Bab 9: Inner Demons
Inner Demons
In the backyard of the house, I sat as I listened to mom's lecture. She was currently teaching me how to manipulate mana, but it was something I had already long mastered.
Making various gestures like, tracing her finger in the air, waving her hand, and other body gestures she mixed in her words, proved that mom was an absolute amateur in teaching others.
How she tried to get my attention every single time, and making some examples that is way too advanced for beginners, she continued rambling on as I pretended to listen.
"...in making mana easier to control is through spiritual synchronization..."
And there. She added another term without even bothering to explain it.
It had been three days ever since our reunion(?), and we were going along well as master and disciple. My master(?) taught me things, and I listened very well and executed thing perfectly. Mom even thought I was a genius.
However, from the way she keeps acting, I couldn't help but notice the fact that she wasn't even mentioning anything about is—her family— at all.
She was avoiding every possible topic that would lead into that. And for some reason, she did it well despite her terrible teaching prowess.
From my point of view, what she was doing was nothing different from showing off. She was showing off the results of her four years of disappearance, and she was trying to show that she was okay.
But as a fighter, I can clearly tell she wasn't.
'Her mind's a mess. She'll die at this rate.' I thought as I observed her mind through the logic of her actions.
In the first place, Randel never actually expected me to learn anything from mom. I had told him my secret, and he knew that I was far capable than mom could ever teach. Then why did he take me as a grand-disciple? It was simple.
'Damn that manwoman. He's making me do the teaching...'
That's right. It was me doing all the teaching. Although indirectly, mom had improved just by watching how I did things. How I circulated mana, how I controlled it, how I sensed it, she was growing at a tremendous rate.
Not only that. Her teaching skills, despite terrible was improving bit by bit. But she still failed to manage to learn what I was teaching her the most.
'As expected...her inner demons are still there.' I though.
Well, even though I though that way, I really hadn't expected much in the first place. All warriors or mages, will without a doubt experience a slump in their cultivation as they Tread the Path.
It was when they start doubting the Path they Tread, and their cultivation of their Levels stops at a bottleneck. And mom's case seems to be quite bad.
Well, I doubt this would get anywhere, so I stood in the middle of the lecture.
She seemed confused as she asked. "Lancell, what's wrong?"
I then asked. "Where's the grandmaster?"
"He's usually in his study. Why?"
"I'm gonna go and see him." I told her. Her brows then raised as she spoke.
"But we're not done with our lessons."
I stared at her for a while, and stated. "And you're clearly not learning well."
After that, I left.
◇◇◇
I went into Randel's study as I suddenly opened the door, grabbing his attention.
"Hey, Randel! When are you going to teach me the secrets of the Ancient?!" I yelled in inquiry.
Randel only raised a brow as he grinned. "Oh? Impatient already?"
"It's because you're wasting my time!" I snapped. "I'm not a fan of these antics."
Randel understood what I was implying. "But she's your mother though? You didn't even tell her your secret."
"..." I went silent.
I didn't actually hate her. In fact, I couldn't care any less about what she's doing. However, it still doesn't change that she's my flesh and blood mother, so at least I didn't want her to die.
"She gonna die at this rate. She'll fail in breaking through the First Wall." I stated.
"Oh? You seem unconcerned."
"You think I'd let that? If it comes to it, I'll cripple her Path. If that's what it takes to prevent her from dying." I told him.
Her current state was unstable. And if I take advantage of that, I could easily cripple her right now. Just by pulling a few strings, she'd be no different from a bird who couldn't fly.
And the reason it couldn't fly wouldn't be because it was wounded, but because it was afraid of the sky itself. And going by that reference, she'd be unable to tap into the power she's cultivated.
Randel narrowed his eyes at my statement. "How cruel."
"You say that, yet you have a grin on your face."
Randel chuckled, and asked. "Is it really fine to let her hear?"
I merely shrugged. "She chose to eavesdrop, and what she hears is her sole responsibility."
That's right. Mom was outside, eavesdropping for quite some time ago. Randel noticed her presence, and I noticed Randel notice her. It was another lesson for her, and it was all up to her if she learns from it or not.
"I'm leaving for now, but I'll be back later." I excused myself.
I then headed and opened the door. As the door opened, I heard some hastened footsteps and a sound of a door slamming. It sounded like it came from the front door.
Randel seemed amused as he said. "It looks like she's hurt though?"
"Pain makes a person stronger." I told him. I then went outside the room, and closed the door. But before the door completely closed, I heard him append to my words.
"Or break them entirely."
I clenched my teeth as I then went outside to see what mom was doing.
◇◇◇
I closed the door as I went outside. The cool winds caressed my cheeks as I listened to the sound made by the nocturnal creatures for a while. I could feel my blood boil from anger as frustration filled my chest.
'Fuck this.' I cursed inwardly.
I felt like I was lost. In the first place, I don't completely understand the situation.
Why did I return to the past?
Why did Arkenvalle come along with me despite losing all my cultivation in the Heroic Path?
I don't know anything, and thinking wasn't my strong suite. However, unless I could trust someone else, I can't tell anyone about my secret. Heck, I'm already regretting telling Randel about it.
However, what's done is done, so I can only face the consequences.
I sighed as I calmed myself, and searched for mom's tracks. It wasn't hard to find them as she likely wasn't hiding them, so I easily found her whereabouts.
'The river, huh?'
Looking at her hug her knees as she sat at the riverside, I sighed again. It was an act not befitting a mother. She was acting like a weak maiden.
I walked towards her and spoke. "It's quite mysterious isn't it. The sound of riverflow."
She suddenly jumped back as she tried to pull her sword at her waist, but forgot it wasn't there.
"I see. So that's how you took it, huh?" I said.
It seems she misunderstood me and thought that I wanted to harm her. She was wary of me, but the fact that I'm her son is making her hesitate. Seriously, what a troublesome mother she is.
"What do you want?" she asked. She tried to sound imposing, but failed spectacularly.
I ignored her question, and asked. "Can I sit beaide you?"
"For what?"
I shrugged. "I just want to talk."
She then dropped her guard, and slowly sat. I sat near her, and saw her tense face.
It was time for some talk.
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
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