May: The Seventh Gray Eyes Mage

LV 14

KingGeorg

Dear author, thank you very much for your effort but before you continue writing I think you should improve your writing skills in technique as well as English itself. The later is the biggest issue in my opinion, because I can see a very rough gem beneath it. That said I only got to chapter 10 but stopped reading because of the lack of proficiency. When it comes to technique of story telling I think your story lacks consistency and explanation in some parts. For example what is the connection of magic stone and magic. Or why does the character travels from one destination to another. If this is already to pull of it will e even harder to describe consistently why a character does what he does due to inner and outer conflicts what will let the reading hanging in mid air. When it comes to your English skills than the most apparent problem is consistency of the tense you use and the perspective chosen next to sentence structure (question, exclamation ect) in connection with the proper conjugation. And last you need to extend your active vocabulary and also understand it’s usage. It’s nice if you try to mix up words for less repetitiveness but it’s in vain when you use a word like commute to while meaning to travel. My suggestion for you is to use websites like italki.com to improve your writing skills. Maybe even post your novel on italki but of course divided in smaller pieces to learn from your mistakes.