Bab 33: Memories
I was about to speak on about what happened when I heard Azrael speak again. "The nightmares?" He questioned himself. "I thought the curse was lifted." He spoke. He was worried.
The nightmares?
Death was cursed?
Azrael or Deaths memories...
~Death's memories~
...
Unknown speaker...
"Would you look at that my creation is alive. I finally made something that works." *Sparks fly* An enchanted flower grows until it finally blooms.
"What is it?" Says a boy rather intrigued by the creation the girl had put all her efforts into making.
"I think it's a flower but I don't know which one?" Says the girl in confusion. Her eyebrows furrowing as she observed the flower.
"Well, what flower were you thinking of and why does it look like it's a water lily? You made a water lily that can grow on land?" Says the boy somewhat surprised. His eyes nearly bulging out of his head. That was a bit exaggerated but he was pretty shocked by the flower the girl was able to make.
"Well, I've always admired the Creators water lilies but I could never keep them in my room because they live in water. So I made this... it looks like a water lily but it can survive on land. I don't know what to call it though? Do you want to hold it? I'm going to plant it in one of the pots in my room." The girl says still thinking to herself as she looks towards the boy.
"Wow, it's beautiful." He observed the flower as the magic slowly faded. The light sparkling off of it faintly going dim. "No, you know what happens when I touch things... one touch and your flower won't be there anymore. Just a shrivelled up leaf will be left in its place." He continued. "The Creator said he'll help me control it. One day I will be able to touch living things without killing them." The boy announced as he looked toward the girl somewhat dazed at how she was making the flower grow but eventually he ended up staring at her eyes as they sparkled in a shade of brown and purple under the sunlight.
"Wow, the Creator is going to help you? You in good hands then." Her eyes widened even more so, in wonder, in amazement. "He helped me too." She continued. "Maybe you can even study as his apprentice? Remember before when I used to just walk and everything would just grow out of control?"
"Yeah, I remember... and yes, I'm planning on becoming his apprentice." Said the boy who now seemed rather anxious.
"We were like five back then and the grass patch we played on turned into a jungle because of me. Luckily the Creator was there to help."
"Yeah, luckily he was. I don't know what would have happened if he wasn't. Wait, why are you playing around with magic... you know we not allowed to use it. What if someone sees you."
"You only noticed now?" Said the girl, she seemed a bit amused.
"No, I noticed before I just didn't think anything of it. But I'm worried. I just don't want you to get in trouble. That's all."
"Has anybody ever seen me do magic?"
"Well, no..." He didn't get a chance to finish.
"Exactly... no one has ever caught me using magic and no one ever will." She cut in.
"Gee you so confident what if..." He was just about to finish his sentence.
"No one is going to see Azrael..." She cut him off again.
"But the Creator?" He paused for a bit thinking to himself.
"He knows... so it's fine..." She said now nonchalantly looking at him with a smile on her face.
"He knows?" The boy was astonished.
"Yeah, I made him something earlier too... it was..." *Grass rustles* "wait, someone's coming. Quick, hide."
"Azrael! Eden!" Said a wise voice. "I saw you two sneak off here. It's time to go home. You know you have to be in before sunset. And Azrael, you and I still have some training to get through." He was waiting for them to come out.
Azrael popped his head out of the bushes as he saw the Creator and next to do so was Eden. "Come forth children." Said the Creator.
"Children?!" Eden exclaimed furrowing her eyebrows. She took what he had said as a mock. She was 18 and Azrael was the same age as her although he was created a month before her at the time. So obviously he would always brag that he was the oldest of the two whenever they were together.
"Just because you are getting to adulthood does not change anything." Continued the Creator. "You are still children in my eyes. And I will always be your teacher." And the Creator was a rather wise teacher at that.
Time skip»»
"Azrael, I love you..." That was the first time I heard those words escape her lips.
She said she "loves me." Eden I love you too... but that's not what I said. I just kept quiet.
"I don't care how much it hurts. How long it takes for me to heal. If it means I'll get to touch you. Hug you... even just for a second I'll do it."
"Eden, you know we can't be together. We are opposites for Pete's Sake. What you touch comes to life. What I touch dies. I can't touch you. I'll just hurt you in the end."
"But I don't care. Please Azrael don't go emotionless on me." Out of everything he made me I was glad that was the one thing the Creator blessed me with... the ability to lose emotion. Oh, yes I feel emotion, I do. I know what it's like to be happy or sad or even mad but when my feelings get too much for me to bear I have the switch. The switch that switches everything off. Call me heartless. Yeah, she did. But I would rather switch everything off than to go through more of this torture.
I went cold... "I can't love you back Eden and even if I did," I said looking her straight in the eye, no feeling whatsoever, "it wouldn't matter because no matter how much I love you back. I can't touch you without hurting you. You can't even heal properly anymore because of me."
"But it doesn't matter. If it means I have to suffer... I'll do it." She said with hope in her eyes. She was content with feeling pain as long as it meant she could be with me.
"You don't understand, do you? I would rather love you from afar." I said looking at her coldly.
"From afar?" She was confused.
"Do you know what it's like to see the person you love get hurt everyday because of you. Everyday watching them suffer because of you. I witness you suffer everyday. Knowing you going through this for me is enough torture in itself already."
"What if there was a way?" Eden said now thinking to herself.
"A way? What do you mean?" I said in confusions.
"A way to break the curse, to control your gift." She wanted to change things. Break the balance. But she didn't understand.
This wasn't a gift. And yet, I do understand why I was made this way. Eden was Life and I was created to set out a balance. You can't have too much living things. So once so in a while, it was my duty to even out the numbers... in other words to take a life. It was my job. Being able to switch off my emotion was a trait that came in very handy with this task and the Creator taught me how to help souls cross bridges and find the light.
Later I was taught about the gates and soon enough I was given the key to control all three of them. I went under the ranking of Gate Keeper. Yes, each Angel or being or whatever you call it gets a ranking and we all work under the Creator. Well, I started off being his apprentice. The only thing I haven't mastered yet was being able to touch things without removing the essence from them. That's another way of saying touching things without sucking the life out of them.
The Essence of Life was something beautiful but I was the ugliness that ruined it and if I wasn't too careful I would surely ruin Eden. That's why I had to distance myself from her. That's why I kept myself from truly expressing my feelings towards her. To love something you cannot touch or hold is painful but I was strong and I knew there was no way to solve this problem. It's the way I was born. Only time would tell the out come.
"In two weeks I'm leaving with the Creator." I said breaking the silence. "Maybe he will finally teach me how to control it?" I said now thinking. Why did I have hope? I was trying to give her hope. But nothing works? I would know. Eden and I both tried every spell in the Spell Chamber. A chamber we found when we were exploring the caverns. It was hidden in a cave and somehow Eden knew about the Secret Bookshelf.
She was the one who brought me to the chamber. She had read about it in the book of Myths and Legends but the Creator told us it was just a mere story. I don't think he wanted us to search for the place.
Eden, however, was more than willing to find it. She tried every spell on me but when it came to allowing me to come into contact with living things... it was almost impossible to stop them from dying. I learnt a lot of things about spells in secret with her. I also learnt about each spells side effects.
For everything there is a catch and for every spell there is a return spell. Just like a contract. There is always the fine print. For Rumpelstiltskin it was his name. For me it's... the more I try to become prone to life the more my body resists it. I cannot touch things without destroying them first.
"When you get back I'll throw a big welcome party for you." Eden said cutting in my thoughts.
I looked at her... she was happy. I scratched the back of my neck and bit down on my lip as I looked at her for a second still thinking. "I don't know if I'll be coming back again." I said as my words drifted off into the wind.
"You leaving me?" She questioned, tears starting to stream down her face. I hate seeing her like this... I hate seeing her cry. Then why'd you make her cry, you big dummy, said the invisible little angel on my shoulder... my damn conscience.
"No, I just don't want you to get hurt." But you hurting her already, said my conscience. I wanted to cup her cheeks with both my hands and kiss her forehead to comfort her but I stopped myself from doing so because that would only cause her more harm. I looked at her. I wished I could touch her without hurting her. Without burning her skin. I was like acid. Slow acid burning away at her skin. "I promise I'll come back when I get fixed."
Time skip»»
~In the Creators study~
I walked past the door that stood half open. The door was slightly ajar. I peeked inside upon hearing voices. "The boy is wonderful... he is doing a wonderful job, he truly is. But is it really necessary to do this?"
"To do what?" Said a voice.
"To keep him from experiencing life?" Said an unknown voice. It sounded like a pun but it seemed as though this conversation was about me.
"There is a book that can help him with his control issues. You and I both know it. But now is not the time. Azrael still has a lot to learn." It was the voice of the Creator.
"But keeping him away from the girl?" It was the same unknown voice I had heard before.
"Only time will tell if they are meant to be. Does he even like the girl. As far as I know they are just friends." Said the Creator who still seemed to be conversing.
"Yes, friends that do everything together." Said the unknown voice again. The man I did not see yet but he sounded very concerned.
"I see your point. It must be hard for him. I'll look into it then during his stay as my apprentice." Said the Creator.
*Door creaks*
"Shhh, did you hear that Great One? Someone is here." Said the man I had yet to see.
"Come out rat?" Said a wise voice. The Creator? He sounded very stern.
I was scared to face the Creator since I had been eavesdropping but I didn't do it intentionally. The door was left open, ajar and the voices seemed somewhat loud. I took a big gulp as I braced myself and stepped out of the shadows. I knew the Creator wouldn't punish me but all in all I still felt the same. My stomach dropping to my feet. My toes curling up in my shoes.
"Why it's Azrael. Just the boy I wanted to see." Said the Creator as I stepped out. He seemed rather jolly from how serious he had sounded before. "We were just talking about you a moment ago." The Creator continued as the other man in the room looked at me. A man wearing a black top hat. "Well, I'll be leaving now," he said as he looked at me and then towards the Creator, "take care." He continued as he walked out the door and left the room.
"What can I do for you?" Said the Creator as he took a seat at his desk. His hair not grey but completely white. His beard as white as snow. His coat draping over his shoulders and last but not least his eyes... they were the colour of gold.
"I want to be able to touch living things." I said without any emotion in my eyes.
"So the man I spoke to was right..." The Creator mumbled to himself as he put his hand on his beard. "Training begins from next week." He said as he looked at me. "You may leave."
That was it?
Training?
...
Time skip»»
"What have you done? You killed her." I said holding Eden in my arms. She was dead. Lifeless.
"No, I didn't... you did." Said a devilish voice. He was pure evil. "You did."
"You bastard!.." I exclaimed in anger.
"Look I may have kidnapped your one and only Eden but you're the one holding her... Death."
"Don't you dare call me that. That's only my name in the human world."
"In the human world? In the human world?! It doesn't matter. You on a killing spree wherever you go." He spat. His words like venom burning me as it had some truth behind it. This was no blessing it was a curse.
"No, I'm not! I don't plan to kill things or take lives. I can't control it. But you, you planned this... you're the real murderer. I loved her, how could you." My words fading as I spoke. I was holding back the tears.
"You right I did... I planned it and you know what? It's all thanks to you. Love is a weakness." He said coldly. He was trying to anger me and it was working. How could I be so stupid to fall for his game. But I was young and naive back then. A love sick boy.
"How could you..." I said through gritted teeth as I clenched my fists. But how could I be angry at a time like this? She was already gone. Her fragile body no longer moving. I couldn't just get up and leave her, not like this. I would fight him but what is there to fight for now? She's already gone. It's too late. I was too late.
"You want to know why? Because I loved her too... and if I can't have her then no one else can. Oh, how will you live with yourself knowing that she died in your hands. If you weren't here she would still be alive. Isn't it beautiful to know that she sacrificed herself for you." He was happy with how things had turned out. He was content with what he had done. My anger beyond its limit. He was doing this intentionally. He was trying to provoke me. If I take my true form there would be no going back. Skull and bones and the death that follows. Or maybe that's what he wanted? He wanted me to go rogue.
"No..." I said in anger. My teeth still gritted as my jaw clenched. He will pay. I swear on my life I will kill him but how could I if I was broken? My hand was balled up into a fist. I wanted to punch him. What did I have to lose now? A life for a life. He must die but that was not what he deserved. He should suffer, the same fate, the same way he made me suffer. The Creators wise words popping into my head as I placed Eden down and stood up ready to fight him till the death... "when emotion takes over you cannot fight. You cannot fight when you are angry or sad, it will only lead to your downfall."
I can't fight him... I'll only lose but it doesn't matter I already lost everything. How can one think straight at a time like this? Tears rolling down my cheeks. I was weak. Pathetic. Trying to hold back tears when the one person I cared for most was no longer with me.
"You're the real monster." Said the Devil himself. His words coming out bitter and harsh. He intended to do this.
He was a snake and he took away the one I loved.
Yet, the Phantoms tell me otherwise... they speak as though she is alive.
But I saw her... she died in my arms.
I've been having nightmares ever since then... the only thing that changed was that my curse was now lifted only for another curse to begin... The Mares.
Cursed with the memories...
The memory of her dying in my arms playing over and over again. I would forever have nightmares and flashbacks. I know it wasn't my doing but eventually I began to believe that it was me, after all I was the one who touched her. I was the one who caused her harm.
I asked myself... what was the point of being able to touch things, now? When the person I wanted to touch was no longer around. I went back, back to being cold and emotionless.
And now, and now is this her?
Alice?
Alice and Eden are one in the same?
My mind must be playing tricks on me.
And to think before I was helping my enemy. I was going to deliver her to the same person that took the person I loved away from me... for what payment?! Have I really lost all feeling. Well, not when I'm with her. I'm never ever going to do that. I'll do everything in my power to protect her but I know she doesn't love me the same. I wish she could remember... then maybe things would be different.
Was history repeating itself?
The only thing different was... that damn cat that was added to the equation. Felix... and Alice liked him. I wish she liked me in that way. Times have changed. If she's Eden, she's changed a lot too.
....
...
..
««Back to the present
"Azrael get your hands off of me I want to get up." I said as I tried to get up from the sofa.
"Just a little longer..." He gave me a tight hug from behind as he pulled me closer towards his chest.
"Azrael!.. Let me go!.." I squirmed in his arms. Gee, why is this guy so clingy? He was lost in his thoughts earlier when he mumbled about the curse and his nightmares and now he's back holding me to the point where I can bearly breathe. Someone's got issues.
He now got up. Nearly pushing me off the sofa completely. My butt almost landing on the floor. He caught me. The flat and hard surface I saw below me. I was in his arms, again?! Is this a thing? Like a thing that just happens when... I don't know... when he's around?!..
Don't fall for it Alice...
Don't fall for it...
"You okay?" He said looking at me as he balanced me so that I could stand up. I was in his arms. He bit down on his lip and looked at me, a playful smirk showing up. "You pretty clumsy, hey?" He said placing me on the sofa as he crouched down in front of me and put a strand of my hair that was in my face, behind my ear. Why all the rhetorical questions?
I kept quiet... "Breakfast?" He questioned me as he pointed to the door... "You hungry?" My stomach answered that question with a huge rumble... it sounded like I hadn't eaten for days.
And before I could even say anything... Death said... "I'll take that as a yes." Was this guy even talking to me? He was answering himself?
This time skip involves me being held by the wrist and "dragged" by Death towards the door which later led to me being dragged down the stairs and then hey, what do you know? I'm in the kitchen.
"Pancakes?" Death said as I sat down on one of the stools. He was on the other side of the counter and busy taking out a frying pan. I still, however, didn't answer.
"Pancakes it is." He then said as he started to put the ingredients into the bowl. Seriously? I didn't even get a chance to answer, yet. But I guess I am pretty slow. He was mixing the ingredients together now. "So, how did you sleep?" He asked with a playful look on his face. Did he really just ask me that?
"I slept okaaaay..." I said dragging out the okay, "except the part where..."
"You were too focused on me?" He cut me off. Did he just do that? The nerve and so conceited.
"No..." I said looking at him blankly. I was irritated. My lips forming a tight line as I stared at him blankly. Geez, this guy just annoys me. He acts like I am one of those fan girls (no offense to fangirls, love you) who was going to jump him. Like dude, I don't work like that. I continued... "I was talking about the part where you wouldn't let me go." You big idiot... no I never said that. I'm too much of a coward. Yeah, yeah, I am.
He put the pancakes that were towered up on the plate beside me. He's done already? I must be pretty slow. When I looked at the pan it was cooling down on the stove. "Let's eat." Azrael said not even bothering to listen to what I had said previously. He put two plates down, placing one pancake in my plate and one in his own.
I didn't even answer when he placed a fork beside me and a knife? Pancakes? Sorry people who eat pancakes with a fork and a knife, I eat them with my hands. He placed syrup and some sugar and cinnamon in front of me. "Sugar and cinnamon or syrup?" He asked now more focused on the pancakes.
"Sugar and cinnamon." I replied as I took the cinnamon and the sugar before he got the chance to sprinkle them on my pancake.
"Hey," he said playfully, "I was going to do that."
"Beat you to it." I said now sprinkling the sugar on and then the cinnamon. I rolled up the pancake afterwards, placed it in my hands and sunk my teeth into it. It was good. I mean, it's just a pancake. It's not like he made me some special expensive dessert that I couldn't pronounce. No, I'm not hinting. Really. But it was nice. He made something for me. Sweet. I'm not really the type of girl who is gaga for expensive things. So it was okay. It was a pancake. I'm such a nerd right now.
*Face palm*
*Face palm*
*Face palm*
Am I blushing?
Someone call 911. Conscience? We have an emergency. She is falling... I repeat she is falling. Someone catch her before she's in too deep. You blushing already and this is your first day on the job. Girl, he's definitely wining. No wonder he's so confident. And cocky and egotistical and conceited. Wait a minute, just hold on... but did you notice he's not rude? Or is his rudeness replaced by his arrogance? I don't know?
Awe... I miss Felix. I replied to my conscience.
There we go... think of Felix and everything will be fine. Just fine. It's going to be alright. It's going to be okay. Replied my conscience.
Well, if it's going to be okay then why do I have to reassure myself all the time?! I said mentally.
How can I answer that? I'm just your conscience... remember?
You can try... I answered my conscience.
You know what? I'm done talking... Good Luck... my conscience going silent in my head.
"Alice?" I heard Azrael question as he broke me out of my thoughts. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. "Are you daydreaming?" He said furrowing his eyebrows again since I never spoke.
"Well," I looked around awkwardly as I fake coughed, "Ahem, yeah I was."
Azrael looked down for a second. What the hell? "God! Why is she just so god damn cute." He mumbled to himself. He was shy all of a sudden, looking down somewhat frazzled and his face was flustered. Is he blushing? Wait, was he staring at me this whole time? What?! I was daydreaming.
I looked away awkwardly and fake coughed again... "Ahem." It was that awkward moment, kind of moment. What is wrong with this guy? One minute he was all cool and even cocky enough to say I was thinking about him, which I was not, how conceited. And now he's blushing in a mad frenzy whenever I look at him, telling me not to look. I don't know if he should be embarrassed or if I should be embarrassed? Why is this even happening?
"Ugh..." I heard Azrael say as he rubbed both his hands on his face which later moved in his hair as he pushed his hair back making it all messy. Which it already was, trust me, it was just more messier now. "Do you want to... to..." he paused now tapping on the counter, "toooo..." Dude, talk already... I'm waiting... stop pausing... come on, speak already. Yeah, that's pretty much what I was thinking. "to go out?" What did he just say?
"Yes," I said not even bothering to wait for him to finish the rest of his sentence. He said "out." That means I get to go "out." Maybe I can find help, escape or even get a hold of Felix.
"Where are we going to?" I questioned clearing my throat as I continued. I acted all cool as if escape hadn't just ran across my mind. He would know something was up if I got too excited.
"We're going to... here." Azrael said smirking at me. Did he know what I was up to? "Look, I know I can't take you anywhere," Azrael said raising an eyebrow, "you'll just try to escape." He paused for a bit and then spoke on. "But what if I could bring the place to you?"
Bring the place to me? What does he mean?
To be continued...
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone