Chapitre 35: Getting Priorities Straight

~ SASHA ~

She wanted to argue literally everything he'd said, but one of those statements demanded to be addressed. "Zev, what do you mean you're a "thing" and I'm a real person?"

His lips thinned, but he didn't let go of her hand. "I just meant… I mean, I'm a creature, Sasha, you get that, right? I wasn't born. I was made. Created by people. Real people. No one really knows what I am. They call us Chimera because they don't really understand how we work or where we came from. You're human. You were made when two other humans reproduced. I was made in a lab. I was cultivated by a machine. It's an existential mind-fuck," he muttered.

She frowned. In many ways she found this thought far more disturbing than anything else he'd said so far that night.

"You're human though, too, right? I mean, your human genes must have come from somewhere?"

"Sure. But knowing what I do about these people now, I'm guessing whoever my mother or father was, they either don't even know I exist, or they were forced to give their DNA. Either way, there's no family reunions in my future. I wasn't adopted out, if you know what I mean. God doesn't listen when I talk, Sash. No matter what happens… remember that."

Her head jerked back and she stared at him, and the weight that had suddenly appeared to rest on his shoulders. "What are you talking about? God hears everyone."

Zev shook his head. "God hears people, Sash. Like you. You have a soul, so He hears you. Me? Soulless. I'm a… a piece of engineering. When I die… either there's nothing left, or I'm headed for hell. I guess I'll find out when the day comes."

"Zev! Stop saying that!" she gasped, clasping his forearm in her free hand.

"I'm not trying to dramatic, Sasha, I've read the histories. Trust me, I didn't come from anywhere good."

"But… but you ARE good!"

"No, I'm good AT stuff—which is different."

She stared at him and he stared back, unapologetic—but she could see the shadow behind his eyes, too. He really believed what he was saying—and he didn't like it.

"Zev," she started.

He shook his head. "We don't have time for this kind of debate right now, Sash. When we get you safe then we can talk about this for weeks if you want. But right now—"

"See! See, that's exactly what I mean. How can you say this about yourself? You say that I know you—the real you? You were being real with me five years ago? And you say you haven't changed?"

He grunted. "I've grown up, just like you have, Sash. But who I am hasn't changed."

"Okay then, that means you're good. You care. You're thoughtful and sweet and you have a… a moral compass. You aren't just some mindless creature."

His lips twisted. "I never said mindless. I said soulless."

"Zev!"

"Look, Sash, thank you. I appreciate you trying to help me right now, but I'm not joking. We don't have time. Wait until we get out from under Nick and get you into safety, okay? Then I'll debate this with you until the moon rises."

She sat back, feeling shaky and sulky and too many other things to sort out. But she knew he was right. This wasn't the time. She just… she hated thinking that he thought of himself that way.

"Fine, but this conversation isn't over," she said quickly.

"Sure," he said dismissively. "Now… we're about thirty minutes away from the place we need to start travelling, and I need to talk to you about how we're going to do that and what's going to happen tonight to get you to safety."

"Okay."

"The thing is, Sash, you have to be sure. That you want to give this a shot with me, I mean. The place I'm taking you, it's not easy to get in and out—that's why it's not easy for Nick to find you there. There's a whole town of people, but it's really remote. Really. There's no cars, and you wouldn't be able to walk out. Not easily, anyway. And not without help. This place… it's beautiful and I always wanted to show it to you. But it's not an easy place to live. You won't have a lot of the comforts you're used to. But what you will have is safety. If we're there… we can pretty much live in peace."

"This Nick guy won't come after you?"

"Oh, he'll try. But he won't be able to get there alone and if he gets help he has to tell them that he fucked up and lost me. Which he won't do. But the thing is… to keep you really safe—and to keep the people there safe—you can't know how to get there. I have to… I'd have to blindfold you and… and maybe make you sleep through part of the journey."

"What, why?"

"Because… if Nick or anyone close to him ever does catch up with us—or if you ever decide to come back here—you have to be able to say you truly don't know how to get there. They'll know if you're lying. You can't. You just can't know. And… it's complicated.

"Look, the important part is this: If you're sure. If you'll let me take you there, then I'll take care of everything. You can have a rest and I'll carry you and we'll get there, and you'll wake up and we can… we can start a new life."

His voice got lower, softer as he said those words and her breath stopped.

"Are you… I mean…" She licked her lips. "If I go… you'll be there too, right?"

"Of course," he said. "As long as it's in my power, I'm never leaving you alone again, Sasha. They'll have to kill me first." He stared at her, his eyes hard and determined and her heart fluttered.

Fuck, this was crazy. But whatever had broken loose inside her when he showed up had been waiting for this for five years. "Then, I already told you," she said softly, squeezing his hands. "I'm in."

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