Bab 114: Gusto
Chapter 20. Gusto
NARAMDAMAN na lamang ni Lexin ang pag-angat niya, marahan siyang binuhat ni Kieffer. She was admitting that she's a bit confused about what did they just do, but when she realised how provocative she was a while ago knowing that that's how really he was on bed, she became relaxed... And honestly, she wanted more now—more of him that way.
Napalunok siya at sumiksik sa dibdib nito habang naglalakad ito papunta sa isang silid sa kaparehong palapag. At imbes na sa kama siya ihiga ay pumasok sila sa may karangyaang banyo, there was a round bath tub inside near the smoked glass window, and he laid her down in there. Napaigik siya nang maramdamang medyo nga mahapdi ang kaniyang pagkababae.
She watched him walked near the cabinet in the sink, he got a mouthwash and a cup. Napanguso siya. She did countless heads before but that was the first time she swallowed. She honestly never wanted to try that. But with Kieffer, she was so drowned with the lascivious and ecstatic feeling and everything felt amazing.
"I..."
Nag-angat siya ng tingin at namumula ito, mukhang nahihiya. "Don't tell me you're going to apologise?"
Seryoso lamang itong tumitig sa kaniya at iniabot ang mouthwash. She immediately gargled and spitted the liquid on the cup after a few. Dalawang beses niyang ginawa iyon habang si Kieffer ay pinupuno na ng tubig ang tub at naglagay ng sabon. Nakapaghubad na rin ito nang tuluyan.
Napailing siya. He wrecked her dress and removed her undergarments so harshly while he was still, and almost dressed. Sure, he was wild but she never felt so low and dirty. Magaling nga ito sa larangang iyon.
"Uh," panimula niya nang bumula na ang liquid soap na ibinuhos nito sa tub. It smelled honey. Bahagya niyang pinaikot-ikot ang hintuturo sa ibabaw ng tubig, kung saan naroon ang mga bula. "I'm sorry if I provoked you awhile ago. Nagulat lang din ako."
Imbes na sumagot ay sinaluhan siya nito sa bathtub. Umupo ito sa tapat niya at bahagya siyang hinila. Nagpahila naman siya at patalikod na pumwesto rito.
Isinandig nito ang baba sa makinis niyang balikat, ang mukha ay halos ibaon nito sa kaniyang leeg.
"I should be the one who's saying sorry, Lex. I wasn't gentle. I didn't ask if would you want to give me a head, too. I even came inside you mouth."
She just stayed still. He was really regretful by the way he just did her.
"You must haven't liked it. I'll understand if you abhor me."
"G-grabe naman iyong abhor," pumiyok na komento niya at napalunok. Paano ba niya sasabihing wala siyang pandidiring nadama sa mga nangyari? Oo't nabigla siya at nanibago pero gusto niya ang pinagsaluhan nila. She felt some sort of deeper connection between them despite of still being strangers to each other.
"I'm sorry..." ulit nito. Mahihimigang talaga ang pagsisisi.
She pouted. "Hindi ka nag-enjoy?"
Hindi man nakatingin ay naramdaman niya ang paghigit nito ng hininga. He enjoyed, too.
"Because honestly, I did. I liked what we did. Pwera na lang doon sa una, kasi hindi pa talaga ako ready no'n. That was why I'm glad you paused for a while and started pleasuring me for real."
Nanatiling mabigat ang paghinga nito.
"Salamat," ulit niya.
He only groaned and she felt him slowly growing, and was now poking her back. She couldn't believe he's turned on again when they were just having some deep conversations!
"H-hindi ko na yata kaya iyan! Ikaw na muna ang bahala."
Gumaan ang pakiramdam niya nang tumawa na rin ito kahit bahagya lamang.
"Pero... salamat talaga." Paulit-ulit siyang magpapasalamat dito hindi lang dahil sa pinunan nito ang sekswal niyang pangangailangan, kung hindi dahil tinulungan siya nitong makalimutan saglit ang kinahaharap na suliranin. Hindi niya yata kakayaning lokohin si Kieffer... pero may naisip na siyang plano ngayon-ngayon lamang.
She had decided that she would stick to the original plan. Pababagsakin niya si Kieffer at kapag tuluyan na siyang nakawala sa de l'Orage, ay babalikan niya ang lalaki. Tutulungang makabangon hanggang sa makabawi, at mamumuhay na siya ng malaya sa piling nito.
Hindi naman niya kailangang ipaalam o iparamdam dito ang panlilinlang niya, malulusutan niya iyon. Sisiguraduhin niya.
Then, she'd come back in his arms after all the mess.
Kaydaling sabihin; kayhirap gawin. Napabuntong-hininga siya sa bigat ng iniisip.
"Ano'ng iniisip mo?"
Hindi niya maaaring iparating dito kung ano-ano ang mga iyon kaya nama'y nagpalusot siya. "Kung pipikutin ba kita, magpapapikot ka?"
She felt his jaw clenched, then he relaxed after a few seconds. "Kung pipikutin mo ako, bakit ka nagpapaalam?" May halo nang pagnanais na tumawa sa boses nito.
Saglit siyang natigilan at natawa. "Oo nga, 'no?"
"Baka ikaw pa ang pikutin ko."
"Eh, 'di pikutin. Gusto mo, buntisin mo pa ako, eh?" she spoke with so much gusto.
Damn. What she was saying was coming from the bottom of her once hollowed heart. She suddenly teared up with her drowning ecstatic thoughts. Mukhang napansin naman ni Kieffer iyon dahil bumigat ang paghinga niya.
Marahan siya nitong pinaharap dito, hinuli ang kaniyang tingin at nag-aalalang tumitig sa kaniya.
"What's wrong with my baby?"
She licked her lips and stared straight into his worried eyes. "I never wanted a child," amin niya.
Not only she swore to die a virgin, but also, would not conceive. That's understandable. Given the childhood that she had, she'd never dream about raising her own children. Natatakot siyang baka hindi niya mabigyan ng karampatang pagmamahal o baka hindi niya mapalaki ng maayos dahil sa pangit niyang nakaraan.
Napalunok siya dahil parang may bumara sa kaniyang lalamunan at mabilis na nag-iwas ng tingin.
"I won't make you pregnant if you want a child-free life, then."
Napakurap-kurap siya. "Can you hear yourself?"
He only stared at him, his seriousness was true. Siya nama'y nanatiling nakababa ang mga tingin.
"Kasasabi ko lang na ayaw kong magbuntis..."
"Kung ayaw mo, ayos lang sa 'kin. We can just adopt some pets and take care of them as our children. Or if you don't want that as well, we will live together. Only the two of us, in this penthouse, my house, or in yours. Ikaw ang bahala kung saan mo gustong tumira tayo."
"Hindi mo man lang ako tatanungin kung bakit?" At hindi siya nito pipiliting tumira sa tirahan nito? Kadalasan ay ganoon ang mga lalaki, nais na tumira ang babae sa poder ng mga ito kapag ikinasal na.
Hindi naman kumibo si Kieffer. She felt that she wanted to ask, but he chose not to. Maybe, he's thinking about privacy—no, she's certain that he was thinking that maybe, she had some heavy reasons why didn't she want to conceive—so he chose not to ask.
"You're not going to demand? Hindi mo iisiping baguhin man lang ang pananaw ko?"
He sighed heavily, criticality stared at her as he nodded. Mas lalo niya iyong ikinagulat lalo na nang makita't maramdamang sinsero ito.
"I can't believe it."
"Me neither. All my life I wanted to have my own children, I wanted to have many because I dreamed of having a big family. And now, I don't know. Because I only want you. Bonus na kung magkaanak pa tayo. Pero, ikaw lamang ang tinatangi ko ngayon."
Sininok siya, mukhang nabigla sa isiniwalat nito. Based on her experiences before, whenever she told people that she wanted a child-free life, they always judged her. They said that she's still young, and that her perception would change once she dated or got married. Na dapat ay magkaanak siya dahil sino na lamang ang mag-aalaga sa kaniya kapag tumanda na? Napailing siya sa huling katwiran. Kung magkakaanak siya, hindi niya o-obligahing alagaan siya nito sa pagtanda niya. Hindi niya rin o-obligahin na magtrabaho ito para masuklian ang pinantustos niya sa paglaki nito. What she wanted for her child was to pay everything forward to his/her offsprings.
Pero ayaw nga niyang magkaanak. At si Kieffer ang unang taong rumespeto sa desisyon niya, ang unang taong hindi siya pinangunahan patungkol doon.
"How could you be this selfless?" namamanghang usal niya.
Ilang sandali pang namayani ang katahimikan, nagpapakiramdaman silang dalawa, bago ito nagsalita.
"But when the time comes, and perhaps... I mean, maybe... just maybe... you will want to conceive our child, don't hesitate to tell me. I won't judge you."
Ngumuso siya, mabuti at natigil din ang kaniyang pagsinok. Nakuha niya ang gusto nitong sabihin. Na hindi nito ipapamukha sa kaniya na rati ay ayaw niya pero bakit biglang gusto na niya? Na hindi nito sasabihing pag-iinarte lang ang paghayag niya sa bagay na iyon.
Hindi niya napigilan ang mapangiti at hinuli ang tingin nito. Kaya lang naman niya nabuklat ang usapin patungkol doon ay gusto niyang ipabatid dito ang saloobin. Nasabi na nga niya kanina kahit pabiro lang, eh.
Tumikhim siya. "Gusto ko na nga sinabing magpabuntis... sa iyo."
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