Interesting mystery you have setup
It's intresting getting insight into the politics of the Xingyuu empire.
I like that you're taking the time to show these characters processing the situation they're in.
There is a minor grammatical error in this paragraph. I would suggest inserting "an" into the phrase "wearing emerald green dress" so it reads "wearing an emerald green dress"
After silently waiting for an hour, a flurry of ships began appearing in the distant horizon. Only at this point did someone else approach the two girls. It was a tall blonde woman wearing emerald green dress with a short blue jacket. Forming the colors of the Xingyuu Empire, it was a uniform of the Imperial Council! She wore a sophisticated aura and walked with short, precise steps. With a curvaceous body that did not fail over time, it was a mature contrast to the two young ladies. Her eyes were dark and oddly hypnotic, such that anyone could easily lose themselves in its vivid depth.
The Chronicles of New Havens
Fantasy · DivineFifteen
I really liked the introduction of Linshi, Xiuying, and Ming. You really nailed the descriptions and atmosphere during the scene of those three on the fortress wall.
Huangfu is ruthless. This is an interesting turn of events
Huangfu snickered and his sword flickered. Before anyone could notice, he had instantaneously cut off the head of the trader! Blood spurted across the deck like a fountain. With a flick of his wrist, he shot the blood off the blade before sheathing it again. The Xingyuu soldiers felt their hearts beating with trepidation. As if all lives were firmly in his grasp, anyone could be killed without resistance! This was the domineering might of an Imperial Sentinel, a Perception Realm expert! Huangfu wanted to keep low-profile until he reached the mainland, but now that the Xingyuu Empire was here to greet him, how could he not take this opportunity? Moreover, the trader was not headed directly to the Yunyun Stronghold. This would undoubtedly be better.
The Chronicles of New Havens
Fantasy · DivineFifteen
These are my honest opinions of this chapter. Your writing is not bad but the way your telling your story leaves more to be desired. You tell the events to the reader instead of showing them to the reader. A lot happened in this chapter but at the same time, I feel like very little happened. For example instead of telling the reader that Lily told her story and explained the world have Lily actually speak. I want to hear her story and explanations. Instead of telling your reader that Alex emerged victorious describe his battles. It's much more rewarding for the reader to see the MC emerge victorious once they know how hard the MC fought in the battle. Also as you write more of your story think about what makes your story unique. I've seen a lot of stories of MCs getting reincarnated in a fantasy, but what makes yours stand out?
I think it may be better to rephrase the last sentence. Instead of "the atmosphere crackled with freshly cut grass scent" you could say "the atmosphere crackled with the scent of freshly cut grass." I think this could make it clearer for your readers.
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none12
Fantasy · musa45
The setup of this story is spectacular, leaving room for the reader to enjoy the protagonist, Alexis, growth. The author takes their time in setting up the characters and situations they find themselves in. Some of the writing could be revised for increased clarity but overall the author expresses the characters' emotions really well.
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original Walking with Celestials
4.84
Hirow, a boy fascinated with the stars, dreams of the world outside his small village. His inquisitive nature leads him to befriend an old man who believes light is evil and find a girl who has fallen from the stars. Laniakea, a woman in the far north fights for survival as she escapes her past. Finding a new purpose she seeks those who have taken on the curses of this world. Calder, a prince from a kingdom far to the east, is exiled by his father and seeks to reclaim the throne. Yet his search for truth and revenge in this mad world leads him down unexpected pathways. As the fate of Hirow, Laniakea, and Calder converge, the mysteries of their world are brought forth. This story will also be posted to royalroad.com22 Chs 17 Collections
Very tense and exciting chapter.
The Chronicles of New Havens
Fantasy · DivineFifteen