luiz_S

for this story 10,000 would be short

Damn, that's good, it's a shame the chapters are short.

It would also be good to separate the lines properly; the dialogues are very confusing.

You need to divide the text into paragraphs. It makes reading much easier. Blocks like this seem more disorganized and can scare many readers.

I hope it's not the kind of system that forces the MC to do certain things. This kind of system is really annoying. But I look forward to reading your story.

killing your best friend's family and possibly your girlfriend too would help with that, I think that's what he's aiming for.