Bab 77: Chapter 72
"Hey, why is your face like that?" Mari asked Joy as they were heading towards their school for the near finish of the second term. Nick and Nathan were on the background killing each other with the new game on their phones and they were laughing non-stop because of the sloppiness of one of their classmates who were also walking with them towards the school.
"What's wrong with my face?" Joy asked and looked at her phone as her mirror.
"You have pimples on the sides of your forehead- meaning that you are stressed and your eye bags are no longer bags. They are luggage now." Mari said.
"Hey! No fair!" Nick yelled as he died on their game.
"You haven't beat me up yet." Nathan said with a nasty grin and victory on his face.
"Well, I can't sleep at night. My days of over sleeping was finished now." Joy replied and subconsciously tried to find something on her neck but she was reminded that she did not have a necklace. "But the moment I sleep, I kept dreaming but I don't really remember what happens on my dream the moment I wake up."
"Maybe you are manifesting the arrival of your one great love!" Mari shouted as she got very excited in hearing her. However, she was just trying to hide her worries from her.
"Aren't I your one great love, Mari?" Nick teased and set his phone aside.
"Shut up." Mari said and went blushing so hard she looked like a strawberry.
"What a cutie." Nick said and went back to their game.
"I think that one great love wouldn't come yet." Joy said. "My heart isn't ready to accept anyone at the moment because I am so confused. By the way, have you already bought Christmas gifts?"
"Nope. Not yet. We will all head to the city together. But you can really feel the Christmas atmosphere now." Mari replied.
"Its December 23rd. It's understandable that you can already feel Christmas. I will head to Doctor Tristan while you are shopping tomorrow." Joy said and looked at the time on her watch. "I need to be there at 8:30 am."
"Everything's gonna be fine." Mari said and held Joy's hands. However, she was shocked and seemed in pain as she held her hand because Mari accidentally touched her wrists. For they past few months after their second term started, she felt like falling deep into the abyss - into the darkness. She was clinically diagnosed with depression by Doctor Tristan, to whom she had already lots of consultation with. Aside from that, she had panic attacks more often than usual and that made her circle more wary of her condition- and now, Mari knows that Joy had another cuts on her skin but she was still trying to smile wide for her ineffective deception.
"Of course. Everything is going to be fine",
Mari understood because she knew the origin of her best friend. Joy's father died on the battlefield in which he volunteered to go because he wanted to get rid of Ray for he treated the kid like his failed creation who was incapable of doing anything. His father left them and chose death- and their mother, who had a huge hole in her heart died because of the pain of being left behind. Her mother treated Mari like her own daughter and she gave her sweets everyday while she sat on her wheeled chair.
Joy's grandfather [the husband of her sister] raped her grandmother and that resulted to Joy's mother not accepted in her own family. Josephine, her grandmother was so kind and she loved her child so much even if her own family abandoned her.
Her mother's name was Jean and she looked exactly like Joy. Jean did not have the chance to finish her studies because all the money that were sent as her allowance from her father was confiscated by the sisters of Josephine.
Joy wasn't accepted by anyone in her family, and now, with both her parents dead, all she have was Josephine and her brother Ray.
Mari thought if it was really just fine to invite Joy out to go shopping for Christmas when she was well aware that the date itself was a bad news to her. That was why she did not even wonder why she chose to go to her psychologist instead of shopping.
"Hey. You are spacing out. What's the matter?" Nathan tapped her shoulder but Mari just shook her head, making him continued to walk towards their room. That was the only time Mari had realized that they had already reached the school grounds. She looked at Joy's back, and she smiling back at Nathan as they spoke to each other.
"The aura she emits were identical to when her mother died." Nick said and went to Mari's side.
"I'm worried." Mari said and looked at Nick. He touched her hair and tried his best to make her calm down.
"She's strong. She'll be able to handle this." Nick said and pet her head which she love. Little did he know that Joy heard him.
[Yes. I am strong... But that doesn't mean that I can handle all things by myself]
[i feel like I need help but i don't want anyone to worry about me]
[I inflict damage on myself. The cuts on my hands are too deep and many. I feel like i am losing my sanity. My heart hurts.. My body hurts. My brain hurts. I hurt myself.]
[my life would be perfect without all this pan but what if
I am the pain itself]
[why do I cry whenever i see the sea? The lake? The bridge? My home? Everywhere? Even the chair beside me makes me sad it hurts my heart so much.]
[i can't take this pain anymore.... I can no longer fight alone...]
[My mind is showing me hurtful things about my past. I can hear my mama crying...]
[I can see my nana crying... And Ray... He is so tiny and helpless.]
[why didn't i do anything back then?]
[Why didn't i fought the moment I saw my father slap my sickly mother?]
[why did i kept my mouth shut?]
[I am a terrible person... I am a terrible human being.]
"Hey! Joy! Are you okay?" Nathan asked. She found herself on the floor as the three of her friends were trying to wake her up.
"What happened?"
"We were just talking then you collapsed." Nathan said and wiped his own sweat using his shirt.
"Sorry for making you all worry." Joy said and stood up. "We are going to be late now. Let's go."
[the thoughts are coming again...]
[Thoughts of how worthless and useless I am]
[thoughts of how terrible i am...]
[Why am i so terrible?]
[why am I like this?]
[Someone help me...]
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone