Bro got those saves from undertale. man’s constantly filled with determination
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Quest Beyond The Shadow
Fantasy · OriginPi
Bro got that infinite wisdom buff
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Quest Beyond The Shadow
Fantasy · OriginPi
Bro got more drive than me, i can’t even turn off my alarm in the morning cuz its too farrr ;-;
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Quest Beyond The Shadow
Fantasy · OriginPi
First off the grammar is pretty good, there werent any mistakes that i really noticed on that front. i like the dynamic of the relationship between Coraline and Irene. how Coraline did something really f***ed up and that she has to keep up that secret to maintain their relationship. Theres a lot that can be done with that. I like how Coraline is protrayed as a calculating woman, and the fact that she finds rumours about her unpleasant is very human. some novels just have the characters not talk about it, or theyre portrayed as not caring which i just cant wrap my head around. The characters actually seem real with their baggage and personalities, another thing that is usually difficult for other authors. all in all i think this could be a very intriguing read for someone into this sort of novel.
Ok, so like what on earth is this level of english doing on this site. Like i think I probably got only 90% of the words, 10% required me to use context clues cuz i just didnt get it. this isnt a gripe by any means, but its really funny when theres this level of grammar use, thats also used in the dialogue. Its like some posh neighbourhood where they speak in words that are always 5 letters or more. but i do think thats sort of necessary as switching between that and regular old dialogue would be kind of weird. i think its not bad, but i just personally dont think that a story that requires you to really focus on each word is that great either. it almost made me want to just skip over certain lines. otherwise i think its alright. theres only 2 chapters by this point so theres not much i can say on the story end of things.
As your first review i dont want be harsh, but i also think that theres a lot to improve here. first off, writing quality is pretty bad. there are typos, missing quotations, sometimes sentences just dont make sense. Its a new spin on the way that the fmc goes back in time, which is nice and this could also definitely turn into some ‘feel good’ story. theres just a lot of improvement in grammar that has to be made. doesnt need to be very descriptive, just enough to make it easier for the reader to understand.
This is a review based off of only the first 2 chapters. first off, there isnt much to comment on because of the lack of chapters right now. the grammar is off, there are words missing, use of words that just arent necessary or rather dont really work, but its not so horrendous that its barely legible. I cant really say much about the story, its pretty similar from the get-go to a lot of other things ive read. Although the same points are brought up multiple times. Its good that you included some antagonists who will be playing major roles and i also like the fact that youre including a little bit of your culture in the story.
I read from the prologue till like chapter 5. This is not a style of writing im particularly used to. its very laid back, like my dad is telling me some lore about himself while casually brushing by very important details. I think fantasy is a good genre for making things dramatic in the writing and i see instances of that here, but then the previous laid back style takes over and it almost feels like a fever dream, idk its just my opinion. The story seems interesting, I think the whole phases of the world and how our mc can tap into that is cool, because you could do anything with that; theres a lot of possibilities that should definitely be taken advantage of. Also there were quite a few instances in grammar being a little shaky. its present->past->present->past all within the same paragraph, plus just some words that shouldnt be there or typos. Theres a little mystery sprinkled here and there on how the world ended or began or ended again and began again, it could get a little confusing and others have shared the same opinion. but as i said before, the topic is interesting and with good character design and an improvement in grammar, this story could be x10 better
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First off, the grammar is good, not many issues with spelling of punctuation. The real problem, at least in the beginning chapters, is that it often flunctuated between good sentence structure and relatively more mediocre structure. The flow felt kinda messy with a lot of room for improvement. I can tell you’ve read alot of cultivation novels, judging by all this lore you’re dumping. It sort of made me go 😵💫 at some instances. I think the concept is cool and might genuinely be a good read for someone looking to pick this up 👍
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original The Hero No Longer Wishes For Peace
Peace is such a beautiful thing is it not? But human greed is so much stronger. The lands were once peaceful, corruption thriving in its streets but at least many could afford food and shelter. That was until the emergence of the Demon Lord, a God that had been cast out of the heaven by the Gods’ Wrath. His hunger for the destruction of their creation driving him to War. The prosperous lands were now ridden with demonic monsters. Their mere presence polluted the lands. Disease and Death became commonplace. Lands once thriving became nothing more than barren wastelands. When all seemed lost, the Gods gathered for one last stand. The emergence of a Hero. A man who was blessed by the Gods, a man who would slay even a God himself, the Demon Lord. 6 others were chosen by each of the individual Gods, chosen as comrades for the Hero. But even the blessings from the Gods was not enough to save him from the darkness of the human heart. The comrades he once had boundless trust in were the ones he should’ve been wary of the most. Deceit, lies, betrayal. It could have only resulted in Death. But he was given a second chance. He would now overcome the challenges, the wrong that had been done to him. The sword that had been dug into his back would be dug a hundred times over into theirs. But the Hero that had come out the other side wasn’t the same. Taken over by a demon, his tendencies changed into that of one. Will he be able to regain his humanity? Will he find the revenge he so seeks? Will he be reunited with the family he has lost? Or have they too been killed. And so begins the journey of revenge. A journey filled with blood, thorns, and flames…4 Chs 2 Collections
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Blood, Wolves, and Death
4.58
A winter cold and dark, death of loved ones, the killers: Werewolves and Vampires. Ford, a regular boy must suffer through a crushing reality. His parents murdered by the monsters that they once hunted. Why did they hunt such beasts? Why were they at odds? Who was at fault? This story will reveal questions, that can only keep you guessing. Answers delivered anywhere from beginning to end, only to introduce new questions to keep the imagination going. And a variety of gruelling, unrelenting and action packed adventures to keep you satisfied. Ford isn’t familiar with the affairs of his family. Only to discover them with every day that passes. Werewolves, vampires and other creatures of the night are all new experiences that he must learn to fight in order to survive. However, every coin has 2 sides. Where he will stand by the end of the story, will depend on whether you keep reading. Companions and friendship forged, only to have them taken away at a moments notice. Make sure not to get too attached. I am not forgiving in the slightest. Learn what creatures I will include and whether or not other fantasy elements will be added in this story. Just as Ford learns new things, so will you. I’d like to thank you if you do choose to read this story and forgive me for the odd grammatical mistake or weird choice. If I can make such mistakes in the decisions, so can the characters. However that doesn’t mean I won’t try my hardest to keep things consistent.36 Chs 69 Collections
Theres only 1 chapter here at this point so theres not much i can say, although the chapter is pretty long. The grammar is great, good word usage, the sentences flow well, it isnt all that draining when reading world lore. The mc is just really determined, i assume thats going to be a big part of his character but i hope you dont just make him a character that is just constantly trying his best, even if you do, i think it would be nice to have him go through burnouts or reality checks where he realises he cant get through everything with just determination. i assume the story will take an adventure route, sort of like a one piece inspired work where the mc tries to find some sacred treasure. But the author seems to be experienced with writing so i dont think its going to turn out terribly
Quest Beyond The Shadow
Fantasy · OriginPi