Bab 344: Big Boy Pants
Russ turned the knob of his room as slowly and quietly as possible. His sharp eyes scanned the faintly lit room. His eyes fell on the long strawberry blonde hair draped over the chaise lounge by the window. He stepped lightly toward the chair not wanting to startle her. A smile curved his lips as he took in her sleeping face. She was everything he should ever hope for… everything he should ever want… strong, beautiful, kind… And he did. He wanted her. There was no denying his attraction for her, or his growing feelings. His smile faded into a frown as his gaze moved to the window. So why was it that his feelings wavered so much each and every time he was in Jos's presence? Those feelings had been easy enough to suppress when she had been in male form, harder but still manageable when she was there with Arei… but the second he'd seen her lying pale and cold to the touch in that bed all his suppressed feelings had bubbled to the surface and overflowed from every fiber of his body. His eyes moved back down to Jaden, her sleep-clouded eyes were trained on him. He swallowed against the uneasy lump building once again in his throat. {How am I going to right what I've done to her when I can barely swallow down the overwhelming guilt?} "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I just figured the bed would be more comfortable…" He ran his hand over his head, tugging the band from his hair and letting it fall free as he did. He closed his eyes against her steady gaze. "I figured I'd carry you over."
Sensing his unease, Jaden shifted her gaze toward the bright moon reflecting high in the sky. "You sleep here or in other more uncomfortable places nearly every night. Why should it be any less suitable for me?"
He let out a sigh as he rubbed the back of his stiff neck. "It's because I've fallen asleep in such uncomfortable places that I thought you'd be better off elsewhere."
Her heart painfully throbbed as she asked. "Is that how you truly feel? That I would be better off elsewhere?"
Russ forced himself to meet her steady gaze. "Yes…" He said with a pained sigh. "Or at least that's what I thought anyways… before tonight…" His pleading eyes met hers. "You deserve better." He closed his eyes against the sadness his own words were causing him as he shook his head. "I'm not a good person. I'm always hurting others… hurting you…" He turned away from her, his eyes moving back to the bright moon. "I've done some things that I know would hurt you… and I know the way I've been dealing with that guilt is only causing you more pain."
Jaden's hand shook slightly as she reached out for his hand. She kept her focus trained on their hands as she replied. "You are talking about your feelings for Jos…" Her eyes moved slowly up to meet his. "I already know… I've known this entire time." A muscle in her jaw twitched as she admitted. "It is part of the reason I agreed to this arrangement in the beginning… outside the obvious benefit for me and the other girls…" She studied the raw emotions swirling in his beautiful cyan eyes. "At first… and for the longest time, I thought you were gay and simply in need of a 'wife' to hide the fact. I thought you would be a safe bet." She looked away awkwardly as she continued. "After what had happened I…"
Russ quickly turned to her and lowered into a squat at her feet. "You don't have to explain any of this to me. It should be me explaining things to you!" He took both her hands in his and squeezed them tightly against his chest. "I care about you very much. I'm not asking, nor shall I ever ask, you to leave this place." He swallowed the lump in his throat as he forced himself to continue. 'I'm sorry that I've given you the impression that you're not wanted here…" He glanced down at their hands. "I've felt an overwhelming amount of guilt over the past several weeks every time I see you… I realize now how that must have made you feel, and I'm sorry… I… I…"
Jaden pulled one of her hands away from him and cupped his cheek with it. "I know… and I understand. I spoke with Jos a few weeks back. She told me… enough…"
He let out a sigh of relief. "You should have said something. It's been eating me up inside thinking of how much it would hurt you to find out what I'd done." He rubbed his stubbled cheek against her palm as a shy smile spread across his lips. "If it means anything, I know what I feel for you is real. Regardless of how much it differs from what I feel toward Jos…" His brows knitted as he admitted aloud for the first time what he had silently feared for a long time. "The longer I'm away from her the less I feel… It's only in her presence that my emotion becomes so intense… I… I think she may have been right all along… I think her curse affects me…"
Jaden tilted her head in wonder. "I've heard you all mention a curse, and I realize she is… different, but exactly what is this curse?"
Russ pushed himself up and sat on the chaise beside her. He brought the bundle of their hands to his lips and placed a kiss to her knuckles before resting his head against them as he blew out another long sigh. "I'm not sure off all the details myself, but I know as much as she hates it… it's a part of who she is… Without trying she has this influence over… well men, I guess… their emotions, desires… It's a lot like the sirens' songs, it draws you in… but she doesn't have to use a song or be in any kind of shifted form… Her presence alone draws you in, and the more you give in to that pull the stronger the feelings and desires become." His cheeks reddened already feeling embarrassment for the words to come as he continued. "The more of her you have the more of her you want until you're driven mad by desire…"
Jaden studied him. "And this is what you felt? What you feel every time you are around her? Driven to madness?"
Russ shook his head. "I've not admitted that to anyone… but yes… It was so intense when we were together, I thought I'd explode if I couldn't be around her constantly… The overwhelming urge to rip apart anyone who even looked at her…" He shook his head. "I was aware of the insanity of my feelings but ignored them anyway. I refused to believe there was anything wrong… to give up regardless…"
Jaden nodded. "Some of the girls had mentioned a strange pull when she'd first started coming around in male form… April also said Drake has had to deal with unusual feelings toward her. I'm not surprised to hear that there's an explanation for such attractions… though it's not what I'd expected…"
Russ let out a relieved sigh. Taking his first easy breath in what seemed like months now, he sent her a genuine smile. "I didn't expect this conversation to go so smoothly… Now I feel like an idiot for not saying anything sooner."
Jaden frowned. "I have my own confession… my own secret that has been weighing me down…" Her eyes searched his for several long moments. She watched the newly found relief slowly recede. "I… I have taken advantage of your hospitality and kindness."
"You haven't because there's nothing you've done that would have changed my actions since meeting you." He interrupted.
"I have… I've taken advantage and done things so that you would want to keep me around… not just for my own good but that of the others as well… but mostly for myself… I didn't want to be sent back to whatever was left of my homelands… I… I couldn't have… can't leave here…" Her tear-filled eyes met his. "I can not be where my sister is not… and I can not easily move her body…"
Russ released her hands and cupped her face. "I would never ask that of you. You and the others are always welcome here regardless. You don't have to stay by my side for that."
The tears she'd been trying to hold back spilled down her cheeks. "It's not just that… I don't want to return there be-because…"
He shook his head stopping her words. "I already know, and I understand… you don't have to say it. I would never treat you like property like that… and, if you stay with me, I promise I never will. I understand we will eventually be expected to have an heir, but I'll not ask that of you until you are ready… Even if that time never comes, I'll not hold it against you. I understand you've been through a lot… After seeing what a few months of torture did to Shelly and seeing what happened to Jos over just a few days… I can only imagine what hells you had to endure… I'll never force myself on you… there are other ways with modern medical advancements…"
Jaden chuckled as happy tears replaced sad ones. She leaned forward and placed a kiss to his cheek. Her smile widened as his surprised eyes met hers. "I've never once felt like you would intentionally harm me, and because of that, every emotion I've shown around you has been legitimate. I've not faked any of it… I have truly grown to care for you…" She let out a small sigh. "But I feel like I've used that against you in a way."
He shook his head. "No, I like what we've shared. I understand if you've felt… things… recently where Jos was involved."
"Jealousy, you mean?" She laughed in embarrassment.
He averted his gaze as he laughed awkwardly. "Well, I wasn't going to say that… exactly… but I could tell you were trying to push yourself more where I was involved… I just assumed it was because you were afraid I was going to go back on our arrangement or something."
Jaden frowned. "Yes… I suppose… but I really was jealous… I made me realize how strong my feelings for you have become… and you're right, I don't what to lose you. I realized, even if I could move into one of the cottages being prepared for the others… I would still be giving something up." Her eyes glittered in the bright moonlight as she held his gaze. "I want you…"
The pure honesty of her words and their warmth drew him in, feeling his heart with a hope he hadn't had before. He leaned forward and placed a light, lingering kiss on her lips. He held his breath as he waited for her to respond one way or the other. His eyes shot open, and the breath rushed from his lungs as she brazenly grabbed his neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss. He carefully slid his arms around her, pulling her closer as they both sot to deepen the kiss. He could feel the slight tremble of her body and mild apprehension that was always there whenever they were close, but it seemed to melt away slowly.
Russ pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. "You know, I know this isn't the ideal circumstance for either of us… we were both trying to escape the pressures of preselected spouses… but I look forward to seeing where things go with you and I." He stroked her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs as his hands slid to her jawline. "I don't regret our arrangements… or opening up a part of myself to you… I know that with time, this will grow into something amazing." He leaned forward and place a light kiss to her forehead, then the tip of her nose, before finally capturing her lips. When she returned his kiss without hesitation, he slid to the floor and onto one knee. He held her hands to his lips as he held her curious, jade eyes. "Jaden, will you marry me, not because you feel you must… but because you too what to spend the rest of our lives getting to know one another and discovering this thing we have? And… and falling in love with one another?"
Jaden giggled giddily as she nodded rapidly. "Yes!" She pulled her hands away from him and through them around his neck in a tight hug as she slid from the chair and into him. "I would love to spend a lifetime falling in love with you, Russ."
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
Jacquia_comics
Jacquia_comics Fan service... maybe... but mostly my mental health couldn't take another depressing chapter rn...
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
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