Two Birds One Stone

Thank you guys for the kind comments last chapter... I know I kinda nagged even tho my schedule and edits are not up to the standards lately but I hope to always have your support and meet your expectations.

Many thanks to @Orpheus, @Zerak and @Aurthur Bygmann on P4tre0n.

Also Big Thanks for Dark Priest on PayPal. (For your request, please talk to me on Discord or on Twitter @eldokhmesy22)

Another Double Chapter: Daily + 8K votes Extra.

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(Part 1)

"So let's recap our situation. We were dragged here for a Labour as the Gods of Morrowind want us to assist the Old Woman of Mournhold. She is a charismatic and badass grandma who controls the Mafia of Southern Morrowind and lay waste to her business opponents... which I'm totally okay with, I mean look at Winterhold... then she had this man who she decided to take care of until he became the Champion of Boethiah who then turned against the Old Woman because he thinks she is evil. He tried to make people move against her so he contacted House Dres and the Argonians making them launch attacks on her business then trying to frame her for spreading the Llodos Plague. His plans went in shambles because of our friendship, hard work and plot armor. After saving Narsis, we were about to bust his major allies which made him take things to his own hands and confront us causing Isha to get badly hurt and stealing the [Spear of Bitter Mercy]. While we were at it, the Grand Council Army under a Commander from House Dres made a move on Narsis to end the Plague only to find it all worked out and the Old Woman they were supposed to be capturing is nowhere to be seen so they captured the two High Elves who are associated with her." Jon said.

"I am sorry, where are we again?" Isha asked.

"In my Cube. Just stay still until I'm done healing your wounds."

"Oh! A Cube... do I have to act like this is a normal thing?"

"Do your best."

Isha was lying on her front on a bed with her back exposed. There were really some bad bruises after Galam attacked her from behind so it had to be made sure that there is no internal bleeding.

"You are really good at healing."

"Compared to my wife, I am very crude."

"Right! You are Jon Dare... I heard that your wife is the most beautiful woman in Skyrim. Is that true?"

"In the world." Jon corrected her.

"Wow, that's a big claim."

"Being the most handsome young man in the world married to the most beautiful girl in the world is only natural."

"... That's a side of you I never saw before."

"Of course, revealing that I am the most handsome young man in the world means I am confessing my identity as Jon Dare. The Thalmor would come after me again."

"Now you're being cocky... Ouch! That hurts!"

"Right, you revealed your identity to Galam. Don't you think he will contact the Thalmor to get rid of you?" Karly added.

"He will. The An-Xileel government of Black March seems to be friendly to the Thalmor. It seems also my Labour is over as soon as we get rid of the threat of House Dres and the Argonians." Jon said.

"Indeed. It seems our enemies are clear to us now that Galam was revealed his intentions. I never thought the boy had it in him." The Old Woman added.

Jon and the three ladies were in the Cube. They had to enter and regain their strength after what happened in the forest as the place was now fully controlled by a Hist tree.

"You are good now." Jon finished healing Isha then looked at the Old Woman. "Now, how do you want to play this?"

"Good question. We have to save the poor children first. That means we need to get rid of the Dres commander in Narsis and send the army back. We also need to get rid of Galam, he knows too much about me and my agents can be in danger or worse... turned against me. The last thing we need to do is payback. I will use some strings to bite House Dres in the ass but you need to deal with the Argonians in Tear." She said.

"Save Mirren and Miranda, Kill Galam and exact revenge on the Argonians. The voices are telling me I will enjoy this." Jon said.

"The voices?" Isha asked.

Jon pointed to his head.

"Oh! Right..." Isha nodded and remained silent remembering their time in New Sheoth.

"First thing first. We need the boy and the girl from House Dres's grasp. Any ideas on how to do this?" The Old Woman said.

"But taking the now will make the House Dres Commander find an excuse to stay in Narsis more." Karly added.

"Leave that to me." Jon stood up and went out of the room he invited the ladies in.

A minute later, he came back with a spear in hand.

"This is for you." He gave it to Isha.

"Thanks."

"I want Isha and Ms. Karly to do something for me. Is there any monsters around Narsis that are hard to deal with. Something like trolls or any of that?" He asked.

"There is an Alit herd way to the North." The Old Woman confirmed.

Alits are reptiles that have a large mouth and walk on two legs. The only thing they do is eat and shit.

"Perfect. Can you two draw it for me?"

"We'll need fast Guars or Horses. Very fast." Karly said.

"Here." Jon handed them several Atronach Horse scrolls.

After explaining their use and demonstrating it, the two ladies were excited to try it out.

"What will you do?" The Old Woman asked.

"I will drive out the Army, of course." Jon said with a sly smile.

***

In Narsis, the situation around the town settled down by the afternoon of the second day. All of the ill who were given the cure provided by House Hlaalu were recovering on a rapid pace and the Barrier around the town made any sort of contamination impossible.

The Plague was officially over but what came next was Morrowind's official army claiming to be coming for rescue and judging the ones responsible for the epidemic only to find a big barrier surrounding the city and the epidemic almost over.

The Commander of the dispatched force Ulvon Dres, the young prodigy of House Dres and a Captain in the Grand Council's Army, was heart and soul hell-bent on achieving military merits and taking over Narsis for House Dres but things went in shambles to him. All he could do is to look for any suspicious people and his eyes landed on the two High Elven girls who are said to be associated with the Old Woman of Mournhold.

Initially, the plan was to come and arrest the Old Woman for spreading the plague. All the evidence were fixed to point at her but somehow she got rid of the disease so fast and disappeared somewhere. All that Captain Ulvon Dres could do was to arrest those two under suspicion. He just needed some time to fix the case against the Old Woman as soon as he could.

Why was House Dres interested in Narsis which is House Hlaalu's home? The answer was simple.

Slavery.

Ever since the war with the Argonians o over 190 years ago, House Dres was losing its most valuable trade which is Slavery and Farming. More to that, Deshaan is now no man's land while the most valuable asset of House Dres which is the city of Tear is on the other side under Argonian control. If House Dres couldn't figure out a way to get a stable stream of slaves, things will get worse.

Enslaving Argonians was an old practice but now the An-Xileel government is too powerful. House Dres tried to sneak into Skyrim and kidnap Nords but Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak and a certain clan of gigantic crazy red-headed Nords gave House Dres the ass spanking of its life. Now the only thing House Dres could do was to enslave Orcs and breed the slaves while barely kidnapping any Argonian they could get their hands on.

Now, the only method to regain a good stream of Argonian slaves is to take over Narsis and establish it as a foothold in the No Man's Land by overthrowing the weakened House Hlaalu for good. The mole inside the Old Woman's Tong was very cooperative and even used the Argonians of Tear to make a move. He had a few absurd demands but nothing is too expensive when it comes to Narsis and reviving the trade of House Dres.

Now that the plan was facing danger and House Hlaalu was having the public on their back, Captain Ulvon Dres was thinking of how to root out the Hlaalu for good.

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

Out of nowhere, the door to his room was knocked on.

"Who is that?"

"A man is asking for an audience, sir. He said he has what you're looking for." A guard spoke.

Captain Ulvon frowned then remembered Galam. He must have captured the Old Woman.

Striding to the door, the captain opened it but didn't get to see anything other than a large silhouette then his face became numb all of a sudden and the world went in circles.

"Good paw strike, Hooman."

"Learned from the best."

Jon seemed to have slipped his handed and smote on the man's head with the 'Skull Smashing Heavenly Paw Strike' with Nefertiti overseeing the whole process on his shoulder.

"Go find Mirren and Miranda." Jon said as he walked in the room and dragged the Dunmer Captin in.

A few minutes later, the Captain walked out of his room while fitting himself in his Armor.

"I never liked this bonemold things, it is too awful for my taste."

Complaining, the Dunmer Captain found his way down the Barracks of Narsis.

"Guard! Guard! Come over here, son." He called.

"Yes, Serjo." [A/n: Dunmer 'Sir' for higher positions]

"Go gather my lieutenants... and the rest of my guards. Tell them we have a situation."

"Yes."

The Guard ran and returned after a couple of minutes with everyone.

"Yes, Serjo. What are your commands?" The officers all lined up.

"Listen up, men. A message has arrived from Tal'Deic Fortress. It seems some reavers are planning on raiding the villages around the place. Prepare for an emergency march."

"But, Serjo. You said this operation is pivotal for assuring Morrowind's grip on Deshaan once again." An officer retarded.

"When did I say that?" The Captain asked.

"This morning, Serjo."

"That long? I was young and full of hope this morning. Don't take what I said seriously. Prepare for an emergency march right now."

"But, Captain. How can we leave when we just arrived?"

"You'll figure it out. Duty calls, gentlemen."

"And Deshaan, Serjo?"

"We can't expand our front your with our backyard on fire. I won't repeat my words. Narsis is handled for now, you lot travel as soon as you can and I will come after you with my guards as soon as I finish the remaining business I have here."

"""Yes, Captain."""

"Dismissed!"

By two hours, the dispatched force numbering over 500 soldiers were packing and leaving Narsis. The Captain and his Guards followed after them by an hour.

**********

(Part 2)

On the road to Tal'Deic Fortress, a group 20 of armored soldiers traveled on Guars and protected the carriage of Captin Ulvon Dres. The Captain was spending his time lazily while closing his eyes and focusing on his ears. After some time passed, he received a telepathy signal from not too far.

"We are ready."

"Do it."

A few hundreds of meters away, two ladies were riding Flame Horse Atronaches running through there wastelands of Deshaan while pulling the aggro of an Alit train. These monsters ran with nothing but food in mind (if there were any) befitting their description of being a mouth on two legs.

"I hate those things!" Isha complained while she stabbed an Alit that was about to attack her from the side.

"Just don't let them bite you and you'll be fine."

The two girls rode like the wind until the lights of Captain Ulvon's convoy appeared.

"Krilon, we're here."

"Roger."

The two girls split left and right then increased the spear of the Atronach Horses to the max. The convoy of the Captain stopped after seeing something strange charging at them then realized it is two fire horses leading a horde of Alits.

"Dammit! Run!"

"Ambush!"

"Captain... it's an ambush."

The guards panicked right away but the Captain went out of the carriage.

"Steady, boys. No need to get noisy now." The Captain said while dragging another naked clone version of himself with him.

"Capt... What? What's going on?"

The guards were about to question the strange phenomenon but somehow they felt strange. They looked beneath themselves and saw a yellow earthly aura surrounding them.

It was simply the spell [Bind].

The Captain in armor threw the other version of himself on the ground. On top of being naked, that other Captain was gagged, blindfolded and tied in a strange fashion.

"Well.. see ya wouldn't wanna be ya."

The captain suddenly teleported away leaving behind his look-alike and guards.

As the Alit Horde clashed with the Dunmer, a bloody fight occurred and the soldiers were suppressed by the binding spell so they started falling one after the other.

"And with that... we are done momentarily with House Dres after their poor young boy getting ambushed by Alit monsters. Such a tragedy." The Captain said then touched his own face to dispel the Transformation returning back to Jon.

"You know the boy is still not dead yet." The Old Woman said.

Jon released a lightning spell up then if descended on the Dunmer Captain obliterating him.

"He is now."

"Good. You shouldn't play with your food."

"Okay, Grandma."

***

After making sure that all Soldiers are dead, Jon and the others rushed to save the two Altmer twins.

None thought of stopping them and they entered the barracks in Narsis right away. In there, Miranda and Mirren were locked in a cell with other female inmates.

Jon went in right away and intimidated all the criminals in the cell then walked to Mirren and Miranda.

"How are you two doing?"

"Like Oblivion." Mirren cursed and Miranda seemed composed.

Jon offered a hand and picked up one of them with a princess carry.

"Hey... I'm Mirren. Put me down."

"I know... Don't you think it is time?"

"Time? For what?"

"Our gay scene."

"No! Leave me be! Help!"

The High Elf quivered left and right trying to break free from Jon.

"Hey, give me that." Isha came and took Mirren forcefully giving him a princess carry too.

Mirren held to her while looking at Jon with fearful eyes.

"Okay, okay. I was kidding." Jon dismissed the two angry looks on their faces then turned to Miranda and carried her up from her clothes like a puppy.

"You feel better now?"

"Somehow."

"Good, let's get out of here."

As they went out of the dungeon, they reunited with the Old Woman and some elders from House Hlaalu.

"Thank you, my lady. Without your help, we would have lost not just our lives but Narsis and many things. And Muthsera (Master) the Sorcerer, you have our deepest gratitude. We really don't know how to pay you with." An Elder spoke humbly.

"It is okay. I just did what I was hired for." Jon shook hand with the elder and patted his back.

As the Elders stopped nagging and Jon accepted their invitation for a small banquet, they left satisfied. Jon and the rest moved to their residence in a prepared manor.

"House Hlaalu, right? I've never thought a day when the Councilor of House Hlaalu would talk to a vagrant like me with such a humble tone?" Jon said.

"Two hundred years are enough to change everything, my friend. Even though Hlaalu will remain Hlaalu, they were taught a tough lesson." The Old Woman said.

"I just thought what if Queen Barenziah and King Helseth were still among their family, they wouldn't have let such a thing happen, right?" Jon asked.

"What do you know about them?" The Old Woman asked with clear interest.

"The Queen Mother of Mournhold and her son King Helseth are known to be as exemplary Hlaalus. I actually quite fond of the queen and consider the book Series 'The Real Barenziah' to be one of my most favorite books out there."

The Old Woman laughed and shook her head.

"But the Queen and her son disappeared many years ago. Where do you think they are now?" The Old Woman asked.

"Beats me. I actually asked around in the historical records of Winterhold and some of the refugee populace without any result. But knowing the Queen to an extent, she won't just sit idly by, she must be out there cooking up her plans back to power."

"Oh... good thinking."

Queen Barenziah and her son King Hlaalu Helseth are knowing to be a pair of very capable Dark Elven mother and son who would do anything to keep power to their hands. Jon was quite fond with the Queen as any young man who grew up in Riften where the Queen did and joined the Thieves Guild like her too. The queen was also known to be a Playgirl with a long list of lovers that include a Nightingale Thief and none other than Emperor Tiber Septim himself. Jon always took pride in thinking of himself as the male version of her.

"I will say goodnight for today. My old bones are not still that young anymore and I need to sleep." The Old Woman said walking away to her room.

The ones remaining in the meeting room were Jon, Miranda, and Isha who was awfully silent.

"Dude, what's up?" Jon called for Isha.

"... Nothing."

"But you became all gloomy and dispirited all of a sudden."

"It is... It is Mirren."

"Huh?"

"He said... I am a good friend."

Jon then realized why Isha was so silent.

"Oh! Poor girl... you were Friendzoned?"

"... Yes."

"What's is a Friendzone?" Miranda asked.

"It is a realm on Oblivion similar to the Soul Cairn but for the broken hearts. Very dark, very cold." Jon said dramatically.

"Oh. Sorry about that, Isha. You are nice to my brother but he is a little oblivious." Miranda said.

"It is okay." Jon said. "I've always considered the Friendzone to be just the start. Even in the deepest abyss, there is hope, Isha."

"How?"

"I always think of being friend-zoned is the stage where one has to prove their worth. You can't just go and say 'Hey, I like you' and expect some ass. You need to earn the ass in that Friendzone period. It is your opportunity to build up a good relationship."

"Oh! So to get Mirren's ass, I need to play slow."

"Yes, start from being a Friend and climb up the ladder."

"Woah! Krilon... I mean Jon Dare... you really deserve your reputation for being a playboy."

"... Okay, go to hell."

"Right away."

Isha's face brightened up and went away happily.

Jon and Miranda were the only ones remaining on the table. Jon looked at her and winked.

"Goodnight, Mr. Jon. You are a good friend."

"No no no. Jon Dare doesn't get friend-zoned. Just until you become healthy."

"Goodnight."

"You hear me. Jon Dare doesn't get friend-zoned."

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