Chapitre 171: Grief.
"Heres your order miss, one chocolate mocha latte and one mini red velvet strawberry cake." Kieran said placing the order at the table.
His voice sounded a bit disappointed.
Looking up, Lucretia saw Kieran had a disappointed look on his face.
Rolling her eyes, she responded to Kieran.
"Hey, I'm feeling sad. Can't I have one small mini cake at least! It's not like I'm eating a full 1 pound cake!"
Kieran took a seat in front of Lucretia on the other side of the table.
"Okay, okay. I will allow it only once! But you must keep a check on your sugar levels, Lucy. I don't want you dying on me, the funeral costs past few weeks suddenly spiked up for some reason. I'm broke, I can't afford to pay the funeral costs."
Lucretia had a neutral expression on her face.
"I'm diabetic but that doesn't mean I'm forbidden to eat anything with sugar in it! I have a healthy diet and I work out regularly. As long as I control my sugar intake regularly and don't deviate from my health routine, I can eat it!"
In response to Lucretia, Kieran only shrugged.
"You've been looking at their direction for a while..." Kieran said turning his head to one of the corner tables at the cafe.
Aurora and his friends were hanging at one of the corner tables.
Lucretia too turned at their direction before speaking.
"Do you think I'm crazy? A hypocrite?"
"If you're crazy and a hypocrite, I don't know any other words that I can describe myself with. So don't you dare take those two words for yourself and leave me with nothing!" Kieran said to Lucretia pointing a finger at her, being overly dramatic.
Taking the fork, Lucretia cut the poor cake into half before brutally and cruelly cutting it into bite-size pieces.
"I'm trying! Trying so hard to move on but I realized that moving on is the hardest part of life!"
Kieran turned to Lucretia.
He stared at her for a few moments before replying to her.
"You're not a hypocrite nor you are crazy. You are coping with Eleanore's death by blaming that guy and you know that. You can't reconcile with the fact that he gets to live and your sister doesn't."
"..." Lucretia.
"I can give a 2-hour lecture about it. But you see coming from a suicidal guy who is living day by day only to take revenge before killing himself?" Kieran shrugged before continuing.
"You will tell me, the same thing applies to me and will try to change the main character of the topic from you to me. Moving on and live, yadadada~"
Lucretia rolled her eyes at Kieran.
"I get it, you're a hypocrite and I'm not!"
"Ignore the nonsense from before... Anyways, coping with the loss of someone is one of life's biggest challenges. The grieving process takes time, so take your time. I can't promise I will stay by your side until you move on, Lucy... But I will stay by your side until I'm ~" Kieran made a cutting motion on his neck.
Lucretia sighed before muttering softly.
"How can you talk about killing yourself so casually? Tsk..."
Clicking her tongue, she turned towards the table where Ian was laughing and having fun with his friends.
"I'm in denial, it's hard to accept what happened. I feel numb, trouble believing that she is gone, denying the truth. I've become emotionally unstable, I cry a lot, alone. Not every day but every few days. The feelings of sadness, the emptiness, despair and loneliness, the yearning... It's hard! I feel guilty and regret about the things I did to her, the things I said to her and the things I didn't get to do with her. Sometimes, I expect her to show up in front of me like 'Hey, lucy. What's up! It was all a prank, I'm not dead. I'm sorry!'... I feel angry and resentful whenever I look at him! I know that it's not his fault. But I can't stop blaming him and think he could have done something to save her. I-I just feel the need to blame him for not saving her... I feel anxious, helpless and insecure. She was the pillar of my life! Growing up without her is hard, she was like a guide to me."
Lucretia was about to take another bite of her cake, but looking down at the plate she saw that the plate was empty.
Suddenly, she deflated like a balloon and became extra sad.
"Can I have another, pwease?" Lucretia pleaded in a soft sad cute voice.
"No!"
"Dammit, you suck Ran!" Lucretia complained.
"Where's Taki-Kun by the way?" She asked looking at her wristwatch.
Takashi was supposed to join like usual but he is currently late.
Takashi is never late when they are hanging out together.
She frowned thinking it's unusual for Takashi to be late.
"Kenji is coming today, did you forget? It's Monday!" Kieran replied sighing.
Seeing that she was expecting Takashi to come and join them, Kieran figured that Lucretia again lost track of what day it is.
"It's Monday! I totally forgot what day it is." Lucretia was shocked by learning what day today is.
'Dammit! I forgot again. Now, this depressing state is really triggering me.' She thought in her head.
"Come on finish your latte quick, lucy. We have to go home and greet Kenji." Kieran said getting up from his seat.
"Wait, let me finish this quick!"
Quickly finishing the latte, Lucretia got up from her seat as well.
Paying the bills they left the cafe.
As they were walking towards the parking lot, Kieran spoke up.
"You can try to suppress your grief but you can't avoid it forever, lucy. Like what is happening now, with meeting Ian. You are mentally and physically hurting yourself. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. So why don't you start with forgiving, Ian? Look at yourself, unresolved grief is making you like this." Kieran moved his finger up and down pointing at Lucretia.
Lucretia laughed.
"What! Are you worried about me? You think I would do something stupid? Haha."
Kieran stopped in his tracks.
Seeing that Kieran stopped walking, Lucretia turned to Kieran only to see her best friend is looking at her with a serious expression on his face.
"Honestly, I am. I'm worried about you doing something stupid! Because if something were to happen to either of you? I will not waste any more of my time on my revenge. I will just take my own life and be done with it."
"..."
"Okay I promise you, I won't do anything stupid. Happy?"
"Yeah."
The two started walking once more.
Arriving at the parking lot, they got inside one of Takashi's car that he lent Kieran.
Both of them went home to greet Takashi's younger brother, Kenji and eat delicious food made by the greatest chef in the world.
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