Chapitre 39: Chapter 39: The Departure To Surrey

(plays before Raingency)

My cheeks took on a reddish colour and my fingers began to tingle. I lowered my gaze and touched the cold glass with my fingertips. It was chipped from my breathing, so close I stood to the window. He had confessed his love for me, but somehow it filled me not with joy but with scepticism. "Do you actually expect another answer from me, or is that a done deal now?" my voice was sour. My eyes caught sight of Nicolas in the glass again, I could hear his chest swell before he spoke, as if trying to hold the moment still. "Of course, forgive me, I'm just not in the mood." I furrowed my brow and turned around: "And you think it's fitting to ambush me like this?" I slid along the wall and straightened my hair, though it wasn't even destroyed. "Do you want me to drop to my knees for you and put a ring on you, is that what you want?" his words were insistent. My heart pounded faster under my chest, "I wish, no, I want you to propose when you are ready too and I don't just because it is the right thing to do. This is a final decision that will change my life. I think I need more time." I recognised in his face that my words triggered something in him comparable to a knife cut in the palm of his hand. Nicolas folded his arms behind his back and straightened up as reservedly as a rooster. I sighed deeply and held onto the back of the velvet sofa: "I didn't mean for it to sound so harsh, I'm sorry if I hurt you. I just don't have a good feeling about it. I can't become your wife if freedom is not available in our society. We are not allowed to live out our career aspirations. Women who have their child taken away are punished by death. The gap between rich and poor is widening. I cannot represent that by marrying into the monarchy." Nicolas nodded and asked Martin to take me back to my room in one piece. He smiled politely, but not warmly, as usual, as I took my leave.

"You upset him a lot, what did you say Lady Woodstock?", Martin paced beside me and escorted me back to the East Wing. "He sort of proposed to me and I told him I didn't want to get married like that under the circumstances." Martin laughed softly, trying to hide his grin. I replied that it was by no means amusing and that this was a serious matter. "Of course, miss. I admire your assertiveness, rarely had a lady dared to refuse a prince." "I didn't turn him down, I just said I couldn't now. When things have calmed down, perhaps, however now it is unthinkable for me" We stopped at my door. Martin bowed deeply: "Goodbye, Miss Woodstock." I already had my hand on the cool handle and pressed it down, while I said with a warm smile: "Good night Martin"

The departure for Surrey took place early in the morning, the morning was still dewy and freezing cold. My breath drew little clouds in the air. My costume was a pair of brown, floor-length pleated trousers and an airy dot blouse with cuffs tucked into the trousers. The fabric caused bulging wrinkles at my wrists. My shoes were pointed at the front, with narrow heels, and peeked out of my trousers when I took a step. Through the snow, which was also frozen on the driveway, I wore ear warmers, mittens and a smart coat. I was not the only one who would travel so stylishly. The other girls also wore graceful outfits. The candidates travelled in separate limousines, while the royal family made their way in private cars. Èstelle Guide, a lady with blonde, shoulder-length hair, stood very close to the cantina. She touched Nicolas's arm. In her hair she had a fascinator. The ends of her hair kept sliding over her shoulder, over her mint-coloured coat. She laughed and seemed to be having a dazzling time with the queen. Quite mannerly, she held her hand in front of her mouth to avoid showing her teeth. Nicolas smiled too, then Èstelle touched his arm quite naturally. He did not flinch, but seemed to enjoy it as well. Nor did he flinch when our eyes met briefly from a distance. I sighed, not wanting to deal with this terrible jealousy. As I knew, Nicolas intended to finish the casting as soon as we returned from Surrey. Somehow, a small part of my heart was glad that he wasn't fixating on me, but giving other ladies chances too. Was it actually possible to love more than one person at a time? At least I couldn't really imagine it. Just because I loved the prince, we had a magical night in togetherness and he wanted to marry me, it didn't automatically mean that we could also be happy. I was gently jolted out of my daydream when Holly Larsen, a girl who came from the far north of the United Germanic Empire, formerly known as Sweden, touched me on the shoulder. Holly wore the colours of a yellow canary, it suited her thinner skin tone very well. "Belle, come on, we're supposed to get in the cars." "You know my name? Up until now everyone has always just called me Maybelle," I was completely taken aback. I chatted with her, although my eyes kept wandering to Èstelle and Nicolas, she was actually very nice. Somehow I didn't feel judged or uncomfortable in her presence. She took me by the hand and walked with me towards the limousine that had already started. In the corner of my eye I saw Èstelles disappear into the private car. So she would not be riding with us as expected. I had to swallow, she was allowed to ride with the royal family. Was that the consequence for me, because I dared to refuse a prince? But I hadn't refused him, I just needed more time. Stop, Belle, you don't want to become a princess, after all. I bit my teeth and tried to get my pulse down. I slid into the car, me and Holly sitting across from another three ladies. The drive was almost 2 hours with a stop to stretch our feet. "I've watched you a few times and didn't dare talk to you, you always had a very introverted and sad vibe," Holly whispered in my ear. I nodded and blushed slightly: "Yeah, I'm not the best at socialising." She smiled understandingly: "I thought so, it's not easy either. You're a four aren't you?" Holly, meant no harm when she addressed me about my caste rank, I sensed. I remained silent. "I'm something like that. My family was once the royal family of Sweden, we had to leave the country overnight after our people voted to join the United Germanic Empire. My father had to resign from office and give up all his possessions. We were completely destitute, no work permit, no money, nothing. We first fled to France, but they wanted to deport us again. We lived with the de Lumières family, relatives of my mother Genevieve. In short, death threats and attacks followed. France, whose big trading partner was the United Germanic Empire, put pressure on them. They did not want France to host the enemy of their empire. They would cut all strands and supplies.

This would leave France completely cut off and surrounded by enemies. We left the country and sailed to Little England, where we were granted asylum by necessity. My parents and I took any job we could get. We were stateless and therefore not bound by the caste system, but also not considered. We swam under the radar. Without collateral, no one wanted to rent us a flat. For three months we lived on the streets and moved around like vagabonds. Luckily we all knew New English, otherwise we would never have found our feet. My mother, by chance, got hold of the casting notice and signed up." I listened to Holly throughout her story and held back my emotions. She put her hand on mine and thanked me for not showing pity. I knew myself how draining and agonising it could be. It didn't really help anyone, it was just hurtful. Since she had opened up to me, I longed to do the same, but wanted to be undisturbed in return.

The car stopped and we all got out one by one to stretch our legs. It was also starting to get stuffy in the narrow-cut coach. My first few shirts were very awkward and numb as one of my legs had started to fall asleep. We had stopped at a wooded area. The sun was closer to the zenith and it was warmer. I enjoyed the scattered rays of sunshine on my skin and folded my arms. "I'm going to join the others one day, if you like, you're welcome to come along," Holly called out to me, but I waved her off. I had other plans. I wanted to use the time to stretch my legs without being guarded. I scurried away from the scene and enjoyed the moment of silence. However, I was interrupted when I heard muffled footsteps behind me. I turned around and recognised Nicolas with Èstelle. Hopefully they had not discovered me. I disappeared behind a tree and waited until they were far enough away not to see me. But somehow jealousy got the better of me and I followed them at intervals.

Lady Èstelle, I didn't know that your interests were so much the same as mine," he said to her in a mocking way. Well, Prince Nicolas, if you weren't always paying all your attention to one particular lady, you would have made contact with me long ago." He grabbed the back of his neck and replied sheepishly: "I agree, nevertheless, it's nice to get to know you better." Èstelle tossed her hair coquettishly and smiled: "I really didn't expect to ride with your family, but Lady Maybelle did. The girls and I have already made bets about it, however it seems you two have a cooler demeanour right now. Am I wrong about that?" I pulled my eyes to slits, that fake snake. Nicolas was silent for a while and cleared his throat: "It's complicated, I'm afraid she's not really interested in me." But Èstelle is? Come on Nicolas, she's clearly a fake rabbit, I cursed in my mind. She naturally put an arm around him as they walked on. "You always have an open ear with me if you ever feel the need to talk." "Thank you Lady Èstelle, I will certainly avail myself of that," he replied to her. They stopped and I turned behind the next tree and peered through a bush. They looked into each other's eyes and I felt a twinge in my chest. That was how he had always looked at me until now. "Just call me Èstelle.", her cheeks coloured, but it could also be the cold air, I couldn't tell that exactly from the distance. A small silence followed, he took her in his arms and opened his coat so she wouldn't freeze and whispered something in her ear, she then became even redder and the tips of their noses almost touched. Suddenly I had a short circuit and formed a snowball, I aimed it at the two of them, then crouched behind the bush again. A yelp followed and a bliss of happiness rolled over me. I had hit them Èstelle. She screamed, "Who was that?" Nicolas tried to calm her down but she wanted to get back to the car as quickly as possible. I couldn't help a fat grin. Lady Guide stormed off, so fast that the prince couldn't follow her. He stopped and shouted almost angrily into the forest, "Whoever did this, show yourself!" I now had a guilty conscience after all and stood up. "Why are you doing such nonsense!" he drove at me, stunned. "I didn't want you to kiss, ok," I gave him in reply, not looking him in the eye, but making my way back onto the path. I patted snow off my face and continued: "It was very childish of me..., I know. But she had it coming, didn't you realise she was just playing with you?" "Is this revenge for not letting you ride with us? Honestly, you said yourself that you don't want to be a princess. So why are you jealous?" I hissed at him, "Just because I didn't want to accept your proposal doesn't give you the right to hook the next one the very next day. Do you know how that makes me feel? Not a good one, to give you an answer to that already." He clenched his hands into a fist and kept his composure: "I think if anyone is playing with me, it's you. I have said to you that I love you and that I want to marry you and time and again you keep stalling. You haven't said anything back. That is so exhausting in the long run, you wonder why I think to myself now and then, why do I bother so much? She doesn't want me anyway and then I get closer to others. I also have to think of my family, my country, my people. You're so damn complicated, I just can't figure you out!" His breathing followed at shorter intervals. I could literally feel the tension between us. I groaned, "It's just all so complicated because I'm in love with you. Lordy, but there are just so many factors playing against us, I don't know what to do either." His gaze lifted and he looked at me in surprise, "You love me?" "Of course, you idiot, for quite a while now...", I admitted small. I was on the verge of tears. "Why didn't you tell me?" "Because you just ambushed me with your proposal, it threw me off." He came up to me, took his hands and lifted my head to his lips, then kissed me more passionately than he had since our night together.