Bab 14: Hurt

Lilac's POV

When I reach home, it was already 10 o'clock. I went into the house and saw my mom's angry face.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Do you know what time is it?" She asked.

"Urm 10." I said.

"WHY DID YOU COME BACK SO LATE? DON'T YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS IS IT FOR A GIRL TO COME BACK AT THIS TIME. WHAT IF YOU MET ROBBERS OR RAPIST ON YOUR WAY BACK?" She shouted at me.

"Calm down, mom. I just went to the amusement park and I lost track of time. Moreover, Nuna send me back home. So, don't worry." I said

"Then why didn't you pick up your phone?" She asked.

"My phone died." I said in a boring tone.

"I'm talking to you. Can you talk properly?" She scolded.

"Aren't I talking properly now? What else do you want? I'm tired and sleepy so can I go upstairs now." I said.

"You still answer me. What have you turned out to be Lilac Ye? Who do you think you are? You think you're an adult now huh?" She continues scolding.

"How I turned out to be? I'm curious how do you see how I turned out to be when all you do is work and paying attention to my other siblings. Tell me have you really care about me?" I said in anger.

"You dare to say that I don't care about you. What do you mean by this huh? If I don't care about you, do you think you would still be able to continue your studies until now?" She said.

"I really don't want to argue with you mom. Please just ignore my existence. Just don't ask anything about me if your action is just going to hurt me in the end." I said with a sad tone.

"Listen Lilac...…" Before she could finish her sentence, I ran up to my room and close my room door. I really couldn't stand it anymore. It's just so stressful. Tell me how could my own mother do this to me. I know that she alone trying to discipline us is a very tough job to do but she must also know that even if I don't rebel her that doesn't mean I don't care about what she said. She always brushes it off when I told her about what's going on in school. I don't know when did I start to stop talking to her about the problems I faced in school. I know she's always going to say that it's just me thinking too much. Has she ever thought about my feelings at that time? Now she wants to control my freedom. Hadn't she had enough doing it for so many years. It just so frustrating that she restricted me from going out all these years. I know that she's doing it for my own good but I really couldn't stand it.

Every time my friends ask me out, I would have to reject them without even telling my mom. She just doesn't let me go out. She always says that it's dangerous. Could you imagine when your friends are all going out together while you being the only one that couldn't join them. It's just so sad to think about it. I pitied my close friends to say the truth. They were trying so hard to get me out from house so that I could join them but all their attempt fails. There was this one time they called my mom asking her for permission to let me go out. Turns out in the end she came home and cane me. I was so upset that she did that to me. She said it's all my own fault. She thinks that I was the one who gave her phone number to them. She didn't even hear my explanation at all. Can you imagine how upset I was when she just assumed things about me?

I know that I was quite rebellious when I was 14 but I did change. She was blinded by my rebellious side that she couldn't see the changes in me. Sometimes I'm curious about my position in her heart. It's like I don't even have a good side of me at all. Sometimes when she looks at me it feels like she was glaring at me and I don't like that feeling. I just don't understand why would she do that to me. The fact that I am her daughter was truth but she treats me like a stranger. I don't even feel like I have a family at all sometimes. She doesn't know about my depression. If she knows I bet she's gonna say that I'm just overthinking. I just don't get her. How could a mom could treat her own daughter like that? I know that I shouldn't complain like that because some people's life was worse than mine. Sometimes I just feel like disappearing from this Earth for a moment, then reappearing back after the pain is gone. I hate the fact that my heart hurts from her actions. I just really hate it.