Bab 13: For What?
I just finished whatever the important things I need to finish yesterday, and so I am back at this again. But here is the catch, I may have, almost immediately rusted my learned craft of being able to write more than two hundred words. So there you go, a few days of not using my brain for this kind of stuff and I am back to square one.
But that is a matter that I can set aside because I really do not feel good today. I hoped I might be able to get out of this rut I'm right now, but I found out that it was harder than I thought.
I am at a loss as to what to do with my life, really. I feel like all and any of the positive experiences I have been running over and over in my head is just a facade, a cover to mask reality that I am, for lack of a better word, useless, worthless, that there is no meaning to me living this life. I would say props to my father for pointing that out, and perhaps that was that truth, I do not know.
You might say, well it's just probably because opportunity abound and you just do not grasp them. And you may be right, that opportunity do abound, I just do not stake my claim. And you may be right.
I don't know anymore. For what reason am I here? It is as if all my life worth is to suffer being worthless, meaningless, becoming nothing experiencing the fleeting feeling of happiness and then endure suffering and then and then when all is said and done turn to dust. I hate thinking about it to be honest, I mean I am neither buddha nor christ that is willing to endure pain for the some greater cause. I for one fear pain, but it feels like pain just finds me, no matter where I go, no matter where I hide.
I hope I am the only one who feels this way. I do not wish to impose on any of you any of these bleak and dark thoughts that I have. I just need to vent out my frustration.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone