Chapitre 18: Should He Fight For Love?
Jack Lambert looked at him gently. There was compassion, concern and something warm in his gaze that Martin couldn't name. Jack's eyes were just like Ami's.
Ami! Oh my God! He should love her, not Steve, this is Ami ...
Is what Martin feels for Steve actually love? The young mechanic was shocked. Doubt and acceptance filled his thoughts literally every few seconds.
"You fell in love with the wrong person and now you suffer from it," said Jack. He sounded like a man who knew these emotions from experience.
"But I don't want to…" stammered Martin, pale as a wall.
"Who wants? The heart is not the mind, no one will understand why it chooses this and not another person? Real fairy-tale romances can only be found in fairy tales. There is suffering, bitterness and sorrow in life."
It sounded so simple and yet so cruel. Did he really fall in love with someone who was harmful to him and needed to be avoided? Was it the toxic love that abounds on the housewife-friendly TV shows his mother watched passionately?
No, it's impossible that every love is like this. There must be a chance for "they lived happily ever after" otherwise why love at all?
"But ... I thought you found your love?" He asked desperately, catching the thought. Love cannot be just suffering. It can't!
"I found it," Jack admitted. "We are fine now, but it wasn't always like that. He had difficulty accepting me and his orientation, then he had to face social opposition. I had to fight for us. The question is, will you fight for Steve?"
Fight? So is there any hope after all?
Should Martin fight for Steve's love? Or shouldn't he run away as soon as possible and try to get back on the "right track" in life? Shouldn't he try to mend his relationship with Ami, that lovely girl he'll be able to start a family with someday?
He imagined Ami's soft eyes, then the dark flames of Steve's passionate eyes. He immediately remembered the touch of his hands, the warmth inside his mouth ...
It's just passion, only sex, but… Martin remembered how worried he was about the incident with the teenager being hit by Paxton. If Steve had been in serious trouble then, Martin might not have been able to take it. Martin loved Paxton like an idol, but then suddenly their relationship took on a different way, and suddenly the platonic feeling became erotic. So what was Martin's love really like? Was it something to fight for?
But how can you fight for the love of a man who had everything? What could Martin offer him to draw him to him, hoping for their own happy ending? Martin quickly revised his qualities and lowered his head.
"I have nothing in me to fight for him," he replied very softly, resignedly.
"Hey," Jack said gently, leaning down to catch his gaze. "Do not talk nonsense. If you had nothing in you, you wouldn't have caught his attention at all. After all, someone like him can have anyone, right?"
"Yes" and that was the problem.
"And he wanted you. From what you say, twice. This is one time more than his typical result."
Martin's eyes widened as he became aware of Jack's words. There was actually something to it. If Steve only thought of him as a one-time adventure, why then did he do a repeat today?
Martin felt his confidence returning to him. He felt much better, which was reflected in a gentle smile.
"And that I understand," Jack clapped him on the shoulder. He was acting like an older brother or a real friend.
"Why?" Martin wanted to know. "Why are you helping me?"
"Isn't that obvious? He asked with a mischievous smile on his lips. "Because you are cute, and cute people shouldn't suffer from stupid people. Am I right?"
"Actually ..."
Jack laughed completely sincerely.
"Take it easy. I said I have someone. I'm not going to hit on you. You have enough problems with one emotionally disturbed driver."
It was a joke, not malicious, not cruel, mere self-joke. Steve couldn't joke like that.
"Are you just admitting your weakness? " Martin asked Lambert.
"I? Never! My emotional disturbance is my strength. It is thanks to them that I cannot get rid of women, although I would prefer to chase away from men. By the way, you still owe me a beer break. Let's go!"
"Probably not today," he thanked for the invitation. "Thank you for cheering me up, but you know, I feel a little… uncomfortable."
"Oh, so it was pretty hot. I know how you feel" he nodded understandingly. Does that mean Jack is passive in the relationship too? "But you probably can walk?"
"I can," he admitted without a trace of embarrassment. Jack Lambert was the first, so far, the only man the mechanic could really talk to about it, and Martin was glad to meet him.
Jack didn't really judge him. Maybe because he preferred men himself and understood what Martin was going through now. Wonder when Jack found out he prefers members of the same sex? He was tempted to ask, but he really wasn't feeling well, and today he just wanted to rest.
"But I'll drive you anyway," Jack announced. "There are days in a man's life when it would be better for him not to walk too much."
"I totally agree with that. "
Jack was a really good friend, thanks to whom Martin slept the night very peacefully. The conversation with him calmed his emotions, and the advice resulting from the experience made his physical ailments not so bothersome, and he could fall asleep without any problems.
Martin loved Steve. It was thanks to Jack that he realized it. The discovery shocked him deeply because he had never looked at guys that way. He was always attracted to girls, and no one ever doubted it. Especially him.
Except Steve wasn't an ordinary guy. He was handsome, yes, but most of all he was incredibly talented. Martin had never seen another driver drive with such grace and sensitivity. In one race, the leader of the entire racing classification tried to overtake Steve - still a newcomer to the series - for five laps. Despite the pressure of a more experienced and titled rival, Paxton did not stop even for a moment and did not give his rival even one opening bringing his victory to the finish line.
Martin remembered that race and its emotions. Beer in hand and in the company of his colleagues from the track, he watched with bated breath, cheering for Paxton with all his heart. He remembered the joy when this driver, unknown a month before, had won the second race in a row. Martin thought then that he was a really amazing guy, and he felt real admiration for him.
'Then I fell in love with him,' he realized feeling like an idol. 'He seemed to be perfect then ...'
'He is perfect, except he doesn't take me seriously. But Jack says I can fight for Steve. If only I knew how?'
Martin didn't have any plan yet, but decided he would give himself a chance. If in fact only Steve is in his mind and heart at this point, Martin will do whatever he can to find a place in Steve's heart as well.
Steve Paxton was drunk. More specifically, Steve Paxton was drenched. This was due to the new hotel bartender whom someone somehow forgot to tell that some hotel guests weren't allowed to have too much alcohol. The bartender probably assumed that the client should perfectly know their limits. He proved by this how inexperienced he is in his work. Now he had a real problem, because Paxton, drunk, couldn't stand up or sit on the bar stool. Paxton would make a laughingstock of himself if it were an ordinary bar in an ordinary hotel, but the five-star Baronet prided itself on not only comfort but also class, so even if one of the guests was causing a disturbance, the others politely pretended not to notice it.
The bartender, however, had a real problem and sensed trouble, especially since the young hotel manager and her fiancé appeared in the room. They both immediately approached the drunk Paxton as if they had just come for him.
"Karl! Anna! " the drunk man rejoiced. "Let's go somewhere to kick-start this party! It is terribly numb here. "
"Yes, yes, we'll be going right now," Walton announced, helping him to his feet. "This customer has a limit of alcohol he can consume," he told the bartender. "You did not know?"
"I'm so sorry," the bartender muttered. The hotel manager gave him a murderous look that threatened him with losing his job.
"Can you handle it yourself?" Anna asked her fiancé. Karl nodded.
"Of course."
"Nevertheless, I will accompany you and open the door. Why is Steve so drunk? Has something happened to Hannah? "
"No," Karl shook his head as he led Paxton, who was just in his own world of illusion, mumbling something under his breath, chuckling. "Maybe he's reacting to that knife incident? Leave it! " Walton pushed Steve's hand away, which was playing with a button on Karl's shirt.
Anna looked askance at this, but made no comment. Instead, she returned to the topic:
"You think that's it? He behaved normally at the party. Maybe something happened later? We shouldn't have left him alone. "
"He was not alone. He was with…" Karl suddenly cursed very ugly. Anna gritted her teeth.
They both knew Steve was a brilliant driver, but the guilt over Hannah was a burden for him that Paxton couldn't handle at times. For about six months, however, Steve had been calmer, more focused on his work, and showed no self-destructive tendencies, so they both lowered their guard and left him in the cheerful company of three other people. They figured Steve no longer needed a vigilant guardian to protect him from himself. But they were clearly wrong.
Cadeaux
-- Cadeau
reçu État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone