Sunday morning feels almost like the world isn't perfectly in focus. I don't know... it's like as if when I open my eyes, what I see is all blurry, and hazy. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, it is only my fault, I did this to myself, I should have known better.
Today is going to be a lazy day so I don't even bother getting dressed, I just keep my pajamas on, go into the bathroom, and throw my hair up into a bun. Jack is still sleeping, I don't wake him because it's not like we have anything to do. I make my way downstairs, and grab a water bottle and make myself a bowl of oatmeal. One of my perks is that I don't have to wait for the water to boil, I stick my finger in the bowl and my oats are done in five seconds. I take my stuff, and go sit in front of the tv and turn on Friends. I finish my food and quickly do my homework.
I know I said this is going to be a lazy day but I'm bored now. The house is clean, my homework is done, and Jack can fend for himself. I decide it's best to go wake up my brother, he's the best company I have right now. This time he's already awake, I knock on the door and go in. He is sitting at his desk drawing something.
Jack is only 14 but ever since I can remember he has been extremely gifted at art. He drew a portrait of me a few years ago and it is hanging on my wall. I remember the day my mom told me that I was going to have a sibling. I was only three years old, I was so excited, at the time I didn't realize that a sibling was a part of your family, I thought they meant that I was just getting a new friend.
When Jack was born I was there in the delivery room with my mom and dad, I was only three years old, but I had this realization at that moment that I had to keep him safe. Fourteen years later and the kid has grown at least a foot taller than me, he's gotten stronger and smarter, well, that part is debatable sometimes. He makes me able to see the world from a different perspective, he always looks at the positive side of things, and always finds a solution.
He sets down his pencil and looks to me, "What do you want?" I take a seat on his bed, "I don't want anything, I'm just bored," I nod towards his desk, "What are you drawing?" He holds up his paper for me to see, "I don't know, I think it's a planet that I'm trying to draw," he sets the paper down and looks at me again, "I had this dream, I keep having it, and every time I always see this thing." I nod my head, "Okay, well when you figure out what it is I want to see it."
He gets out of his chair and sits down next to me on the bed. "Yesterday, did something happen with Peter? You came home and didn't come out of your room except for dinner." I turn my head towards him, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that, I didn't mean to be rude, but yeah something did happen." "What was it?" I sigh, "What always happens with him happened, we were having a good time and then he just left me, right in the middle of the sidewalk." A look of confusion crosses his face, "Did he tell you why?" "No, he just said that he had to leave." He thinks for a moment before he speaks, "There has to be a good reason he just ditched you." I scoff, "Yeah well he didn't bother to tell me so I don't care anymore, he can stay away from me." "Jai, I know you're pissed at him, but you've known each other ever since I can remember, I don't know exactly what happened with you two but I know that he still cares about you, I mean, the day that the whole Washington thing happened he stopped by and I answered the door, he wanted to know how you were doing and if you were alright, if he didn't care about you at least a little bit he wouldn't bother." "He came here?" Jack nods his head.
I am so confused about myself. Am I mad at Peter? Yes. Am I upset at Peter? Yes. Do I still care about Peter? Of course.
"So what do you think I should do? Go to his apartment and do some arts and crafts?" I say while throwing my arms in the air out of frustration. "No, but I think that you need to stop being upset at him when you don't know the full story, he may not tell you the other half of the story but, oh well, you can't help what he does, but you can still be in his life, he is still trying to be in yours." I don't acknowledge what he says and change the subject, "Let's go watch a movie." Jack is right, I know that, and I hate it.
We go downstairs to the living room and get prepared for a movie marathon. Jack gets some blankets out of the laundry room closet, and I get pillows out of our rooms upstairs. Jack gets everything straight in the living-room and I go to the kitchen and make us some snacks.
When the snacks are done I go into the living room and set them down and close the curtains so it gets really dark.
Jack lets me choose the movie so, I pick the Twilight Saga since it has multiple movies. Jack regrets letting me choose, but I know he secretly likes the movies.
We are on the third movie when the doorbell rings.
I pause the movie and get up to open the door. When I open it, there stands Peter.
"Hey," he says. "Come inside, it's cold." I move to the side and he walks in and I close the door behind him.
"I need to talk to you." He says while rubbing his hands together. Just then Jack walks in through the doorway. "Hey, Peter." Him and Peter shake hands then Jack looks to me. "I'm going to be upstairs Jai, call me if you need me." He starts walking away but whispers to me, "Let him talk."
Jack saunters off up the stairs and I make my way to the living room and push the blankets and pillows to the side so we can both sit down.
"You said you needed to talk, so talk," I say while sitting. Peter sits next to me and stars to talk, "I know you're angry at me." "Well, that's one word for what I am," I say while crossing my arms. "Yesterday, I didn't want to leave you like that, I had to go, I just had to." I scoff, "Yeah that's always the case with you right? You always have to, but it is alright, I really don't care anymore." "What do you mean you don't care?" "Just what I said, Peter." "You don't care... about me anymore? Is that it?" I literally think he is insane, "Are you serious? You think I meant you?" He shrugs. "Peter I have told you many times that I care about you still, I just don't care about whatever you have going on that's so secret." "I really wish that things could be different," he shakes his head, "that I could be different." I sink down into the couch, "So why can't you?" "I can't because this is who I am, this isn't something that I can just throw away, this is me, and it is all I am." "Well, who are you?" I say with a shrug. He is quiet for a minute before he answers, "I'm just Peter." "Okay fine," I say while getting up, "Do you want to stay for dinner?" "Yeah, sure."
I walk to the bottom of the stairs and call Jack's name for him to come down. I turn to Peter, "You're going to have to help me." Peter takes off his jacket and places it on the coat hanger as Jack runs down the stairs. "Peter is staying for dinner so can you clean up the living room please?" Jack nods his head and goes off, Peter and I make our way into the kitchen.
"So what are we cooking chef?" Peter says. I pull out the chicken I had thawing in the fridge, "Chicken and rice, with vegetables," I set the chicken down on the counter, "the rice is in the cabinet over there, and the pots are all in that cupboard." He goes to get the rice and pot while I wash my hands, then open the chicken and start prepping it.
I cut the chicken breast into strips, and dice them up into cube-like shapes. Once I finish doing that I place all the cut up parts into a pot with some oil, throw in some seasonings, and put on the lid and turn the heat to medium. Peter has been put the rice in a pot of water and he's just idling around by the counter.
"You can help me chop some vegetables," I tell him. I grab the green pepper, carrots, and broccoli from the fridge and set them on the counter. I get two knives and cutting boards from the drawer and hand one of each to Peter who is by my side again.
"I didn't know you knew how to cook." Says Peter while slicing up a carrot. "Yeah, you don't know a lot of things about me." He scoffs, "Lies, I know more about you than you think." "Like what?" "Well," he finishes cutting up another carrot then and grabs a green pepper, "I know that your favorite color is blue but not harsh blue, I know that you hate when an animal dies in a movie because it makes you cry, I know that you only like mushrooms in pizza and that when you sleep you have to have two pillows." I put down my knife and push the vegetables into a pan. "Keep going." He chuckles, "I know that you hate mustard with a passion, you like to keep everything organized, and when something disgusts you, your nose crinkles up in the cutest way."
I start smiling again, "You pay more attention than I thought Mr.Parker, but still, you don't know everything." "What don't I know?" I look at him, "That is for me to know, and for you to never find out." He rolls his eyes at me and goes to stir the rice which is boiling now.
I check on the chicken and give it a good mixing, and throw the cut up veggies on to simmer.
Peter and I clean up the kitchen, and when the food is done, we plate it and call Jack in to help us take it all to the dining room. We set up and we each fill up our plates.
"So Peter, I don't appreciate you ditching my sister in the middle of New York City," says Jack, I laugh. "Jack, it's alright, we talked it out," I say while stuffing rice into my mouth. "No, what I did wasn't alright, and once again I apologize to you and to you Jack." "Peter, you may be older than me, and we are buddies, but I will not hesitate to hurt you if you hurt my sister." Peter looks up from his plate, "I know you will."
We are eating dinner and we all contribute to the conversation of random things. Once dinner is finished, Peter and I clean up while Jack goes to his room again to keep drawing.
"Jack is a really good brother to have, he loves you," Peter says while putting the leftovers in the fridge. "Yeah, I got lucky to have him."
We finish putting things away. "I should be heading home, it's getting dark," says Peter while putting on his jacket. "Do you need a ride?" I ask. "No, I rode my bike here, I'll be fine." He opens the door and steps out into the cold, his nose and cheeks almost immediately turn red. "I'll see you tomorrow." With that, he turns and I watch him get on his bike then head towards his apartment.
I close the door and head upstairs to Jack's room. I knock and go in, Jack is sitting at his desk again drawing. "Hey, thanks for threatening Peter," I sit down on his bed, "you're a good brother." He swings around in his chair to face me, "Don't get all sappy on me now." We both laugh. "Do you think I handled things well today?" I ask. "Yes, I was ready to fight him if I had to though." I shake my head and then sigh, "Why do I forgive him so easily?" He shrugs, "Because you care about him, same as when I piss you off, you get mad but you forgive me." I get up and hug Jack and tell him goodnight.
When I'm back in my room, I take a quick shower, throw on my pajamas and crawl into bed. Staring up at the ceiling in the dark I think about Peter, out of all the things he's done, I still care about him.
I need to care about him because if I don't then it's only going to hurt me.