Bab 45: Bronicorns United.
The closer the Triwizard Tournament first task came, the more people had buzzed about the events leading up to the first task. And exactly what the first task was. Given how strong the Hogwarts rumormill tended to be, it had been a minor miracle how the news of the task did not get out rather soon.
The investigation on who tampered with the Goblet of Fire had not been going rather smoothly. From what Wade could figure out, chaos reigned at the Ministry of Magic. There was a scandal about how the Goblet could be tampered with and not one, but two underaged competitors. All sorts of finger pointing, blame, and conspiracy theories had been around.
Albus Dumbledore sighed when analyzing the magical object for about the eighth time, under the watchful guise of the Hogwarts staff. "We should have guards watching the Goblet at all times."
Snape, Moody, and McGonagall all shot Dumbledore one of those "I told you so" looks. If the Headmaster had been bothered by getting such a look, he did not really react to it.
"No used in crying over spilled pumpkin juice right now," Dumbledore said. "The first task, being dragons, is going to be a rough one."
"It just is fortunate there was a clerical error which caused a fourth dragon to be ordered," Snape said.
Dumbledore scratched his beard and sighed long and hard. "Yes, fortunate."
"Best I figure," Moody growled. "Is someone wanted Potter done in. Now could be the Black girl. It could be Karkaroff, putting on a show. It could be anyone. Anyone's a suspect."
"Even you?" Deadpool asked.
"I wouldn't rule it out!" Moody barked. "Even the most constant vigilance could have caused someone to get the drop on me, to enhance and bewitch me, and to allow me to put Harry Potter's name in the Goblet of Fire. While I do not recall such a thing happening….I would not rule it out."
Here Moody's eye twitched several times across the room.
The fact of the matter is, no one really knew about it. Deadpool writhed his hands.
'So, no one left any fingerprints. Then again, with magic you could poof them away. But, with magic, you could also reverse the poofing. Oh, I'm sure CSI: Diagon Alley would be the most confusing show ever.'
Dumbledore flipped over a chalkboard, with several theories written upon it.
"We shouldn't disprove all avenues," Dumbledore said. "Including the conspiracy theory that I am somehow setting up Harry Potter for a fall, so I can steal his gold. While I don't recall such a plan being enacted, old age can make a fool out of many of us."
Everyone in the room declined to comment. They knew better.
"The biggest problem is Rita Skeeter buzzing around," Dumbledore said. "She will twist everything. And she has a knack of figuring things out, even though she should not know the information."
"It appears that Rita Skeeter may be using some method which breaks the law," McGonagall said.
"Big surprise," Moody grunted. "Witch is nothing but trouble."
The investigation of the Triwizard Tournament continued. And speaking of Rita Skeeter, Deadpool remembered the meeting he arranged for the intrepid reporter.
Rita Skeeter waited at a neutral location for the Hogwarts Deputy Caretaker of Magical Sanitation. Of course, her interest had been further piqued by the fact that the goblins had been lurking around.
And a nervous looking Ludo Bagman had been lurking around.
"Mr. Bagman!" Rita called.
Bagman jumped about ten feet in the air. He clutched his chest and recovered quickly.
"Rita, my dear. It's lovely to see you. Is that a new haircut?"
"You've lost weight, Ludo," Rita said.
"I have?" Ludo asked. "Oh, of course I have….you see, I've been running back and forth at the Ministry. This entire Triwizard Tournament mess, with the fourth champion, and Crouch is a bit more short tempered them usual."
"Mmm, looks like Barty might be thrown out through the Floo after this tournament is over," Rita said as she sucked on the tip of her quill. She always had a bit of an oral fixation. Got her in trouble sometimes. "Heard that if we don't get a Hogwarts win, then he's done. Fudge is going to personally insist he retires."
Ludo just shrugged.
"You can't believe every bit of rumor and innuendo you hear, Rita," Bagman said. "Especially considering you concoct a fair bit of it on your own."
Rita just flashed Ludo a smile which showed she was guilty as charged.
"Well, do you have any idea how….."
The goblins staring at Ludo like they wanted to throw him into the Black Lake was a juicy story.
"I've made some investments," Ludo commented. "I need to seal...the deal."
Ludo swallowed and turned around to face the goblins. Rita just hummed and rocked back and forth on her chair. Ludo was such a terrible liar and he was not sealing anything. Other than maybe a coffin. Those weren't Gringotts goblins, no Rita saw them as a rougher variety. Those who were involved in...mmm waste management.
What did Ludo get himself into anyway?"
"I'm here."
Rita's gold tooth glinted with a ding as she saw Mr. Wilson, dressed in a pinstripe suit, and a top hat, with his usual mask on his face.
"Ah, Mr. Wilson, how lovely," Rita said. "So, tell me, how did a man of your...capabilities, come to work at Hogwarts?"
"Well, an associate of mine informed me there was a job open," Wade said. "Old Captain Dread Pirate Filch wanted someone to help pick up the slack...and I needed some place to go while I...well just for a change of scenery. I believe the guy who came up with this entire mess, did it while taking a midnight trip to the Bathroom. Or so the story goes."
"Which guy is it?" Rita asked.
"Oh, you know, the guy transcribing everything that we're doing," Deadpool said. "He pops in and out from time to time. He tells us what you do."
Rita had been intrigued even more so.
"So do you hear voices inside of your head?" Rita asked. "Because, that's not a good sign, not even in the Wizarding World."
"Hey, nice job quoting the canon," Wade offered.
Rita raised her eyebrow. To say she had been confused by this gentleman would be the understatement to end all understatements. Regardless, Rita pressed on.
"Why did Dumbledore hire you? You don't have any magic."
"And Filch is a squid."
That caused Rita's eyebrow to shoot up. She had been confused, but realized what Wade meant.
"Do you mean a squib?" Rita asked.
"Yeah, one of those things," Wade said.
"Do you find it odd that he's hired two people who cannot perform magic to clean up a magical castle? Wouldn't it be more practical or economic to just have the house elves do all of the work? Hogwarts does have thousands of house elves, you know."
"Are you advocating putting humans out of work, Ms. Skeeter?" Wade asked.
"Well, I'm just saying that if Dumbledore wanted to save money, he would not have hired two non-magical humans, when a house elf can do the work in a fifth of the time," Rita said. "Just smart business sense, really."
"Hey, that kind of logical has no place with Dumbledore has the Headmaster," Wade said with a smile. "And I'm more than some deputy caretaker of magical sanitation. I am the Hogwarts Grief Counselor as well, you know."
"Hogwarts Grief Counselor?" Rita asked.
"Yes, I help magical type people, with their magical type problems," Wade confirmed. "It's not easy, sometimes, but hey, it can be very rewarding to make a difference in people's lives. But, never mind that, because I know Dumbledore's deepest, darkest, secrets."
Rita's Quick Quotes quill sprung erect at this news. Wade looked to the right and looked to the left before he peered across the table.
"I'm….I'm….I could end up in the Lake for telling you this," Wade whispered. "Because, Dumbledore, he swore me to secrecy."
"Be brave, Mr. Wilson," Rita said. "It's for the children you serve. If Dumbledore is doing something fiendish, it is for the good of the public that they need to know."
Wade took a long swig of a drink which had just appeared on the table as if on magic.
"Dumbledore says he has a secret collection of rare Chocolate Frog cards," Wade said. "But, it's a front for his more insidious secret. The fact of the matter is...he...he…."
"Yes!" Rita shouted. "Tell me."
"He has a secret collection of My Precious Unicorn Dolls which he plays with."
Rita's Quick Quotes Quill suddenly went flaccid. Dumbledore being a secret Bronicorn was not the type of juicy scoop she was hoping for.
"That's it?" Rita asked.
"Well, his deepest darkest desire is…."
Rita's Quill sprung erect once again.
"A nice warm pair of socks."
For the second time tonight, Rita's quick Quotes Quill went completely and utterly flaccid.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first task of the Triwizard Tournament!" Ludo Bagman's booming voice echoed. "Our four champions will compete in this daring event to get past the dragons in this Triwizard Tournament."
A group of Hogwarts teachers watched from a box. Dragon Handlers were at the ready, waiting to see if anything had gone out of hand.
"So, we do have wands at the ready in case Potter goes up in flames," Snape said.
"You seem pretty excited about Harry Potter being potentially set on fire, don't you, Snape?" Moody asked.
Snape sighed. Moody would interpret a sneeze as attempted chemical warfare. The years of fighting dark wizards had caused Moody's mind to go on vacation and the old Auror was along for the ride.
"But, surely things wouldn't go bad?" Vector asked. "The Headmaster said things would be safer."
"The Headmaster says a lot of things," Snape said.
Regardless, they turned their eyes to the first competitor out on the docket. Rebecca Black turned up. Snape frowned. Something about the girl's mind seemed off. And her demeanor seemed familiar. That was one point which he would concede with Moody.
"And now our mysterious newcomer, Rebecca Black. No one knows what she's coming from, but can this plucky first year make a name for herself in the Triwizard Tournament?" Ludo asked. "Odds makers state that Rebecca is the underdog in this tournament."
"You would know about that, wouldn't you, Bagman?" Moody asked with his eye on the situation and on the girl.
"And she's about to do something," Wade said.
Sure enough Rebecca waved her wand. A silver zig-zag shot out of her wand and caused the dragon to follow it, like a cat going after a laser pointer. It took several minutes before the Dragon took chase after the silver light. Just enough enough for Rebecca to swoop in and grab the golden egg.
The dragon swooped down, and the crowd cheered.
"Unbelievable...Unbelievable!" Ludo yelled. "Ms. Black has gotten the egg in what has to be record time. Talk about pouring the heat."
"No mere first year could do anything like that," Moody protested.
"To be fair, it's a simple enough charm,' Flitwick said. "But, you have to have natural talent to pull it off."
Moody did not buy anything. Fleur Delacour entered the tournament next, to much fanfare. She spread her arms and put the dragon into a trance, which almost worked.
Right before the dragon shot fire at Fleur and caused her to shriek in surprise. Loud whistles and cheers, as many horny spectators cheered on the dragon in its attempts to burn Fleur's clothes from her body.
"SHOW YOUR TITS! SHOW YOUR TITS!"
"What did they say?" Moody growled.
"I believe they told Ms. Delacour to show her tits," Snape dryly responded.
Deadpool tuts at their behavior. "Come now people. This is a school, not a bingo hall."
Fleur managed to put the fire out, with the few strands of clothes left just barely covering the bare facts. She put the dragon to sleep the rest of the way after recovering.
"Ms. Delacour can use that egg to cover up her...diminishing clothes," Bagman said.
Everyone booed when Fleur had been covered up by a blanket and escorted into the tent. Some people started to throw rotten tomatoes down.
Wade looked very pleased with himself.
'I knew opening that tomato stand last weekend would come in handy.'
"Viktor Krum."
Snidely did not even bother to hide his blatant favoritism. "Go for it, Krum. Show them we are the master race!"
To Krum's credit, he did not even acknowledge Karkaroff's potentially problematic cheer. He moved in front of the Dragon. Everyone wondered what Krum had up his sleeve. While he was a wizard on the field of Quidditch.
"And Krum is just sizing this one up...and right to the eyes…."
The Dragon howled in agony and started trampling her own eggs.
'Man hopefully those aren't real Dragon eggs. Or the Pro-Life people are going to complain about this on the Internet for this scene being Pro-Choice.'
The howling of the dragon continued as she trampled her eggs. Krum be nimble, Krum be quick, Krum jump over the eggs, and get them very quick. Although he got the Golden Egg.
"While the damage caused is going to cost him, there's no question about it, Viktor Krum has got his egg."
Everyone gave Krum middling scores, except for Snidely, who gave him a ten.
"Karkaroff is always about as subtle as the Hogwarts Express," Snape dryly commented.
"And ladies and gentlemen, the one you've all been waiting for, Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived."
Everyone prepared for a catastrophe as Harry stepped into the field to face the feared Hungarian Horntail.
Harry mimed doing magic. A movement which fooled everyone, even Mad-Eye Moody. No one, saw the red-blue blur which shot into the stadium, scooped the Golden Egg right in front of the Dragon, and put it in Harry Potter's hands.
Deadpool just smirked beneath his mask knowingly.
'Harry Potter summons Supergirl. Supergirl uses super speed. It's pretty effective.'
'Way to spell it out, Dingleberry.'
"And shattering the record created by Ms. Rebecca Black, it's Harry Potter! Harry Potter has gotten the Golden Egg and no doubt shortened the odds on him."
Everyone gave Harry a perfect ten for his performance. Well, other than Snidely, who gave him a very grudging seven, and that looked like it even pained him.
Deep inside of the guise of Rebecca, Lord Voldemort raged. How dare Harry Potter steal his, her, spotlight? Everyone had forgotten about Rebecca's bit of magic and they had all been buzzing about Harry Potter.
Killing Harry Potter had not been personal until now, just business. But, now it was very personal.
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