Bab 2: Midnight Trepidations
Watching James' leg bounce out of the corner of his eye was starting to agitate Severus. He couldn't wait until he no longer had to see his arrogant face every day. Ever since the incident in the Shrieking Shack, James had made more of an effort to leave Severus alone - most likely due to his own guilt. However that doesn't mean that Severus is any less resentful towards him. Severus can barely stand to be alone in a room with him, that must was proving to be obvious.
Though, Severus has to admit it's impressive that James hasn't said anything over the several minutes they've been sitting together in silence. His full lips remained pursed and his hands were clasped tightly in his lap. It was as if there was too much tension coursing through the Gryffindor's body. Every so often, James would run a broad hand through his thick hair, refusing to let it lose its signature windswept look. Severus was strangely entranced by the way James would lift his hand every half a minute to fix his hair, tuck a loose strand behind his ear, or sweep it up off his forehead. If Severus didn't know any better, he would say that James was nervous.
"Would it kill you to stop messing with your hair every few seconds?" Severus snapped, his arms crossing over his chest. A shocked look passed over James' face. He hadn't expected Severus to talk at all, or at least to not talk until Dumbledore returned.
"I knew you couldn't keep your eyes off me, Snape," James teased. He watched as a brilliant red blush dusted Severus' cheeks as he failed to find a comeback. They lapsed into another awkward silence. James looked like he wanted to say something, and when he opened his mouth to talk before deciding otherwise and shutting it, Severus gave up.
"Spit it out, Potter," Severus drawled, leaning back into his chair and placing his arms on the armrests.
"Um, so, you and Lily, hey? Didn't know you were into redheads" James asked with a teasing smirk resting on his face. That's what he wanted to ask Severus?
"So you and Mary, hey? Didn't know you liked them ditzy," Severus retorted, and to his surprise, James laughed.
"Yeah, she can be a handful at times, that's for sure," James replied with an easy smile. That was an answer Severus hadn't expected.
"To be clear, Evans and I aren't together," Severus paused and noted that James was looking at him expectedly, "We're just friends." James pondered Severus' response for a moment.
"That explains a lot, she's been happier in these past two months than she has been for the past two years, did you know that?" James replied.
"No, but isn't she friends with you, Black, and Lupin now? No doubt you three kept me off her mind," Severus asked.
"Yes, but she still keeps us in line," James laughed. Severus gave a small smile at the image of Lily scolding James, which didn't go unnoticed by the Gryffindor boy. Severus was uneasy, he was expecting Potter to hurl an insult his way any second.
"What about MacDonald then, what's the story there? All Lily used to complain about is how you would hound her to go out with you," Severus asked, turning to meet James head on rather than just talking to the wall filled with portraits of previous headmasters. He remembered Lily's confession early September, and was curious to see if James actually cared about Mary or if it was a ruse like Lily suspected.
"Well, you can only hear 'no' so many times," James said with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes, "and Mary was there for me. So before I even knew it, we were together."
"But who cares about Mary, how did you convince Evans to be your friend again? Seems like you ended it on pretty bad terms," James asked, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow. Severus considered whether or not he should tell him the truth. What was it to him?
"Actually, she approached me. It was sort of an accident, but it was nice to talk to her again after what happened back in fifth year," Severus paused, he ran a hand through his black tresses and sighed, "well we briefly spoke at my mother's funeral, but that's only because our mothers were friends- sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you any of this," Severus trailed off, embarrassed by his confession.
"Oh Severus, I'm so sorry, I had no idea you went through that," James said in a hushed tone, as if he was afraid of his own statement. Severus, however, didn't miss the way James made an effort to say his first name instead of his last. He relished in the sound of his name, something that felt so unfamiliar when it came from that set of lips. There was no reason to aggravate Potter if he was feeling nicer than usual, so Severus went along with it.
"What? Pot- James how would you know that? You barely talk to me," Severus said, not keeping the amusement off his face.
"I talk to you! I just say mean things," James teased.
"Understatement of the century," Severus shot back. They both started laughing together, James held his side and doubled over. This current James was nice, Severus thought, and he almost felt like he could trust him too. Once they quietened down again, James turned his armchair to face Severus.
"You know, you're not what I expected," James said as he sat back down in his chair. He eyed Severus again as he positioned his own chair to face James.
"Well I'm not like the other guys, I don't get to screw up," Severus explained. By the look on James' face he had no clue what he meant by that.
"Last year, Avery crashed his Cleansweep Six into the Whomping Willow and you know what his parents did? They bought him a new broomstick," Severus paused, "and Mulciber has a stash of Firewhiskey and Dragon Barrel Brandy underneath his dorm bed just in case he gets bored," Severus let out a laugh at his last statement.
"Really?" James chuckled, he always pinned Mulciber as the alcoholic type.
"Yeah, really. But for me? I don't get the luxury of screwing up, especially now that mum's gone. My father is a muggle, and he hates all types of magic. He forbade my mother from doing magic in the house. If I do anything that gets me expelled, then I'm saying goodbye to the world of magic for good," Severus explained, a forlorn expression crossed his face, "that's why I've always condemned your behaviour towards me and your pranks, even if it was just joking around to begin with all the way back in our first year."
"Is that why you've always been a snarky dick to me, even when I wasn't being serious?" James asked.
"Probably, or maybe I'm just a snarky dick," Severus replied with a soft laugh. Severus could see the pity on James' face, despite him laughing along with Severus just seconds ago. If there was one thing Severus hated being, it was being pitied. Then, an all too familiar mischievous look appear on James' face.
"Seeing that we're stuck here indefinitely, how about we make our own fun?" James noticed how suggestive the words sounded as he was speaking, but he didn't care anymore. "You said you can do wandless magic right? I'm sure Mulciber won't notice if that bottle of Firewhiskey goes missing from his collection." James waited for Severus to catch on to what he was saying. It took him a moment, but once James raised his eyebrows at Severus, he knew what he was insinuating. Was James serious about this? They could get caught. On the other hand, how often was Severus able to enjoy the company of someone other than Lily?
"Accio Mulciber's Firewhiskey," Severus commanded without raising an arm. About half a minute later, the bottle flew into the room through a small, open window at the topmost part of the office.
"Wow, I didn't think that would actually work," Severus muttered, loud enough for James to hear and grin at his words. Severus transfigured two empty glass bowls on Dumbledore's desk into glass cups.
"Woah, that's pretty advanced stuff to be doing without a wand," James praised, awestruck. Severus poured a generous amount of Firewhiskey into the two glasses before handing one to James.
"It never hurts to learn a bit of wandless magic, you never know when you could need it," Severus explained with a shrug. He held his glass with two thin hands, staring down into the amber liquid.
"I'm tired of trying to be perfect all the time," Severus whispered.
"Then consider this as your chance to let go for a while. This is a safe environment. Well, as safe as it can be when I'm around," James joked. He then took a long swig from his own cup, grimacing as the liquid burned its way down his throat. Severus couldn't help but laugh at the way James' face screwed up. He then took a swig from his own cup.
***
"So are you going to teach me the secrets of your immaculate complexion?" James begged as he placed his cup down on the desk after draining it for the third time. Severus almost choked on his liquor after James spoke. If Dumbledore came back now, they were both screwed.
"Are you kidding me? That's a new one, I only ever hear about how pasty I look," Severus laughed, a rich sound that James wasn't used to hearing, but he had a feeling he was going to be hearing it more often from now on.
"Yeah, but pale looks better on you, if you were more tan it wouldn't suit you," James explained in a serious manner, although Severus wasn't taking this conversation seriously at all.
"Knock it off," Severus snapped. To his dismay, he could feel his cheeks heating up.
"No, seriously! Your skin is unmarred, all the girls I know would kill to have skin like yours, so how do you keep it like that?" James pushed further.
"Oh come on, of all the things we could be talking about right now, you choose my skin?" Severus asked and kicked James' shoe with his own. He was desperate to shift the conversation away from his looks.
"Well, like what?"
"Huh?" Severus finished his own cup and set it down on the desk. Severus wondered how James stomached three glasses of this shit.
"Like what could we talk about?" James asked again.
"Like… Lily," Severus reached, trying to find common ground between them.
"Yeah, what about her?"
"Well, I know you're with Mary, but do you still have feelings for her?" Severus watched James clench his jaw. "Hey, whatever is said here doesn't leave this room. Besides, who would I tell?" Severus joked.
"No," James started.
"No what?"
"No, I'm not interested in Lily anymore. In fact, I see her more as a sister I never had. I can see why you were so desperate to stay friends with her after your fight, she's a wonderful person," James confessed.
"So then what you have with MacDonald is the real thing? She's not a rebound or whatever you call it?" Severus was well aware that he was prying at this point, but he couldn't help his own curiosity.
He expected James to immediately defend himself, but the silence that followed made Severus cringe. Did that mean that he guessed correctly?
"It's funny you say that. I didn't start dating Mary as a rebound or anything, but before we were dating she was a distraction for me, as awful as that sounds. Now though, I think the reason that I spend so much time with her is because I don't want to be alone with my thoughts," James vented, eyes downcast. Severus didn't know how to response for a moment, he had no clue what James meant by that.
"Not because she's your girlfriend and you love her very much?" Severus drawled, trying to decipher what James was implying.
"No, I mean, Mary's great, but sometimes it feels not quite right with her. It's like she's from a different planet, and won't ever know what it's like on my planet," James continued, nodding to himself as he spoke, like he was trying to reassure himself. "You know what I mean?"
"No, not really," Severus said and shook his head. He'd never been in a relationship before, so he couldn't imagine what a relationship feeling 'not quite right' would be like.
"Damn it, consider yourself lucky then," James teased. He reached for the bottle of Firewhiskey but Severus got to it first.
"I think we've had enough for the night, don't you?" Severus said, but James didn't register his words. Instead, a solemn look graces James' face.
"Severus, I-, I'm sorry for the way everything went down in the Shrieking Shack that night. I've never forgiven myself for letting Sirius do that, and I can't believe that any of us thought it would be a good idea in the first place," James sighed. Severus let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding.
"And I'm sorry for what happened earlier tonight, for not stopping Sirius from attacking you for no good reason. Fuck it, I'm sorry about everything," James finished. Severus felt a wave of fondness rush through him for James, he was being sincere with his apology. This was something completely new to him. Severus Snape one week ago would have laughed at the idea of James Potter apologising to him.
"Thank you, I appreciate that, and I'm sorry that I hit deflected that knockback jinx into your chest. We're only here because of me," Severus said.
"Well, we're here because Sirius cast the damn spell in the first place," James replied. The two laughed together, but were interrupted when the door to Dumbledore's office swung open. The wards had disarmed.
"Hey, so I was right, the wards did need a verbal apology from each of us," Severus mused. James whipped back around to face the raven haired boy.
"What? You-, you knew that the whole time? Why didn't you just make me apologise so you could leave?" James asked.
"Because I liked talking to you tonight," Severus shrugged and stood up, letting the blood flow return to his previously crossed legs, "besides, it was only a hunch." He reverted the two glasses back to bowls and shrunk the bottle of Firewhiskey so it could easily fit into his robe pocket.
"Are those our wands?" James was already at the door of the office and picked up a wooden box that was on the ground outside. Severus walked over to him and peered into the box. The two wands were inside.
"Yes, what else would they be?" Severus asked and lightly nudged James in the side with his elbow, making him sway on the spot. The alcohol was hitting James harder than Severus had thought.
"I-, I don't know, maybe Dumbledore is trying to trick us and this is a second test?" James wondered aloud. Severus rolled his eyes and grabbed James by the wrist to guide him down the spiralling staircase. Once they reached the bottom James planted his feet to the ground so Severus stopped in his tracks.
"What is it?" Severus asked, hand still firmly gripping his wrist.
"Can you take me back to the Gryffindor Tower? It's a lot of stairs and I don't want to fall," James asked, a hand sheepishly resting on the back of his neck.
"Is that just your way of asking me to spend more time with you?" Severus smirked.
"Well…would you be mad if it was?" James asked.
"No, of course not. Besides, I don't want you to fall backwards down the stairs and crack your skull open, only to have me be found liable for it," Severus teased, finally releasing his hold on James' wrist as they began their long walk to the Gryffindor Tower.
"Hey! Have a bit more faith in me than that," James shot back as he stumbled to catch up to Severus' long strides. While James was only a few inches taller than Severus, the Slytherin was still almost 6 feet tall and could easily outpace the man.
Just as they were almost there, having spent the journey talking about nothing and everything, James caught Severus' attention.
"Hey, tonight's been surprisingly fun. I don't care what other people think, I'd get drunk with you every night if I could," James smiled.
"That's how addictions start," Severus mused, eyeing James who burst out laughing.
"See? That's what I mean, I didn't realise how dry you are. How come Lily never told me about how funny you can be?" James queried. What Severus found more hilarious was James' blatant overreactions to anything he said.
"I know what you mean though, we should do this again sometime, maybe when we're a bit more sober. Also, if you want to ask Lily why she never spoke to you about me, you can, she's right up ahead," Severus pointed her out standing next to the Gryffindor common room portrait. Remus and Sirius were by her side, the latter trying to hide his annoyance and the former trying not to laugh at the way James was practically leaning on Severus, unable to walk by himself anymore. Mary was on Lily's other side, looking like she had been waiting for James to show up for a long time.
Severus spared another quick look at James, now it was time to go back to reality, although he felt like his reality will be quite different from now on.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone