Bab 79: Confused

The entire ride to the hospital was quiet. Sara had a lot going through her mind. Muchen wasn't saying anything either, he only wondered what she was seriously thinking about.

"Are... you okay" He asked with his gaze still on the road while he drove.

Sara didn't hear him. She was still lost in thought. She had known Muchen for just a week now but it felt like she had known him for a really long time. How was she so comfortable with him? She admitted to herself– his smile, his height, his body built, his everything, attracted her. There was nothing she hated about him. She had thought he was a snob and showoff but she could no longer find any fault on him.

Within a week, she had seen different sides of him. From when their eyes met in his office nine days ago. When he said he was going to protect her from those thugs six days ago. When he had hugged her and told her he was sorry.

Her heart raced faster when she recounted every moment they had spent together. She had assured herself that day, when Heya asked if they were having a love confession, that she wasn't going to fall for her boss. She had said she was done with these rich folks. She even assured her father there was nothing going on. But only a few days, she had not even been paying attention, she was already getting attached to him. She could let him hug her, touch her, without her flinching. She even smiled when he teased her.

She must have gone crazy! She was so embarrassed at herself. A part of her felt Mr Li liked her. But what if she was just deluding herself into thinking so? She didn't want to make mistakes. That mistake Jianjun, her father, had told her that people were bound to make, She didn't want to make it. Jinyong had been like that. Treated her nicely. Told her he loved everything about her. He never complained about anything. He had even kissed her, and she let him—an empty emotionless kiss that she had found boring. Muchen could also be a player. Trying to get her into bed and discard her. He had been there, when she entered that room two years ago, when their eyes first met. He had been there. Even though he had not been with a partner. What was he doing there then? One can't be too careful.

She just prayed he would never tell her he liked her. She didn't want to ask him either. Neither did she want to hear his Yes or No answer.

She wasn't sure how she was going to react. There was nothing about her to like anyway. She wasn't as refined as any socialite she had come across. She used vulgar words, dress roughly, her family didn't have enough, there were even mockery about her aunt getting pregnant outside of wedlock. Not to mention her ugly past. If anyone knew about it, it was over! What was there to like about her?

The thoughts saddened her. She had to control herself to not cry here.

"Sara, are you okay?" This time, he turned to look at her.

She turned to look at him. After registering what she was just asked, she nodded gently. "I'm good"

Her voice was unstable. He took note of it. He also noticed her sour mood. He didn't know what to do. He had never been so confused in his life because of a girl. He wanted to know desperately, what she was thinking. What she felt about him. He knew the attraction was there. He didn't know whether she was aware or not. He had intended to take things slowly. He felt he should give her time to heal since it was barely up to two weeks ago that she met her friend and boyfriend in a room together for their engagement. He wanted to give her time so she would willing love him deeply without her knowledge before he came to her. She was a very rational person; she tend to plan things in her head before acting on it. He felt that if he told her now, about how he felt, she would think of a thousand and one reasons why she shouldn't be with him. He was really confused.

Soon, they arrived at the hospital. "We're here" Muchen said. It was the same hospital he had been admitted on. The one that belonged to Ms Long's parents.

When Sara saw it, she laughed sadly. It was just a small cut. Even when she fell sick, she always forbade Jianjun from sending her to the hospital because it would cost them much. But here she was. Just because of a cut. She was not used to this. She was not sure she would ever be used to this. All she wanted right now was to go home. She didn't want to get used to him. In a low voice she said "Mr Li. I... want to.. go home".

Muchen stopped her with a hand when he noticed she was about to leave the car. "What's wrong? Are you sick?" He asked worriedly.

She looked at his hand on her arm with sad eyes. He noticed and dropped his hand. "What's the matter?" When he saw she wasn't saying anything, "Alright. I'll drop you off" He said.