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91.67% Endless Path : Infinite Cosmos / Chapter 2163: Banquet Crasher

Bab 2163: Banquet Crasher

Seeing Vahn ignore her, Nuuba's eyes squinted in displeasure. The former might not be a member of the Jade Palace, but, as the Imperial Princess of a 4-Digit Community, Nuuba felt he should show her at least a little respect.

"Nuuba..."

Tearing her eyes away from where Vahn was seated, Nuuba was slightly surprised to see her father materializing next to her. Any desire she had to make a scene promptly faded away, as, despite his grandfatherly temperament, Nuuba understood just how fierce her father could be.

Adding to Nuuba's incredulity, Huangdi borrowed a page out of Vahn's book, gently caressing the befuddled dragoness's hair as he said, "You did well. It's time for you to return to your seat."

With an uncharacteristically bashful expression developing across her face, Nuuba lowered her head before replying, "Okay..." in a soft, timid tone. It had been centuries since she last received any kind of affection from her father, so, with hundreds of other gods present, Nuuba was as embarrassed as she was happy...

Making a mental note to spend more time with his children, Huangdi observed Nuuba's departure with a smile before rising into the air and asking, "Would anyone else like to issue a challenge? As I have stated previously, you have three minutes to make a decision. If no one comes forth, this-"

Before Huangdi could finish speaking, an earth-shattering force impacted the center of the arena. The resultant shockwave was so intense that it caused the nearly indestructible arena to split into four equal parts as the barrier surrounding it fractured like glass. Then, in a thunderous yet girlish tone, a voice cried out, "You dare to hold a banquet without inviting me!? Looks like this Great Me is gonna have to teach you old bastards another hard lesson...!"

Hearing the voice, nearly half the assembly immediately rose to their feet in an effort to be the first to exit the banquet hall. This caused a secondary explosion as the person nearest the exit was sent flying back into the hall by an extendable pole. Their body ended up smashing into the ceiling as a petite figure with rice-gold hair and emerald green eyes stepped through the door, asking, "Where the hell do you think you're going!?"

As those closest to the little girl were about to protest, several other versions of the petite figure appeared to block the other exits. The cloud of debris near the center of the arena also vanished as the person responsible for its destruction emerged from within the crater caused by their impact.

"I came all the way from Mount Huaguo to see how everyone was doing. Why are you trying to run away? Talk about rude..."

A stark contrast to her chiding tone, the golden-haired girl was currently in the process of picking her nose using the tip of her pinky finger. When she was finished, she removed it to reveal a rather sizeable booger. Then, with a mischievous smile on her face, she looked towards Huangdi and said, "Hey, old man. This Great Me has brought you a gift. Make sure you receive it properly~!"

Punctuating her words, the golden-haired girl blew on the tip of her finger. As a result, the booger was promptly dislodged like a bullet, but, instead of staying its original size, it promptly enlarged to the size of a rather disgusting-looking meteor. In spite of this, Huangdi maintained a relaxed smile as he playfully remarked, "While I appreciate the gesture, I'm afraid this old man will have to refuse the Great Sage's gift..."

With a twist of his hand, Huangdi displaced the hill-sized booger before it could create a mess in the hall. This earned him a snicker from the golden-haired girl, who, after giving him a thumbs up, looked around the room, asking, "Where's that old bastard, Laozi? It's been a while since I took a piss on his bald head."

Caressing his beard, Huangdi promptly replied, "Laozi hasn't appeared within the Jade Palace since the last time you decided to wreak havoc. In fact, he isn't even in the East at the moment. He went on a pilgrimage to the South in search of materials and medicinal recipes."

Clicking her tongue, the golden-haired girl shouldered her staff before looking around a second time. It had been three years since the last time she crashed a party, so, now that she had made an appearance, she wasn't going to hold back.

"Xiao Wu...didn't you promise me you wouldn't cause a scene in the Jade Palace for the next five-hundred years...?"

Hearing the familiar voice, the golden-haired girl's shoulders shrank ever so slightly as she looked over her shoulder to find the Jade Empress, Xiwangmu, staring at her with a moderately disproving expression on her face. This caused the girl, the legendary Sun Wu Kong, to scratch the back of her head as she answered, "Ayi...it's not what you think..."(A/N: Ayi means Auntie.)

Cupping her cheek, Xiwangmu adopted a hurt expression as she repeated, "Ayi...? I thought I told you to call me Muqin..."(A/N: Muqin means Mother.)

With the corner of her mouth twitching, Wu decided that the best course of action was to pretend she hadn't heard Xiwangmu's remark. She could always apologize later, so, for the time being, she ignored the white-haired Goddess, shouting, "Okay, you lot! You know the drill! Form an orderly queue! If this is your first time, move to the front of the line! When your turn arrives, your options are to kowtow ten times and call me Grandfather or have your shit kicked in. Your choice...!"

Punctuating her words, Wu manifested a dark purple Geass Roll that glowed with fiery golden runes in place of ink. This was a type of Geass Roll limited to the various Demon Lords that dominated the Little Garden, and, as could be expected, it didn't leave room for refusal.

------------------------------------------------

<I, Your Grandfather, Carry a Big Stick>

[Win Condition]

1: Follow the Rules.

[Hidden Conditions]

1: ???

2: ???

3: ???

[Rules]

1: Every Player within the Host's perception at the start of the Gift Game is considered a participant.

2: Kowtow ten times and refer to the Host as Grandfather.

3: Failure to fulfill the aforementioned condition will result in a beating.

[Restrictions]

1: Leaving the area after the beginning of the Gift Game is prohibited.

2: Surrendering in the midst of your beating is strictly prohibited.

3: No pervy stuff unless you want to have an extendable pole shoved up your ass.

[Rewards]

1: You get to avoid a beating.

2: Variable

[Penalty]

1: You will be marked by the Curse of the Monkey King. Monkies will randomly appear in your surroundings to destroy your property and pull pranks on you.

[Time Limit]

Until everyone designated by the Host has either paid their respects or received a beating.

------------------------------------------------

Reading the ginormous scroll, everyone unfamiliar with Wu Kong's diabolical Gift Game adopted expressions of rage and indignation. They had never heard of such an unreasonable Gift Game, but, seeing their fellow Gods reluctantly forming an orderly queue, they had little choice but to grit their teeth and get in line. After all, there were more than sixty versions of the golden-haired girl present, and, according to the rumors, each and every one of them was just as strong as the original...

...

..

.

While everyone else was forming into a queue, Vahn was observing the events with a glazed look and a wry smile on his face. Though he really should have, especially after encountering Shiroyasha and Algol, Vahn had never considered that the Wukong upon which all others were based might be female.

("I'm starting to regret not using Loi-chan to investigate my opponents in advance...")

In response to Vahn's musings, a soft chuckle echoed in the back of his mind before Sis remarked, (*It wouldn't really change anything. I'm not sure why, but you seem to have a strange connection with the fates of overpowered little girls. Even if you avoided the banquet, it was only a matter of time until your paths crossed. I mean, just look how cute she is...*)

Unable to refute Sis's words, an exhausted sigh escaped from Vahn's throat as he placed Fenrir, Mikoto, and even the Jade Rabbit inside his personalized Little Garden. The Geass Rolls didn't say anything about others transporting you outside the play area, so, even if Wu realized something was amiss, she couldn't really do anything about it.

Rising to his feet, Vahn was unsurprised to find three versions of Wu appearing around him, asking, "Where did those three furballs go? I don't recall giving them permission to leave."

Looking down at the nearest monkey-girl, Vahn's expression morphed into a relaxed smile as he answered, "None of your business."

Instead of taking offense to his words, the trio of Wu(s) adopted impish smiles on their faces as they sonorously stated, "I knew you would say something like that. Tell me, are you a member of the Jade Palace?"

Shaking his head, Vahn answered, "No. I received an offer but ultimately turned it down. I'm here as a guest of the Jade Emperor."

Placing their index fingers on their pursed lips, the trio of Wu(s) adopted expressions similar to people in deep thought. They, or, more specifically, their original had been observing the banquet since the beginning. If Vahn hadn't intervened, they would have appeared to prevent Nezha from accepting Vor's challenge, so, in a way, they kind of owed him a favor. After all, Nezha was one of their underlings.

Waving their hands in a dismissive manner, the trio of Wu(s) said, "You can go. Once we're finished here, we'll come by to share a gourd of monkey wine. Make sure you prepare snacks."

Without waiting for Vahn's response, the trio of Wu(s) promptly departed to help corral the queue of Gods. This left Vahn at a momentary loss as he hadn't expected such a legendary troublemaker to just send him on his way...

(*It's probably because you rescued Nezha. If you'll recall, the latter had previously threatened her father by stating she would tattle on him to her 'Sister Wu'. With Xiwangmu referred to Wukong as Xiao Wu, who else could she be referring to? Li Jing isn't exactly weak.*)

"Right..."

Shifting his attention to the location of Nezha, Vahn was unsurprised to find them conversing with one of Wu's clones with a massive, toothy grin on their face. As for Li Jing, he had joined his fellow Gods in the queue, a grim and defeated expression marring his countenance. He almost looked like a death row prisoner being marched to the electric chair.

"Wow...I almost feel sorry for him..."

Though Li Jing was a terrible father, Vahn knew the man wasn't singularly responsible for Nezha's bad behavior. He had been dealt a pretty terrible hand by fate, and, when it ultimately came down to it, Nezha was the person causing trouble. The influence of people like Wu clearly didn't help, so, while he had no intention of bailing the man out of his present predicament, Vahn made a mental note to meet with the man and hear his side of the story. After all, he couldn't blame Li Jing for his lack of patience and understanding if he wasn't willing to demonstrate similar characteristics...

On that note, Vahn waved towards the Jade Emperor and Lady Xiwangmu before promptly phasing out of the banquet hall. A part of him was interested to see how things would play out between Wu and Vor, but, after seeing how the ashen-haired beauty dealt with Nezha, Vahn was seventy percent sure she would simply kowtow. She didn't give off the impression of someone who was particularly concerned with appearances. If she was, she wouldn't have stared impassively when Nezha turned over her table or when Mikoto caused her to pee herself...

...

..

.

(A/N: Alternate Titles: 'I imagine Wu having a similar personality to Laharl...','The Loli Curse is still going strong...','RIP Li Jing...')

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paypal.me/Einlion

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Bab 2164: Invincible

Though Vahn and a few others had departed, that didn't mean the events in the banquet hall had come to an end. Not everyone was willing to immediately kowtow to Wu Kong. Many would rather suffer a beating than lower their heads to another, so, shortly after Vahn's departure, the banquet hall became a battlefield.

Among the group of Gods that refused to lower their heads was Erlang Shen. He had fought Wu numerous times in the past, and, at one point, he had even managed to defeat her with the help of the Buddhist Faction. He was one of the people responsible for Wu's transition from a Demon King to one of the Seven Great Sages, so, whenever she appeared to cause trouble, he would be among the first to butt heads with the mischievous monkey.

"Wu, you stone-headed monkey. Why couldn't you just participate in the banquet like a normal person? Thanks to you, I missed my opportunity to face off against the Sage Dragon Emperor...!"

Snorting through her nose, Wu performed a half-turn, smacking her left butt cheek and flaring her tail as she taunted, "Bite me, dog breath...!"

Baring his teeth as if he was tempted to do exactly that, Erlang Shen charged towards Wu with the momentum of a wayward solar flare. The space encompassing him illuminated as if lit by a golden flame, and, by the time he reached Wu, a draconic visage more than twenty meters in diameter had formed in response to the superheated spear in his right hand.

"Dragon Shatters the Rampart...!"

Under normal circumstances, Erlang Shen's attack would allow him to pierce through the heart of a mountain in a single thrust. Unfortunately, Wu's head was significantly harder, so, the moment Shen unleashed his attack, she reared her head back with a smile, shouting, "Monkey Shatters Illusions of Grandeur...!" before surging forward to headbutt the tip of his spear.

Refusing the backdown, Shen sent a surge of Divine Qi into his spear the moment it made contact with the center of Wu's head. Ancient runes immediately lit up across the body of the spear, and, as a result of the impact, a violent shockwave rocked the center of the arena before collapsing inward to produce a swirling, gravitational vortex.

Smiling even wider, Wu appeared as though she was fully committed to breaking the spear with her forehead. Even Shen believed this was the case, so, after a brief moment of hesitation, he clenched his teeth hard enough to produce blood as he sent nearly half of his Divine Qi into his spear.

Waiting for that exact moment, Wu sent chills through the bodies of nearly every God present by manifesting a clone right behind Shen. Then, before the God could react, she practically inverted her body as she raised her foot backward in the preliminary movement of punting motion.

"Soul-Shattering Branch Kick...!"

Hearing Wu's voice behind him, the ruddiness of Erlang Shen's complexion immediately faded away as he instinctually closed his legs. This disrupted his balance, and, as a result, Wu was able to smash through the tip of his spear before reversing the direction of her movement to give him a powerful uppercut to the lower jaw.

Though he was extremely angered by Wu's actions, Erlang Shen couldn't conceal an expression of considerable relief as he flipped in the air, massaged his jaw, and said, "You unscrupulous rascal..."

Sniggering in response to Shen's remark, Wu produced double-peace signs as she teased, "You're lucky I'm a magnanimous person. Even I wouldn't go out of my way to neuter a dog that has yet to leave behind a litter~!"

Clicking his tongue, Erlang Shen discarded his three-pointed, double-edged spear before forming a seal with his hands and shouting, "Heaven's Punishment...!"

As she was incapable of flying without assistance, Wu's brows perked up as an extremely complex, circular magic formation appeared beneath her feet. At the same time, five black pillars emerged covered in golden runes emerged along the periphery to form a pentagonal cage of vibrant golden electricity.

Spreading his hands apart, hazy golden triangles in the center of Erlang Shen's palms as the third eye at the center of his forehead began releasing an intense, blinding light.

"You think you can simply destroy my weapon and be done with it? Do not underestimate the spirit of those who pursue the Dao of the Spear...!"

Clapping his hands together, cracks appeared along the gauntlets adorning Erlang Shen's hands and forearms as he shouted, "Divine Art - Heaven's Divide...!"

Though most expected some kind of massive energy attack to be unleashed the moment Erlang Shen's slapped his hands together, a far more peculiar scene presented itself as the arena beneath Wu's feet spontaneously opened to reveal a seemingly bottomless chasm. The moment she began to fall, the fiery golden eye at the center of Shen's forehead ruptured, blood pouring down his face as a much larger version of his three-pointed, double-edged spear pierced towards Wu at a speed most of the Gods present couldn't even follow.

"Well, fu-"

With the spear impacting her the exact moment she became aware of its presence, Wu wasn't even able to finish her exclamation as the skyscraper-sized projectile impacted the center of her chest. Its momentum ended up carrying her deep into the chasm as Erlang Shen, anticipating this, produced a third and final seal as he shouted, "Divine Art - Earth Prison...!"

As a Stone Monkey whose legend included being sealed beneath a mountain for five hundred years, prisons formed from earth were one of Wu's only weaknesses. This was common knowledge in the Divine Realm, but, unless they were a literal Earth God or Goddess, most people were unable to take advantage of it.

Following the activation of Erlang Shen's third seal, the massive chasm formed in the center of the arena promptly slammed shut with enough force to compel numerous Gods to take a knee. A few of the younger Gods were even impertinent enough to cheer while those closest to Wu's stupefied clones adopted scornful, jeering smiles. This earned them incredulous looks from the clones, who, all at the same time, remarked, "Did someone replace your brains with a bunch of rocks?"

As if to punctuate their sonorous rebuttal, a tremor that seemed to shake the very foundation of the Jade Palace reached the Gods present within the hall. Almost immediately thereafter, the fissure at the center of the arena began to open up, and, despite his best attempts to keep it closed, Erlang Shen had already exhausted most of his Divine Qi. He could normally endure for weeks on end, but, against an opponent like Wu, he had to go all out from the very beginning.

"Dammit...!"

Realizing he wasn't going to be able to keep the fissure closed, Erlang Shen released the seal in an attempt to use his remaining energy to send Wu even deeper into the rift. The moment he did so, however, an angry and high-pitched voice could be heard bellowing, "Monkey Bounds Across the Heavens...!"

Like a golden beam of light, Wu emerged from the seemingly bottomless pit with an enraged look on her face. Her trusted Ruyi Jingu Bang had been used to pry open the rift, so, while she wanted nothing more than to smack Erlang Shen on the top of his head, she settled for wrapping her tail around his neck before treating his face like a speed bag.

Though he gave as good as he got, Erlang Shen lacked the ostensibly indestructible body of Wu. She literally had seven forms of Immortality overlapped on top of each other, two of which made her impervious to both physical and magical attacks. She was widely considered to be one of the most immortal and invincible beings in all of creation, so, by the time their exchange had come to an end, his previously majestic helmet looked like a crushed can while his face was battered to the point of resembling a Pig Demon.

With Erlang Shen's body going slack in her tail's embrace, Wu was about to discard him to the side when the unconscious God gave her one final slug across the face. It didn't do any damage, but, as she was about to say something, Wu ended up biting the tip of her tongue. This also failed to injure her, but, as she still felt sensations such as pain, faint moisture built upon the surface of her eyes as she grabbed the sides of Erlang Shen's head and gave him a parting headbutt.

Having been knocked out halfway through the exchange of blows, Erlang Shen ended up impacting the arena with meteoric force. Wu was half-tempted to throw him into the rift he attempted to seal her in, but, understanding his assistance would be necessary to retrieve her Ruyi Jingu Bang, she left him with easily treatable injuries. Most of his bones were broken, but, when it came to Gods on the level of Erlang Shen, even the destruction of their physical body wasn't an irrecoverable injury...

Landing outside the arena, Wu adopted a petulant glare as she snorted through her nose and said, "So, you thought you could laugh and jeer at me just because you thought I got trapped? We'll see how you like it...!"

Grabbing one of the Immortals who had laughed at her, Wu planted more than half his body in the ground before he could even hope to protest. Then, with an ostensibly murderous expression on her face, she glared at the group of Gods who had laughed at her, commanding, "Laugh...!" as her eyes shifted from beautiful, crystal-clear emeralds to fiery red orbs reminiscent of hot coals...

...

..

.

While Wu was in the middle of bullying her fellow Gods, Vahn was enjoying a relaxing rest back at the pavilion prepared for him by the Jade Emperor. He had already retrieved Fenrir, Mikoto, and the Jade Rabbit from his Little Garden so he was unsurprised when, a few minutes after his arrival in the pavilion, a gentle, natural-sounding bell echoed through the halls.

Feeling a little lazy, Vahn simply answered, "It's open..." without rising from the hammock he was currently resting in. Shortly thereafter, Chang'e, accompanied by Xiao Yue and a few of her sister-cousins appeared at the entrance of the resting area with curious looks on their faces. They were unaccustomed to not following the Jade Palace's rules on etiquette so this was the first time many of them had entered someone else's pavilion without a guide.

Waiting for the moment Chang'e made eye contact with him, Vahn gently massaged the interior of the Jade Rabbit's ear. This caused a faint blush to spread through her cheeks, but, having prepared herself prior to coming over, Chang'e managed to appear calm and unflustered as she remarked, "I heard about what happened during the banquet. How did you manage to escape from Senior Wu's Gift Game...?"

As someone who had suffered as a result of Wu's antics in the past, Chang'e knew how difficult it was to escape the golden-haired monkey's grasp. She had suffered the effects of Wu's curse on no less than thirteen occasions. To have the curse removed, she had been forced to cohabitate with the aforementioned Monkey King for months on end. Wu could be exceptionally lazy, so, whenever her curse affected female Immortals and Goddesses, she had them wait on her hand and foot for a few months before sending them back. During that time, they would be tasked with hand-feeding her, filling her glass with wine, washing her back, brushing her hair, and, every now and then, caressing her head until she fell asleep.

Removing his hand from the Jade Rabbit's head, Vahn grabbed the three of the balls of fluff as he rose to a seated position and answered, "I gave Nezha a hand when they nearly got in over their head. She let me go after telling me she would stop by with a gourd of monkey wine."

Hearing that Wu would be coming by to pay a visit, the complexion of the various Yue's paled as Chang'e adopted a wry smile and muttered, "I see..." in a slightly troubled tone. She knew Wu was just lonely, but, much like Nezha, the golden-haired monkey girl didn't seem to know the meaning of the word restraint. She was also extremely daring at times, so, while many of the Goddesses had a secret fondness for the greatest of the Seven Sages, they didn't exactly look forward to interacting with her...

...

..

.

(A/N: Alternate Titles: 'I felt that kick...','Wukong, "Think, Shen, think! Everyone you know, everything you care about will get thrashed! What will you have after ten thousand consecutive punches to the face!?"','Erlang Shen, "My dignity...I'll still...have my dignity..."','Wu, "..."')

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