Chapitre 14: 14. Manic Monday.
Damon and Mariella had been passionately fucking for nearly a week, their bodies entwined in a fiery dance. During their meal, Seven had informed Damon about Mimi's recent emotional breakdown. Frustration brewed within Damon as he realized that, once again, his plans had gone awry in the midst of their passion, causing them to forget about Mimi.
It was disheartening how easily they fell back into their destructive patterns, neglecting her. The bitter truth stung Damon's mind — they were not strong enough for Mimi. She recognized this herself and had confided in Magnum.
The Salvatores assured him she was eating, and she was thrilled about something that she was doing, for Mimi seemed somewhat content when she joined them. Mimi had a tendency to pursue solitary hobbies, keeping her activities secret from others. This habit had caused her troubles in the past, and it remained unchanged.
Damon's curiosity grew, prompting him to peek through his wife's eyes. Frustration simmered within him as he scanned his surroundings, muttering curses under his breath.
Glancing at his radar, Damon irritably informed Mariella, "Oh, Mimi is scheduled for more dental treatment. I need to give this straight in her neck. We need to find out what she's up to, but she's harming herself. The babies are safe, but she isn't. Damn it all, I have to be stern and deny her, even though all I desire is for our relationship to progress, yet it never does. And then she'll seek comfort from Charles and Adam, the Boys."
Mariella reassured him, "Health comes first, and there's still time before we give birth. You'll mend your relationship. Just be a doctor and, above all, a protector. Let's go and see what Mimi is doing."
They rose from their steamy shower, dressing quickly. However, Mariella noticed Damon was not in the mood for sex at the moment. He had assumed the role of pack leader and protector. As they entered the cellar, they discovered rooms they had never known existed, further fueling Damon's irritation. He longed to share, but Mimi was not one to readily share her secrets.
Just as I reached for some colors from the cupboards, a voice from the doorway interrupted, "What an intriguing space and equipment. It's odd that even I, the leader of the pack, am unaware of everything hidden within these walls."
Without even turning around, I rolled my eyes, accustomed to their habit of pestering me about my hobbies. Suddenly, a hand gripped my wrist, turning my palm upward and touching it. A groan escaped my lips as I realized my palm bore a few burns from the scalding water. Those burns did not feel nice, but I had been through worse.
Damon's touch traveled from my hand, my wrist, to my arm, and his grunting expression revealed his displeasure. I could sense his fingers delicately gripping my skin, their pressure both light and firm. It was evident that he had taken on the role of a doctor.
In a serious tone, he informed me, "That's a chemical burn, missy. These substances aren't suitable for someone like you, who cannot protect your skin with energy. You should have worn sturdy gloves. Well, missy, we're headed for some dental work, and it'll be tough. No complaints; this is protector work. However, the pack is excited to dye fabrics and yarns, and they appreciate your ready-made fabrics. We're a pack, missy."
I remained silent, understanding the seriousness conveyed by his expression. Clearly, my hands needed attention. They had been occasionally achy and sore, but the joy of dyeing had overshadowed any discomfort. Damon led me into a bedroom and instructed me to undress from the waist up. In doctor mode, he thoroughly examined my arms, grunting intermittently.
Then, he explained, "Okay, baby, here's what we're going to do. First, I'll use energy to drain the blood from your arm. I'll apply tourniquets in energy form on both arms to cut off the blood flow, and then I'll fill your arm with dental substances. Both the substances and the tourniquets will take effect while I work on your neck with my teeth and eliminate the other substances in your blood. Those fumes are harmful. After I've taken care of that, I'll assess the condition of your hands. It might not be the most comfortable experience, but it's necessary. Actions have consequences, baby, once again."
I nodded, fully comprehending the situation, and braced myself for what was to come. It was my foolishness for not consulting the protector about the safety of my hobby.
I said, "I am an idiot. I should have asked, but then again, I am not a sharer. I guess I wanted to do those things first myself."
He said nothing, just gestured to the bed. I laid down on the bed, and Damon began his work. As he drained the blood from my arm, a chilling sensation enveloped it. The veins were closed off, and then he sunk his teeth into my brachial artery, filling my arm entirely. The sensation was more of an ache than intense pain. My entire arm felt heavy but kind of numb and I could not move it.
Then he came on top of me, sank his teeth into my neck, holding me in a tight grip. His weight pressing me into the mattress made breathing pretty hard, but I could be without breathing so much. My arms didn't work. They were paralyzed but still felt, not just moved. The stuff that poured down my neck burned so damn nasty and hurt, and as it spread, every muscle ached. I was exhausted, but I didn't sleep. I just felt like my muscles couldn't do anything.
The stuff was flowing, and soon, I noticed Damon had gone into economy mode, as his body relaxed fully on top of me, feeling almost even more heavy so the teeth had taken over, and now there was no velvet. I don't know if the velvet was not going with this stuff or if the teeth were in a teaching mood and the pain and ache; the agony was pretty awful, but I endured it because I had no choice, and next time, I would know a little better not to play with every chemical so carelessly.
I didn't know the time. The pain was almost my universe, but I kept my mouth shut and let nothing show. The stuff was flowing, and the pain, the burning, the agony just seemed to get worse by the minute. Finally, Damon moved on top of me and pulled his teeth out.
He lifted one of my hands, felt it, grunted, and said, "You are all done for now. Come on, baby. Now I'm going to slowly take that energy out so your circulation will recover, and it may feel, but it shouldn't hurt too bad."
I nodded, and yes, it did. I did not utter a word as the pain was too much for me to talk about yet. Soon my arms were tingling, burning, stinging, and hot, and my hands slowly worked again.
Damon looked at me momentarily and said, " One thing you need to learn, baby, for real, is sharing. If you had told someone about this fabric dyeing place, even one person, they could have protected your hands and you with energy. You don't know how to do group work. If we come somewhere where you are doing something, you always leave instead of doing it with us. Yes, I know I'm bossy, and you don't want to obey or want to be like Mariella and worship me. Let me do everything but compromise, baby. Stay for once, look, challenge me, do anything, but don't walk away. Learn teamwork, and I know you want to be a leader, and that's why you run away, but try to change."
I nodded and knew Damon was making a point. I'm not good at teamwork, and this is a pack, anyway. I'm so dominant it's difficult for me to obey, even if sometimes I have to.
I got my voice back. It was quiet and raspy. I said, " I must try, but you know me and change. It's difficult, but I'll remember this."
Damon nodded and walked away. I didn't know if he knew that stuff was very painful or if he just didn't care, but anyway, the job was done now, and my muscles still ached, my head hurt, I was feeling stiff, and I thought a sauna could make a point, it might help a little. I was feeling pretty damn miserable. I didn't bother to say anything about it.
This was an excellent lesson, and I would remember it better when I was suffering. I went into one of my bedrooms, which was on the middle floor. No one paid that much attention when I went in there and heated the sauna and the whole spa section from the control panel. I had panels for the sauna in several rooms and on each floor, so it had been easy to put them to warm up.
It would be an hour before the spa and sauna were ready, and I already had everything I needed there. I went into the kitchen, thinking I'd have a bite to eat before entering the sauna. Not too much, as I had no appetite yet. I took a big pot of fresh strawberries and thought that maybe I could nibble them. I did not want meat right now.
I was on my way to the kitchen and into the living room when Mariella came into Damon, who was going through my bookshelves and frowning. I had a lot of books in there, most of them ones I hadn't had time to read yet, and I saw Damon teleporting books out, which was a big deal. He seemed to be irritated and what can I do that, nothing at all.
Mariella went to wrap Damon up and said, " Damon, honey, my head hurts, and my muscles are cramping. That fabric dyeing is nice, but there is no air conditioning, and the fumes got to me."
Damon grunted and said, " Don't worry, darling. Come on, we'll go to the couch, and I'll get the chemicals out of your blood. We need to find a better place for that fabric dyeing, air-conditioned space, and that's a nice way to make fabrics, darling. The salvatores will find a better place, and it will be linked."
His voice was gentle as a summer breeze when he spoke to her.
"We can even link it to the Irish castle so we can dye whenever we want, but for now, you come into my arms just like that, and I'll put my teeth into your neck and chop those nasty chemicals off."
I watched as Mariella went into Damon's arms, and he sank his teeth in gently and then velveted Mariella first, glared at me, and started draining the substances. Fine, everything is normal. Mariella has priority, and she is being protected. She doesn't need a lesson in stupidity. I walked to the kitchen and took food, meaning berries and such, and a drink.
There were no salvatores now. They were in the kitchen upstairs. I didn't mind. I ate what I wanted because I had a headache, tiredness, and muscle aches. I even wondered if I had drunk a couple of bags of human blood and cleansed myself, but that process is not pleasant, so I will try a sauna and a bath first. You just have to be patient. It'll be fine. I was feeling still pretty miserable.
I then went to the sauna an hour later and took a bath first. It seemed to help my aching muscles at least a little, then I went into the sauna and it wasn't as lovely as I thought it would be as the heat and humidity made my headache worse and my sauna smell, which is normally very relaxing for me, was almost too much so I went back into the bath.
My feeling of miserableness had not eased up so much and I laid in a bath. It helped with cramps, but not much headache and overall soreness. I just would once to have someone to give me a little TLC too but it would be never me, no. I needed to have lessons on this and that, like unruly children, while Saint Mariella gets those fumes as well, but she gets all the TLC in to the world.
I was in the bath when the rest of the group came into the sauna, including Mariella and Damon. I kept my eyes closed, noticing my water was getting cold too. Soon I would again change it or something.
Mariella was all over Damon and said, "Oh, honey, you're the best. You made that awful feeling that came from your little choppers, go away so we can enjoy the sauna."
Damon said to her, "Anything for you, my one and true love. Little TLC will never hurt."
At that point, I got in the shower, washed up, and left. I needed no more evidence of Salvatore's fuckery towards me and I still didn't feel good; I didn't want to make it any worse. I was feeling miserable enough.
I went into one bedroom, put on my nightgown, and just went to bed. It was time to change. Time to let myself feel. I was determined to change and the old me wouldn't have let these feelings surface, not at all. I would have just stuffed them somewhere inside me like I always did, but I didn't. I let myself feel.
Maybe this would help with the pathos too, maybe that would not grow so damn much all the time. It was time for me to change and at least show myself that I could feel. Sometimes it felt like I just did not know anymore how to feel. Denying oneself is not right.
The first emotion was loneliness. I was alone when the rest of the group was taking a sauna and I didn't want to stay in the sauna. They always nagged about me being in a pack, being part of something, but I was not part of that. I was the naughty, stupid one, the one who got a lesson, not TLC, not love, not even understanding, or forgiveness. No, just cold shoulder.
I let my emotions start to fill up my emotional wells that had been quite dry for some time. Damon had taken there what there had been and not much came in there, but now it changed. I let myself feel heart-wrenching loneliness, the feeling of not belonging, the feeling of being miserable, and tired of my existence of being the strongest.
When it was pretty clear I wasn't welcome; I felt tired. I'd been through a lot more shit than good in my life so far and I'd always been able to handle all the shit with the good times. But over the years, those good times were shorter, not so much anymore while shit was bad and it so many times crushed me, almost. No one had any idea what my life was. Not really, and I was so utterly tired of trying to explain myself to them. When words just could not convey the feelings, the sensations.
But now, yeah Damon was breeding me, keeping me as a pet but I was drugged and I wasn't getting the good times that would have kept me together, Everything seemed to come flooding back and even though I didn't get the memories, I got the feelings. I had unloaded or opened some knot in my mind and I just let feelings wash over me. They spilled into my emotional wells, filling them up, and nothing was good. There were no emotions that had brought pleasure to me.
I realized that was because I had kind of used them up to survive and withstand even the part of the shit that had hit me over the years. Talk about balance. All I had left was feelings of pain, emotional and physical, feelings of loss, every single fucked up emotion that one can experience. I had them, and a few new ones too.
I felt such bone-deep, core-to-the-soul tiredness. Somehow, my existence was so exhausting, so hard, but I didn't want to sleep. Instead, I let the feeling be, fine, let's be tired of our existence. It was beyond that anyone could understand what it was to be me. To know that I can take it, and I will take it, time after time. With no questions or hesitation. But I had to just keep it ongoing. No other choice. Then, maybe someday yes, better times are coming, we just have to keep going. I knew my duty. I knew I had to be pretty much more or less all the time ready to act. I could not go in somewhere hiding and just feeling miserable as I had no idea when next time would come when I would have save the world. There was no mercy in the universe for me. Only duty, jobs to be done.
Then I felt it. Love and trust are so warm, so pure that it took me by surprise and I first thought that it was one of my spilled feelings and it took me a while to realize where this feeling came from.
It came from within and I realized my babies, the tiny embryos in my womb, were comforting me, loving me, trusting me, and, as a reaction, I was sending my love back. I felt the warmth radiate through my pelvis, and my womb, and the loneliness receded.
I remembered I was pregnant and now I couldn't wait to feel the first movements, to meet my babies for the first time. I relaxed and smiled. I was not alone, not anymore, and I had someone, several of them, with me, who loved me unconditionally. Life didn't seem so bleak after all, and even if I knew the babies wouldn't be with me for so long, the time we would spend together would be perfect.
We were already building a bond now, me, as a mom, and my children. We would have this bond always and forever, even if others raised these children and lived in other dimensions. We would always be connected. I would always be their mother. This time, while I carried them within me was so precious to me.
I enjoyed it for a while, and even though my head hurt and my muscles were sore from time to time, it didn't matter. My feeling of being miserable had been lifted and then my little ones gave me a few ideas. It was time to start enjoying my life and myself, too. This would be so much fun.
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone