Bab 83: Diary-6
Now when I come to think of it, I want to ask him, "Special love?" Me asking for it?" Do you even know whats love? When did I ever ask you for it? It's only you, who forced yourself into me in the name of love. I never asked you for it anytime.
I'm sure you had a malicious intention from the beginning because nobody does something so awfully offensive without such an unforgivable, heinous intent which I, as a child failed to recognise.
He continued speaking further, "But you've to promise me one thing that you are not going to tell this to anybody. Mommy, daddy, aunt, uncle, grandmom, friends, teachers, none."
Little did I know that this was the catch point. I never opened my mouth from that day on, until today, when I'm writing down here. I don't even think I'll be able to tell it out to anybody.. ever!
I really didn't understand what was happening. Before I realised, my "so called-bhaiya" had already made me sleep on the bed. He carefully removed my beautiful, pink night dress. He even pulled down my underwear.
He slid his finger in between my legs . I was alarmed. I shouted, "Bhaiya what are you doing?"
I remember he covered my mouth and said, "Don't make so much of noise. Aunt and uncle are sleeping. If you shout, they will wake up and you'll disturb their sleep. Be a God girl and wait until I show you how to be loved baby doll." He kissed my legs, upto my thighs and above. I had to silently endure everything he did to me.
After sometime even he removed his dress and his pants. That is when I was traumatised beyond words. I choked on my words, "Bhaiya wh-what are you doing?"
He seemed annoyed then since I wasn't cooperating with him. "How many questions do you ask? Just wait for it." He then asked me to touch something in between his legs. That child me was asked to hold his d*ck. He said, "Ahh baby doll. You make me feel so good just by touching it." He then guided himself towards me.
I felt so disgusted. I wanted to puke at that moment. And immediately the next moment, he was already moving inside me. I felt the sharp pain. I wanted to cry out loud. But "bhaiya" had covered my mouth with his hands. I had to silently cry in pain.
Then after sometime which seemed like eternal pain for me, he stopped doing what he was doing. I was finally relieved from bearing his heavy body weight over me and the pain which was tearing me apart.
I thought I'd lose my virginity to the man I love. But no, before I even realised, I had already participated in my own sexual abuse, lost my virginity to my "bhaiya" because back then I was too young to know what I was doing. I did everything he asked me to do and let him do everything he wanted.
It was only after I came to understand what is sex and that what I did with him was a sexual act, that I realised what had happened to me. Don't think just because you are long gone, I'd forgive you.. you took away my childhood, my innocence, my entirety..
PERTIMBANGAN PENCIPTA 
PisceanDream
PisceanDream Lots of emotions involved.... hope you'll stay with Maya...
Thank you for reading! ❤
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