Chapitre 10: Her Truths

It is already dark outside when I wake up again. The atmosphere inside my room is calmer and more peaceful than the one that I left earlier. The body pains from the fall have slightly subsided, the chest pains have also disappeared, but I can still feel my heart pounding harder than it should.

The life monitor is gone, as well as the oxygen mask but it is replaced by a nasal cannula to support my breathing.

So, this is actually happening.

I have to admit that I tolerated a little hope that this is not real, and I am so stupid to hold on to it. What am I even thinking? This will eventually happen, of course. I will get sick again, and they will eventually learn about it no matter how hard I try to hide it.

Sam is the only person inside the room when I wake up, he helps raise the upper part of my bed. He then sits on my bed and faces me for us to talk properly.

"Kate and Andy wanted to stay and wait for you to wake up to apologize for what happened earlier, but I told them to go home because it's already late and they still have classes tomorrow." He started.

"They have nothing to apologize for." I answered in a low voice as I remembered what happened earlier. "How did they know about it?"

I know that the answer to that question won't change anything, but I still want to know.

"They said that they were on their way to our house when they saw the ambulance coming out from our gate. When the guards told them that you had an accident, they followed it here and they heard me and your doctor talking."

I took a breath and looked away from him.

"They are mad, and they have all the rights to do so." I said.

"They were just surprised, baby girl. I'm sure they will understand." He said with his soft yet husky voice.

I did not answer.

There are a lot of things running inside my head right now, and I could not pick one to focus on.

"Don't think about it for now, okay?" Sam said, trying to change the topic of our conversation. "How are you feeling right now?"

He has been talking calmly, but I know that he is also frustrated as I am because of what happened to me.

"I'm ﬁne." I simply answered and looked at him. "I'm dying again, am I? What rules did I break now?"

"Hey, it's not like that. You're not dying, and you did nothing wrong." He said and took a deep breath. "You know that your condition cannot be cured, and that will never be your fault. We found a way to stabilize your heart years ago, but it doesn't mean that it will never fail again." He started, then he looked at me as if he's trying to fix his words and thoughts.

"Your initial scans and test results came out while you're asleep, but there are still tests that need to be done. You had heart failure. Since it is one of the risks of your heart defect, we've been expecting it, and the medications you were taking helped to make it less alarming. It is serious, but it is nothing much to worry about for now as long as we keep it under control. However, we had to change the dosage of some of your medicines and also increase your medications, as well as your doctor visits."

I nodded in response and looked away again.

"I understand."

He is trying to tell me about it as if it is something that should not be worried about. He thinks that my condition may get worse if I think and worry about it, and he tends to keep some information from me or make it look better than it really is. He has been doing it even before, but I am not a child anymore to be naive at my own condition. I know how bad this is.

"Does mum and dad know about what happened?" I asked while trying to put my thoughts together.

I understand what he just said, but I cannot seem to process any of it.

"They're on their way home, but we talked about it through the phone with your doctor." He answered.

I did not answer again and just stared outside the window.

I am so stupid to think that I can have a normal life. No matter how hard I try to hide it, it will deﬁnitely hunt me. Now, it is here again.

I don't even know why am I freaking out about this. I had an attack like this before, I had chest pains, I had a hard time breathing, and I had a heart-pounding loudly than it should. In fact, I had experienced worse than this that almost killed me. This is not new to me, but I am freaking out. Probably because I was finally having fun. I am freaking out because I thought everything was alright.

"Hey, baby girl, don't be like that." Sam stood up and pulled me inside his arms. "You'll be ﬁne, don't worry. Everything will be alright."

I just nod my head in response even if I do not agree with him. We are just fooling ourselves. I will never be fine, I never am.

After a few hours, mum and dad arrived from their flight but I was asleep again when they came. I had to stay in the hospital for the next two days that kept me from attending my classes. They wanted me to stay a little longer, but I convinced Sam to let me go home.

Luckily, they let me go home after a little discussion with my doctors. They have no reason to keep me in the hospital because I am feeling fine, my vitals are fine, and I do not have other injuries aside from the wound on my forehead.

I really hate that place, it is suffocating. The hospital is my own kind of hell.

I am currently in a place where I can breathe, and I am at peace. It is where I can be alone and think aside from the hill. I want to be alone, even just for a while. I cannot do that if I will be at the hill because my brother will definitely find me there.

I am sure that he is currently asking our guards and butlers to look for me right now. I am also sure that he will scold and nag at me later once they find me because he doesn't want me to attend school or go anywhere outside the house today, but I don't care.

I even left my phone in my room so that he won't be able to call me or trace me using the GPS tracker that he installed in there after the last abduction incident. He does not know that I know that he put a tracker on my phone. I did not protest because I still feel guilty for making him worried.

I know one person who can think that I am up here on the rooftop of the main building of the high school department, and I can already feel his presence a few meters away from me now.

I just ignored his presence and continued gazing at the view in front of me as if he was not here.

"Everyone is looking for you." He ﬁnally said with his husky voice after a few minutes. I, then, felt him walk towards my direction. "Sam, me, Kate and Andy, Renz and Vince, even your coach and the archers are looking for you." He added.

Of course, Sam will tell them that I am missing and ask them to also look for me.

"I know." I answered.

"Why do you always want to be alone and face your problems all by yourself?" I could imagine him frowning at that question, but I did not answer and asked him a different question instead.

"Aren't you mad at me too?"

From my peripheral vision, I saw him stand beside me and look at where I am gazing.

"I'm not." He simply said.

I turned to him. "Why?"

"I just don't. Why would I?" He paused. "Besides, no one is mad at you."

I look back at staring at nowhere in front of me.

"I lied to you." I said in a low voice.

"You didn't, you just chose not to tell us. There's a difference."

I bitterly smiled. "Andy was right, I'm conceited. I always am." I stated out of nowhere. "The truth is, I do not have an intention to hide it, I just have to. To have a normal life. All my life, I have had everyone around me worrying for me. I am always being watched, being cared for, and there are always rules to follow. I cannot do this; I cannot do that. I am really tired of that, it sucks."

I purse my lips as I feel my eyes heat up. I do not know why I am telling these things to Ace. I just feel like I have to say it.

"I felt like being caged, and I was helpless. I chose to hide it from you guys and from everyone to avoid those treatments. At least, even just outside our house, I hope to feel normal, and it actually works. I, I actually felt like everything was alright." I paused and took a deep breath trying to control myself from crying. "Regardless, I know that was not enough reason to keep it from you. Everything that Kate and Andy had said was all true. I did it for myself, I am selfish."

I immediately wipe away the tears that escape from my eyes. Shit, I should not be crying.

"I'm sorry, this is so stu-"

I was not able to ﬁnish my words when he suddenly pulled me inside his arms. "Haven't I told you to stop pretending?"

I was stunned by what he did and said, but I just found myself crying harder. I did not know what it was with what he just said but the tears that I have been holding back involuntarily flow down my cheeks unstoppably. I tried to stop but they just kept on flowing down.

This is crazy, but I do not care anymore. I do not care even if I am crying again in front of Ace Javier.

I felt him sigh.

"You're being a cry baby lately but do it. If this can make you feel better, cry." He said, urging me to cry and letting me feel that it was okay.

"I am a bad friend, aren't I?" I said in between my sobs.

"Sam was right, you're too naive." He pulled away and held both of my shoulders. "Look, even if you act as if you don't care, it's you who ﬁx everything. You have your own ways to be a good friend, you have to know that."

"Ace is right, Kenz." I stopped when I heard Kate's voice a few meters behind me. "You're the one who always protects me from the guys who were trying to take advantage of me."

"My cousin rarely utters sensible things, Kenz. Believe him." Vince said. "When I did a foolish thing and almost ruined my relationship with Andy, you're the one who made me realize my mistakes. Well, for the most part, you were just mad because I cheated on her, but your rage that time made me realize that I could do better."

"You're a good friend, Kenz. Trust us." Said Renz.

I look at Ace who just smirks at me. He knows that they were in here all this time.

I wiped my tears away and planned to face them when Kate and Andy ran towards me and hugged me tightly.

"We're sorry for everything that we said the last time. We don't mean anything of those, I swear. You're not selfish, okay?" Andy said while still hugging me

"Yeah, sorry, sorry. We were just surprised and afraid." Kate added

"No, I'm sorry." I said.

After a few minutes, Sam arrived and as expected, he scolded me as if I did something terrible. I did not mind most of the things that he said after I apologized to him because I suddenly felt a lot better.

I had a heavy feeling since the moment Kate and Andy left the hospital room the other day, and that thing just vanished now after I was able to cry and let things out.