Bab 37: REMEMBERENCE 8
"Yan Yan...I...I just got him back. Just yesterday morning he told me that he loved me since he first felt the feeling of love. We shared the world's most beautiful feelings of life. He kissed me. When I took out all the anger of past years when he left me alone, he patiently endured all the pain I gave him.
He...he became my Earth Yan Yan! He took me in his shadow yesterday and he told me that he loves me. He loves me, Yan Yan. My Moon loves me. He said that he will wait for me at home. He wanted to speak with me, Yan Yan. He asked me to take care of me.
Then what happened within a few hours, Yan Yan that he did this to himself? What happened in those few hours that my Moon end up like this in the hospital? Wasn't he happy about something? Wasn't he looked at me with all the love while leaving the office? I felt that love, that longing in his eyes, Yan Yan! What happened that he felt to leave me alone to face his separation one more time?"
I tried really hard to stop my tears but Yanli's embrace was so much caring that I totally lost myself in thinking about everything that happened in a few hours.
"Xian Xian, please don't cry. See I am here with you...Dr Cao, aye, uncle everyone is here. Don't get panic now Xian Xian. You need to be strong and I promise you that I will get to know everything that happened there in office Xian Xian.
I promise you that I will find the reason behind it. I will make sure to get to know everything that is going on here. I promise you."
Lu Yanli never made fake promises in her whole life. Whenever she decided to do something she did that with utmost importance and feeling. Her assurance brought my heart to a little peace and I looked at her with respect and love that I had for her.
"Yan Yan, I am sorry for what I did with you in office. When you tried to stop me from coming to Judi I almost lost it and pushed you hard. I don't even remember what I said to you or cursed you for stopping over there. Yan Yan will you be able to forgive me for my doings?"
Yanli's face let me knew how bad she felt because of my sorry.
"Idiot, really you learnt saying sorry to me. Your moon has influenced you in just one day my Xian ge?"
hearing the sarcasm I knew I totally lost it but I couldn't go on without saying sorry to the person who loved me from bottom of her heart.
"You are forgiven, Yan Yan. next time don't call me gege."
"Next time don't say sorry then."
"Yan Yan, I promise you that but still I want to say something you will not like but still I want to say it. I don't know what I have done for you in this life that you are doing everything for me. Yan Yan, thank you very much for being in my life. Thank you. Yan Yan, you must go now. You must be tired of handling everything alone? The office was in chaos and I wasn't there to help you. Meng Ziyi and Mr Ming also came in the night to meet Judi. You must be alone there handling all press."
"Don't worry about it Xian Xian, I didn't do much. For the first time in the last 4 years, Mr Ming came out as a big help. I don't know what he did but he made it look like a misunderstanding of some fan and now that person is behind the bar. I don't know what magic wand he got. Now no one knows Song Jun is here in China just like before he went to Paris for the shoot and his father too believed that Judi is in Paris. So, just relax no one is going to take him away from you. You only take care of yourself and your Moon.
About office, let everything go Xian Xian. There is a lot to know about Song Jun, he needs your support, care and love. You really need to take him out of this. Only you can do it. Dr Cao told me so many things and he is just waiting for Song Jun to get out of danger. He is immediately going to start the treatment. You will be needing all the time."
Her words poke another hole in my heart. My Judi, my Moon needed the help of a psychiatrist to keep leaving a normal life. All this happened because of me. I am responsible for Song Jun's state.
"Xian Xian, what are you thinking?? Are you blaming yourself for this?? If yes then it is not your fault Xian Xian. We have had many discussions on this, Xian Xian. If I would have been at your place, I would have done the same. What option you had at that time?"
My heart skipped a beat when I realised my best friend knows me very well. Only she can read me without even telling her what's going on in my mind.
"Yan Yan, I really don't know what t think right now. I was waiting for him for 10 years. I was waiting for life to finally give me what was mine and life gave him back to me but it's cheated with me. It's cheated with me.
This life gave him back but he is not my Judi anymore. He was the one who was strong between us. He was just 10 when he realised what he feels for me and he was ready to run away with me that time but my guilt took over my love for him at that time. My guilt nearly killed me for what I was thinking about a child, about my brother, about the person who was giving me all the happiness in the world.
I was afraid of my own feelings towards him Yan Yan. I was just 16 at that time and the relationship which I was dreaming about was totally out of question at that time. He was so brave that time also. Whenever the memories of that time surface in my mind I always think about him as my hero.
He was truthful, brave and courageous enough to bend everyone's protests against our relationship but I lacked behind Yan Yan. I was the one who backed out when he needed me the most. I lacked behind in everything feelings that we shared for each other and that thing made him like this Yan Yan...It was my fault that he ended up here like this. Yan Yan, this Earth totally lost in shadowing her Moon Yan Yan. My love wasn't enough..."
"No...No Xian Xian. It was not at all your fault Xian Xian. It was not. Carman aunty told us what happened there with Song Jun. Xian Xian do you know what happened there?? You must ask aye about it. Don't blame yourself for it. I know very well what happened to you in school...I know everything why you didn't stop Song Jun at that time.
Believe me, Xian Xian, Whatever you did at that time was not intentional...You were only 16 at that time...You could not have done anything for it. It wasn't your fault. I want you to talk to aye before you could think more negative about yourself. You will know everything. Don't blame yourself more."
I looked up in her eyes to know the feelings behind what she was saying and I realised that she was saying the truth... I needed to speak with mama and aye. Yan Yan left me with my Judi but her words put so much of courage to speak up to my Bo di about what happened that time with me. I needed to tell him about the past what he wasn't aware of, to let him breathe freely...To believe his Xian ge for real this time.
"Judi... Please come back this time. I will make sure I will tell you everything that happened at that time. I will make sure this time that my love will make you stronger than everyone else. My love will become your strength, not the weakness. I promise you. Just give me one chance Judi...Give my feelings one chance."
I looked at the tranquillity of the breathing of my life...and then my past self which was hiding somewhere in my memory lane...Wanted to come out again to rub salt on my already broken wounds.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Hey dear readers, How did you find my book? Tang Xian found Song Jun inside the bathtub almost on the verge of dying. What do you think about what will happen now? Please do comment and vote for my story.
Hadiah
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