Bab 18: Burning
Looking at the beautiful roses, I let out a tired sigh.
After getting flocked by a lot of nobles – and after talking to them, to say that I'm tired was an understatement. Because I couldn't handle staying in the Party Hall anymore, I decided to sneak out to the garden when I was finally able to escape the nobles. Fortunately, the Duke and Duchess were busy talking to the guests so they didn't notice me.
However, I will definitely face the consequences of going to the garden later.
"Two face! Two face! Two face!"
– And Gaos who hasn't spoken a word since earlier is bothering me again. He likes calling me names I guess, but 'two-face'? I can't really say I'm not. Talking to people earlier while smiling hurts my cheeks. If someone would ask me why I did such a thing... it's because it's easier that way. Wouldn't they view me as someone less threatening if I act like that?
If I showed even a little bit of my true nature who couldn't care less about them – they would surely dislike me. They will think that I'll become a hindrance to them.
I'm just changing my attitude to match what they like. I guess it's something I learn from my past life.
It was also something I and the Heroine have in common. The Heroine, Anastasia Clovis. If only I could just avoid her and the capture targets, but I guess that's asking for too much since I'm the Villainess. There will definitely be some kind of plot science that will make me and them meet no matter what.
"But two face, I didn't expect that earlier," Gaos said and I waited, curious about what he would say next, "I really thought you would forgive your brother. He seems sincere." He said.
The original Aksia will surely forgive him.
But... "I can't forgive him."
"Why though? I thought you like playing games of pretend? You can at least pretend to forgive him, then maybe you can use him for your own benefits." He said.
"No, I don't think I can trust him not to betray Ak – me, again." Trust is really not that necessary for me to use him... but I just really don't feel comfortable about it. I wonder if it's because Hariz is my brother? Am I actually seeing him as a family because of Aksia's memories and feelings that are passed down on me?
"I noticed this before, but that's one of your flaws," Gaos said and I frowned.
"You can't trust people easily."
"My flaw? Isn't that a good thing?" I asked back. In that way, I wouldn't be fooled easily.
"Sure, but 'not trusting easily' and 'can't trust easily' are two different things. You also tend to push people away, you can get more help than this but you believe that no one will help you." I stared at the thorns of the roses as I listen to him. I'll... admit, I always had a problem when it comes to trusting people.
Deep down, I know that. But somehow, I just can't. I just really want to deny it. Maybe I'm scared? When you think about it, it's really silly. Me, who isn't afraid of death is afraid of trusting people.
"Why would anyone help me? No one will help me Gaos, only I can help myself." I said as I tried to reach for the roses.
"Whatever! I don't care anymore, you coward human!" I didn't give a response and fortunately, he didn't speak again.
Left with nothing to do, I chose to simply savor the silence – it was one of the few things I can confidently say I love because I'm not really fond of loud noises. Slightly spacing out, I let my right hand grasp one of the stems of the roses, and because of the thorns, it started bleeding. Strangely, I didn't hurt that much. Duchess Oceana's beating is probably more painful.
I'm aware that I'm hurting myself... but it doesn't hurt at all. It's just numb. Before I could tighten my hold, a hand grasp my wrist tightly.
"What are you doing?"
Startled, I immediately lookup. It was a man – and seeing his face clearly, my eyes slightly widened. Somehow, his expression also mirrored my reaction, but I was able to hide my expression immediately.
His red eyes stared at me intensely as his hold on my wrists didn't even falter or loosened, "You... You are Duke Lancer's daughter." He said, frowning. He then looked at my palm that is currently bleeding. Seeing him stare at it, I forcefully pulled my hand out of his hold.
He looked at me, stunned. Ignoring his amused expression, I immediately bowed slightly in front of him.
"Greetings to your Royal Highness." I said, "I apologize for my rude action, Prince Anakin. I'll accept any punishment." I continue to look down without raising my head as I wait for his response.
It was... my mistake. A terrible one. Of all people I could've encountered here, why the Second Prince? I was wondering earlier where he is but... to think that I would meet him in the garden. This is even more troublesome, I recklessly pulled my hand out of his grasp because it was bleeding, but I shouldn't have done that.
"Hey, why did you do that?" I blinked.
"Forget about formalities, I don't really mind. But now, I'm intrigued. Why are you hurting yourself, lady Aksia?" That's... what he was curious about? Standing properly again, I looked at him only to see him also looking at me. Under the moonlight, his red hair, similar to his eyes, stood out as well. Playfulness and mischief were written all over his face, and I could already tell that our personality won't be a good match.
Looking blankly at him, and thinking about my choices, I internally sigh.
"Why is his highness interested in other people's personal business?" I asked back. I... can only do this because it's only the two of us here, and also because I'm a Euridice.
Before I realized it, I was already holding the thorny stem of the rose earlier. I did it unconsciously without really thinking about what might happen. As for why I did it... maybe I'm curious if it's painful.
"Lady Aksia, this is probably our first meeting." He said, ignoring the fact that I just said something rude to him, "I've heard some rumors about you, both good and bad. But seeing you in person myself, I guess you are really different than others." His eyes that shine with mischief stared right through me as if observing me.
I guess this is just how he is. Anakin Lansera. A playboy and the 'black sheep' of the Royal Family. Although he was known as a jerk, he's one of the few swordmasters in the Lansera Kingdom with Air Magic attribute. He might not act like it, but he's also smart.
"Really really... strange." He said, smirking and I chose not to say anything.
"Lady Aksia, do you know that I can read and feel a little bit of people's emotions?" He asked, and I stared at him with curiosity. In the game, no such thing was said. But if it's true that he can feel people's emotions... he's feeling mine now. That's why he's telling me about it.
But what can he even feel? I can't even tell myself what I feel because I'm such... a complicated person.
"Your highness, please respect people's privacy." I said, giving him a cold look.
"I suppose I can, but you're far too interesting for me to ignore." He stepped forward and I didn't back down, I stood still in my place, looking at him with no emotion.
"You are burning, lady Aksia," He said, "I don't know why, but it's like your a carriage heading straight ahead without a break. It's like you are not affected by anything but at the same time, you are affected by everything."
Burning? Heading straight ahead without a break? I... don't understand, but at the same time, deep down – I already know. This is my wish, I am truly happy. However, I can't help but miss some things. I miss my family, my family that's so different from the one I have right now.
I guess it's bound to happen – for me to feel this way. I've been going with the flow since I've been thrown into this world, I was heading straight without really thinking about my feelings and the things I left behind when I died as Shana Monique. I didn't give myself any time to breathe, I was to focus on the fact that my wish has been granted.
"If you continue like this, you will burn yourself completely." Prince Anakin said.
"Thank you for your worries your Highness," I said, voice cold, "But it was unneeded. If I were you, I would focus on my own problem first before minding others. Especially if it's something related to the family." His expression immediately changed and he glared at me.
"What... do you know?" He said, almost a whisper.
In the game, Anakin didn't show it, but he has an inferiority complex towards his older brother, Prince Deor. Ever since they were a child, Deor is always considered to be first in everything. After being a swordmaster, Anakin thought he can finally beat his brother, but Deor was far more talented when it comes to Magic.
Then, he even became the Crown Prince. To Anakin, it's as if everyone views him as someone below his brother, someone who will always be in his shadow.
And he despised that.
"Since you gave me an advice, I'm just doing the same for you," I said as I smirk – one that is similar to the one he's giving me earlier.
"It's an honor talking to you your Highness. I'll be excusing myself now. " I said as I bowed slightly before leaving.
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
emoisreal
emoisreal Just a look into Aksia's emotions. It was something bound to happen (as said in this chapter). She didn't completely had a mental breakdown or something like that, but yeah – that's it. It's really really hard to explainnnnn. Idk why I made Aksia into such a complicated character who can't understand herself.
Next chapter might be boring chapter, sorry. And I apologize as well for all of this long notes lol.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone