Bab 8: Lawrence and her
I know she doesn't like showing any vulnerability. Ever since I saw her that day, I could see her fear and reluctance towards opening herself up. I knew it, but I didn't understand it until later.
I grew up in a fortunate way. I had two mothers, a younger brother and a father. My mothers wanted children so they got one of their best friends to help them. I remember asking him if he ever wanted to be with either of my mothers. He turned to me with this really cheeky smile and said no. I thought he might be in love with someone else so I asked if his lover was okay with it and he burst into laughter. He curled up slamming his hand on the ground and laughing. "We made a deal. I help those two buffoons get children and they do the same for me." My biological father was together with a man. I didn't think it was strange at all until later.
But one day, I went into town to drop off some candied fruit and I saw a girl. Her hazel eyes were marred by the sadness, anger and desperation she felt. I wasn't thinking about the consequences. At the time, I just saw something unpleasant that I didn't like so I decided to help.
I grabbed her wrist and ran away with her. We ran until we reached beyond the edge of town. I didn't recognize the area but it felt sad. She unravelled by hand from her wrist depriving it of any warmth. I looked up at her and got lost - lost in her beautiful dark eyes.
I saw confusion, relief, fear, and anger. "You dumb boy! Didn't your parents ever tell you to stay away from strangers and mind your business!" Her eyes were a bit red towards the end. Why are her eyes red? Is she mad because of me? Why? She didn't look willing. "You didn't want to go. My moms taught me to help those who need it. No one else was going to help you so I did." Her mouth gaped and I smiled because of how silly this older girl looked. "Your eyes are too pretty to be sad!"
Ahhh. She blushed so crazily I laughed out loud. She hit me on the head and said "Little brat! I'm older than you! Show some respect!" I stopped laughing, bowed and asked if the princess would like to seek shelter where no one may find her. She stomped her foot and huffed for some reason. She followed me back to my house in the mountains. My moms thought that I was trying to marry her until later that day. I didn't know what they talked about until I knew later.
They raised us for a year or two before it was time to go to school. It wasn't really an official school but, Teacher lived in the forest behind the mountain. He taught children and guided them towards their true calling until they had the ability to stand on their own. No one knew how long he'd been there but he did teach my grandmas. He was unique since he wanted students to live with him as he taught them. When I was 10, my family left. They told us in advance of course, but that was the last time I'd seen them.
Marianna and I lived with Teacher until I turned 15. He didn't die from a disease or anything. He just died with a gentle smile. Teacher told us to go to his house in the marshes if he died, so we did. It was peaceful for an entire decade and by then I was head over heels for Marianna. It wasn't for a superficial reason like her physical beauty. She was afraid of her own vulnerability, but she protected others. Whether it was animals, plants or I, she wanted to protect. "Lawrence, everything has a will. Everything is strong and weak. Humans decide which they want to be dominant. Animals choose which to show. There is nothing - NOTHING - in this world that is only one. Everything protects itself. Everyone protects themselves. This game called life is just incredibly imbalanced at times is all."
One day, I was collecting food to make dinner for her while she went out to treat animals when a group of men ambushed me.
I wanted to die.
I wanted to live.
I wanted to kill.
I wanted to protect.
It was an endless cycle of contradictory thoughts plaguing me every second. But the thought of escaping to get back to Marianna kept the demons at bay. When I saw her blank eyes as she layed on the dirt ground while they laughed heartily, I ended. Every hit became air to me. Her eyes became a flame that burned up that air scorching me. One day I turned over to look at her and she was back. Her eyes sparkled. I didn't like it though. She didn't need me. I didn't even try to make an effort to convince myself that she does either.
Absolutely pitiful. Disgusting. Self-loathing. How weak. Be her support instead. One day, you'll walk beside her.
These thoughts drove me to leave her. I didn't want to but I made a bet to myself. If I could make a name for myself and gain resources amazing enough to topple the region, then I'd be enough to stay with her. If I could do those things, then I could save her as she had saved me.
So for three years, I went around learning, killing, hurting, and shaking hands. I was startled when I came back to her though. Her eyes were dark and mysterious. They didn't shine like before. But a promise is a promise even though she made me feel like a boy instead of a man sometimes. I always reminded her that I was a healthy man who's loved her for more than ten years though. Every time I did that she would hiccup and every time that happened I would laugh and plant a kiss on her cheek.
I never kissed her lips until that day. I slept in because I was busy hunting the night before. When I woke up I got a letter about a mission to assassinate her. Luckily I onced begged her to make a tracking device that would be linked to our heart rates. I wanted rings but she made matching "friendship bracelets".
I followed her signal and showed up too late. I saw the arrow. My brain turned off so my muscles would move on their own. My heart cried and shouted. My brain came back and sighed with relief. She was going to live.
But she'll be all alone.
I lamented. My love, I won't get that kiss. My love, I've given you my soul but I didn't even have a chance to tell you that. My love, I've longed to share your soul since the day we met. My love, I wanted a forever with you, but it's closed itself off from me. My love, I won't say sorry otherwise it'll hurt more. I'll just say see you.
All of a sudden I didn't know if this was reality. She pulled me closer and before I had a chance to curse, she covered my lips. I shivered and so did she. I was lost in her. She dove deeper and into my soul. I dove into her soul and opened my arms freely before closing them as a hug. She swayed and we fell, but I kept her in my arms. My love, I didn't anticipate this, but if this is how we die, I don't mind.
I'll bare my naked soul and hug yours with it. Just as I was falling asleep with the warmth in my arms, she showed me a lady killing the third-wheeler and saying we'd be together forever. Yeah, we will be. She has me and I have her. I will never let go of her either. Thank you. Thank you for being witnessing our union.
My love, let's take a vacation next opportunity we get. I have so much to say and do. Even if there isn't time, there's no need to worry. Marianna, my love, your Lawrence will create time just for you. Marianna, I Lawrence, will hug your soul until even beyond the end.
And so, I fell asleep feeling her warmth while we smiled in contentment.
Status Power Mingguan
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone