyers in Bangladesh. Who hates any act of communalism, nepotism, bigotry and anti-democracy. But I wonder if you are the one who is thinking me as a homophobic!!"
"Then ma'am you...I mean you..." And I couldn't finish my words, I looked at Sara in the middle of our conversation. She was stunned. She was frequently looking at Rokhsana ma'am and then looking at me again in a sync.
Ma'am chuckled and then said in warm voice, "I'm not homophobic at all. There's no reason to be so. No matter who you are, my dear student, there's always a place in my arms to welcome you. Hey, hey, what's the matter, why are you standing there with your face down? Oh com'on. I'm sure you deserve a big warm hug from me for your bravery to come out today."
Ma'am's warm soothing words made my eyes water. I broke down into tears and hugged ma'am without any delay. Ma'am caressed my back and tried to calm me down. My tears were coming down as I was emotionally overjoyed. I couldn't control my emotions anymore.
I pulled out from the hug and wiped off the waters from eyes by my both hands and said in a cracked voice, "If you could accept me for me being myself, then I'm pretty sure you can accept your niece for she being herself."
Ma'am said in a warm calming tone, "Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I?"
"Then why aren't you accepting Sara for she being herself?"
"Wait, what? Why do I need to accept Sara?"
"Didn't you ever know that she's gay?"
"No. I never knew. I always know that she likes boys. In the past, she also had boyfriends. Only a few days ago, he had a breakup with her ex. Sara is very close with me. She shares with me everything."
Sara rolled her eyes in anger and snapped back at her aunt, "Auntie, please stop pretending. I'm gay aunty, I'm gay !!" Sara screamed as she spoke.
Rokhsana ma'am said in surprise, "Strange, why didn't you tell me before? I have no problem whether you are gay or whatever. This is your life, your decision. I have no choice but to accept you in this matter."
I happily hugged ma'am again. Ma'am said pointing to Sara, "What's the matter, dear? Com'on, I've been standing here spreading my arms to receive you."
Sara snapped back in an angry voice, "Fu*k it!!" Then she broke down into tears and said in a cracked voice, "Auntie, try to understand one thing. I just love Esha and I will always love her."
I let go of Ma'am's arms and said, "Just try to understand the whole thing. Yes, I'm gay too but I love someone else. And that is..." Before I could finish my sentence, Sara's eyes widened, her face turned very red.
It was obvious that she would burst into tears at any time as her eyes were fully watered. She didn't wait for a moment to let me finish my talk, she swirled the knob of the door and opened it to leave the room, right at this moment I saw Neha was standing outside the room. I didn't know how long she had been standing there or listening to us. But the surprising fact was by that time I had already said that I loved Neha and Neha was extremely surprised to hear that and she covered her face with both of her hands and left that place immediately.
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
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