Chapitre 1: Winter Break
It had been incredibly cold when Shinji made his way out of the school building, clutching his scarf close to his face to keep it warm, feeling the heat of his breath spread over the fabric as he exhaled through his nose. Today marked the first day of winter break, and Shinji couldn't help but sigh in relief despite the cold biting at his face. Midterms had been wicked to him this year, and the stress from endless studying had really been getting to him, but having completed the last test today, he felt some solace. He was actually confident that he'd done well, and the satisfaction he felt was heightened as he thought about the two completely study-free weeks that lay in front of him.
Honestly, he didn't know what he'd do with all that time. Last winter break, he'd stayed in, played video games by himself, slept for far longer than was necessary, and listened to increasingly repetitive cassettes. It was incredibly dull. Asuka had been away on a trip back to Germany for the break, and not wanting her to ridicule him for his loser-ish vacation when she came back, he'd lied and told her that he stayed in because he was sick.
"Eugh! I can't believe you'd be so careless... getting sick during a break. Probably got it from that stupid Kensuke! I bet he's full of icky germs. Well, if you're still sick I don't wanna catch whatever gross bug you have. Don't expect me to walk to school with you any time soon, idiot Shinji!". He rolled his eyes, recalling her words as she'd stood outside his apartment, backing away as far from him as she could as if standing in front of him for even one second would get her incurably ill.
He had hoped that he'd be able to spend some time with her during this year's break since they hadn't hung out in a while, but to his dismay, she had left for another trip to Germany just yesterday. He considered his options: He could always spend time with Toji... but he and Hikari had finally gotten together recently, and he didn't want to ruin their alone time together. Kensuke was out; he and his father had gone on some kind of 'extreme survival camping trip' - Shinji had zoned out when Kensuke expounded upon the finer details of the trip to him. Something about roughing it in the frigid woods for a while. He thought of Rei... she was nice to him in class, but she never really talked much, and he wanted to hang out with a friend without having to bear long, awkward silences that he didn't know how to break.
Groaning inwardly, he knew he only had one more option, which was currently walking a good way ahead of him, hands in pockets, looking as unruffled and graceful as ever. Shinji wondered if it was really worth it. Was staying in for a couple weeks so bad when the alternative was spending time with an annoying, fluffy-haired nuisance?
Recalling how he'd accidentally broken his old SDAT player throwing it in frustration as he listened to the same cassette for the millionth time, he caved. That new player was expensive, and he'd really hate to break it too.
He sped up a little, not wanting to look too eager as he approached the boy whose grey hair seemed silvery in the light. Shinji stopped his eyes from roving over the pretty halo cast around it from the sun and stared fixedly at a point just over his shoulder. What was he staring at his stupid hair for?
Noticing the sound of approaching footsteps, Kaworu turned his head, and meeting Shinji's eyes, he slowed, lips curling into that placid smile he always had on whenever he looked at him. Shinji resisted the urge to sigh with difficulty - that stupid smile always irked him.
Trying to keep his voice free of annoyance, he fell into pace with Kaworu and spoke. "Uh, hey Nagisa, would it be alright if I came home with you today?"
Kaworu tilted his head to the side, his smile widening. "Oh, of course, Shinji-kun, I don't mind at all." He bumped Shinji's arm lightly with his elbow. "And you know, you don't have to call me that. I already said you could use my first name."
Shinji gave him a look. "Yeah, well, that'd imply that we're friends..."
Kaworu looked ahead again, smug smile still firmly in place. "Hmm... I suppose it would. But so would asking to hang out at my place, wouldn't it?"
Shinji huffed, looking forward too. "Whatever... I'm just really bored, okay?" he responded, making Kaworu laugh in that superior way that made Shinji want to punch him.
They didn't talk much as they walked, though Shinji considered opening his mouth multiple times to protest how close Kaworu was. His hand - which at some point had drifted out of his pocket - kept brushing against Shinji's, and their shoulders kept bumping no matter how many times Shinji tried to shift away from him. He knew Kaworu was walking close on purpose. He always did things like this; that idiot just didn't seem to understand the concept of a personal bubble, and it was infuriating, especially since he always seemed so amused whenever Shinji squirmed uncomfortably at his closeness.
Trying to pretend like the current closeness wasn't bothering him, Shinji cast his mind elsewhere. He'd just realized at that moment that Kaworu wasn't even wearing warm clothes. Confused, he stared down at his uniform.
"Aren't you cold in that?" he asked.
Kaworu looked back mildly. "Oh, I don't have anything warm, and anyway, I don't mind the cold so much."
Shinji grunted, looking forward again. He wasn't sure he believed him and felt slightly sympathetic. Maybe he was so close because he was cold, and not because he just wanted to make Shinji uncomfortable? Thinking along that line of logic, he allowed Kaworu to press himself closer, although he still felt the urge to push him away.
After a few moments, Shinji felt himself relaxing. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all... actually, it was kind of nice. The soft pressure against his arm, the sound of Kaworu's breathing, the feeling of cold fingers wrapping themselves around his hand-
Shinji inhaled sharply and jerked his hand away, slapping Kaworu's fingers.
"Hey! W-What did you do that for?" Shinji sputtered, staring angrily at the other boy, his face going ever so slightly red. Kaworu stared back, a look of slight surprise and amusement on his face.
"Well, our hands are cold; I thought it'd warm them."
Shinji continued staring, then, looking away angrily, he put some distance between them and shoved his hands deep in his jacket pockets.
"I can warm my own hands, Nagisa..."
Out of his peripheral, Kaworu pouted slightly, and the sight made him more annoyed. Guys didn't just hold hands while walking together... didn't he understand that? Didn't he know what that looked like?
They continued walking, and after a few more minutes, they came upon Kaworu's apartment door.
"After you," Kaworu said, unlocking the door and bowing Shinji in. He rolled his eyes and entered the familiar, small living space. He glanced around at the messy dining table strewn with old instant ramen cups, chip bag wrappers, and empty soda cans, at the unmade bed in the corner, and at the TV set placed on the coffee table against the wall.
Putting his bag on the ground in front of Kaworu's bed, he took off his jacket and scarf, however he noticed that the room, although much warmer than it was outside, was colder than usual.
"When's the last time you've had a real meal...?" Shinji asked critically, jerking his head towards the dining table.
Kaworu dropped his bag next to Shinji's and smiled playfully. "Oh? Worried about my diet? You do care about me don't you, Shinji-kun?"
He grimaced and ignored the question, choosing instead to focus on kicking off his shoes. "If you keep eating junk like that, you'll get sick. Don't you know how to cook?"
Kaworu scratched the back of his neck looking away. "Well, no one's ever taught me. How am I meant to cook when I don't even know how to work the stove?"
Shinji stared incredulously. He really was hopeless... "Plenty of people are self-sufficient without being taught y'know... no one ever taught me how to cook either." 'Maybe you're just lazy...' he thought inwardly.
Kaworu sat on the bed, leaning back, and propping himself up with his palms. He tilted his head at Shinji and smiled again. "Well then, if you care so much, why don't you help me with dinner later?"
Shinji gave him an unimpressed look and said, annoyed, "I'm not your maid, Nagisa."
Kaworu pushed out a dramatic sigh, letting his head fall back, long bangs falling into his eyes. "Then I suppose it's instant noodles again," he lamented in an overly dejected, exaggerated tone that made Shinji want to throw something at him.
"Oh, shut up. You should be able to take care of yourself, Nagisa. You're a big boy, aren't you?" He said the last sentence in the most mocking tone he could muster before realizing how childish and dumb it sounded.
Attempting to skate past the comment as if he hadn't said anything, Shinji moved towards the TV and turned it on. He grabbed the remote and settled himself on the cheap bean bag chair in front of it that Kaworu had recently acquired. Kaworu shifted, laying on his stomach and supporting himself with his elbows so he could stare at Shinji, who was now flicking through channels. Shinji could feel his gaze on the side of his head but pretended like he was also looking at the screen. He knew Kaworu was trying to get a rise out of him, and he didn't want to fall into the trap. He knew getting upset would just make Kaworu smirk and tease him, and the mere thought of that alone kept his mouth shut.
Shinji settled on some action movie he dimly recalled watching a long time ago, sinking into the chair, trying to make himself as comfortable as possible with Kaworu's eyes still stubbornly boring into the side of his face. He felt his temper rise in spite of himself, and after a few minutes, he snapped his head at the other boy.
"Could you look somewhere else!? Your eyes are creepy enough without them drilling holes into the side of my head!"
Kaworu smirked as Shinji knew he would, and he responded in that infuriatingly playful tone, "Sorry Shinji-kun, I was only admiring you..."
Shinji felt himself redden as he glared at Kaworu, who looked completely unabashed, his smirk only getting bigger. Shinji turned back to the TV, losing his nerve.
"Admire something else, you weirdo," he muttered. Kaworu let out an airy laugh, and turned to the TV too, much to Shinji's relief.
Kaworu was mercifully quiet as they sat there, although Shinji's thoughts weren't on the movie. It was funny how often Shinji found himself in this small living space considering how much he despised the pale boy sitting a few inches away. He hated to admit it to himself, but he'd lost count of the number of times he'd come by. Somehow, this place was always his refuge whenever he felt lonely or sad or bored, and despite the venom he felt for Kaworu, he was grateful for his hospitality.
For instance, a few months ago, he'd been going through a rough patch with his uncle and aunt, whom he lived with. They'd had a huge fight, and Shinji, not wanting to confront them for a while, had turned to Kaworu's apartment. Kaworu welcomed him with open arms, and Shinji stayed for three days. He had felt guilty about staying for so long, but when he finally decided to go back home on the morning of the fourth day, Kaworu actually seemed kind of disappointed to say goodbye. Recalling this, he felt a small pang of guilt at raising his voice when all Kaworu did was look at his face, but it felt too awkward to apologize now.
After about half an hour of staring at the screen without really paying attention to it, Shinji got an idea. He stood up from the chair, walking over to the place he'd kicked off his shoes. Kaworu sat up, watching him curiously.
"Where are you going? You're not leaving already, are you...?" The light suggestion of disappointment in his tone made Shinji smile a little.
"No, I'm just, uh... going back home to get some things. I think I'll stay the night, if that's alright with you."
Kaworu smiled. "Of course it is Shinji-kun," he said, a little too happily, in Shinji's opinion. Shinji nodded and pulled on his shoes, jacket, and scarf again, before walking out and closing the door behind him, bracing himself against the cold weather.
About an hour later, Shinji returned to the door, knocking with his foot, unable to use his bag-laden hands. Kaworu opened it, slightly surprised by the amount of items Shinji was bringing in. He walked inside, placing the bags down as Kaworu closed the door behind him, leaning against it with his arms crossed and his head tilted to the side. Shinji, taking off his jacket again, realized Kaworu had removed his button up and changed, now just wearing his orange undershirt and a dark pair of sweatpants.
"What is all of this? I didn't expect you to bring so much," Kaworu inquired as Shinji took off his shoes again.
"Well, since I'm staying the night, I got some real food. I don't really want to go to sleep with garbage in my stomach."
The truth was, he wanted to help Kaworu out. He thought showing him how to make actual food would be a good apology for his rudeness from earlier, but he wasn't going to tell Kaworu that.
Kaworu's eyes seemed to light up. He smiled warmly. "That's very thoughtful of you Shinji-kun... and I thought you weren't going to help me with dinner." Shinji grabbed the bag of groceries he'd bought and walked into the cramped kitchen, glad of an excuse not to address Kaworu's flattery. It was getting later in the afternoon, and Shinji figured they should start preparing the food soon.
Kaworu stood in the doorway leading into the kitchen, watching Shinji with interest as he removed the items from the bag and started looking around the cabinets for pans and utensils. He felt a stab of irritation.
"Would you get in here and help me already?" he said, looking over his shoulder as he unwrapped a pack of chicken.
Kaworu walked forward, and Shinji slid a cutting board in front of him. He put the vegetables he'd bought on the board, instructing Kaworu to wash them, feeling aware of how close they both were in the small space. As Shinji dried the chicken with paper towels, he glanced over with some trepidation as Kaworu took a large knife from a drawer, looking over at Shinji questioningly.
Shinji pulled the cutting board towards him and took the knife, demonstrating how to sever the florets from the stalk of broccoli, how to chop the carrots, and how to peel the garlic and cut the cloves. Sliding it back over, Kaworu took the knife and focused his efforts on doing what Shinji had shown him. While he prepared the chicken, Shinji stole constant glances at Kaworu, making sure he didn't chop off any fingers and was surprised to see how easily he handled the task.
Shinji cut the chicken into even pieces, and after turning on the stove, he retrieved the largest pan Kaworu had in his cabinets and let it sit on the burner while he drizzled oil over it. He scraped the chicken into the pan, feeling eyes on the back of his head.
"You at least know how to boil water, right? You'll need to for the rice," Shinji instructed, keeping his eyes on the sizzling pan. Kaworu filled a pot with water and let it sit on the burner next to Shinji, turning it on. Shinji put the pan down, letting Kaworu take over watching it as he made the sauce. He felt Kaworu's eyes the whole time, experiencing a twinge of annoyance, knowing he wasn't making sure the chicken didn't overcook like he'd asked.
"You should probably flip the pieces over now..." he said, mixing the sauce together. He heard more sizzling as Kaworu did as he was told. After another minute Shinji came over, handing the small sauce bowl to Kaworu, who poured it carefully over the nearly cooked chicken.
Shinji, noticing that the water had started to boil, opened a bag of rice, rinsing it under the sink, before gently pouring its contents into the boiling pot. He covered it with the lid and returned to the cutting board. Taking the pan Kaworu was overseeing, he scraped the cut-up vegetables in alongside the chicken.
"Mix all of that up and then turn off the burner when it looks evenly cooked, alright?"
Kaworu nodded, a small smile ghosting his lips. Shinji ignored this and leaned against the cabinet behind him, watching as the other boy stirred the food. He turned off the burner after a minute or two and took the spoon he'd been using out, setting it to the side. Shinji retrieved two bowls from the cabinets, and set them next to the stove, walking over to peer into the fogged-over glass lid of the pot, recognizing the vague, off-white mass of nearly finished rice.
Kaworu raised the pan over the bowls, looking at Shinji for confirmation, who nodded. Kaworu poured the contents evenly into them as Shinji lifted the lid off the rice, turning off the burner and fluffing the contents. Kaworu stood to the side as Shinji walked towards the bowls and put a healthy measure of rice into each, watching the steam rise up, bringing with it the pleasing aroma of the meal they'd just made.
Shinji handed Kaworu one of the bowls, pulling two sets of chopsticks from the drawer next to him. Double checking that the stove had been turned off, Shinji made his way out of the kitchen behind Kaworu, and they sat at opposite ends of the table back in the living area.
Shinji mixed the rice in with the rest of his bowl's contents, aware of Kaworu looking at him again. He glanced up, meeting his eyes, watching as he absentmindedly poked at his food with one of his chopsticks.
"We just went through all that trouble; you'd better start eating before it gets cold," Shinji warned. Kaworu stared back for a few more moments before he lowered his gaze and took a bite.
"Thank you for the lesson, Shinji-kun, it was very enjoyable. You should teach me how to cook more often."
Shinji ate, feeling himself go a little red at the earnest appreciation in his voice. "It's really no big deal... you don't have to thank me," he said, trying to conceal how pleased he felt knowing Kaworu enjoyed cooking with him. Not that he cared that Kaworu had a good time, he was just glad he didn't have to eat instant noodles for dinner, that's all...
Kaworu smiled up at him. "I'm still very grateful, especially because it tastes wonderful; you really know what you're doing. I wish you could cook with me every night, Shin-" unable to stomach all the praise Shinji cut him off, blushing.
"Yeah, yeah, alright... I get it, Nagisa. And it's rude to talk with your mouth full," he reprimanded, trying to make him shut up. He knew from experience how much Kaworu liked to run his mouth, and he wasn't keen on listening to him talk incessantly all throughout dinner. Thankfully, he stayed quiet. As they continued to eat, however Shinji noticed that his smile never once left his face.
After he had finished, Kaworu pushed the bowl aside. He leaned back in his chair, linked his hands behind his head, and stared at Shinji as he continued to eat.
The moment Shinji had swallowed his last mouthful, Kaworu spoke. "What would you like to do now?"
Shinji gave him a testy look and responded, "Clean up...? Judging by all the garbage on this table I'm guessing you don't do that often, huh?"
Kaworu glanced at one of the old ramen cups. "Well, had I known you were coming, I would've made things a little more presentable," he said reasonably. Not wanting to argue that cleaning up for your own sake was important too, Shinji just clicked his tongue and stood up, taking his bowl to the kitchen.
He walked to the sink, turning the water on, but before he could start cleaning, Kaworu suddenly came up from behind, reaching around his side and putting his hand on Shinji's.
Kaworu leaned over his shoulder and spoke. "Let me clean. It's my kitchen, and it's the least I can do for all your help."
Shinji gasped and felt goosebumps form on the back of his neck as Kaworu's breath skated against his skin. He hurriedly dropped the bowl and jumped to the side, hastily putting some distance between them. Kaworu caught the bowl before it hit the hard, porcelain sink, and looked over at Shinji, laughing slightly.
Shinji felt himself redden as he stammered angrily, "W-What the hell?! You don't come up behind people like that!"
Kaworu continued to smirk as he looked down at the sink, washing Shinji's dish. "My apologies, I didn't mean to scare you, Shinji-kun." Shinji glowered at Kaworu, breathing heavily from the shock of hearing an unexpected silky voice right beside his ear.
"Whatever..." he muttered, running his hand over the back of his neck, agitated.
He walked back out into the living area and absently started to throw away all the old trash that littered Kaworu's table, just wanting something to do. Why did he always have to get under Shinji's skin like that when he least expected it? How come all he ever does when Shinji squirms is flash that stupid smirk at him?
'Why do I even care so much?!' he thought angrily, tossing the last empty chip bag in the trash can near the coffee table. He took a deep breath and settled himself in his recently vacated seat, listening to the sound of rushing water as Kaworu cleaned up all the utensils and pans.
Only a few moments later, the water stopped, and Kaworu emerged, brushing wet hands against his pants. Shinji looked up at him as he leaned against the doorframe.
"Soo... now what would you like to do?" he asked, looking back at Shinji, his last smirk still lingering on his face.
Shinji sighed, trying to ignore his expression, and his eyes flicked across the room to the dusty, purple box sitting next to the TV. It was Shinji's old GameCube, which he had - very graciously in his opinion - given away to Kaworu a long time ago.
Soon after Kaworu had first transferred to their school, Shinji had been invited over to his house, and although Shinji didn't really know him at the time, he didn't want to seem rude by refusing the new guy a chance to make friends with him, so he had come.
When Shinji arrived, he was quite surprised to see just how sad and empty the apartment was. There was a bed, a dining table, a cheap-looking keyboard, and a rusted, old box television. Other than those large objects, there were a few dusty magazines and a couple piano practice books - that was all he had. He'd felt incredibly sympathetic. He knew Kaworu had just moved to the city alone, and he couldn't help but think about how incredibly bored he himself would be with such a desolate room.
That visit had been awkward. There wasn't much to do save for browse the old, crumpled magazines and attempt to make out what people were saying on the black and white TV through an intense, muffling static. It was made even more awkward when Kaworu had put his head on Shinji's shoulder while they watched the TV as if it was the most casual thing in the world. And to make things even worse, Kaworu hugged him just before he left a few hours later, much to Shinji's intense discomfort.
Even considering how strange he had been and how Shinji couldn't say he really even liked him, Kaworu had been nice in his way, and he still felt for his situation, so he decided to donate his GameCube to him. He hadn't played it in years, and he had better consoles now, so he figured the best thing to do would be to give it to someone who needed it more than him Coincidentally, Asuka had been about to throw out her old TV because she'd gotten a bigger one, and Shinji had managed to convince her to give it to the new kid instead.
It baffled Shinji how when he and Asuka had come to his apartment with the items, he was thoroughly confused by the console until Shinji explained what it was as Asuka looked at Kaworu like he was the dumbest person on the planet. Once he'd understood, however, he'd excitedly accepted the gifts and they brought them in.
Kaworu watched as Shinji hooked up the new electronics - Asuka had refused point blank to help, and left after dropping off the TV, saying she had better things to do than play video games with two losers - and after he finished, they sat down to play. Kaworu was God awful at Smash Bros, and he'd failed to win a single game, even when Shinji had tried going easy on him, but surprisingly, Kaworu didn't seem to care at all; he smiled and congratulated Shinji with every win.
Although the second visit was a little less awkward than the first, Shinji still left feeling turned off to Kaworu, especially considering how he hugged him goodbye again, tighter this time, even though Shinji tried pushing him away.
Coming back from his reverie, Shinji looked at Kaworu. "I'd like to see if your Smash skills have gotten any better," he incited.
Kaworu smiled confidently, looking excited. "Oh, I've been practicing Shinji-kun. Just you wait."
They moved to the TV from their respective spots, and Shinji sat down on the blanket next to the bean bag chair as Kaworu plugged in a second controller and dropped the game disc into the top. Flicking on the TV, Shinji uncomfortably recognized a rom-com Kaworu must have been watching when he had left. Kaworu seemed to have a weird liking for soppy romance movies that confused Shinji intensely; those movies were for girls after all. The dancing couple on the screen soon disappeared however as Kaworu changed the input and sat down in the bean bag chair, controller in hand.
Shinji soon came to realize that Kaworu was right; he really had been practicing.
Ever since that second visit, Shinji noticed his skills improving slightly every time they hung out, and now, he actually posed a challenge to fight. Shinji had grown up playing these games, and was pretty good at them, so it was shocking to see how well Kaworu was doing against him.
Despite his efforts however, Shinji won the first game. Kaworu groaned and leaned back into his cushion as Shinji looked over gloatingly. It felt good to beat him, especially after that whole 'cleaning up' ordeal. Kaworu looked determinedly back before starting a new game.
Shinji won the second game... and the third, and the fourth, with Kaworu becoming increasingly bitter at every win. Shinji felt in his element. Kaworu might've been superior to Shinji in many ways, but here was something he was better at.
Kaworu's resolve to win seemed to harden with every loss, and by the fifth game, they found themselves on one stock, nearly neck and neck. Shinji wasn't at all paying attention to what Kaworu was doing, too focused on the screen to see that he had shifted off the bean bag chair and onto the floor next to him.
Right before Shinji could send him flying off the stage, Kaworu pressed himself up against Shinji's side and nuzzled his head into the nape of his neck, lips ghosting his skin. Shinji yelped and his fingers faltered on the controller, giving Kaworu the opportunity to knock him off instead.
Shinji shoved Kaworu away, feeling a shiver run through his body as he dropped the controller. Kaworu fell back into the bean bag chair, laughing triumphantly as Shinji scrambled away from him, wide eyed, blushing furiously.
"Y-You dirty cheater! What the hell is wrong with you?!" he blustered, breathing heavily.
Kaworu continued to laugh, bright eyes taking in Shinji's flustered appearance.
"Wow, that worked really well, huh? Looks like I finally won!" he cheered, voice full of unsuppressed mirth. Shinji gave him the most spiteful glare he could, but found the creeping, intrusive thought of how soft and warm Kaworu's hair felt on his neck lingering in his mind.
Trying to push the thought away, Shinji kicked at his leg weakly.
"H-How many times do I have to tell you I don't like you touching me?! You can't just use that to win! That's... That's..." he struggled, trying to find the right word for such a sinister trick. "Evil," he spat out.
To his intense disquiet, Kaworu's laughter tapered away into that familiar smirk, and he started crawling towards him.
"Oh, come on Shinji-kun, I was only having fun, I didn't mean to be cruel. You know I'd never try to hurt you," he said, still creeping towards him as if he was going to pounce. Shinji scrambled away still, pressing his back up against the table leg as Kaworu continued to approach.
Suddenly, Kaworu leapt forward, fingers jumping to Shinji's sides. Shinji automatically began laughing and wildly twitching as Kaworu's fingers pressed into him mercilessly. He pushed Kaworu's chest hard, knocking him back, and shot up, trying to balance on slightly shaky legs as he looked down at Kaworu with murderous eyes. Kaworu sat awkwardly on the floor, having caught himself with a hand, and was now massaging the place Shinji had shoved.
Absently rubbing his sides, he yelled at Kaworu. "K-Keep your hands to yourself, you idiot! I don't want you coming n-near me like that!" His voice was uneven and high pitched out of nerves. Kaworu stared up at him, looking slightly hurt. Shinji glared for a moment longer, catching his breath before he swallowed and turned away.
"I'm... I'm gonna go take a sh-shower... it's getting late," he said embarrassedly, still noticing how hot his face was. He just needed to get away from him as fast as possible. Kaworu seemed on the verge of speech, but Shinji stumbled away, grabbing his bag before heading into the bathroom and locking the door, not giving him the chance to talk.
He leaned against the door, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. Making sure he'd really locked it, Shinji began undressing with shaking fingers.
Why did he always have to get so easily flustered whenever Kaworu teased him? Why couldn't he just shrug it off and move on? It really shouldn't be such a big deal, and Shinji felt angry at himself for always acting like it was. He should be used to how touchy Kaworu was by now; he'd known him for a while, and it was stupid to get so worked up just because he tickled him, or leaned on him...
Shinji turned the shower on and stood under the hot water, letting it flow over his flushed face, lost in thought. He unconsciously ran his fingers over his neck as he listened to the water hit the floor. He didn't want to admit to himself how nice his hair had felt brushing against his skin, or how the sight of his bright, laughter-filled eyes made his heart skip a little.
He didn't know what to make of these feelings, so he pushed them away, replacing them instead with thoughts of how douchey Kaworu was for taking advantage of his discomfort just to win a stupid video game. It was infuriating how obnoxious he was; acting like making Shinji uncomfortable was some hilarious joke. Was he really too dense to realize that Shinji didn't at all enjoy it or find it funny?
He huffed as he washed his hair. He had half a mind to leave the second he finished showering. Maybe that'd teach that jerk not to play cat and mouse with him all the time. Maybe then he'd understand that Shinji didn't like him, or the fact that he was constantly trying to get all intimate with him.
Shinji felt his anger building as he lathered soap into his skin. It was settled. When he was done, he would gather his things, and leave. He'd walk home through the cold night, back to his house, where he'd curl up in his bed, listening to one of his old cassettes, and fall asleep... alone.
Shinji opened his eyes and stared unseeingly at the tiled wall in front of him. He didn't want to be alone. As indignant as he felt about Kaworu's attitude, he knew he'd much rather curl up under a warm blanket knowing a living, breathing person was near him. He sighed, feeling sulky. He couldn't even stand up for himself. All Kaworu did was jerk him around and tease him, and here Shinji was, sleeping over at his house because he was too bummed out by the thought of being alone. It felt kind of pathetic, really.
He turned off the water, feeling thoroughly put down. As he pulled on a clean, blue tee shirt, he let his thoughts drift to Kaworu again. It was peculiar how whenever he half convinced himself that maybe Kaworu wasn't so bad after all and he might actually be a good friend, he would ruin that by displaying just how maddeningly annoying and odd he could be. He didn't think they could really qualify as friends.
After pulling on his pajama pants, Shinji began to brush his teeth, wondering - dreading more like - what Kaworu would be up to when he exited the room. Hoping that it wasn't going to be anything too weird, he sighed deeply and opened the bathroom door, relieved that his face was no longer flushed.
As he walked back into the living area, his nose was met with a strange, pungent odor he'd never experienced before. Confused, he turned his head to Kaworu, who was sitting at the table. He looked up when Shinji reentered and answered his questioning look by holding up a small, glass bottle of black nail polish. Shinji stared. There went his hopes that Kaworu wouldn't be doing anything weird.
"You're... painting your nails? Really?" he asked, trying and failing not to sound too judgy. Kaworu pouted at Shinji before looking down to continue working.
"Yes, really. Hikari-san bought this for me after I complimented her nails; she's very kind. I'm not just going to waste a present, Shinji-kun."
Shinji walked over to sit next to him, the smell more intense. "Well, it's just... usually girls paint their nails, not boys. Don't you think it's a little..." he trailed off as Kaworu looked up at him questioningly, "...odd?" he finally managed.
Kaworu laughed a little as he looked down again. "Why should it be odd? I think it looks pretty, don't you?" he asked as he splayed his fully painted hands in front of Shinji. He looked down at them and found that Kaworu was right. Somehow, the glossy quality of the black polish seemed to make his long fingered, pale hands look even more elegant than usual. Realizing what he just thought, Shinji rubbed his neck embarrassedly.
"Uh, yeah, it looks… alright," he said quietly.
Kaworu looked happily down at his fingers, admiring them, before smirking slowly up at Shinji, who felt a sense of dread rise in him at the expression. "Shinji-kun, would you like me to paint yours too?"
Shinji blinked and stared back at Kaworu like he was crazy. "N-No, thanks. I'm fine with how they look now..." he dismissed, as if he wasn't at all interested in the idea of having his nails painted.
Kaworu tilted his head at him. "Aww, c'mon Shinji-kun, it'd look so nice on you," he whined, reaching out to grab Shinji's wrist. Shinji faltered at the touch, but didn't pull away as Kaworu laid his hand on the table.
"No, really, I don't want..." His voice died as he looked up at Kaworu's pleading expression. They stared at each other for a moment before Shinji sighed. "Okay... if you wanna do it that badly, I guess I won't stop you..." Shinji said, hesitantly spreading his fingers on the table. Kaworu smiled excitedly up at him before reopening the bottle.
Shinji wasn't sure exactly why he was letting Kaworu do this. He'd never even considered painting his nails at any other point in time, so why was he now so intrigued by the idea? Was it just because Kaworu was doing it...?
Feeling discomforted by the confusing thoughts running through his mind, he watched as Kaworu applied a thick coat of dark polish to his thumbnail. He felt mildly impressed by how neat Kaworu was about it; he didn't get a single drop on his cuticles or miss any spots. Watching the repetitive, slow strokes of the brush move along his fingers was oddly relaxing, and he found himself idly staring as Kaworu moved to his other hand. His gaze flicked momentarily up to Kaworu's serenely concentrated face, and he was bewildered to find himself blushing.
Looking back down, he saw Kaworu dip the brush into the bottle again, before delicately running it over his middle fingernail. Shinji thought fleetingly about how this was the kind of thing girls did at slumber parties, but tried stamping out the thought, not wanting to make himself feel more embarrassed. Kaworu quietly hummed as he worked on Shinji's last few fingers. Finally, he wrapped the tip of Shinji's pinky nail, and replaced the top onto the bottle, shutting it.
Shinji picked his hands up from the table, watching the way the glossy finish shifted in the light as he moved them. He realized that Kaworu was watching him, looking quite pleased with himself.
"Look, now we match!" he said happily, lifting his hand next to Shinji's. Shinji gave him a weird look before lowering his hand, and Kaworu gingerly tapped a nail with one of his fingers.
"I believe mine are dry now. I think I'll take after you and shower. Make yourself comfortable while I'm gone, Shinji-kun." Shinji pulled his eyes away from his freshly painted hands to look up at Kaworu as he stood.
"Uh, yeah... I will," he responded distractedly.
Shinji watched his back retreat into the bathroom before he shut the door. Sighing, he looked back at his fingers. Why did he enjoy that so much? Why did he actually kind of like how the paint looked? Wasn't it weird for a guy to like this kind of thing?
He sat back in his chair, bouncing his leg, waiting for the polish to dry. After a few minutes of sitting and listening to the spray of water from the bathroom, Shinji tapped a nail lightly as Kaworu had done. Noticing it was dry, he got up and sat in front of the TV, turning it on and changing from the sickeningly romantic channel Kaworu had been watching. He settled on an old episode from some anime he'd already seen and sank into his cushion, trying to focus on the screen.
After about ten minutes, Shinji recognized the sound of the shower being turned off. Maybe when Kaworu came back they could play Mario Kart; it was always entertaining to watch Kaworu lose his composure and raise his voice at the screen whenever he got hit... although, Shinji felt unsettled by the idea that he might try to employ the use of his newfound tactic from earlier to cheat a win again, and he wasn't interested in giving him the chance to try. He felt his face grow slightly warm as he thought, but he shook his head to clear it as he heard the bathroom door open.
Looking back over his shoulder, Shinji saw Kaworu emerge, running a hand through his hair, which had turned dark grey from the water and looked messier than normal. He also saw, feeling slightly alarmed, that Kaworu was wearing nothing but a towel wrapped low around his hips. Shinji stared at him as he casually made his way to the closet near his bed.
Suddenly, he let the towel fall, and Shinji shouted out in surprise.
"H-Hey! What the hell are you doing?!" he asked loudly, staring hard in the opposite direction, trying to further shield his vision with a hand.
Kaworu turned to him, although Shinji couldn't see, and said confused, "I'm... changing? What do you think I'm doing?"
Shinji felt himself redden. "Well, why couldn't you have done that in the bathroom?! You don't have to get naked in front of me!"
Kaworu crossed his arms, not bothering to hide anything. "I forgot to bring clothes in with me. And anyways, you've seen me naked before; what's the big deal?"
Shinji sputtered, "Th-That doesn't matter!", and thought uncomfortably of the few times Kaworu had burst into his shower stall without invitation after gym class to borrow some soap.
"I'd just prefer if you didn't flash me, alright?!"
Kaworu let out a small snicker as he pulled on a pair of underwear.
"It's not like I asked you to stare at me, Shinji-kun, you were the one looking," he teased.
Turning to see that he was at least somewhat covered up now, Shinji shot daggers at him, heat still prickling over his face.
"I don't know what you're trying to imply, Nagisa," he said aggressively. Kaworu smirked playfully at him, and the sight both infuriated and flustered Shinji, who turned back to the TV with a huff.
'Creep,' he thought uncomfortably as Kaworu pulled on the rest of his clothes and sat next to him, brushing their arms together.
Shinji bristled at the contact but pretended not to notice as Kaworu leaned into him. He didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how incredibly agitated he was at the moment. While Shinji stared determinedly at the screen though, he felt Kaworu lean closer and lay his head against his arm. He swallowed hard, trying not to display any signs of discomfort.
As Kaworu leaned comfortably into Shinji's shoulder, he irresistibly noticed the softness of his moisturized skin and the enticing scent of lilac and vanilla coming from his hair. Shinji felt a jolt in his stomach as he breathed it in, frantically wondering why in the world he would buy such a feminine, sweet-smelling shampoo. He wanted to get away from all these overwhelming sensations and tried desperately to cast around for some kind of distraction.
"It's... getting pretty cold in here, I think I'll go get my jacket," he said, trying hard to keep his voice steady. Kaworu gave a low hum, not moving off his shoulder.
"Oh, no Shinji-kun, that's alright," he murmured, smoothly snaking his arms around Shinji's waist, leaning over to nuzzle into his chest. "I can warm you up just like this..."
Shinji shivered and gasped as the scent of his hair filled his nose and his voice buzzed against his collarbone. "N-No, get off me!" Shinji stammered, trying unsuccessfully to push his arms away.
Kaworu gave a displeased whine and snuggled closer. "But, Shinji-kunnn... I'm cold too, and you feel so warm..." Shinji could practically feel his heart beating out of his chest as he squirmed in Kaworu's grip, feeling too frazzled to push him away. He grimaced as the other boy's still damp hair ticked his neck.
"That soap you used smells really nice on you..." Kaworu purred.
Shinji couldn't stand the tingling sensation Kaworu's words sent through his body, and in desperation, shoved his shoulders, forcing his arms off him. He crawled backwards away from Kaworu and hit his head hard against the bedframe. Wincing in pain, he ran a hand over the back of his head and stared angrily at Kaworu, knowing that his face was far too red to look intimidating.
Kaworu stared back, looking amused. Had Shinji been in any condition, he would've sprung forward and slapped that stupid, little smirk off his pretty face, but being too shaky and tense, all he could do was lean against the bed and glare at him.
Kaworu pretended to look dejected despite his smirk, and said glumly, "Oh, Shinji-kun, you're so harsh. I'm freezing over here, and you won't even help me warm up?"
Shinji felt his indignation rise up, and he snapped, "I'm not a stuffed animal, you prick! You can't just cuddle me without asking!"
Kaworu's smile widened. "Then I'll remember to ask next time." Shinji scowled at him as Kaworu stood up, laughing maddeningly at Shinji's expression.
Once he had stopped, he put his hands on his hips, looking down. "Well, if you won't warm me up, I'll just have to find another way," he said, as if Shinji had caused him an intense inconvenience.
Kaworu crawled into bed and wrapped himself tightly in one of the blankets, looking at Shinji through half-lidded eyes. Shinji felt the strong urge to snatch that blanket away from him out of spite as he looked over at Kaworu's curled form nearly pressed against the wall.
"I don't think you could be more obnoxious if you tried..." Shinji muttered darkly, returning to the bean bag chair, attempting to distract himself with the TV.
Kaworu laughed, making Shinji's fists clench. He murmured sleepily, "Mmm, I know you don't really think that Shinji-kun."
Shinji rolled his eyes. 'Keep telling yourself that, asshole...' he thought angrily.
"Well, whenever you feel like going to bed, there's plenty of space left for you. Goodnight, Shinji-kun," Kaworu said, sounding content. Shinji grunted back, not feeling like Kaworu deserved a goodnight in return.
Shinji sat there, laying lazily in the bean bag chair, only half paying attention to the TV. His thoughts were too occupied to fully take in the bright flashes coming from the screen. He felt strange. He was used to Kaworu being touchy-feely with him but... he'd never been this insistent about it. He couldn't remember a time before now when he'd tried to cuddle him like that, and what was more was that Shinji couldn't remember a time before now when he had been this flustered by Kaworu. He usually squirmed whenever Kaworu got too close, but today it seemed a thousand times worse. How many times had he blushed today? He laid a hand over his cheek, still feeling it burn.
What was going on? Why had his heart jumped so badly when Kaworu linked his arms around him? Why in the world did he find himself trying to remember exactly how his hair had smelled?
He recognized an odd, unsettled feeling in his stomach, almost like he was nervous. Were those... butterflies? Shinji unconsciously clenched and unclenched his hand, as he tried to understand why the hell the thought of that smug jerk was stirring these weird new emotions.
He felt a little scared. Thinking back on today, there had been so many points when he'd pushed Kaworu away, convincing himself that he hated the closeness... but now, recalling all those moments, he felt shocked to find that, in a way, he'd actually kind of... enjoyed them?
This revelation left him reeling. No... no, he was supposed to hate Kaworu coming near him. He was supposed to hate the things Kaworu said. He was supposed to hate Kaworu... so, why did he feel a gentle pang of longing for his touch?
Shinji bit his lip. He stole a quick glance at Kaworu, as if checking to see if he was listening into his thoughts and felt some relief to see his closed eyes and relaxed expression; he must have fallen asleep. Shinji's eyes flicked back onto the TV, and he felt the butterflies get more intense.
He was embarrassed to realize just how much he wanted to remember all the things Kaworu had done and said to him today, and only half-heartedly resisted the memories coming to the forefront of his mind.
He shamefully let himself remember Kaworu's hand laying itself on top of his and the feeling of his warm breath against his neck when he spoke. He touched his neck, recalling how soft his hair felt, and wondered dazedly what it'd feel like to run his hands through it. His stomach flipped over as he imagined ruffling it, breathing in its scent.
Suddenly he pressed his eyes shut hard and tried to clear his mind. This was all too much; he wasn't supposed to think about things like this. He covered his face in his hands, feeling them shake a little. God, what was wrong with him? Where were all of these... feelings coming from? He breathed heavily, trying his best to clear his mind of all his undesirable thoughts. After a few minutes, he looked up, relieved to see that the butterflies had more or less disappeared.
He still felt disturbed by all of the new, unsettling thoughts and feelings now plaguing his subconscious, but he forcefully suppressed them. He didn't want to admit to himself that he now felt... different towards Kaworu. He wasn't sure how to label his new emotions towards him, and he didn't want to. He wanted his feelings towards Kaworu to stay the same. He wanted to think of him as the same weird, creepy, smirking jerk as he always had. Feeling any other way towards him was just wrong... wasn't it? He wasn't going to let some random new feelings just completely change their whole relationship.
Shinji merely put up with Kaworu and his weird ways... he didn't like him in the slightest. That's how things were. That's how things were supposed to be. The best way to deal with these dumb, new emotions would be to pretend like they weren't there. And so, that's exactly what Shinji would do.
He opened his eyes, peering through his fingers at the TV. Stretching, he stood up and turned it off. The light it had been casting was the only thing besides the pale moonlight shining through the window that illuminated the room.
Letting his eyes adjust to the new darkness, Shinji walked to the bed and quietly crawled under the covers, feeling all too aware of the fact that Kaworu had fallen asleep facing his side of the bed. Shinji let his head sink into the fluffy pillow, noticing with a slight jolt that it smelled like Kaworu's hair. He stared at Kaworu, whose face was half obscured by his bangs, and absentmindedly began observing his features. He felt a chill unrelated to the cool air of the room.
The moment Kaworu had appeared at their school, he'd caught the attention of nearly every student who had heard about him. His appearance was striking. It was a real shock to see a boy with red, glittering eyes, charmingly messy, silver hair, shockingly pale, smooth, blemish-free skin, and a mysteriously casual, elegant grace. It also helped that he was friendly and quite intelligent; He became one of the top students in the grade before the second semester. He was incredibly popular, especially with girls.
Shinji almost laughed aloud recalling the time when Toji and Kensuke had begged Kaworu to tell them the secret to charming women, as if he was some kind of wizard. He'd been asked out at least ten times in the same year by girls who didn't even know him beyond his name. Shinji had always felt a small drop of jealousy towards Kaworu, considering he had never been asked out in his entire life. He was always a little let down whenever some pretty girl would approach him, just to ask if she could have his friend's number. His jealousy wasn't strong however, as Kaworu never basked in or bragged about all the female attention. Shinji was sometimes completely bewildered by the fact that Kaworu never showed any signs of interest in any of the girls who came up to him. To his knowledge, he'd never accepted a date, and he'd yet to ever have a girlfriend.
Shinji looked at Kaworu's parted lips, wondering if he rejects all those girls because he already has a crush on someone. If he does, it'd definitely be an easy score, Shinji thought dryly. Girls practically swooned just from the sight of him, so getting the girl he wanted would have to be the easiest thing in the world for him. But, for some reason that Shinji didn't want to figure out, the idea of Kaworu getting a girlfriend seemed to make his stomach squirm. Sighing inwardly, he took one more fleeting glance at Kaworu's soft features before letting his eyes fall shut.
Those girls probably wouldn't be so quick to fall all over him if they knew just how weird and annoying he really was. Although, Shinji thought, maybe he acts more normal around other people, and Shinji was just someone he liked to torment in particular.
'Lucky me...' he thought, his eyes getting heavy.
Slowly, he let his drowsiness fill his mind with a pleasant haze, and he sighed comfortably into the sweet-smelling pillow, feeling warmed by the soft blanket he was wrapped in. At last, he fell asleep, too addled and content to push away the happy glow he felt at curling up and drifting off mere inches from Kaworu.
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone