Elemental Archon (Hiatus/Rewrite)

LV 10

Elude

I decided to read this novel after all. First, the minor things, always ensure to make the synopsis is mistake-free. (The reason should be self-explanatory.) In your very first sentence you wrote, "In a large realm, there is was a world." You have two verbs connecting that sentence; I don't believe I have to point that out. In the second sentence, you wrote, "cultivators from of of the 5 Invincible Sects". Overall, the flow of your writing is majorly disrupted by the overly long paragraphs. E.g, "Daoist Dawn, seeing the alliance consisting of two of the famous Invincible Sects, the second and third-ranked ones no less, finally felt his confidence falter. Although he could likely have managed to break out of an encirclement with only one expert who was likely at the Integration realm despite their difference in cultivation level; facing two such experts along with almost 30 more experts around his level was suicide. Even if he managed to break out, he would be so severely injured that he would likely die of his injuries a few years later, especially given that he wasn't completely healed from what he had done half a decade ago that caused him to be weak enough to become encircled mere years later. That had reduced the quantity of his blood essence down to nothing. The healing he was receiving was due to his active absorption of the natural qi around him in as stealthy a manner as possible. Fortunately, his absorption had avoided detection; unfortunately, however, that display of seemingly peak conditional power was now useless. Regardless of whether he was at his peak power right now, he would still die all the same; the enemy just required a much longer time to kill him if he was at his peak compared to Daoist Dawn's current weak state. The Dao Transcendence Sect and Nether Revelations Sects' cultivators knew this and would likely attack within moments." This paragraph honestly scares the **** out of me. It's literally one long, unbroken chain of text! This is especially daunting to the readers, the reason why should be obvious. (My main point: Having such an enormous paragraph will completely ruin the flow of the story!) (Constructive Criticism: In stories especially, paragraphs are joint from many sentences which are all there to express a thought, the idea is to group all these thoughts into a central idea, a single, direct focus for the readers!) E.g., I'll try to break up your block of text into a less scary, and more manageable paragraph. (The breaking won't be smooth, but you can easily change that with a few updates, etc.) — Since I'm not going to be adding any words to the paragraph. Daoist Dawn, seeing the alliance consisting of two of the famous Invincible Sects, the second and third-ranked ones no less, finally felt his confidence falter. Although he could likely have managed to break out of an encirclement with only one expert who was likely at the Integration realm despite their difference in cultivation level; facing two such experts along with almost 30 more experts around his level was suicide. Even if he managed to break out, he would be so severely injured that he would likely die of his injuries a few years later, especially given that he wasn't completely healed from what he had done half a decade ago that caused him to be weak enough to become encircled mere years later. That had reduced the quantity of his blood essence down to nothing. (These transitions can be made much more fluent with a few words.) The healing he was receiving was due to his active absorption of the natural qi around him in as stealthy a manner as possible. Fortunately, his absorption had avoided detection; unfortunately, however, that display of seemingly peak conditional power was now useless. Regardless of whether he was at his peak power right now, he would still die all the same; the enemy just required a much longer time to kill him if he was at his peak compared to Daoist Dawn's current weak state. The Dao Transcendence Sect and Nether Revelations Sects' cultivators knew this and would likely attack within moments. What do I think overall about your novel? Your grammar is definitely above the average original writer, (I'm not sure if that can be considered an achievement.) Furthermore, your descriptions are described in an overly-grandiose fashion, (which I like personally, but many readers may not.) Also, you can easily imagine the world and characters within the novel after only four chapters. Thus, I believe that if your writing was broken up into smaller, more manageable paragraphs, it could be a terrific story. (Also, ensure to always run it through a grammar checker first before posting. The errors in the synopsis should have easily been found by a free-product like Grammarly.) Writing Quality: 2.5-3 (Can be made to a five * easily if you add the aforementioned criticism.) Stability Of Updates: 5. (So far lol, it's only been one day.) Story Development: 4.5 (Story is developed pretty well atm, but I naturally can't give it a 5* due to only 4 chapters.) Character Design: 4.5 (Done well, yet I can't bond with the characters on a intimate level in only 4 chapters.) World Background: Described very well, 4.5. Once again... these scores can all be bumped up if the above criticism is implemented. If anyone wants me to do an in-depth review, simply @reply to me in one of my reviews and I'll do a truthful in-depth review if I can actually understand the flow of the writing. (I write these reviews so that the section for determining whether someone reads a story is actually truthful and not full of deceit.)

LV 5

Roosterbee

I don’t have anything relevant to say about the plot, since it’s still the beginning of the story. The novel is rather slow paced, which should probably be attributed to the necessary explanations at the start. I hope for more dialogues and conversations later, but that may be my personal preference . The quality of the authors english and writing is quite rare for webnovel, especially for the original-section. In my opinion you should go on like you did till now and publish finished chapters instead of rushed ones other authors do for potentially more spirit stones or power stones. (quality>quantity/speed) Your ranking will naturally become better once more chapters are out. That said I think in an overall comparison with other original stories you deserve 5 stars. Keep it up :)

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LV 1

Zenobia

Shameless Author here, with a shameless review. I wrote a novel recently, which is Call of Ring. It was my very first attempt at writing, and there may be some mistakes and errors in it, but I still feel extremely proud of it and enjoy it thoroughly. Please give my story a try and leave some comments for me. Thank you! https://rb.gy/5s05wc

LV 1

Katheriner

Hey there! Here are some web novel recommendations for whom share the same taste with me. If you like this story, my recommendations are worth a try! https://docs.google.com/document/d/19R5KkqHOOHSMDkF4fHscVmxWcYGh0OntYsv8NglzsQo/edit?usp=sharing

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LV 5

Clou_d

The novel was good, but the grammar needs to be improved. The language was improved as the chapters progressed. I did feel quite a lag when I read the novel, but overall it was a nice read. The novel updates regularly. The world is set and hopes the author would reveal more of this world in the coming chapters.

LV 4

MishalZamir

In early chapter, there a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes but decreasing as the story go on.. You can edit previous chapters, The story is good. I just wish the chapters were longer. I feel like the breaks between chapters makes the events lose their momentum. Keep writing! ^^ x I like the story development though.

LV 5

WorstNameEver

Hey guys, shameless review by the author. Although I am giving my honest opinions in each section, this is mainly just to tell people what this book is about and such. So first up; this book is updated simply whenever I have finished a chapter. This means that any mistakes you find within a chapter can be easily fixed and it also gives me less stress in having to pump chapters out to fulfil an update schedule. That isn't the type of writer I am, I write based on moods and when I get into the zone which makes it hard to... forcefully write chapters. The main character is op but not at the same time. Although he will be strong (once the book really gets started), he has downsides as a result of cultivation technique that makes him less like Chu Feng and Huang Xiaolong (who are well known for their stupid levels of poor intellect and ridiculous strength). The book is quite a slow burn early on, with plans to only really pick up the pace at the roughly 10 chapter mark. Cultivation and its names are complicated, to be honest, but I have made glossaries to fix this. In my opinion, the general knowledge of cultivation should make it complicated purely on principle, much like science is complicated despite being the base of our universe. Character names are done using some websites because I have no knowledge of any Chinese language (the fact I don't know the official name of their language shows my lack of knowledge), but I have tried to make the names make sense using other books that have such names and using them as reference for the conventions of the language when translated. Hope you enjoy the book and please leave a review or comment on chapters you like. Any criticism would be preferably constructive and reasonable cos I do have a temper when haters come calling. Then again... When you have haters, you know you are popular heh heh heh