Chapitre 40: Chapter 40

"I didn't realize you had to work today. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have distracted you," Paige said, blushing and lowering her head. She felt bad that he had to work today; Haley and Carrie had made her take a week off to recover, so she didn't have to go back yet.

"You are my favorite distraction, so don't apologize. I want to talk about last night and some things that were said," Nathaniel said cautiously. He was worried that he'd trip over his words and be unable to convey how he felt to her.

Paige let out a sigh. This was on her mind from earlier, so she understood that Nathaniel must also be processing it, too. "You're right. I've had things on my mind as well," she said softly, looking him in the eyes.

"Do you mind if I speak first? It might be about the same thing," he asked politely.

"That's fine, Nathan," she said softly. She watched as Nathaniel walked and grabbed his phone, texted someone and then walked to the door. Arthur was there with a small white paper bag and a single red rose. Nathaniel grabbed it from him and walked back to the bathroom, placing the bag next to Paige and handing her the rose. Paige blushed and accepted it. The flower was very beautiful and had no visible flaws. All the thorns had been removed from the stem, so she didn't need to worry about hurting herself.

Nathaniel placed his hands on Paige's knees and looked into her eyes. He was feeling vulnerable, and not just because he was only wearing a towel around his waist. Paige was wearing the same thing, but it didn't make him feel better. He felt truly naked. Nathaniel had never told a woman he loved her before, and he didn't know what the outcome would be. He swallowed and took a deep breath.

"Paige, I just want you to know that whatever you decide to do about last night, I'm going to support you. If you want the morning after pill, I have it right here," he started, gesturing to the bag next to her. "But, if you wanted to be pregnant, I would support you and our baby. I would ask you to marry me tomorrow if you wanted that, baby. I would ask regardless of your decision, unless you didn't want to marry me. But, the reason I'm saying this is because I do love you, Paige. I'm sorry about how I first said it, because I imagined it being a bit nicer."

Paige looked at Nathaniel and blinked several times. She took a deep breath before responding so she didn't sound too harsh.

"Nathan, you know that just because you ejaculated in my vagina one time doesn't necessarily mean I will get pregnant, right?" Paige said carefully. She put down the rise he gave her.

"Really? Everyone always scared me that it could happen so easily," he said, feeling silly. In fact, Nathaniel had been so paranoid about accidentally getting someone pregnant and being trapped in a marriage with them because of the family's reputation he'd never had sex without a condom, always pulled out and always disposed of the condom himself.

"Yes, really. I mean, it can happen, but there's a lot of factors that go into getting pregnant. As for the morning after pill, thank you for getting it for me. I don't know why I did that last night," she said, trailing off at the end.

"Mind blowing sex can make you say things," Nathaniel said, looking at her. She hadn't acknowledged him telling her that he loved her.

"I guess. This is my first experience," Paige said softly.

"I know. Don't worry, though, I'll text you as often as you'd like," Nathaniel said with a smirk. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. Paige giggled.

"Let me recover a little, first! You gave me shaky legs!" Paige said, pretending to complain. Nathaniel pulled away to look at her and smiled.

"I think there isn't a thing about you that I'm not in love with, baby. You're so cute," Nathaniel said sweetly, putting his hand under her chin. Paige looked him in the eyes.

"Nathan, thank you for telling me your feelings and being honest," she said softly. Her heart was breaking. Paige didn't know if she was in love with Nathaniel. Her feelings were obscured by fear. If she loved Nathaniel, she needed to tell him the truth. He might hate her for lying to him. But, if she couldn't tell him the truth, then she didn't deserve to be with him. He deserved someone who could be authentic and honest with him. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes.

"Baby, please don't cry. I don't expect you to return my feelings, yet. I just want to know if you think that you could someday return my feelings," Nathaniel said, cupping her face in his hands. He wiped the tears from her eyes with his thumbs and kissed her lips. Paige responded to his kiss, tearing up even more. Nathaniel felt her starting to cry in earnest and parted from her.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Nathaniel asked, concerned.

"If I love you, then I need to tell you everything," Paige said, starting to cry harder. Nathaniel scooped her into his arms and held her to his chest. She felt him stroking her hair. Paige pushed her face into his bare chest and inhaled deeply. Paige had noticed that Nathaniel smelled like citrusy pine the first time she met him, and it was one of the things that appealed to her. After showering with him, she found out that it was because of his shower gel. It calmed her down a little.

"Feeling a little better?" Nathaniel asked. Paige removed her head from his chest and looked up at him.

"A little. But, if I can't tell you, I don't deserve you. You might leave me after I tell you. I'm overwhelmed and I'm scared. This has all happened so quickly," Paige whispered.

"Baby, you deserve me. We both deserve a chance to be happy." Nathaniel's heart was breaking; he didn't know what Paige needed to tell him but he knew it didn't matter. He felt like he would stay by her regardless of what it was.

"Nathan, babe, I think I need some time by myself to figure this out. I feel like I'm so scared that I can't figure out my feelings," Paige said sadly. She lowered her head, unable to look at him.

"How much time do you need? I'll be gone after I get ready for work for the rest of the day," Nathaniel said, suddenly serious. His body had stiffened and he was suddenly very tense.

"I don't know. I might need a few days. Maybe a week," Paige whispered. She truly didn't know how long it would be until she figured this out.

"Don't you think that we should figure it out together? I can promise you that I won't hate you for whatever you need to tell me, nor do I have any intention of leaving you," Nathaniel said, pulling her chin up so he could look at her. He couldn't imagine being away from her for that long.

"It's not a small thing. Once you know, you'll be a part of it. It could have severe implications for you," Paige whispered. She was beginning to tear up again.

"Do you know what I think? As we're talking about this, you seem to be more scared about telling me this thing than about your feelings. So, I believe that you do love me and you're trying to figure out if I can be trusted," Nathaniel said. There was a slight negative tone in his voice. Paige couldn't tell if he was angry, annoyed or sad, but she knew he was upset. She got out of his arms and stood in front of him.

"You can't just say that, Nathan. That's really unfair," Paige said, slightly angry. She was upset that he was trying to define her feelings for her. She felt that she deserved to figure it out in her own time.

"This whole situation is unfair. I love you. I want to be with you. We keep repeating this pattern where any time we get closer, you find a reason to run away from me. My heart keeps breaking every time we go through this," Nathaniel said, his voice breaking slightly. He thought that after her hospitalization there would be no more of her trying to leave him, but he was obviously mistaken.

"I'm sorry. I am used to doing things on my own. It's the only way I know how to do this. So, I need time, Nathan, to process. I'll let you know when I figure this all out," Paige said, looking him the eye. She had to do this for herself and for them.

"I'll give you space, then. I'll move to a different wing of the mansion and I won't bother you until you are ready to talk about this again," Nathaniel reasoned.

"I can't go home?" Paige asked.

"I need you guarded. There's cameras here and security guards. I don't know if my business rival will try to hurt you again. I'm meeting with him today. I'll have Arthur let you know if you can leave after my security and I determine it," he said in a stern voice.

"Fine," Paige said in a small voice. She wanted to go home. But, she also didn't want to get hurt or die, so she'd comply. "I'll let you know when I am ready to talk."

"Alright," he whispered. "And Paige," he began, pausing because he didn't want to go say the next words but knew he needed to, "when we talk, if you come back to me, know that this is the last time I can let you go. I can't keep doing this. It hurts when the person you love pushes you away every time something difficult happens."

"Okay," Paige said sadly. She turned and walked out of Nathaniel's room and went back to hers.