/ War / Mercenary Startup
Mercenary Startup
4.16 (24 audimat)
Synopsis
After learning about his father past, Maddoxx decided to follow its steps and train to become a mercenary.
A old friend of his father send him to a place where he will learn everything he needs to surpass his dad
With the help of his crazy and weird friends he met in the training, he creates a Mercenary Group.
Other than just doing its mission, Madd and his crew mess around a lot and create a lot of enemies all along the way.
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24Critiques
4.16
- Qualité de l’écriture
- Stabilité des mises à jour
- Développement de l’histoire
- Conception des personnages
- Contexte du monde
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Well, I get its military fiction as the previous reviewer mentioned and I like it. I often bookmarked such novels but never got to read one because it didn't hook me, this one on the other hand starts easy and you don't have to read through tons of world building chapters from the start, it has nice and one of the kind humour so I will stick with the author to see what's next, not to mention it's his first work so im expecting he will grow at a great pace as an author.
I loved the story, all the character so far are well builded and even thought we are talking a military and war novel, we can see that the author knows that we need some drama, romance, comedy and relaxed times while reading a novel. The author so far sounds that he knows exactly what he wants about this novel, and this can change the quality of the novel by tenfold. Thank you for the good work
This is only a review on eight somewhat short chapters, but the story is well on its way to the main section (from the synopsis anyway) to the forming and fighting of Maddoxx’s squad. The writing is pretty average, it’s neither terrible nor great. There are a few missed capitalizations, but other than that, sentences are structurally correct. For details on the settings or mood, it’s mostly sound effects that are employed, so other forms of showing the story rather than telling could be added. Story-wise, the plot is understandable, but it has a few gaps that might be filled in later such as why Mr. Golden has a specific interest in making Maddoxx into a man and whether he’s done this before in some kind of program rich men like to pass the days doing; why Dimitri is in the cell/how he got there, if there are any other prisoners undergoing the same thing as Maddoxx if not, why single him out for torture; why the Russian mafia is breaking in and the possible connection to Dimitri. The torturing is somewhat reminiscent of Tokyo Ghoul. The character development from the torture could be a little more dramatically and believably done. Or perhaps added to that, more backstory and fleshing out of the MC. To simply say he’s an average dude with no dreams isn’t enough. Everyone has some kind of wish if not a dream, or some desire or hope. If he’s really so apathetic, then there should be some reason or experience that makes him that way. Or with the torturing, build up that madness and growth bit by bit. Dimitri at this point is better fleshed out/original than the MC. The defining reason why is his swallowing of the “gum.” I can definitely see this becoming a good story once the plot gaps, descriptions, and character development improves/get filled in. It’s just a few steps away, but nice work so far!
So far so good. Author if you didn't let the readers know, I really wouldn't have known that this is your first time writing in english. Though there are little mistakes, but as a author myself I know that those mistakes can slip by without you knowing. So over all good job. As for the storyline, I'm not one to read war&military fiction much, but I really enjoy that your novel is an easy read. Just wish you make the chapters a little longer. Keep up the good work, look forward to what happens to Madd(MC).
Well can't say a lot since it has only a few charapter now, so my review probably isn't very accurate. However from what I've seen so far there could have some better word choices and the writing is a little ******* (not that I'm one to say, my English is also ****). It has promissing story, if the author does well, the chapters are little short but overall it's pretty good.
With 4 chapters, I couldnt wait to read the next updates. The plot is intriguing as to how the subtle hints will play out in the story. The question lingers, will he walk on the same path as his father or not? Read if you want something different.
I see “f*ck” a lot of times 😂 I’m not very good at giving reviews but I enjoy what I’m reading and I hope that you’ll continue writing well.
Overall, this is great beginning. Can't wait to know him more. Even if I am not in the romance genre, I can't hate it when the author describe the girl as a good one. If one was in military thingy, this can hook them up. The chapters were just a little short of words.
Grammar is a little :( but in overall measures, you are doing good. The novel hooked me and I don't plan to leave it soon. Loved madd and Jessica relation and how they met. Also loves the way you search for real-life data to insert in your novel, this gives a good realistic taste and its very good. You can get better with the time, and i am looking after it
What to say about this author The author knows how to describe its character just a little bit of grammar mistakes but I am a carefree reader. I just enjoy the story and go along with it. So if you are looking for war & military fiction you should read this one. I know it's like 2 or three chapters now but the author has worked up really to rewrite the story on the basis of people's critique. So, keep up the good work dear author.
Positive points: Your grammar is good and the sounds of objects breaking or even the sound of the clock is an interesting point in your narrative form. Negative points: The chapters are very short; The story is very fast; It's lack consistency in the narration; The main character, so far, has no depth and no interesting personality; his friendship with Dimitri is strange; and Mr. Golden must die (yes, I hate characters who are mysterious to cause suffering in MC). General Rating: You should pay more attention to the consistency of your story, for example, in the first and second chapter in which you present the main character is not satisfactory, the main character is an empty person, very unreal, being very difficult as a reader identify with this type of character. And the conversation between MC and Mr. Golden is annoying and unreal, I wanted to kill MC in that moment. From what I understand, you're creating a story where MC is an innocent fool to become a powerful and ruthless "man." However, I thought you could work more on the personality of the MC before training, showing a little of your day-to-day and prolonging the training time a bit more. In this case as you have already published the chapters, I make a suggestion, put flash back on the past of the MC, as he was an innocent fool or a fool easily fooled, also help some flash backs training, like a scavenger hunt or even an enemy made in this prison. Another point is that you should better develop the world of your history, for there is nothing to be able to identify in what year the story goes, what are the political powers of this world, what kind of firepower does this The world has, what the geography of the world today ... That kind of thing. I know it's your first story, but I was honest because when I wrote my first story I had no review that put these types of reviews for me, so the story became so chaotic and terrible that I deleted all chapters to reform this story someday. Do not be angry with me for the Review, I'm just being honest, you can even disregard my opinion if you want.
I like reading novels like watching a movie. Small details about the color of clothes, culture, times, climate etc will greatly help me digest a written story. Maybe I'm in a hurry, hopefully the next chapters can be found such amazing details
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Alright, let me start off with some deserved praise. The story is good, I almost got hooked to it. The plot is heading in a very interesting way, and you did a good job building a not-so-cliche background of the protagonist/s. The pacing is good, each chapter gets you somewhere. The humor in this novel is also just right beside my taste. HOWEVER, the character design is too forced, the way they converse is too robotic and stiff. They have no feelings at all, the mc can even be considered as a repugnant douche with how he deals with things, although I don't particularly hate that kind of mc. The world building is too poor. The details are absolutely non-existent. Up until now, I have no idea what the mc looks like, that Jessica girl, and that Golden boy. Like, they just exist there, they do not have a single spoon of appearance or expression. And to top it all, the grammar is not even on an average level. There are too many newbie mistakes even in the synopsis itself. Let's take the scene where Jessica was being dramatic in front of the mc: "In the first moment she tried to resist, and even landed a few punches and slaps in his body. But after seeing that struggling was futile, she just accepted the facts and enjoyed the moment." How the f*ck can you punch and slap 'IN' someone's body. Using a little common sense would surely fix that problem, but that's not the point. Anyway, that's it for my review. IMPORTANT TO TAKE NOTE, I have no grudges with you and I don't hate your novel or whatsoever. I came here to review, not to kiss someone's ass despite their faults. Good job so far on your first novel. Keep writing and good luck.
It’s interesting so far. There were a few grammar issues that were noticeable in chapters 3-5 that you could improve. Other than that the story progresses nicely. I’m more of a romance reader but I still enjoyed reading this novel. The chapters are short but feel right to the point. Good job and keep improving and it’ll be even better.
This story will be based on the life of Maddoxx, a technically normal guy, who discovers his origins and his father past. Trying to follow his steps, while protecting friends and important people to him. Most of the time we will have mercenary missions, crazy action and even more crazy people. But if we just put characters like that they will be empty. So we will have some romance between every mercenary and his dear-half. After all guy deserves a good girl to welcome him after a tough mission. Drama is a good thing for the plot and character background. Everyone have their own **** to hide or to regret. I am not that kind of guy who forgives everything. I'm not the guy that gives a plot armor to the main character and make them immortal or some ****. Everyone dies after taking a good shot. Everyone can be killed while sleeping. This is a 'real' novel, it happens in our own world with some real facts, sometimes with real data, and i will try my best to make everything plausible. But keeping the fun of the read. What i am trying to say is that this is not a transmigration/reincarnation/System ****, this is a novel where our mc can die anytime, he is not invincible, he is not OP, and he is not dumb. Our mc likes pus***, he likes girls, he likes money, he like guns, he like his friends. I have some goddamn missions in mind, i have some incredible ideas for the plot. If you guys give me a chance, I will show all of them to you. Sorry for making it long. Enjoy.