Chapitre 20: What I Really Want To Do
I was told I was right,
That they deserved to die,
That they deserved what's coming, and my actions were justified.
But that one night made me see through all those lies,
Now I'm stuck with the guilt of ending those lives.
Despite the recent challenges and backlash the Hunter Force Academy (HFA) had faced over the last two months, they managed to keep the company and academy running. Lisa returned to work the day after Sanito's funeral. According to her, Sanito would've been upset if she stayed in mourning for too long. Meanwhile, Joshua, Haruto, and Koichi led a squad to search for the Kaimi Daja hideout, following clues from humans who had been part of the group. However, the Kaimi Daja always seemed one step ahead and had already vacated the location by the time they arrived. They even set off a bomb at one of their hideouts to try and kill the hunters, but the plan failed.
At the academy, things were running smoothly. The HFA decided that the Battle Exams for students would take place on October 5th, 2021. Since enrolling in August, the students had been training intensely, with significant progress. Despite the events of their first training day, Takimo had managed to befriend everyone in his class, except Rin, who remained hostile due to Takimo's views on Shadows.
As October 4th, 2021, arrived, the day before the Battle Exams, Takimo and the others continued their rigorous preparation. Jason and Lisa supervised their training, eventually calling it a day, reminding them to rest and mentally prepare for the exams.
Jason was on his way home when he received a text from Joshua, asking him to meet him at their favorite bar. Normally, Jason would have declined, but the request came from Joshua, his best friend, and Joshua promised to cover the bill.
Jason: (entering the bar and seeing Joshua) Hey, four eyes.
Joshua: (smiles) Yoo. You actually showed.
Jason: What kind of idiot would I be to turn down a free drink?
Joshua: (laughs) That's true. That was the only way to make you come here.
Jason: (taking his seat) So how's the investigation going?
Joshua: (grinning) SOOOOO STRESSFUL!
Jason: (laughs) For real?????
Joshua: (cartoonish face) Dead end after dead end after dead end after dead end every time. It's exhausting.
Jason: (laughs) The one mission you actually take bores you like this? You really are a weird one.
Joshua: (grins) Says the person who can't teach.
Jason: (playful) Huh? Of course, I can teach! You'll see how well they do tomorrow in the Battle Exams!
Joshua: Yeah about that, I won't be able to make it to the battle exams tomorrow.
Jason: (ordering a drink) Huh? Why not?
Joshua:There's a town down south complaining that a shadow monster's been eating all their fish. Anyone who goes near the river gets attacked. It's apparently a Level 1+ monster, and its size and shadow energy are drawing in others. Since I'm the only available Level 1+ hunter, I have to take the mission.
Jason: Makes sense. But aren't there other Level 1+ Lighters?
Joshua: Yeah, but only four. Eldon Snyder's the strongest, but he's in prison for the destruction he caused in 2003. The heir from the Sakamoto clan disappeared and allegedly killed his family. And Diego? He's in early retirement. So, I'm the only one left. (sighs) What a drag.
Jason: You don't sound thrilled about it.
Joshua: I didn't ask for this. I got the title because I can use both Harmonic Restoration and Perfect Manifestation. If I could give it up, I would in a heartbeat. Anyways, How's Lisa holding up?
Jason: She's doing okay, considering. But losing the love of her life is never easy.
Joshua: I see. (takes a gulp out of his drink & pauses) This hunter job isn't what I thought it would be.
Jason: Yeah. My parents once told me not to be a hunter because they don't live long because of the nature of their jobs. They were right.
Joshua: We've lost eight friends since becoming hunters. Now, there are only six of us left. Six out of fourteen.
Jason: (sighs)
Joshua: You know, Jason, you once asked me why I decline most missions. Do you remember?
Jason: Yeah.
Joshua: I've got an answer for you now. It all stems from a mission I took six years ago.
Jason: What happened on that mission?
Joshua: It was one month after we graduated...
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June 14th 2015 (6:45PM)
From childhood, I always knew my left arm was special. My parents called me a "special child" and later told me I was an heir of the All Mother—the creator of both Lighters and Shadows which meant I had a fraction of her power.
I grew up believing that Shadows and Shadow Monsters were one and the same: they wore human skins to pretend to be like us. That made it easier to accept killing them. I killed many Shadow Monsters after graduating, feeling nothing.
But then, something changed. The HFA had been monitoring a family suspected of being Shadows. A pair of Level Two hunters had confirmed that the whole family were Shadows. I was ordered to exterminate them. I assumed they were monsters, so I walked in with my sword drawn.
It was a family of three, a father, his wife and his daughter who was probably in her early 20s. They were all about to have dinner when I walked in. They saw the sword in my hand and they were instantly terrified and tried to run away instead of attacking me. BUT I STILL USED MY SWORD TO KILL THEM ALL ANYWAYS.
Their blood stained my sword and the suit I wore on that day. At first I felt nothing because in my mind I was doing the right thing. But then I turned around and saw a twelve year old standing at the door behind me. He had tears in his eyes and I realized that he was the youngest child of the family I had just ended. I moved forward to end his life too but then I looked into his eyes and saw this look that scared me. He looked at me like I was the monster the world claimed the shadows were and that look scared me not because of the child but because of what I had become in his eyes. Blood on my face, body and sword are like embodiments of a monster who killed with no remorse. Then I looked around and saw the family photos on the walls and some crayon drawings probably drawn by the child in front of me.
The boy's words echoed in my mind: "They were different. They wanted to be different from what the world called us. Why didn't you give us a chance?"
"SHADOWS ARE JUST WEARING HUMAN SKIN."
Those words were put into question the day I ended that poor boy's family as I watched the child run away from me. I didn't tell the HFA about the child who ran away because all of a sudden I felt like I had been doing it all wrong. I always took the opinions of others without seeing it for myself.
"SHADOWS PRETEND TO BE HUMANS AND LIGHTERS."
But isn't judging all of them based on the sins of one man wrong? Shadows aren't all monsters. They're just people, shaped by the hate they've endured for centuries. But I had been too blinded by the world's judgment. That mission changed everything. I couldn't go on killing without knowing who they really were anymore.
This cycle of hatred has been going on for 500 years and might go on for another 500 years if we don't do something. I fear that if we continue like this, the shadows will unite and fight back and I'm afraid of what would happen then.
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Joshua: That's why I decline most missions. I can deal with Shadow Monsters, but I can't handle killing Shadows. It reminds me too much of that day.
There was a moment of silence between the two of them as Jason processed what he had just heard from Joshua.
Jason: (pauses) So you're still mentally scarred from that mission?
Joshua: (nods his head) I envy you, Jason. You can kill Shadows without feeling anything. How do you do it?
Jason: (taking a sip) I don't know. I guess, after watching my dad get eaten by a Shadow Monster, I just don't want anyone to go through what my mom and I felt that day. So, every time I kill a Shadow or a Shadow Monster, I remember that at least fewer people will experience that same pain. To me, Shadows and Shadow Monsters are the same.
Joshua: I see. (sips his drink) That's the difference between us. I can't shake the feeling that I'm wrong, so I can't keep doing what I was trained to do.
Jason: (sighs) So, what now?
Joshua: I've made up my mind. I'm resigning from being a hunter & I wanted you to be the first one to know.
Jason: What?! Why??! (suddenly remembers the story Joshua just said) Nevermind I think I get it.
Joshua: I've spent twenty-seven years living my life the way others told me to. I didn't get to choose. I became a hunter because I was told I had to.
Jason: So what do you want to do Joshua?
Joshua: I want to change the world. Stop the cycle of everyone killing each other. I want to end this hatred that's lasted for 500 years. And I want to live my life without anyone, not even my family, telling me what to do.
Jason: (thinking) So Joshua's been wrestling with this for a while. Makes me wonder if anyone else feels the same. I don't have these thoughts but....
Joshua: You know I've always wished that I could be reborn as a normal human. No powers and no big responsibilities on my shoulders. (laughs and scratches his head) Reincarnation sounds like something out of a fairytale movie.
Jason: (sighs) We might have different views, but wanting to change things for the better? That's a good thing. It'll be hard to change the HFA, but I'll be here whenever you need help.
Joshua: (smiles) Thanks, Jason.
The two left the bar, each with their own thoughts. Joshua prepared for his mission the next day, while Jason got ready for the students' Battle Exams while still thinking on what Joshua just told him.
Meanwhile, elsewhere, Zero, Jokita, and Desmond stared at the moon.
Jokita: So, we execute the plan tomorrow?
Zero: Yeah.
Desmond: (scratches his head) Damn it. Even after we've explained the plan multiple times, I'm still wondering, can we really take down Joshua Egoshin? A Level 1+ hunter?
Jokita: (huffing) You speak like they're gods. Nothing in this world escapes death.
Desmond: (teasing) There you go again, sounding like an old man.
Jokita: (sighs)
Zero: We'll have to do it no matter what. Because if we don't do this, we can't change the world.
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone