Chapitre 3: Unsought Ascension
Unsought Ascension
Chapter Three
This is just what I think could happen if Xie Lian and Hua Cheng had been married before Xie Lian's third ascension. And, for the sake of the plot, let's say that Feng Xin was there when he ascended.
Suddenly one day there was another huge rumble in the sky. The heavens fell and the earth cracked, the ground trembled and the mountains shook.
The lanterns of everlasting light shuddered, the firelights danced in fury, and all the heavenly officials inside their golden palaces jolted awake, every one of them running out to ask each other:
"Which new dignitary as ascended?"
"Such a grandiose entrance!"
Yet who knew? They had exclaimed in wonder the first second, but in the next, all the deities of heaven were thunderstruck.
Weren't you done?!
That infamous weirdo, the Laughingstock of the Three Realms, the legendary Royal Highness the Crown Prince, he...he...he...he fucking ascended again!
⋯
"Congratulations, your highness."
Hearing this, Xie Lian looked up, suppressing a twitch in his brow. "...For ascending...again...?"
If this were a different timeline, Xie Lian might be overjoyed to be a god again after so many hundreds of years. But how could he be happy now? Was there any point in being a heavenly official anymore? It's no wonder Hua Cheng jumped down. Why should he stay without his beloved? Many had already worshipped Xie Lian in the Mortal Realm alongside his husband for centuries now. What more could he need?
Honestly, he had been living better than he ever had as a crown prince. He was worshipped less, sure, but that meant he had fewer prayers to resolve. Besides, now he could spend that spare time with his loving husband: a win-win situation.
Ascension, however, had pulled him from his content life of pampering and adulation from his husband, and in his inner robes, no less!
Once again, Xie Lian had been sleeping before he ascended. Hua Cheng woke him up in a panic, and he'd hardly had time to assure his beloved that he was alright. And so, his hair was a mess, and he was only wearing his shabby inner robes.
But, at the very least, Xie Lian hadn't been stripped of his clothes before he went to sleep the night before. He'd be more than just cranky if that were the case.
Ling Wen-zhenjun stood tall with her hands folded behind her back. Despite her otherwise immaculate appearance, she had dark bags under her eyes and her voice carried the weight of many wakeful nights. "No, not that, your highness. You have won first place on the chart of 'Heavenly Official Most Hoped to be Banished Down to the Mortal Realm' of this calendar cycle."
"Is that anything to be happy about?" He hadn't even been there five minutes, and something like this had been decided on!
"Yes," Ling Wen replied. "First place on this chart receives one hundred merits."
"Ah." That was all Xie Lian could say to that.
"Do you know who second place is?" Ling Wen asked.
Xie Lian swallowed a 'how should I? I've been banished for the past eight hundred years!' and sufficed with a simply said, "no."
And after going through all the trouble of keeping up appearances, Ling Wen outright said, "well, there isn't a second place. You're so far ahead that you've left everyone in the dust."
Xie Lian could already feel his plastered smile straining. "...I see..."
"And would your highness like to guess who won last year?" Ling Wen continued. Xie Lian's curt 'no' went unsaid this time, and after a moment of silence, Ling Wen followed up on herself. "There is no previous winner because this chart was first established today."
"Oh really?" Yeah, Xie Lian had assumed it would be something like that. "You don't mean to say that this was a chart set up just for me?"
'You shouldn't have. You really shouldn't have. And even if you did, you shouldn't have told me...' Xie Lian thought.
Ling Wen replied, "you can think of it as, you just so happened to make it in time and just so happened to steal first place."
What a bitch.
"And do you know why you got first place?" Ling Wen said. "Please look at that bell."
Xie Lian turned his head to gaze toward where she pointed. What he saw was just heaven. Literally just heaven. Grand palace temples of white jade to compensate in a particular area, undue towers, pavilions, and gazebos, the occasional heavenly cloud, but no bell. Or maybe that's what she meant.
Xie Lian clicked his tongue. "I'm just going to assume a bell fell."
Ling Wen replied, "that's right. There used to be a bell there, but when you ascended, it fell because of the tremors."
...Okay, and?
"That bell is older than you, but it has a spirited character and enjoys a good spectacle. Whenever someone ascends, it tolls a few times in applause. When you ascended, the tremors were so strong that the bell tolled like mad and couldn't stop at all. In the end, it shook itself off the bell tower before it finally ceased. And when it fell, it crashed down onto one of the heavenly officials passing by." Xie Lian cringed at that while rationalizing the situation in his head.
Realistically, the bell's untimely falling had been his doing but not necessarily his fault. Xie Lian hadn't even wanted to ascend. He couldn't control his ascension nor the tremors that followed. How could the blame possibly land on him?
"Um...is everything better now?" Xie Lian inquired. If Hua Cheng were here, he'd insist that it wasn't his fault and that he did nothing wrong. But Xie Lian couldn't help but feel guilty about the injured heavenly official.
"Not yet. It's still under repairs," Ling Wen replied.
"I meant that heavenly official who was hurt," Xie Lian clarified with a huff.
"The one it hit was a martial god," Ling Wen said. "A flick of his hand and the bell was chopped in two right then and there. Now, please look over at that golden palace. Do you see it?" Was Xie Lian just getting a tour of the Heavenly Realm while being told how he'd wrecked the land before he had even set foot on it? According to Ling Wen, no one had even been hurt. Why was he being shown all of this?
With a sigh, Xie Lian looked to where she was pointing once more. Squinting through the haze of clouds, he spotted a golden-glazed roof, surprisingly undamaged.
"Yes."
"It's not right if you see it. There wasn't anything there before," Ling Wen said. "When you ascended, the golden pillars of the golden palaces of a number of heavenly officials collapsed from the tremors, and their glazed roof tiles shattered. There are some that won't be so easily fixed, so the heavenly officials could only put together some last-minute palaces to make do for the time being."
And how was any of this his fault again? Ling Wen makes it sound like this was the consequence of the ascension he wanted when, in truth, he'd been pulled from his anxious husband's arms at the ass crack of dawn and slapped in the face with the responsibility of the destruction caused by this random ascension.
Receiving an expectant look from Ling Wen, Xie Lian spoke as non-retired as he could strain his voice to be, "so I've offended many heavenly officials since the moment I arrived?"
"If you can make amends, maybe not," Ling Wen said.
"How do I make amends?"
"Easy. With eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits."
Xie Lian grinned, his eyes squinting into crescents. "Eight million eight hundred and eighty thousand merits? Did I hear that right?"
"Yes."
Xie Lian grinned even harder. "Then they can stay offended."
It's not that he couldn't afford it; he should be able to by now, but why should he have to pay in the first place? Had the reparations been less than five million, Xie Lian might have given it more thought, but almost nine million? Not in their dreams.
Completely ignoring him, Ling Wen added, "of course, I know you don't have even a tenth of that amount. But if you don't pay, I'm afraid that the offended heavenly officials will be the ones to pay for the damages. Your highness won't be so popular if it comes to that."
She makes it sound like they would beat him up if he didn't pay. Like they could if they tried! And what was she saying about popularity? Does the Laughingstock of the Three Realms ring a fucking bell!?
Xie Lian's face fell. "I haven't been popular in a long time."
"Don't be so down, your highness, I can assign you some odd jobs to help you earn the merits," Ling Wen offered.
Wow, that has to be the nicest thing she's said to him during their entire conversation. Ling Wen had been a junior official the last time Xie Lian had seen her, and he'd always treated her fairly. And so, maybe this was her way of returning the favor.
On a good day, Xie Lian might have taken her up on that offer.
However, this was a far cry from a good day: Xie Lian had woken up to his distressed husband, could hardly get a word in before he'd ever-so-gracefully ascended in nothing but his inner robes, and he was then talked down to for half an incense time by Ling Wen.
To think anyone would agree to that is simply ludicrous! Xie Lian couldn't help but laugh.
"Your highness!" Any goodwill that Ling Wen had previously had flushed from her body. She didn't appreciate having her charity laughed at, apparently enough to yell.
"I'm sorry...sorry, I just..." Xie Lian continued to split his sides with laughter. "You see, I just don't care!" Xie Lian snickered and couldn't help but crack up even more when a small group formed.
"Is that the Laughingstock? I'm surprised he hasn't been banished yet."
"What is he even laughing at?"
"I've been near this whole time! He's making fun of Ling Wen!"
"How dare he! Who is the Laughingstock to scorn others!?"
They whispered and reproached him, but Xie Lian couldn't care less. He didn't need their approval. He never did.
When Xie Lian finally recovered, he managed, "I'm sorry, I just thought you were supposed to be smart." All the gossip halted out of shock. "Could you please walk me through your logic? The way I see it, I was asleep when I ascended, and I didn't even want to ascend! How exactly am I responsible for what's happened? Not to mention how my beloved was scared out of his¹ wits!"
[1] All pronouns are pronounced the same in Chinese, so let the misunderstanding begin!
Ling Wen crossed her arms. "That's...very unfortunate, your highness, but...—"
"You're seeing someone?!" Feng Xin, who joined the rapidly expanding crowd at some point, exclaimed. The way he remembered Xie Lian, he had been pure of heart and mind straight (sure) out of the womb. Xie Lian had passed every test concerning his virtue with flying colors (the rainbow). How had he fallen for a woman (she had a dong)?
Xie Lian clicked his tongue. "Well, we're married, but—"
"You have a wife!? What about your chastity vow?!" Mu Qing's voice shot out as he pushed his way to the center of the ever-bloating crowd.
"I don't know, Mu Qing, why don't you tell me what you think happened to my chastity vow?" Xie Lian crossed his arms.
Dead silent. As it should be.
Usually, even if he was moody, Xie Lian would never say something like that, but recalling the look on his husband's face made him say whatever he thought would get him home faster. He had a right to be blunt, and he had a right to see his husband, goddamnit!
"Well, if there's nothing else, I'll be descending—"
"What?!" Mu Qing, shut the fuck up, and stop interrupting! "Ascension used to be your dream! You were devastated when you were banished!" Mu Qing let out a shaky breath of disbelief. "...What happened?"
Xie Lian bit back a 'how would you know' and a 'why don't you ask my chastity vow' and settled with something a bit more mature. "Mu Qing, that was eight hundred years ago. I was a child. Who didn't dream big when they were a child? A lot has changed, and I would be deemed insane if I were only thinking about ascension this whole time," Xie Lian deadpanned. "And, besides, I'm married now. This is the happiest I've been in centuries, and being a heavenly official would take up too much of the time I would rather spend with my lover."
He made sense. Fuck, he was making sense, and it broke everyone's minds.
Before either of the ex-god's former friends could rebuke him in some way, screams filled the air. Panic set in, and as half of heaven had all gathered to see the three martial gods dispute, they all huddled closer to the ones they thought could protect them. And, again, because half of heaven was congregated in one area, there wasn't much stopping the approaching red figure (as if anyone could do anything had they been prepared).
"CRIMSON RAIN SOUGHT FLOWER IS ATTACKING THE HEAVENLY CAPITAL!"
"WHO LET HIM IN!?"
"WE'RE DOOMED!"
Though it was called an attack, it was far from it. Maybe Xie Lian was in the only part of heaven that his husband decided to let look decent, but all he saw was the man walking toward him.
A sea of gods parted, and Feng Xin and Mu Qing got pushed back. "Your highness! He's dangerous, don't let him get close!" they shouted at the same time.
Xie Lian ignored them and maintained eye contact as the deranged-looking ghost made swift strides in his direction. The only thing on his mind was how Hua Cheng had managed to get up to heaven in only an incense time.
Feng Xin and Mu Qing spit blood as their warnings went unheeded. It had been eight hundred years since they'd seen their prince, and while the last state they'd seen him in had been a sorry one, they still felt obligated to protect him when he can't sense what was clearly the very personification of a threat right before his eyes.
Yet to their shock and immediate horror, when Hua Cheng, Crimson Rain Sought Flower, the devastation-ranked Ghost King, the bane of the heavens reached Xie Lian, he...put his hands on his hips...?
"Gege, I missed you." Hua Cheng griped with a small pout on his face.
Everyone sat dumb. Xie Lian, on the other hand, did a one-eighty with his mood and returned the gesture. "Ah, I'm sorry, San Lang, but I was coming home soon, you didn't need to come all the way here."
"And what was your San Lang meant to do? Go back to sleep?" Hua Cheng argued while brushing his fingers through Xie Lian's messy hair until it sat flat. "There's no point without gege." Ghost kings don't need to sleep, and neither did Xie Lian after Hua Cheng broke his cursed shackles. But they both found it comforting to sleep every night for no other reason than to cuddle each other and momentarily escape reality.
"I'm sorry San Lang, I got distracted." Xie Lian threw a glance at the group still surrounding them.
"It's not gege's fault, he doesn't need to apologize." Hua Cheng smiled as though he was oblivious to the mass of people around them.
He smiled.
He fucking smiled.
Not the fake smile he uses while suggesting he slits your throat in the middle of the night—a genuine smile.
A look no heavenly official thought they would ever see.
No one even knew it existed.
Yet here it was, directed at a god at that!
The heavens weren't deaf. Of course, they knew about the two kings of Ghost City, but no one had dared to look into it at the thought of potentially angering Hua Cheng. So, the gods never knew who exactly had the guts to marry that walking horror until today.
Xie Lian bashfully moved a hand to stroke the side of Hua Cheng's face. "Still, I've made my San Lang worry."
"Your highness, that's Crimson Rain Sought Flower!" Feng Xin warned as he and Mu Qing struggled against the stunned crowd.
"Yes," Xie Lian said simply. "And my beloved."
"You said you had a wife?!"
Xie Lian frowned. "Do you ever listen to me? I said that I had a beloved and that we were married. You assumed I had married a woman. I just don't care to correct you."
"He's a ghost king!" Mu Qing reasoned.
"Really?" Xie Lian looked between the two of them. The gods thought they'd finally reached him, but he only continued with a strained smile, "do you honestly think I don't know that...?"
"Your highness..." Feng Xin said in a low voice as he finally reached the center with Mu Qing again. "Come here, we'll protect you..." Once again, Xie Lian frowned. Feng Xin spoke like he was talking to a cornered animal, and Xie Lian didn't like the implications behind that.
Hua Cheng snorted before Xie Lian could say anything. "You couldn't."
He was right. They couldn't.
"Says who? Why don't you get your filthy hands off of him," Mu Qing growled as he drew his saber. Feng Xin cursed him under his breath but drew his own weapon.
Perhaps they were upset that a devastation-ranked ghost had made his way into heaven. Perhaps they thought Xie Lian was under a spell and needed saving. Perhaps they were irritated knowing that the arrogant ghost before them had deflowered their once-innocent prince.
Whatever the reason, like fucking idiots, they prepared to fight Hua Cheng.
Hua Cheng laughed out loud before taking one hand off Xie Lian's hip to draw E-ming. "That was a mistake."
"San Lang. Don't." Xie Lian said sternly, "stand down, all of you. I'm leaving with my husband, and that's final. There doesn't have to be any bloodshed. I'm not changing my mind."
Of course, no one moved.
"Are you deaf? Stand down!"
This time, E-ming wavered, but Hua Cheng's scowl straightened it out.
"Since your highness says so, then, have them put their weapons down first," Hua Cheng said.
"Feng Xin, Mu Qing, back off, alright?" Xie Lian pleaded.
Mu Qing glared at him. "Are you nuts? Why isn't it your San Lang who backs off first? What if I back off and he doesn't?" At the mention of Hua Cheng's sobriquet, everyone shivered as Hua Cheng removed himself from Xie Lian completely as if preparing to strike. At this, a few more gods drew their weapons and pointed them at Hua Cheng out of fear.
Feng Xin, at least, was still trying to de-escalate the situation. "At most we'll accept having both sides back off at the same time."
"You wish." No one showed signs of backing off until Xie Lian stood between the opposing sides, standing slightly closer to Hua Cheng.
"Your highness!" the three spoke in unison, concern pricking their voices.
"Your highness, I am in their territory. If I back off, they could easily jump me," Hua Cheng hastily said.
Xie Lian thought for a moment. "Very well, then, give me a sword." A puff of butterflies appeared, and a solid sword dropped from the mass before they swam through the air to dissolve into Hua Cheng's vambraces. "If any bold heavenly official wishes to attack my husband, he should be prepared to fight a devastation-ranked ghost as well as a martial god."
Several people ran away at that very statement. Several people sheathed their weapons too.
Feng Xin asked, "and if Crimson Rain attacks first?"
"Then I will deal with him," Xie Lian answered simply. Even though he spoke of fighting, his sword was kept low in one hand as if he'd just so happened to have it in his hold when speaking.
Frankly, Hua Cheng would never attack in this situation, and Xie Lian knew that.
Even if Xie Lian wouldn't have him slave over calligraphy for hours and ban him from touching him, Hua Cheng still knew how to pick his battles. Fighting in the gods' territory surrounded by heavenly officials wouldn't be very smart, especially when such a decision could endanger his god.
Hesitantly, a couple more people put away their weapons until it was just Hua Cheng, Feng Xin, and Mu Qing (and also Xie Lian, but we don't talk about that).
"Is it just you three?" Xie Lian placed the blade of his sword to his throat after glancing around to double-check his account. "Drop your weapons."
Xie Lian, the self-sacrifice buff, held a sword to his throat.
The three were close with Xie Lian, and they all knew that, under the right circumstances, he would do just about anything to get his desired result. Feng Xin and Mu Qing had watched him willingly crumple under the burden of trying to save his entire kingdom from drought and plague, and Hua Cheng had witnessed him offer a sword to the citizens of Yong'an to 'kill' him and grant their immunity to the Human Face Disease.
E-ming clattered to the ground like discarded trash before Xie Lian had even finished speaking. A moment later, Feng Xin lowered his bow while quietly urging Mu Qing to do the same.
"Are you dumb!? Drop it!" Hua Cheng shouted. He hadn't felt this much dread and helplessness in hundreds of years. Xie Lian wouldn't die even if he slit his throat, but Hua Cheng's unbeating heart still trembled at the thought of it coming to that. At that unhinged look in his eye, everyone but Feng Xin, Mu Qing, and Xie Lian fell over each other scrambling back.
Though it looked like Mu Qing was stubbornly standing his ground, Xie Lian knew he wasn't that insensitive, so he approached him. Every one of his steps echoed throughout the heavens like a steady pulse until Xie Lian stopped right in front of Mu Qing. There was hardly a reaction from the god as his weapon was carefully slotted out of his hand and dropped onto the ground. Then, Xie Lian finally lowered his blade, and everyone eased up.
However, the peace only lasted the time it took for some hotshot to draw his sword and rush at Hua Cheng.
He had finally let go of the breath he didn't need, so Hua Cheng wasn't about to tense up at some nobody's assault. He didn't even flinch. He was planning on beating the man into the ground, but Xie Lian intercepted before he had the chance.
In the literal blink of an eye, Xie Lian had disarmed the god and stood protectively by his husband's side with E-ming now in his hand.
Despite being the Laughingstock, Xie Lian knew he could beat just about anyone in a fight, which was why he was so confident in allowing Hua Cheng to put down E-ming. Worst-case scenario, he'd pick up the scimitar to deal with whatever ensued, and that's what happened.
Xie Lian hadn't hurt anyone and had only flicked the god's blade away, but the speed at which he'd done so was frightening. Very few could even follow his movements, and to the poor non-martial gods who'd never cultivated, it appeared as though he'd teleported.
Suddenly, Xie Lian's cordial smile wasn't so pleasant anymore. Instead, it wrecked everyone's nerves (except Hua Cheng, who was both silently fawning over being defended by his lover and fretting about how he was meant to keep Xie Lian away from anything sharp for the next two months).
So, when Xie Lian sighed, grabbed his husband by the arm, and began walking away, everyone scrambled back, somehow faster and farther than they had when only Hua Cheng walked by them. Ling Wen had not forgotten about Xie Lian's debt, but no one, not even she, dared to speak out then.
...Except for one person.
"Wait, your highness!" Feng Xin called and reached out to grab Xie Lian's sleeve. Two things stopped him, though. The gesture seemed overly familiar now, and Hua Cheng glared at him as if he would spontaneously combust if he stared hard enough.
Xie Lian turned around. "Yes?"
Feng Xin didn't respond as if he'd had nothing to say in the first place.
In fact, he'd stood there so long that Hua Cheng had almost pulled Xie Lian down from heaven, but he finally said, "I'm sorry."
Xie Lian slightly tilted his head to the side. "For what?" Feng Xin was the last person he'd expected an apology from. Aside from the incident just now—which Xie Lian didn't consider to be his fault—he couldn't rationalize the sudden apology.
Feng Xin glanced back, locking eyes with Mu Qing for a long moment before he turned his head around almost regretfully. "Sorry, just...sorry..." Xie Lian was confused, but he nodded in acknowledgment, and Hua Cheng wrapped an arm around his waist before they both jumped down from the heavens.
Everyone watched their backs as they shrunk smaller and smaller until they were beyond distinction and blended in with the distant earth below. Somebody might have spoken out about how fitting it was for the Laughingstock to be wedded to a ghost king, but Hua Cheng's presence still lingered in the air, so nobody dared to mention it.
And so, everyone silently left, acting as though the ordeal had never even happened in the first place.
Word Count 3982
L’AVIS DES CRÉATEURS 
SilentViridity
SilentViridity Okay, obviously, the beginning part was taken directly from the book's prologue and most of Ling Wen's dialogue was from the first few pages as well as the part where Xie Lian was trying to get everyone to put their weapons away (from the Ten Thousand God Cavern).
Please appreciate Mu Qing and his lines. I'm probably not going to replicate his "f—f—friend" moment, and this is probably as close as I'm ever going to get. Yes, he was absolutely an aggro little *bleep* this whole chapter, but I made sure it was mostly out of concern for our favorite homosexual god.
Anyways, sassy Xie Lian again! I love him so much, he's so fun to write! Vote if you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it.
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone