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Dragon ball - Legendary Ancient Saiyan
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Ringkasan
I rewrite the story to have a good grammars and fix some plot
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the story of a guy with a fusion of legendary and ancient
(1st ever Fanfic I write)
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone Anda Mungkin Juga Menyukai
3Ulasan-ulasan
- Kualitas penulisan
- Stabilitas Pembaruan
- Pengembangan Cerita
- Desain Karakter
- Latar Belakang Dunia
Bagikan pikiran Anda dengan orang lain
Tulis ulasan
The story has no character development and the story moves way to fast. You should develop the character more for example their personality, what they like to make it more enjoyable to read. The plot of the story moves way to fast, say you write a short story about going to a shop, your story is like "I went to a shop and bought some sweets and drinks". Instead a good story would include walking to the shops, describing the buildings around the area, describing the shop and including a lot more things.
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Well i rated to high XD Jdjdvdjfbdjdvjdbfjfvfjdbfidvfjdbfiejeuevdidvfufjdodbdzdjelenudhdjdidhdduhdkidid7dbdofusjspdjdhdiddvdhdkdjddudbhvtxgvcgchhfvkcfvbjj h j j h zni hgh ivh j i uu
Suck mah asshole /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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