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(Dropped)Hello Mortal
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Ringkasan
I was a guy with the biggest and most richest company's in the world and I always loved Spider-Man but I was bored of being stuck in office my entire life, I wanted something more, so I decided that camping in the worlds harshest climates and dangerous places would at least make my life interesting.I was curious about the thrill I may get, little did I know my traveling from curiosity would get my killed just like that saying, what was it again, ah whatever I'm dying from this spider bite anyway.I just realized the irony from my situation, my most favorite hero got powers the same way I'm dying heheh, I feel my eyelids getting heavier and heavier, guess my time has come, at least I don't have to worry about work anymore.*In a dark void* 'Where am I?'
"Hello mortal"
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Not my cover if want to reclaim and take down contact me.
First Fan-Fic ever any support appreciated please constructive criticism only.
tagar
-- Peringkat
Power 
-- Power
stone Anda Mungkin Juga Menyukai
8Ulasan-ulasan
- Kualitas penulisan
- Stabilitas Pembaruan
- Pengembangan Cerita
- Desain Karakter
- Latar Belakang Dunia
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Tulis ulasan
Have you ever had any type of social interaction. Your grammar is pretty annoying to read but the spelling is decent so far. You can't have more cooler or most richest together, you have to write it like your cooler or your more cool than, and you're the richest man in the world or you have the most riches (or wealth) in the world. You just made that mistake a lot during the story not just your synopsis.
๐๐ป๐๐ฟ๐๐ฝ๐๐ป๐๐ฝ๐๐ฝ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฟ๐๐ป๐๐ป๐๐๐ป๐๐ฝ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฟ๐๐ป๐๐๐๐ป๐๐ฝ๐๐ฝ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฟ๐๐ป๐๐ป๐๐๐๐ฟ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฝ๐๐ฝ๐๐ป๐๐ป๐๐๐ฝ๐๐ฝ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฝ๐๐ป๐๐๐๐ฝ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฝ๐ฅฐ๐๐ป
First off heโs a beta so letโs get that out of the way. Secondly the mc has an iq of 250 but has never used it and after the last chapter he said heโs going to start using his intelligence more lol heโs had over 10years to use it but heโs done NOTHING. Story is trash because the Mc is trash. Redo/fix it
Looking good. Cant wait to read more.Looking good. Cant wait to read more.Looking good. Cant wait to read more.Looking good. Cant wait to read more.
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๐ฅ ย ย ย ย ย ๐ ๐โโโ๐ โ ย ย LOL! ย ย โ โโโโโ ย ย ย ย ย ๐ ย ย ย ย ๐๐ ๐ฅ ย ย ย ย ย ๐ ๐โโโ๐ โ ย ย LOL! ย ย โ โโโโโ ย ย ย ย ย ๐ ย ย ย ย ๐๐ ๐ฅ ย ย ย ย ย ๐ ๐โโโ๐ โ ย ย LOL! ย ย โ โโโโโ ย ย ย ย ย ๐ ย ย ย ย ๐๐ ๐ฅ ย ย ย ย ย ๐ ๐โโโ๐ โ ย ย LOL! ย ย โ โโโโโ ย ย ย ย ย ๐ ย ย ย ย ๐๐
Membuka SPOILER
Super excited to see this play out โผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธโผ๏ธ
Drop the harem and save it for your second or third novel. Poorly written harems just detract from the story. Get some experience writing actual story first.