Bab 33: Only Your Are Worth The Wait
Everything was too shocking for Finland, she couldn't believe she would hear Caspar say that he was willing to wait for her to accept him.
"I met Katia," Finland said softly. "I'm afraid you too will change your mind and leave me as you left her."
"I did not leave Katia, Finland. She chose to leave me. I tried my best in being responsible for her because I brought her into this life. But my heart couldn't lie and I couldn't force myself to love her... I was wrong because I was in a hurry, I was afraid she would age and die and I would lose the opportunity of being with the woman I thought I loved... But over time I realized that what I felt for her was not love."
Caspar looked into Finland's eyes which were getting wet with tears, "My feelings for you, I can't explain it in words. I love you, and I'm very sure I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but at the same time, I don't want to rush you and make you regret it. I want to wait, even if you get older, I don't care... I'll keep waiting for you until you can accept me."
Finland lowered her gaze, trying to hide the tears that began to flow profusely.
"Caspar... I am a broken person, deep inside. I have never felt love before. Hugs, words of comfort and encouragement, praises, acceptance, and support... these are all foreign things that I have never experienced in my life. Jean is the only one who understands me, and all this time, I have only felt love and support from him. Yesterday Jean said that I need time to open my heart... I need time to get used to receiving kindness, sweet words, hugs, and the outpouring of love from others... Maybe, after a while, my broken heart can be slowly mended. But I don't know for sure." Finland sobbed in Caspar's chest.
"I know. Jean told me to wait for you and to give you time to recover."
Finland looked up in surprise, "You talked to Jean?"
Caspar nodded. "He knows you more than anyone. I now understand why it is very difficult for you to accept my love. You are not used to being treated kindly by people, so your heart is always on defense and does not want to open up to receive love. I promise, Finland, I will treat you well, and compensate for all the wounds and sadness that you have experienced in the past. And I will wait until your heart is healed and ready to accept me..."
"Are.. are you sure? I don't know how long it would take for me to recover..." Finland said softly, "If you wait for years... I will age and I will look older than you."
"I don't mind. I am even willing to wait until you are old and grumpy. I don't want to force you to make a hasty decision... Even though I'm sure of my feelings, I want you to be sure of yours too. All I ask is for you to please give me a chance to be near you and treat you well... I wish to give you support, love, encouragement, praise, and all the good things you have never received before… I wish to mend your heart so you too can feel the beauty of love."
Finland closed her eyes and nodded. Her tears started falling again and Caspar gently wiped them away.
"I've never been this patient with anyone," Caspar said. "Only you are worth the wait."
He kissed Finland's lips softly and held the girl close to his heart for a long time.
Finland suddenly felt as light as a feather. After being shadowed by dark clouds for several days, she really enjoyed the man's embrace.
Jean was right when he said that Finland's heart was too barren and hard to penetrate because she had never experienced love in her life. Her heart was thirsty for love and affection she never received from her parents nor her peers, but her mind was stubborn.
Throughout her life she only focused on ways to survive; there was no space for love.
When Caspar finally let go of his arms, he looked at Finland deeply, "I will hug you often, I will always hold your hand, I will protect you, I will take care of you, I will praise you, I will support whatever you do, I will get you used to my love. And most importantly, I will wait until you're ready to accept me."
Caspar smiled and entered the main house, leaving Finland frozen in place.
The girl held her chest and felt the warmth of Caspar's body lingering on hers. Her chest felt very light.
Caspar would be patient... He was willing to wait no matter how long…
A faint smile curved upon Finland's face.
Hadiah
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