Chapitre 41: Chapter 41: Where Is Your God Now?
Ok, so it was kind of impossible to live completely like a normal person when I was still, you know… A multi-billionaire with otherworldly strength. At least with regards to making a few trips to buy all the equipment I wanted, I wasn't about to limit myself to reasonable purchases or even ordering for my stuff to come through a delivery.
I didn't care if this wasn't following through with the vows I'd renewed in the strictest sense, this bit of leeway was something I'd give myself. I mean, sure, you wouldn't see a civilian carrying around several dozen instruments or hundreds of pounds of art equipment, but even trainee Huntsman could easily pull it off. I was trying to feel normal for Remnant, not limit myself to what was normal for Earth.
Anyway, because I took things slow and steady, even if I was hauling around tons of new hobby materials it still took until nearly dawn for me to get everything I could think of in my apartment. By then, it was time to get my morning workout routine done.
Normally, I would have materialized a good hundred Shadow Clones, at the very least, to hunt down Grimm after lowering my energy — Ki was the most important to get down — to the point where after putting on the cursed eyepatch, I could find some level of resistance while running around and hunting Grimm personally.
Today, however, I decided to leave Vale and practice all the techniques I still retained from all the memories I'd taken for myself via Stolen Valor. I purposely restricted my energy use to a fraction of a fraction, or a fraction of a percent in my base state while I commanded the forces of darkness or cast Kido spells.
To that end, it showed how terrible my proficiency was with my Level 1 Dark Force Skill and the Shinigami Arts when I could barely even manifest the abilities when I couldn't just overload them with energy to force it. It was even harder than learning Aura technique because at least then I had Ruby to answer my questions and not just the memories and understanding of someone else.
Learning techniques was more like figuring out a good analogy that you personally understood rather than anything else. In theory, there was only one objective right way to execute a technique, but the way one got there was by following the easiest path they personally understood.
One plus one will always equal two, but you can either apply the fundamental properties of addition to get there in one step or composite a 300+ page thesis of abstract maths to get the same result. What I was doing by using Stolen Valor to learn was looking through that metaphorical dump of theories and posits to reverse engineer my own path to mastering Kido and Dark Magic.
If that sounded impossible, it's because it probably would be for anyone without all the other cheats I had going for me. Level 10 Learning was one such cheat I couldn't turn off and that alone would probably see me mastering just about anything I could derive understanding from, no matter how eclectic, with enough time.
Then there was the whole matter of my body and mind being refined with so much energy and power that I could calculate, perceive and adjust things so precisely, that I could attempt and correct whatever it was that I was learning several times faster than anyone else on the planet.
I tried not to rush the process, but even without any outside help, I still managed to pick up Kido Spells the same way one might pick up rhythm games. It was kind of a rough at the start, but the more I practiced and the more I got used to the mechanics of the "game," the easier it was to build on that mastery of the mechanics.
It took ten minutes to pull off the simplest "Level 1" Hado Spell, Sho — The way the Kido spell casting system worked, each spell was rated on a Level from 1 to 99 which was completely separate from my Gacha Skills. Yet, not an hour later, I was barely taking a minute to figure out the method to cast a Level 81 Bakudo Spell with the lowest level of power needed to successfully cast it.
When I moved on to Level 60 and above Kido, I had to use a bit more power but that was only because the techniques absolutely required it to form the spells. At that point, while I was just barely managing to pull off the spells it was by using the equivalent of toothpicks to build a fifty-foot tall sandcastle. I had hit a softcap on how efficient I could my Kido Spells.
So, I moved on to Dark Magic. It did not take long for me to find out that there would be unforeseen consequences to improving my Dark Magic. I was probably half an hour into my self-directed training with the God of Darkness' experiences and memories, trying to get my Magic to materialize into a solid, when I heard the sounds of Grimm approaching me.
While I'd been practicing Kido, I hadn't gone out of my way to find any nor had the Grimm found me, but I wasn't really surprised to run into a pack as I was miles away from Vale. What did surprise me was the fact that once the Grimm appeared in my line of sight, they did not attack me.
They just kept their distance and watched as I ignored them and continued to play around with Dark Magic. Since they didn't attack me, I didn't get up from my seated position on the forest's grassy ground to eradicate them. I just sunk into my thoughts and continued trying out new ways to manipulate the slightest of slight microcosms I could maintain of my Dark Magic.
When I finally managed to create a solid cube of pure Darkness, I moved on to improving my technique by changing its shape. First, I turned the cube into a copy of Katayoki's knife, then I spent the rest of my morning training time by trying to make a replica of Katayoki himself. I thought it would make for a decent challenge given how detailed his silhouette-like appearance had become with all the latest changes to my Soul.
I did not expect to find Raksha, the Titan Beowolf, laying down in a loaf position like a common dog while watching me, when I snapped out of my working trance. I didn't even consider it training by the end of it as I had gone over my normally alloted time to perfect the replica as my first artistic endeavor.
I took a better look at my surroundings and realized it wasn't just a small pack of Beowolves and Ursa that were present next one of the Titans. Somehow, without me hearing or seeing a trail of destruction or stampede, I managed to get surrounded by what seemed like hundreds, if not thousands of Grimm.
From the skys, where flocks of Nevermore, Lancers, Griffins, and Razorwings flew or hovered while watching me, to every possible direction on the forrest ground where packs of King Taijitu, Creeps, Beringals and even Geists remained quiet while fixated on me… I had absolutely no idea how none of them managed to draw my attention. I had not heard nor felt a single Grimm stomp, screech, hiss or cause any perceivable disturbance.
"Well, this is awkward," I muttered to myself.
I had left the Grimm alone and they reciprocated, probably because of the Dark Magic, but now that I wanted to leave I couldn't just let the follow me back to Vale. I didn't even want to kill them.
"Master," a deep masculine voice called out to me. It was coming to me telepathically from Raksha.
"Uh, no. I'm not the God of Darkness. I also don't want to kill you if I don't have to, so… could just kindly tell all the other Grimm to not follow me back into Vale. If any of you start something, I won't hesitate to put you down," I said, hoping that with it's intelligence and superiority to the other Grimm, that it would listen.
"They wouldn't dare deny a command from you, young master," Raksha said as it dropped eye contact. "Yours is the word of God that even I would submit to."
"Why?" I asked, extremely confused.
The Grimm would listen to me now? Even a Titan?
I hadn't really done anything to command that kind of fear or respect. It couldn't have been my use of Dark Magic since I'd purposely limited myself to using only the slightest possible amount to improve my technique. It was to the point where even Coco with her average Aura reserves could probably maintain the level energy output I was using for hours before exhausting herself if her Aura reserves were translated into Magic.
"None but our creator could possibly control the Darkness so exquisitely," Raksha said. "I had my doubts when I sensed another besides the cursed witch exercising the powers of Darkness. But with time, I was elucidated and enlightened with the truth. The God of Darkness or his second coming had descended on the world."
"And you'll follow my any and every command?" I asked skeptically.
"Until my dying breath."
"Even if I tell you to not hunt, kill or eat Humans and Faunus?"
"It would be of no consequence to any of us. Our enmity with the sapient ones comes from the ire of our creator. Your will is ours to follow and serve. The only thing I dare ask of you is to guide us once again, young master."
"Well damn," I said, completely caught off guard by this absurd turn of events. "I don't really need any of you to follow or serve me. I also don't care what you do so long as it does not end with people dying. Feel free to live your lives however else you want. Preferably, that would be with all of you back to the Land of Darkness, but I'm alright with you staying wherever you've settled on since the God of Darkness left."
"If it is the young master's wish, then I will be the one to spread the word to my brothers and sisters. I will ensure the others return to our Holy Land and prepare for your arrival," Raksha solemnly said. I could somehow see it in his grizzled wolf face how intensely serious he was.
"Um… Sure," I fought the urge to shrug.
"You heard the young master! Back to the Holy Land!" Raksha roared.
[Congratulations! For replacing the God of Darkness' influence on Remnant and starting "The Great Grimm Pilgrimage," you have earned Blessed Mythical Gacha Coin!]
Ain't. No. Fucking. Way.
What the hell just happened?!
I'd been going out of my way to keep my actions tame and relaxed. I'd spent the morning practicing my techniques like a scholar would instead of a fighter. Sure, things ramped up towards the end as I committed to casting extremely difficult spells and finely honed my control over the Darkness to the point where even its God would be proud.
But, still!
How did recreating Katayoki's image in pure Darkness Magic end with me replacing the God of Darkness in the eyes of all Grimm? How did my noncommittal to a Titan's pledge end with whatever this "Great Grimm Pilgrimage" turned out to be?
This was supposed to be the start of my first casual day away from all the nonsense in my life!
Holding up my arms in disbelief, I gestured to no one and vented for a bit before shaking my head and leaving for Vale. In the back of my mind, I swore that if Raksha or any other Grimm did anything to draw my attention because of their damn pilgrimage… If I heard any mention of some ultra stampede of Grimm heading for the Land of Darkness…
I took a deep breath and nursed my growing headache as a part of me swore cruel and imminent vengeance, while another part disappointingly reminded me I was supposed to be on a break from the chaos that insisted on following me. Hopefully, the Grimm, who apparently now revered me as their lord and savior, would take my words to heart and not kill anyone on their way to their "Holy Land."
If they did anything reckless and caused a mass death event, I swore on their cowardly fraud of a God that I'd obliterate their precious Holy Land followed by every last one of them in quick succession.
As my dark thoughts simmered, I wondered when it was that I'd become this way. Quick to anger, quick to hate, quick to think the worst in everything and everyone who could or might slight me. Had I changed, or was this just the real me shining through with the stakes involved?
I sighed as I reached my apartment. I took a shower even though I didn't need one if only to keep up the facade of a normal and healthy routine. When I got out of the shower I noticed my Scroll ping with the alert for a new text message. Before I got done drying myself, I got another text and then another, and another…
Eyes narrowed at the possibilities, I dried my hands and arms before taking my Scroll and seeing what bullshit awaited.
"Where are you," Ozpin texted me.
"The Titans are moving," was another one of his texts.
"Several of them, with more stirring from their slumber as more reports come in from across the world," I was kind of annoyed when each sentence came through as it's own message. He wasn't even done texting me yet.
"Ironwood led me to believe you'd come to an agreement with me."
I decided to call him. I don't know what gave him the impression that I wouldn't pick up, but he clearly wanted to communicate with me and I didn't want to deal with his texting habits.
"Is there a problem?" In my sour mood, I went straight to the heart of the matter when the call connected.
"In almost any other case, I would respond in the affirmative. Fortunately, with the way Grimm have started moving all over the world, I'm going to have to default to you. Your Semblance is the only one in the current era that I know of that's capable of rousing the Titans and Grimm in general," Ozpin smoothly said.
"I don't understand. Are they destroying everything on their way to the Dark Continent or not?" I asked.
"They aren't," Ozpin took a second to say. "Since you seem to have an idea of what's going on, are you responsible for drawing them over there? It's great if you can lure them all on such a large scale, but I really would have appreciated a notice in advance."
"I honestly wasn't sure what was going to happen," I admitted. "A little while ago, I'd been out of Vale practicing some of my techniques and, uh…" This could sound really bad, so I hesitated, but it only took a moment to get back the resolve, to be honest. If things were going south, I insisted on at least having the backbone to bear the weight of my actions upfront.
I continued explaining, "Once I started working on Dark Magic the Grimm started gathering and watching me. By the end of it, the Titan Raksha came out of somewhere and explained that to the Grimm I was like the second coming of the God of Darkness."
"I told them that I wouldn't kill them so long as they didn't kill other people. We had a bit more of a back and forth and… well, a misunderstanding between us might have led to him spreading word of me to the other Titans. Along the way, I think he's getting all the Grimm to migrate over to the Land of Darkness and wait for me or something."
"A Titan mistook you for the God of Darkness and is commanding all Grimm around the world, including the other Titans, to return to their domain?" Ozpin asked.
"You tell me," I humorlessly laughed. "Are they all heading there?"
"Maybe not all of them right now, but… I'm still getting reports of more and more aberrant behavior from the Grimm all heading toward the same general direction of the Dragon Continent. So far, the phenomenon has spread halfway across Sanus, but I'm starting to get reports from the southern coast of Solitas and the western coast of Anima. At the current rate of trend spreading, we would know if it reached Grimm on every part of the world in about an hour or two."
"Are they destroying any property or killing people along the way?" I asked.
"They have destroyed various roads and I have received reports of parts of agricultural fields being trampled on. But for the most part, it seems that they staying clear of any settlements and people. To my knowledge, no one has died yet."
"So, we're good, then?"
"...I suppose we are. Ironwood and I have had to call off the emergency alert system for the Titans four times before shutting it off completely due to the constant notices of their activity, but since they haven't attacked anyone or any place yet, I believe we can lower the level of urgency as we continue to observe for now. If the situation changes, you'll be the first to know."
"Great," I lamely said.
He ended the call before I put my Scroll down. As I finished drying myself off, I wondered if trying to work on some artwork or if recreating a knockoff of some of my favorite music genres would also end in some sort of over-the-top spectacle. Surely, there was no possible way I'd bring about another world-changing paradigm shift or earn myself some more potentially godlike Gacha Coins by trying to entertain myself, right?
Right?!
I put on some clothes the good old fashioned way instead of by abusing my Equipment Slots — half of which were filled with Cyberware and the other half either being left open for storage or currently holding on to a piece of clothing — and left the master bedroom room to where I'd left my art supplies in the living room.
I rather liked the sight of Vale I could see from out of my living room's floor-to-ceiling windows, so I set up an easel with paper secured onto a drawing board before breaking out the crayons and seeing how broken my Level 10 Drawing Skill was.
As it turns out, it was not broken enough for me to effortlessly make a masterpiece on my first attempt. It was good enough to look professional — with crayons of all things — but I also had enough technical know-how to see all the areas that could be improved with better technique and finesse. Unlike with Cooking or Alchemy where the margins of error were clearly defined, Drawing, or maybe just Art in general, had a lot more ambiguity with what was acceptable based on what the artist had in mind.
I set up another piece of paper before trying to draw the same view. It was not the exact same drawing because time had passed and the lighting had changed enough for the shadows to have moved noticeably — well, noticeably to me anyway. I doubt anyone would be able to tell the difference between the setting half an hour apart, nearing the middle of the day unless they were paying very close attention.
My next attempt came out better than before, but still didn't feel good enough for my undoubtedly unrealistic standards. The good news was that I was invested in reaching the aforementioned unrealistic standard. The bad news was, I was taking my sweet time in making my art and I was due to start my shift at my restaurant gig soon.
Fortunately, the bad news was canceled by virtue of the value being exchanged. Namely, trading time drawing with crayons was about as enjoyable and relaxing as cooking at my job. So, it wasn't all that much of a loss.
So far, at least, I hadn't broken out in hives over not chasing after a great many Gacha Coins of high value. Hopefully, I'd make it to the end of the day without something else changing that.
When the time came, I left my 100,000,000+ Lien a year apartment dressed in my cook uniform. The dichotomy between my net worth and chosen profession left me amused with raised spirits until I reached Bistro Cafe. There, my mood only improved when I got to see Velvet several hours later, once she clocked in for her shift.
"Black and red?" I asked after we traded kisses on each others' cheeks. I was looking at her uniform which was different from the usual black and white that the waiters and waitresses wore.
"They agreed to let me bartend after I showed off a little of what you taught me and memorized the restaurant's drink menu," she beamed at me.
"Well, I hope you're ready for the change of pace," I grinned back at her. "It can get a little hectic once you manage to get a crowd going, but if you can handle them, I'm sure you'll find it's a very rewarding experience."
My grin faltered as I banished the thought of Gacha from the sanctity of my mind palace.
It picked right back up as I said, "I try to make a game out of it."
"Right…" Velvet looked at me and I couldn't tell what her expression meant. It could have been concern, pity, or simple wonder over what it was that caused my expression to fall. But, I didn't want to answer her unspoken question.
I simply gave her a hug, forced a smile on my face, and retreated to the kitchen.
For the next few hours, I focused on my work. I suppressed all the doubts and worries I had about myself; my apathy, my addiction, the negativity that seemed to increase exponentially over time. None of that existed when I was a mere subordinate to the chefs overseeing all the food preparation. At least until the end of my shift, I was just a regular guy, working his regular job.
Funny how despite being capable of perceiving time at insanely fast rates, it was when I most wanted to exploit the fact that the time managed to get away from me. It was ten o'clock and time to clock out before I knew it; time to head back home for the day.
I clocked out and wasn't surprised to see Velvet waiting for me. Her expression had the same neutrality it had hours away after I broke away from her and a small part of me died as I found a new low for my selfishness.
I couldn't help but smile and feel good about possibly being able to remain a normal guy for a little longer if I managed to get her to accept an after-work dinner date like the one she had suggested three days ago. She was clearly not happy. She probably hadn't been since I'd last seen her and yet my first reaction had been to take care of my needs and wants first.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
I… My smile remained as I greeted her, "Thanks for waiting for me. I hope you haven't forgotten my promise from last time. Are you going to let me take you out or what?"
"Uh… Dude, I'm going to politely ask that—" Katayoki started only to promptly stop. I don't know how, but the world had lost its colors as if it were under the effect of my Semblance and Katayoki had materialized into the real world as time slowed to a full stop.
When he spoke up again, his voice was serious as he said, "No, this is actually serious. I'm telling you that you need to relax. I know you feel like the biggest piece of shit for deliberately manipulating her into a situation that you know for a fact she won't reject, but if you start breaking down…"
"Look, one's emotional state is a conduit for the soul. This shit that's happening to us? It's the one and only break we're going to get for you to get ahold of yourself. You need to pull yourself together man or you'll control will slip, and… With the amount of power you're packing, let's just say the results will only push you completely over the edge."
He wanted me to simply pull myself together? Get ahold of myself? If I could do that on a whim I'd have done so already.
How was I supposed to fix this issue? I didn't have any powers to manipulate my emotions. Gacha was the source of my issue and I'd already resolved to put that aside. What else was I to do to fix the symptoms?
How does one cure one's insecurities?
I looked between Katayoki and Velvet and the first thing that came to mind nearly gave me an aneurysm.
"No! Absolutely not!" I screamed at the Zanpakuto Spirit.
"You've already tried everything or started implementing all the other ways you know of to help yourself. This is literally the last thing you can resolve yourself to do immediately," Katayoki argued.
"Another fucking gamble?! You want me to bet it all on a fifty-fifty chance?!" I would have begun a fight with him if I wasn't locked down by whatever phenomenon was allowing us to talk in stopped time.
"Fifty-fifty? Is your opinion of your own girlfriend really that low?" Katayoki sneered at me. "Maybe you are a lost cause if you have that little faith in the most important person in your life."
I opened my mouth to curse him into oblivion, but couldn't find the words.
"She's the closest thing you have to family. Someone you've literally seen look up to you as a guiding light and the love of her life in that Mission that simulated what you could have a year in the future… And you seriously think that she won't try to support you while you get over this tiny hiccup in your life?"
"Even the Brother Gods had each other, Lapis," Katayoki said and for the first time in a while I felt disturbed; not by his tone, but because he had called me by my name. "Don't be an idiot and try to fix everything by yourself. You might feel pathetic for asking for help or support, but it's better to merely feel that way and not actually be a moron by thinking you know better."
You know, I would have preferred having to fight the Captain Commander of the Gotei 13 without undergoing the second level of Resurrección over being put into this situation. This was borderline torture of my own making as I had my own vows — Literally Rule Number One — and a piece of my own soul, Katayoki himself, absolutely massacring my ego.
How could I even think of going against either of them when they were literally the foundation for my sense of self? How could I remain this weak and emotionally vulnerable in the face of my own logic?
I knew what I had to do, I just… Really, really, didn't want to do it.
Still, I had to, or else I'd not be me anymore. I'd rather get my emotions torn to shreds by seeing Velvet not care, not support me, or not understand what I was trying to get over than I would in succumbing to something like my own misgiving and fear.
"Man the fuck up and just tell her what's bothering you," Katayoki said as he faded out of the world and the colors started to return.
"Lapis…" Velvet said as she looked at me with what I could obviously tell was a concern.
"You know what?" I let out a humorless laugh, "How about instead of taking you out, I cook you something again? I, uh… I'd like to talk to you somewhere private."
"Will you tell me what's got you so down?" She asked.
"That's the plan," I sighed.
She grabbed my hand and nodded.
We were actually just a ten-minute walk from my apartment and I wanted to postpone this for as long as I could, so I didn't do the sensible thing like hailing a cab or teleporting us. Velvet didn't say anything and I was glad for her being so patient, but that was more or less canceled by how much worse I felt about still being so weak emotionally.
Who knew the slayer of literal Death Gods, a champion over the embodiment of Light and Darkness themselves would be handily at the mercy of his girlfriend? All it took was a little sadness or self-doubt and I was completely destroyed.
What a joke.
"Um, where are we going?" Velvet asked.
"My apartment," I said, looking at her with momentary confusion before I realized she still didn't know I'd changed homes. "My new apartment," I amended as we got in the elevator and I hit the button for the top floor.
She didn't bat an eye as we left the elevators and I brought her into my new apartment. Besides a cursory look from the entrance, she kept her eyes on me the whole way through as I brought her over to the kitchen and offered her a seat. When I broke eye contact to start looking for everything I needed to make us something to eat, I could still feel her eyes on me.
"What's wrong?" She asked quietly. "I thought you were still just blaming yourself over what happened yesterday, but…"
"I have a gambling addiction," I straight-up told her.
She opened her mouth, but closed it before gesturing me to continue.
"...My powers," I fumbled, "They're like gambling, you know? Whenever I manage to do something impressive it rewards me with infinite possibilities across the multiverse."
I could see that I was losing her, so I tried to cut to the chase, "Some of the rewards… They're more like opportunities. For example, I once trained under a master of martial arts for eight months as one of the opportunities. These opportunities can lead to more feats giving me more chances to get other rewards from my gambling powers, and… I've recently found myself doing terrible things to seize all the rewards I can to feed my addiction."
"Some of the things I've done during these opportunities, they're, well… They all happen in simulations, but I can't help but feel bad about the fact that I don't care how low I find myself stooping to, to get more rewards, you know? I gamble with my powers and I want to keep gambling, but it takes bigger and more ridiculous feats to get better rewards and… There's collateral."
Velvet started rubbing at my forearm as I set down the knife I'd been using to cut up the vegetables for our food. The look in her eye gave me the energy I needed to keep speaking, "I've killed people in these simulations just to get big rewards. I've killed hundreds of unrelated and helpless people while fighting to kill the strongest beings around to get the biggest rewards. It's all fake and it doesn't matter at the end of the because they'll all be gone when the simulation is over. But, it's just… At the end of the day, I feel bad about not caring."
"Mistakes I've made in a simulation could just as easily have happened out here, in the real world. In fact, it was because of me that those people died yesterday and to be honest I felt more bad about myself not caring than I ended up caring about any of the dead people or how their deaths would affect others."
"I try to convince myself that everything is fine and I that have total control over my actions. But more and more often, I find myself giving in to my addiction. I give up on my promises, I make dumb decisions and at the end of it all I tell myself it's fine because I'm self-aware enough to know I should be accountable for my actions."
"I tried to quit using my powers, but even when I go out of my way to try and be normal, I end up changing the entire world unintentionally. Just this morning, I tried to work on a Dark Magic ability I had and somehow that ended with one of the Titans going all over the world to spread the news to all the Grimm that I am the second coming of the God of Darkness and that they need to be at their Holy Land to prepare to welcome me. It didn't end badly, but it could have if I hadn't chosen my words carefully and first told them not to kill anyone on their way."
"So, you're scared of using your powers?" She asked.
I sighed, slightly disappointed but mostly fine with her question. What else was she supposed to make of that tirade when I hadn't exactly done a good job of explaining myself?
"I'm scared that I might not be who I thought I was. I know I'm not the perfect guy, but I had been sure before that I was not completely heartless. My power is always going to be a part of my life and it has only taken a couple of weeks for me to start breaking the promises I've made to myself because I've given into my addiction. I've already done terrible things in simulations and made bad gambles outside of them, so I can't help but wonder what I might do if I can't control myself."
"Haven't you alright taken the first couple of steps, by realizing the problem and trying to quit? If you didn't mean to cause what happened today, then I don't think you should blame yourself for it; especially if not bad happened. Why are you so caught up in what could be, when you're already doing your best to stop the worst from coming to pass?" She asked.
"What 'could be' is a fate worse than death," I was trying not to be overdramatic, but the tone of my voice did not change the meaning of the words I'd said. "What if I slip up and destroy the world? What if I give in and lose myself? This isn't a fight I can win just by beating it to death. I'm… I'm literally fighting myself."
"You won't destroy the world," She resolutely said and I had no idea where she got that kind of confidence in me from. "You worry too much about the possibility to do that by accident. As for losing yourself, well…"
"I have family who've been in the same position as you. I have seen what addiction can do to people. I've had an aunt drink herself to death, uncles and even an older cousin ruin or lose their lives to various drugs. My own father left my mom because her eating got progressively out of control over my childhood. She almost killed herself too, but… I managed to help her out of it."
"I ran away from my dad whenever it was his turn to have custody over me and took care of my mom. If that sounds impressive, it honestly wasn't. I just took over the house chores and distracted her as much as possible. It wasn't easy and sometimes she would just go dead-eyed even when I tried to talk to her. But, then I'd act up in school, throw a tantrum, or break something and give her a reason to feel something other than the nothingness she must have been trying to fill with a binge."
"I…" She stood up and made her way over the counter to squeeze me into a hug, "I've seen how one's spirit, mind and soul can triumph over addiction. It's not easy and it doesn't happen overnight. It might not even be possible to completely get over it because sometimes you can't live without your addiction. But, I'm sure that you can beat it, tame it, and live a normal and perfectly healthy life if you have someone or something to help you through it."
"I don't know what you need or if I can be the one to help you, but, I'm willing to try," Velvet said as she pulled me by the shoulders into a kiss. It wasn't anything overly intimate in a sexual way, but I couldn't help but feel warmed up as she held onto me so closely for a few long moments.
"Velvet," I looked deep into her eyes once we broke off the kiss. The pity, the disgust, the apathy I so feared she'd respond with was entirely missing from the clarity of her eyes. This was a person who'd seen me at my lowest and tried to pick me up; not kick me while I was down, like I'd expected with my luck.
Truly a one-in-a-million if not rarer.
What were the chances, after all? Not just for her to respond better than I could have expected, but for her to be my girlfriend as well. For her to be the first partner I'd had and likely the only one I'd seek. Nothing could top what she had done for me just now. Loyalty and compassion of this level were a rarity better off not trying to calculate.
"I mean it too," she said as she reached for her Scroll. "I can stay with you for as long as you need to forget about the gambling."
"What are you— What do you mean?" I asked, perhaps the slightest bit intimidated by the air of seriousness about her as she manipulated the device.
"I mean exactly what I said, Lapis," she looked up at me. "Do you want me to stay with you and be your distraction? Schoolwork for Beacon is being delayed to the week after the next one. I can spend my every waking moment with you until then if that's what you need."
She's not offering to sleep with me both literally and figuratively for the next ten or so days, was she?
"If I have to answer that for you, I will find a way to overcome the fact that you've achieved Bankai and beat you to death. I swear this upon the Gacha Gods and the vilest of their curses should I prove to break this solemn most oath," Katayoki sounded like he was half a step from murder.
Ignored him and his ill-timed dramatics. I knew she was being serious, I just didn't want it to be for the wrong reason.
"You don't have to do this, Velvet," I said, refusing to let even the slightest chance of it being because she pitied me that we ended up having sex.
"Oh, but I want to," her eyes dropped down to be half-lidded as her voice took on a husky tone. "Unless of course, you don't want me to stay? You just have to say the word."
"This can't be happening…"
"Heh," she covered her mouth but did nothing to lower the volume of her chuckle before she said, "I've finished sending my team a message, telling them that they can forget about seeing me back at the dorms tonight. So tell me, Lapis, are you going to make me message them again?"
"You…" I pointed at her and shook my hand a couple times before giving up on saying anything else. I picked up my knife and continued to work on preparing the meal which was supposed to have been an excuse for me to trama dump on her, not whatever this turning into.
"I can't tell if you're working so fast because you want to get me out of here as soon as possible, or if it's just that you can't wait to get through the wining and dining, before moving on to the dessert that's waiting for you at the end of this all," she smugly said and… You know what? I was starting to understand how the future version of her I found during the Battle of Beacon could be so assertive.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I realized how all her devious taunts and innuendos were definitely distracting me from the previous thoughts that plagued me. Even when I grew self-aware, I had the image of her flaunting herself so audaciously at the back of my mind.
I kept quiet until I finished cooking our food and remained so while we were eating. One part of me was excited in a way that was completely fitting for the hot-blooded man that I was. The other part was just as anxious, if not even more so because for all the things I had going for me, experience in the bedroom was unfortunately not among them.
Soon we were done eating and I decided that I needed to wash all the dirty dishes despite having Shadow Clones which she knew of. The whole time Velvet had just been staring at me and for a Faunus with bunny traits, the visage she had while eying me could put an apex predator to shame.
When I ran out of dishes, I cringed for what felt like an eternity as I considered how I was supposed to make this happen. 'Come to my room and let's fuck,' didn't sound in any way like something I should speak aloud, but that was literally the message she was projecting with her entire body at me. Nothing I could think of sounded good, so I just took her hand and led her over to my room.
"Do you want me to shower first?" The femme fatale aura she'd somehow been maintaining this entire time shattered as she asked me shyly. Just as quickly, it came back as she smirked and added, "You could join if you want."
"You know what, sure," I defied her dominating attitude. "I'd like that."
One of my renowned vows to myself was to stop being a whiny pathetic bitch, so I should probably meet her halfway in this game she was playing. I don't know why her switch had been flipped, but if she dishing out this level of heat, she had best have come prepared to receive return fire.
It was strange to me how I could just lose all the second-guessing and anxiety bubbling underneath the neutral expression I had been forcing. Pulling myself together, getting ahold of myself and willfully doing away with unwanted emotions had been what I'd been craving all along. Then again, I frowned as I thought about what caused me to regain my nerves.
'Of course, it's only due to aggression and defiance,' I narrowed my eyes as the feedback loop restarted, 'What else would I turn to?'
My eyes snapped to Velvet as I felt her begin to pull apart the buttons on my double-breasted cooking coat. She was already down to her bra and underwear and looked halfway between eager to get me out of my clothes and concerned over my expression. She licked her lips before propping herself up on her tiptoes and giving me another kiss.
She was trying so hard to distract me like she'd promised she would and it was working surprisingly well. Once I realized that, I was able to focus on her the next time a dark thought arose.
One moment I was kissing Velvet and in the next, we were both naked in the ridiculously over-the-top bathroom connected to my bedroom. The shower was so big that a family of ten could probably use it at the same time and still have enough arm and leg room to not trigger someone with claustrophobia. Ten more people could fit into the massive tub that was connected to the shower.
I amused myself with her reactions to the shower as I let her play around with all the buttons and knobs that changed everything from the water pressure to the type of shampoo being dispensed from the wall-mounted hand dispenser. Looking at her and seeing her quickly turn away when she noticed that I caught her trying to sneak a peek at my lower body, I laughed and felt the tension in me begin to melt away.
For as good an effort as she had put into "seducing" me, she was every bit as inexperienced and anxious as I was. Actually, it was almost like the closer we got to actually doing it, the more our roles were reversed. I was emboldened by her amusing reaction and terribly obvious embarrassment, while she became timid and jumpy as her animal traits would suggest she should be.
"Are you having second thoughts," I asked her as I scrubbed myself with soap.
"N-no!" She huffed but didn't dare to turn and look at me.
"I don't know," I hummed, "With the way you can't even bring yourself to look at me, it makes me wonder. It's almost like you're being embarrassed for me." She was reacting like a stereotypical anime protagonist whose nosebleed launched them into the stratosphere at the mere thought of getting laid.
"I am!" Velvet said as she turned towards me. With my reaction time, I could see in slow motion how she first looked at my chest, and went south for a solid one-third of a second, before snapping her eyes back up to meet mine which practically bled amusement.
"How… How can you just ignore that we're naked," she hesitantly asked while fidgeting and clearly fighting the urge to look at my eyes and absolutely nothing else.
"I just don't see anything either of us need to be ashamed about. It's not like we're out in public where just anyone can see us. Besides," I grinned at her, "Pretty soon you're going to be a lot more involved than just having to look at my naked body."
"Lapis!" Velvet gasped.
"Are you sure you're not having second thoughts?" I openly laughed under my breath at her look of outrage and exasperation.
Instead of saying anything else, she waltzed over to me and stared me down for a second. She then dispensed some shampoo on her hands before manhandling my hair.
"Is this supposed to prove something?" I let her push me around as she ran her hands along my hair a bit more forcefully. "Congratulations on getting the courage to touch my hair, I guess."
I got some more liquid soap on my hands and rubbed out some suds before I slowly, carefully placed them on her upper back. The moment I did so she seized up for a split second, but quickly moved past it to continue cleaning my hair.
As I rubbed the soap on her, I could feel the goosebumps on her skin rise and react the closer I got to fully covering her. I kept letting out little snorts as I said, "See, I don't think you're quite ready, if you keep reacting like this."
She ignored me as she switched the shower to shoot water out of the hand-held shower head and began to rinse the soap out of my hair. When she was done, she stared me down once again before averting her gaze to the soap dispenser.
"Nice try, but I already used the soa—"
She didn't care, apparently, as she hesitantly touched her soap-ified hands to my chest before spreading them around quite boldly. The way she shamelessly started poking and tracing her fingers around the outline of my muscles once she got over her initial hesitation left me speechless.
Seeing her raise the stakes in this game of shower poker, I raised them yet again by slowly dragging my hand towards her chest which I'd been avoiding. When I started rubbing them, her face became so unforgivingly embarrassed that I almost couldn't hold back the full-blown belly laugh I wanted to let out.
I gave them a squeeze and she let out a barely audible whimper. Before I realized it, I'd brought my hands almost completely off her with only my fingers barely touching her nipples. I made a show of positioning my fingers into a clawing grasp and—
"Lapis…" She warned me, looking cross between afraid and uneasy.
"Sorry," I took my hands away before she even knew it.
"No, it's… Can you help me wash my hair? I'm not having second thoughts," I could tell by the look in her eye and the way she didn't hesitate to deny it before could ask, again, that she was serious. "It's just that, um, I'd rather our first time be on a bed," she cringed.
I nodded before taking some shampoo and rubbing it into the ends of her hair while she worked on the roots on the top of her head. She no longer flinched or fidgeted when a part of my hand made contact with her back, so there was at least that, but the playful mood was completely gone. It remained that way until we wrapped up our shared shower and we started drying ourselves off.
When I finished first, I waited for her before leaving the bathroom and leading her over to my bed. To my surprise, she didn't lose any of her resolve and break down into a shy mess. She just plopped herself next to me and challenged me by taking my hands and positioning them exactly where they had been when I thought I'd gone too far.
She reached for the sides of my face before bringing me into a deep kiss and from there…
Things escalated.
L’AVIS DES CRÉATEURS 
crunchingnoises
crunchingnoises And then they fucked.
Sorry, but that's about the extent to which I'm willing to write smut. At least for this story, I've decided to stick to trying (and mostly failing) to integrate sad, cringy angst purposefully.
I'll admit, I was probably trying to do way too much with the whole guilt and regret thing. But, well... I thought it would be funny several chapters earlier to make the main character struggle with addiction when his main power is literally that of gambling. "This" is the logical conclusion I came to.
On a completely unrelated side point, I feel the need to share that "Bunny Girl" by Akasaki dropped like within a day of me drafting up this chapter, two weeks ago. This has nothing to do with the story, but I thought it was a crazy coincidence how much the cover art of the song looks like what I would imagine from a more mature Velvet; even the orange-brown colors that are prevalent in the cover art match Velvet's Aura colors.
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone