Bab 49: Page XLIX - Definition of Genius

All the memories flooded Theodore's mind like a broken floodgate. Those memories that was once supposed to be washed away in the ocean of his thoughts resurfaced, came back to haunt him. 

He knows he's broken. Yet something inside him continues and enjoys the feeling of being broken. To repent, to feel their pain, to suffer and to live on with those memories. Because ever since that fated day...

The one to blame then wasn't his father. Nor his mother. Nor the woman his father was sleeping with. It was himself. It was because he believed. 

His mother's pain and suicide, it was because of him.

His father's death, it was because of him.

That random woman's death, it was all because of him. And this is what he's been thinking about ever since that day. "Everything is my fault."