Webnovel Author: SnowRose - Fanfic&Novel Collection

Leon when he gets off the lizard horse twice

Is that cannon? If so it’s rather stupid to fully demote someone just for losing the card. A rank or two sure but from S->F?? Nevermind, just going to pretend he was never S rank and move on…

He does but we haven’t actually seen him fight fight yet. Every time so far it was training where he was doing one or the other not everything he had at his disposal. This one didn’t count as he was already depleted and only had enough for one single attack. I will admit though I wish he had followed up on that lightning magic which fits his style more. But who knows he still has a lot of room for growth

When he became a Sword Saint it stated he recieved one. Even had a similar line of him picking up his jacket after sparing. So ima just pretend this contradiction didn’t happen lol.

No prob, a good rule of thumb is to mix both external means to identify and names. Which you already kinda do tbh. Just feels to stiff and formal when she uses names to much. For mixing… “What do you think Nat?” (Addressing a person directly which already establishes to the reader that ‘hey this Nat character will be speaking next’ From there the conversation can flow in third person… “…” the buxom red head said with an almost smug grin. Or whatever else El might say about a person, then you just use names when addressing a person. “El was just telling me about that”, or if multiple people are in a scene utilizing El to clarify who is speaking while Mara just speaks normally. Honesty it sounds more complex than it is but just read the character dialogues as if you were actually there speaking with someone you knew personally and see if it’s something you would say in a direct conversation with someone. Leave the clarification on who is speaking to El’s third person pov and have Mara use pet names like “Baldy”, “Pirate”, ect if you feel like you are overusing the third person pov. Granted I’m not an expert on these things so I may also be horribly wrong in how these things go but yea that’s my experience at least.

To add on a little, the best dialogues were between the two MC’s because of the pet names which bypass the whole name thing. But when it’s… “Yeah Mara…” “Thanks Natalie…” “To be expected Mara…” See what I mean? Idk I could be wrong

One thing I noticed is you use names to much. It took me a while to figure out why some of the dialogues felt off (kinda unnatural but not really in a ‘it’s bad’ way just not how normal conversation went) and i think it’s the names. Humans are lazy inherently, especially Americans and Brit’s when it comes to language. So like… “It was a good choice Mara. Do you want to try anything else?” “Good choice, wanna try anything else?” In writing being proper, having good sentence structure and punctuation is always crammed into our heads but we don’t actually speak like that. What we say doesn’t need to actually make sense for the other part to understand what we are trying to get across to them. Like if you fumble your words or can’t think of the proper word the other party might go “oh yeah so and so” because of context and tone which is hard to convey in written. Not a big deal but maybe something to help out? Even just dropping using names so often would make it flow smoother.

The police outside:

She knows about the secret society?!

See normally I would agree given the HP setting, but his personality is fine. It was already stated that Hogwarts isn’t a school, it’s more akin to a military institution where they are training future soldiers. An instructor told a group of trainee’s to “follow his orders”…kinda normal no? They need to get used to following orders and becoming more disciplined.

I mean let’s be honest, they could have been a lot worse. Nothing in overlord is black and white

Read this on night mode lol

betting on Kira

Some may say… “It ain’t that deep bro…It’s just soccer bro…”

It’s kinda funny when you realize he became this revenge crazed psycho because his brother didn’t want to play a certain position anymore lol Like dude just realized Japan had a weaker team than the rest of the world and became a midfielder, which made his brother despise him because only strikers matter!

Maybe?

We have instincts ingrained in our subconscious mind even if we don’t notice them. When you’re walking and you see a red light in front of you, chances are you stop moving thinking it’s a stop light or something? BOOM dead from an explosive tag. She is thrown towards a body of water? Uh oh better get ready to swim! Wait? She could have just walked on it!! Man how stupid…ect. For humans in modern day society our base instincts have taken on a mold to fit our environment. ‘Danger’ to us may be missing a deadline at work, or running low on money. Thus our mind tricks our body into believing there is a ‘threat’. Shinobi, even though they have the same base instincts as we are both humans, have a different mold shaped by their environment. To them ‘danger’ could be a jutsu or a shuriken flying at them.

Oh nvm thought it said he was a bolder that rolled him off xD