Yea, the first sentence is absolutely a run-on. Needs to be made into multiple sentences.
Maelyn Khadim gathered the students and colleagues that were to be accompanying her to the kingdom of Altinyn for the first archeological mission the kingdom had ever allowed to even set foot on the grounds of the historical ruins of their kingdom that had lasted for more than a thousand years while all of the others kingdoms had collapsed or grown so corrupt and complacent that their people had rebelled and overthrown the government. As they all assembled and grew quiet waiting for her to speak, Maelyn called their attention and started her final briefing of what the rules and customs they had to follow while in the kingdom, "Ok people! listen up! We are fixing to be taking flight to Altinyn and there's some things you all need to know before we take off.
The Onyx Dragon Queen
Fantasy · Shannon_DeNure
Ah yes, the most important of experiments and totally not a plot device so obviously erected by the author to drive the reason for the mc’s hatred of humanity.
"But this is simply torturing. The experiment is nothing but a way to see how much pain a human body can endure. It can even kill him if we are not careful!" Doctor Min argued.
Inhuman Warlock
Fantasy · Demonic_angel
Dont think any sane human thinks like that but sure
"Their son turned out to be a waste that has no powers. I believe that if Zale and Clarisse were alive, even they too wouldn't want a son like that," General Maxwell said as he looked out the window. "I'm right, aren't I?"
Inhuman Warlock
Fantasy · Demonic_angel
I cant wait to be dissapointed once again :)
Chapter 1: The boy who failed
Inhuman Warlock
Fantasy · Demonic_angel
I certainly didn’t
"I had such high hopes for him."
Inhuman Warlock
Fantasy · Demonic_angel
*you’re
In his right hand, a headless corpse.
Reverend Insanity
Eastern · Gu Zhen Ren
Also, the natural process of Phloria’s character development in this novel has always seemed unnatural to me. how does she go from a spoilt brat when lith first met her, to the “most grown up” out of all the main characters, especially when she has little no no life experiences which may facillitate this delicate but arduous process. It makes no sense to me and it feels completely artificial! The author manufactured this grown up character as a plot device to move lith’s character along on the path towards redemption. What a complete flop!
Invigoration or not, Lith felt the need to rest. Phloria was the only person beside Solus with whom he was able to lower his guard. He wanted to go outside the academy to relax and talk freely.
Supreme Magus
Fantasy · Legion20
And also, I do see a therapist and not for any reason you might believe. I’m not an evil person nor am I sadistic or morally abhorrent in any way. i simply have strong feelings toward certain characters that often are inflamed by their actions and the knowing author sitting behind them. i would be a bit more understanding if these were real events as there would be no grand orchestrator behind them. However, there is and it makes it all the worse when i think about some of the sh*t he has writeen in this novel.
Invigoration or not, Lith felt the need to rest. Phloria was the only person beside Solus with whom he was able to lower his guard. He wanted to go outside the academy to relax and talk freely.
Supreme Magus
Fantasy · Legion20
Perhaps killing her is a bit overreactive, I just wish she was... Different. Even after reading another few hundred chapters she doesn’t get better in anyway that counts and the author even makes it worse by throwing some random woman into the mix. Completely useless plotwise and is a literal plaything for lith so that he can feel “normal”. Needless to say i dropped this novel at around chapter 600 and don’t plan on coming back. The author is disagreeable and prideful about his work which is a nasty combination. It makes one resistant to constructive criticism and outright hateful towards destructive criticism. I’ve talked to him on Discord before and that’s how I’ve deduced this.
Invigoration or not, Lith felt the need to rest. Phloria was the only person beside Solus with whom he was able to lower his guard. He wanted to go outside the academy to relax and talk freely.
Supreme Magus
Fantasy · Legion20
-
original Abyssal Dark
Avnar, the heir to a flourishing empire, dealt with unbearable loneliness as well as innumerable lies and false truths from his father, the prime senator, and educators during his childhood. This, paired with his incomparable intellect and ability to understand other people, leads him to develop a better understanding of human nature as a whole. As he matures he understands more and more about the world he lives in and the people that inhabit it. The more he ages, the more his hatred and blatant disgust towards the true nature of humanity grows. Can anyone or anything save him from this abyssal dark? Or will he be consumed by his hatred and commence an apocalypse? ——————————————————————————— This story will contain a mana system that I created myself. If I could put a trademark/copyright on it I would because I am pretty proud of it. The /No Harem Sect\ has domain over this novel. There will maybe be a little bit of romance but then again it might not last for long and may be a bit further in the novel. I hate sappy sh*t and if I were to have a love interest for the mc, she would be bada*s and only provide to the merits of the story instead of providing to the demerits. ——————————————————————————— I am quite confident in my grammar and spelling although I may make a mistake or two here and there. Feel free to give comments of tips and pointers or any suggestions you may have. I will read them but there is no guarantee I will use your suggestion. This is my first novel and I will try to do my best. ——————————————————————————— My main inspirations are Supreme Magus by legion20 and The Broken Empire Trilogy by Mark Lawrence. Be sure to check both of those out as they are fantastic examples of good literature that separates itself from common tropes and clichés. ——————————————————————————— Update frequency: For right now, 2 or 3 chapters a week with 2000+ words each (right now on hiatus, sorry about that, life is kicking my ass. I do plan on returning however so stay tuned if you enjoy what you’ve read thus far. 4/9/20). I have a lot of homework and real life stuff I have to deal with on a regular basis. I have a year left of high school and I plan on going to college soon thereafter to get a graduate degree so expect some instability in the schedule for... well... a long a*s time. ——————————————————————————— One last thing——If you don’t like the synopsis or how the mc is turning out or whatever... just leave. I know that sounds harsh but seriously, no one wants to hear your cr*p. If you have constructive criticism that’s fine but if it’s mindless bashing for no reason other than to be outraged then please leave, thank you.7 Chs 70 Collections
Yea… That’s honestly fair. I more specifically meant my father tho. He most definitely has the money to afford things but still does this anyway
Klein was planning on maintaining his gentlemanly image, but when he extended his hand with the one-gold pound note, he could not help but ask, "Can I get a discount?"
Lord of Mysteries
Fantasy · Cuttlefish That Loves Diving