The Chronicles of the Immortal God

LV 5

kcgrabin

Hello Author here. Thank you for giving your time to read this novel of mine. This is my first novel and I hope all of you can instruct me on my shortcomings in this novel

LV 5

YinandYandDragon

I love this novel! It completely suits my style I'm going to vote for it everyday! Hope you never stop this novel in the middle. Hope you release more chapters!

LV 2

okaberintaro

I love this novel I'm a Mad Scientist Sunnavabitch! ...........................................................vsdafhsadnflsdanvjsdanfosefnsdkjnfkjdsnfjdsfjsdlfjsldkjflsdjflksdjlfkjdslfkjeisjalvnlacnvirgnlkdasnflkdjsfljsdlfjsdlflsdjflkjsdlkfjsdlkjflksdjflksdjflsdj

LV 12

LightningCatThief

This might be a good book for those who have a similar sence of humor, but in my opinion it is one of the worst books I have ever read. This is simply unreadable. I can not understand why this book should be popular on this site. There are simply many better original novels on this site alone.

LV 10

LuxEmperor

This book has a lot of potential but I feel like it’s being missed due to certain issues. 1) The characters and that includes the main characters seem to have no emotional connections.I have mentioned before how this novel especially in relation to the main characters connection reminds me of Rise of the Three Gods but the difference I’ve seen is that the characters have no real emotional connection to each other. Whether one is happy or sad or any other emotion the characters don’t concern themselves with this the only thing they seem to care about is ensuring that one doesn’t die besides that nothing. I believe from what I’ve read if Fang Lin and Fang Yu were able to develop and grow without each other or the connection they absolutely would not care for the others wellbeing. Wang Hao if he didn’t need them to get stronger wouldn’t care about them either. No emotional connections have been developed leading stagnation or lack of development in the characters. 2) Wang Hao is in comparison to all the other divine and godly divine bloodlines way overpowered even under sealed conditions and this overwhelming strength is one of the reasons where he is unable to truly connect with Fang Lin ,he is never in a condition of vulnerability to help foster emotion connections. Even with only a few seals released he needs almost no one to truthfully help him. 3) The speed of their development I’m not saying power them up super fast but I’m assuming that the person who sealed Wang Hao is simply getting stronger and Wang Hao who already seems insanely overpowered is supposedly weaker that the person to sealed him with he fact that we don’t actually know how long he’s been sealed in the coffin and how long it’s talking them to reach higher realms it seems like by the time they are powered up and Wang Hao is fully unsealed their opponent will only be more powerful besides Wang Hao is not gaining more strength as he’s unsealed he’s just returning to his initial strength so that makes it seem like getting revenge is impossible. 4) As readers we like to see the main character that was seen as trash improve in status and genuine happiness as he goes further in his path but in many ways Fang Lin is more pitiful than when we actually met him. That with the completely opposite treatment of Fang Yu doesn’t make me in see her in a good light at all providing to much to light to one character just makes the readers focus more on the neglected character and could actually turn readers against Fang Yu in the long run. I mean if you have a family member and you have a good relationship with them you would tend to help them even if it’s only small things but Fang Yu from the moment she was picked up by Xiao Ya has basically gone on her own the interaction between her and Fang Lin has been solely based on cultivation needs. In treatment of main characters in stories with multiple main characters it’s important to try and keep the treatment of each balanced or at least not so skewered to one side. I think that’s another area when Rise of the three Gods beats you in. 5) Reading the novel there are instances where your treatment of one character is truthfully brutal almost to the point of being cruel and this does keep readers interested as we want to see that characters situations actually improve but if you keep using that as the thing to keep people reading and waiting for that can backfire as it’s basically you creating an itch for the readers that is never actually being scratched which if anyone knows anything about that feeling eventually leads to just intense rage at the book at the author at the entire story. There are lots of elements of the story that people enjoy using that to keep people reading may lead to people actually disliking the book rather that actually enjoying. Lots of us read light novels like this because we like seeing characters achieve their dreams, improve their status and life but in ways you’ve done the exact opposite well it’s definitely original but a novel can be original without taking out the things people genuinely loved about other novels. Well I wrote this cause the author asked me to. Maybe not what she meant when she asked but I did it and spoke honestly about what I saw as a reader. Hope you’ll take sum of my suggestions to mind or at least work on some of these areas. This is my first ever review and probably way to long so sorry for that

LV 10

FateStar

The basic aim of this novel is to basically try and parody the common tropes of most CN’s while still trying to maintain a sense of originality. A difficult task to do but I think this author has succeeded to some extent. I love the comedy and originality. While I do feel the comedy is a little forced in areas it’s still good. The only downside to this novel so far for me I think is that the lewd scenes certainly feel forced. I think this novel would definitely benefit from less or more naturally occurring ones. While it was nice and funny in the beginning, now that the characters have more depth to them, I just think it takes away from them. However, I love where the author is going with this novel and hope he continues to write more chapters. Tbh, with his release schedule I’m kind of worried about burnout.

LV 14

thewayofKABOOMMMMM

Simply parody at it's Apex I need 14o characters This can't get funnier this can't get funnier this is funniest this can't get funnier this can't get funnier this is funninity this can't get any funnier Funnyfunnufunnyfunnyfunnyfunnjyfunnjyfunnyyyy

LV 5

SerBlueom

Beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful. Where has this beeen all my life. The humor is great. Its a very mature book, yet it feels real and thats whats so great about. It doesnt feel serious at all like it usually would but at the same time it can be. Read for yourself to find out more!

LV 3

CrinkleMania

The best bad book I have ever read! It was amazingly surprisingly shockingly... nice, in a mediocre way! Also, the best book for ass-licking too? (Da **** is that tag so clickbait lol...)

LV 14

RedsFables

First of if can't take less jokes or echi scenes don't read this novel. 😤 ---- If you can... You Should read it! Author-san has perfected daos of twisty-turny plots, shameless and grandpa masters. Lewd masters. The pursuit in the dao of harem creates waves of humor all while MC fails in this regard 😂(so far). The humor is fantastic and author-san trolls the world, pop culture, and mythology with creativity.

LV 5

Intialchaos

It was going good at beginning but later parts just makes you work your brain not to feel stupid lol. No fixed cultivation style; magic, qi, then science, underworld and even Norse mythology lol and it just keeps going.

LV 5

Ytg

I don't like how the book mentions the author to get out of explaining certain things it make the book less immersive than it can become. From the start it doesn't do a good job character building

LV 2

Azurath

You said this was your first novel so I hope you'll read through this criticism and try to improve your future writing for the better. Please reply if you want to discuss anything. You need to finish up some of the arcs of the story and kill off some of the side characters since nobody cares about them. For instance the Venomshade assassination arc should've ended long ago with all the mysteries behind it being uncovered. Adding mysteries on top of mysteries out of nowhere along with relentless and constant action is not a good way to pace your story. You need to divide it into segments, arcs if you will which each have a clear ending and beginning where the mysteries and drama and action of each are solved. This prevents the excessive and annoying pileup of random characters and random events which get while humorous at the beginning merely get annoying after a while. Furthermore, the pacing of the novel is a tad ridiculous as event after event happens for seemingly no apparent reason merely bringing more confusion and chaos into the story. You make the world you're building seem so small at times by making all the important characters surround and revolve around the mc which leaves no further development later into the story and honestly make what could be a large and interesting world seem tiny and bland. This brings me to the next flaw which are the blatant plot holes within the novel. These are a major issue within the novel which jad me scratching my head quite a couple times. For instance why is it you can just bring the soul of the planet away from its home with absolutely no consequences. Why is it that divine bloodlines and divine god bloodlines seem to pop up from nowhere even though they're abdurdly overpowered and supposedly rare. How does Fang Lin remember getting bullied when he was younger even though he was the spoiled young master bullying everybody. Why is it that planet souls aren't more secretly guarded by the sect who obtains them so they can be exploited, or alternatively fought over far more bitterly. After all those who control the soul basically rule the planet and after all no cultivator is truly good every single one of them is ruthless in futthering their cultivation, just look at CNs. If devourers are just defected planet souls why don't powerful practitioners perform experiments trying to create devourers and enslave them for their purposes? Why is Fang Lin to trusting of everybody and seems to think that people aren't decieving or exploiting him(more of a character flaw)? If people can take soul binding oaths or swear things on their soul why isn't this used more often in the world, this seems to be a major flaw as it should be extremely difficult to swindle people with the addition of these omniscient oaths after all just have people take oaths not to lie. You need to implement a meth9d around these. Fang Lin claims to be extremely scared about revealing his bloodline and claims it'd be a disaster if people knew yet it seems.to get leaked almost every 5 chapters. So many people know it's a wonder that it isn't public knowledge. He needs to take far more care in keeping it a secret after all people who know about it have the potential to exploit him with their knowledge. Why does he just tell Tang Ya about his bloodline? He should be far more concerned about the secret spreading. Why doesn't Fang Yu considering killing Andromeda and taking the inheritance. Perhaps it can't be taken, but at least have her consider it give and explanation for the benefit of the readers. How is it that out of the numerous powerhouses-all with their own various trump-cards that died all lost to Wang Hao easily in the Underworld competition. For that matter how was he able to rob them by threatening their life when they could just unseal their cultivationa dn get DQed easily saving both their life and possessions. Why is it thay anybody is able to become the Yama's successor leaving the seat open to exploitation by anybody including the Yama's enemies. These are just a few of the kore blatant flaws I can remember off the top of my head right now In addition to all this the characters at times also seem completely one dimensional if not contradictory. For instance Wang Hao is purely the perverted master, he purely wants his own harem and seems to pursue nothing but teaching occasionally and building his harem. He needs more character built into him, for instance a more sinister plot such as exploitation of Fang Lin's bloodline by actually stealing some of his cultivation or vitality, etc.... After all it wouldn't make sense for him to not use the goldmine in front of him since all cultivators in CNs are completely ruthless. Xiao Ya's personality is almost pure lust, Tang Li's is merely the annoying child, Fang Xiushang is the arrogant master, Xuer is the loyal wife, etc... These characters need more backstory or sinister intent to them befitting a cultivation novel. For instance Xiao Ya could be merely manipulating Fang Lin to use as an attack dog for her sect while instilling loyalty to her and his fellow disciples within him. Fang Xiushang could be merely putting on a facade since he's merely a puppet of the Fang clan and isn't truly meant to be the successor. In addition the characters in this story seem to always obtain things easily such as Fang Lin's breakthrough being described as simply exceptional or such. We should see the charscters struggle for resources over tens of chapters and plot and scheme against others to survive and thrive. On this note Fang Lin's character is quite annoying at times. For instance sometimes he is against killing and at others he is seemingly ruthless such as against Ling Tian. We need to see a gradual character change from innocence to cruel and heartlessly evil as he experiences life in the cultivation world after all only the ruthless succeed in cultivation. This can be done through timeskips or major events. We *should* see Fang Lin becoming crueller and more ruthless for example later in the story he might try and exploit innocent people such as Tang Li to further his own cultivation. This would be an interesting character development that should be added to orevent the mc from becoming 1 dimensional and static. Finally you need to add detail into the story. Even small details help such as the weather during certain major events or a little backstory. But you especially need to add detail to the cultivation process, especially major differences between high ranking gods and immortals, since we as the reader don't always understand what is required to advance or how the mc should struggle to obtain certain things for advancements. People also want to see different cultivation methods as this adds interesting elements to the story. For example body cultivation or blood arts or buddhisr sutra, etc.. used to advanced cultivation. Hopefully this critique helps you improve your writing. Hope you looked through it and agreed with me on at least some stuff and will try to improve on it. Sorry if this came off rude or offensice, it wasn't meant to be, it merely was meant to help you out with your first novel. Good luck and have fun writing.

LV 4

TwinHeadDragon

**cough** Well. This novel really turn me on.😂😂 After reading 10 chapters. Maybe you shouldn't read this novel if you're under 18. Anybody like harem? Anyone? So be it. Anybody

LV 6

Water0202020

The new chapters show a lot of potential. The occasional comedy bits make the story engaging, and the combination of pervy master-disciple makes it refreshing. Although this type of novel(male-female persona) is a bit hard to maintain consistency till the end, I hope the story maintains the quality till the end.

LV 4

Vertias

Thanks for the chapter This novel suits me well. I am loving this novel. I hope that you will keep your good work going. I will vote for this every day

LV 13

GrimmGypsy

I've enjoyed every minute i spent reading this novel. Good balance of world building, character development, serious plot, and humor. Lots of humor. A but tongue in cheek sometimes, but definitely enjoyable.

LV 4

Dicky_Cummie

It's Good... That's it. Nah, I'm just joking... The world building here is amazing, yup, really! especially when the author adds up engineering on his fantasy world. But I found something that turns me down :< The *** jokes are being abused here too much, and I know the author even said that he wanted this novel to be comedic, but it isn't essentially needed to be *** jokes right? it's okay to touch it on and I gotta admit that at first, It was amusing and hilarious but, as time goes by it became toxic to the story to the point that I skip chapters. (Not only that, I am a bit skeptical of the author. Well, you see, he clearly shows his fetishes on as* l*cking, and those big racks of his characters in the story, some *** jokes is a bit too much. In short, I don't want to offend the author but his writing shows his sexual desires, making me think that the author is a single who has not experienced real relationships... Please, author, don't get offended >.<) And that's not only the reason why I skip chapters. Some chapters are not that necessary to the story honestly, an example of this is the longest school entrance arc that I had ever read, yes the point of this is to add more and expand plot lines but man. Well, the start gets me hyped because of the uniqueness of the story, and I don't want review it fully because the story clearly isn't in the climax yet. But I do hope that the author improves the things that I've pointed out. it'll make the story enjoyable to read. There are many potentials in this story, I'm a writer too not here but on Royal Road... I am the same as the author who wants to improve English (well I want to improve my English grammar) and share our fantasy to inspire others. There are still good and fun or positive things about this novel, and there's a lot! my stars wouldn't be 4 if it isn't that great, right? But, fellow author, keeeeeep up the good work! and continue to inspire others!

LV 10

GoddessYue

uhh i think this novel is twin fang will be the main focus and the others will revolve around them but why i feel twin fang and the other revolves around wang hao -_- this is confused with the synopsis telling Fang Lin to reach the top of both lines that's there and I think he will be the main focus of the novel But this is a good novel :):)