great concept for your story but just so you know sand didn't attack uzumaki village (so you can still change settings if you want or make it an AU) xD also system is great and reasonable you cannot create ninjutsu out of thin air and even if you do high requirements of chakra makes it impossible for normal people to use that jutsu otherwise everyone in major villages can spam S level justu 🤷🏻♂️ so here's a suggestion like if you can make system come up with efficent chakra refining (as in spirit power) since you already did for body.. or you can even give it a martial arts vibe i mean imagine creating techniques similar to murim with chakra 🥹 anyways that's my opinion story is yours keep up the good work
buddy having knowledge doesn't mean you can do anything that's what I hate about most fics they mention system gives him memory of certain skill and boom they're executing those moves like pro.... i mean what about muscle memory!?? are your muscles developed to move in that way knowledge needs to be practiced for any use otherwise it's useless that's why i added this sorry training arc of 6 months 😶🌫️
Reluctantly, Smoke agrees. The next few days are filled with grueling body conditioning exercises. Each morning, as the sun rises over the horizon, Smoke engages in intense workouts guided by the holographic projections of PLS. The rhythmic sounds of his punches and kicks echo through the lush forest, intertwining with the natural symphony of the island.
Naruto: A Twisted tale
Anime & Comics · silent_reaper333
it's hinted in the further chapter what was hindering it... besides mc is currently weak why would he wanna mess up with something that's messing up THE SYSTEM... 😓 my mc or system won't have god complex thinking themselves omnipotent they will work and behave in a certain set of rules... I mean we're not animals here are we? we have to have rules 😐
Smoke: OKAY LET'S GO anyway. I am bored with this island already. There seems to be nothing here—rocks, forest, and animals!! I need to see HUMAN CIVILIZATION NOW…
Naruto: A Twisted tale
Anime & Comics · silent_reaper333
I am a first time writer and honestly I was bored with the usual story where every character just pops up in a novel and starts training and boom in the next few chapters soloing the strongest character in the existence of the story... so i kinda skipped the normal training route and just have him body condition and move on to story 🤷
Reluctantly, Smoke agrees. The next few days are filled with grueling body conditioning exercises. Each morning, as the sun rises over the horizon, Smoke engages in intense workouts guided by the holographic projections of PLS. The rhythmic sounds of his punches and kicks echo through the lush forest, intertwining with the natural symphony of the island.
Naruto: A Twisted tale
Anime & Comics · silent_reaper333
great story author It feels fresh that someone has courage to write DBZ crossover without being sayian :3 Just a little advice about your story, it seems like a narration of events happening instead of an actual story try to write more character interactions give time to plat feels way to rushed like you're just skimming events... otherwise it's a great read keep up the good work ❤️
you planning on upgrading sharingan??? because I see a great opportunity here as sharingan is composed of yin chakra and senju was yen so when both were combined it transformed into rinnegan here as I remember this primordial dragon give yun che some high quality yang power so you can use this as a base to upgrade 🤷🏻♂️
if you need to know everything in the world just spread the mobile phones and build an AI to Carter customer needs and also spy on every one secretly this way you won't have a problem of rebellion unless you build an Ultron 😅
good story so far.... pace is also good... no need for that quick mastery bull***t and 10 year old fighting garp 😅😅 just a suggestion instead of going for every beast in anime verse just pokemon is sufficient you can also make him have a goal to start the great trainer age you spread pokemon across the world of one piece that'll be great story to read but if you already have plot in your head then go for it... My idea was just giving you a purpose for mc... ✌️✌️
just don't make all affected be the good guys as that'll just destroy the charm of the story...
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original Naruto: A Twisted tale
A boy reincarnates into naruto world with one piece system but there's a twist... #First time writing #constructive feedbacks will be appreciated PS: i don't own naruto or one piece these rights belong to there respective creator also pic cover is not mine if owner wants it removed please tell i'll remove it9 Chs 49 Collections
syansa? I'm not talking about those weird demonic techniques if you've seen gosu (techniques from the good side) they can easily change landscapes and all and from 4th ninja war and onwards only monsters can survive 🤷🏻♂️
The Greatest Kage
Anime & Comics · YELLOWPIKACHU