PoV transition isn't a smooth unseen process for you. Mostly because you do it randomly and for no real reason. A good reason would be him getting knocked out and forcing a switch to another character. Going from third person to first person while your first person PoV character isn't unconscious isn't just silly... It's downright dumb for an author to do. It rips the reader out of the immersion.
"The atmosphere of this place is very different from anything I've experienced…" I spoke in a low voice.
My Three Wives Are Beautiful Vampires.
Fantasy · Victor_Weismann
I've figured out another thing that stops this story from being better. You're putting in random weeb scenarios here like you're trying to force this into being an anime. But for my griping, I'm not saying the story is bad. But it could be better.
Pepper looks at Siena with a cute expression, "...Of course I remember! Eto, Eto…" She started to panic.
My Three Wives Are Beautiful Vampires.
Fantasy · Victor_Weismann
Okay author... Why is it always the "collarbone"? You can't think of anything else in the area? Neck, shoulder, chest? Is it some weird preference of yours, or merely a lack of a fundamental author skill, diversifying?
Japanese spiritual magic as a simple explanation.
Kaguya looked at the fire neutrally approaching, "Onmyoujutsu, this is something rare these days."
My Three Wives Are Beautiful Vampires.
Fantasy · Victor_Weismann
DragonBall and Future Diary are 2 good anime. Throw in Angel Next Door and I'd happily watch only those 3.
"Hmm, it was the one anime with the alien that gets stronger and his hair changes color, and the pink-haired Yandere's anime," Leona said.
My Three Wives Are Beautiful Vampires.
Fantasy · Victor_Weismann
Mahiru was definitely portrayed perfectly in the anime.
This guy probably thinks along the lines of "MC gets everything he needs no matter how improbable because duh"
"We need to hurry. I'm sure others are already heading there as we speak!" Jet exclaimed and dashed forward. The space around him twisted and warped, making it easier for him to move forward at fast speeds. As for Leon, he stuck to using Gravity magic to make himself lighter, and Wind magic to push himself forward, so he was easily able to match Jet's speed.
The Black Necromancer
Fantasy · Nilo_A
Aww. Cute little babies.
Queen Spider
The Black Necromancer
Fantasy · Nilo_A
Second queen did.
Further away from the two Obsidian Skeletons, Nedra was waging her own battle. Her form had expanded into a size that rivaled that of the now dead millipede queen. This was her so called 'battle form'. She had gained this form after her last race advancement, and it allowed her to possess two forms. One was her normal, standby form that allowed her to shrink her size to become very small. She was able to become as small as a basketball. The second form was her battle form which turned her into the many-legged monstrosity that she currently was.
The Black Necromancer
Fantasy · Nilo_A
Dayum
Victor elaborated, "I mean, I have three wives that I love very much, a master who takes care of me in her weird way, and I have you." He smiled kindly.
My Three Wives Are Beautiful Vampires.
Fantasy · Victor_Weismann