Chapitre 87: Wreck-it Ralph (Part 1)
(Jared's POV)
Woods...
Jack and I are fighting a Weevil, and losing. We are about to get our throats ripped out when someone starts hitting the Weevil with a stick. The Weevil moves its attention to its new attacker and I am able to use the spray on it before Jack puts a bag over its head and injects it with tranquilliser.
"Thanks." Ianto said, happily.
"No. Thank you." I said, smiling. "Who are you?"
"Jones, Ianto Jones."
"Nice to meet you, Jones, Ianto Jones. Cap'n Jack Harkness. And this is Jared Shay, my best friend." Jack said, smirking.
"Lucky escape."
"Jack and I had it under control." I said, taking out chocolate chip cookies to eat them.
"You think so, Jared? It looked pretty vicious. You two were, er, you both were bleeding." Ianto said, looking between Jack and I.
"I had worse from shaving." Jack said, frowning.
"Yeah. Like razor burn." I said, tossing a chocolate chip cookie into my mouth.
"Looked like a Weevil to me." Ianto said.
"I've no idea what you're talking about." Jack said, sadly.
"Same. Ianto, we'll take the Weevil from here back to Roald Dahl Plass. Thanks for the help." I said, smirking.
"Anytime. By the way, Jack, love the coat." Ianto said, fixated on Jack's coat.
Roald Dahl Plass...
Jack and I came out of the Tourist Information Centre.
"Morning. Coffee?" Ianto asked.
"Sure." I said, taking the proffered mug and drinks. "What flavor is this?"
"I heard you like mochas, Jared." Ianto said, looking at me. "It wasn't that hard to recreate. Anyway, I want to work for the two of you."
"Sorry, Ianto. Jack and I don't have any vacancies for Torchwood Three."
"Look, let me tell you about myself." Ianto said, while I was drinking the mocha.
"Ianto Jones, born August 19th 1983. Able student but not exceptional. One minor conviction for shoplifting in your teens. Number of temporary jobs, mainly a drifter, until two years ago you join the Torchwood Institute in London. Junior researcher. Girlfriend, Lisa Hallett." Jack said.
"Deceased."
"I'm sorry. I was there. In the battle." I said, letting out a sigh. "A long time ago."
"Look, Jack, you checked me out." Ianto said, looking at Jack.
"You knew what a Weevil was. Thought I was gonna have to come deal with you with Jared's help." Jack said.
"But instead you and Jared can see I have the right qualifications for the job."
"There is no job. We're nothing to do with Torchwood London. I severed all links."
"Yet when it burned, two members of your team and two Judgement officers from Academy City scavenged the ruins." Ianto said.
"Yeah. It was Uiharu and Shirai that were the Judgement officers. I trust them with my life. Jack and I don't want the equipment falling into the wrong hands." I said, sipping on my mocha.
"And you two are the right hands, are you? Trial period. Three months." Ianto said, looking between Jack and I.
"No." Jack said.
"Three weeks. Three days. Jack, let me prove myself to you. I know I have already proved myself to Jared as he is drinking the mochas I made for him. I'll work for nothing." Ianto said.
"No."
"I saw what they did at Canary Wharf. What am I supposed to do with those memories?" Ianto asked.
"You are not my responsibility. And we're not hiring." Jack said, rolling his eyes.
"Same time tomorrow then." Ianto said, happily.
"There is no job for you here and there never will be." Jack said, walking away with me.
"Jack, I really like that coat."
Night...
The Range Rover is on the move.
"Toshiko, see if you can decode those hieroglyphics." Jack said.
"Do it with Uiharu, so it can be done quicker." I said, sipping on a mocha from Starbucks.
"Already on it." Tosh said, over the speaker.
"It won't take us too long, Jared." Uiharu said, over the speaker.
"Owen, take a cross-section of the paramedics brain. Check it against the list of chemical agents." Jack said, with me calling shotgun.
"Will do." Owen said, over the speaker.
"Susie, Mikoto, Shirai, Saten, we're going to need to clean out the reservoir. Can the four of you see if you can find the other half?" I asked, over the speaker.
Road...
Ianto steps out in front of the Range Rover. It squeals to a halt and Jack and I get out.
"Okay, this has to stop. Ianto, this is insane." I said, looking at Ianto.
"No, listen to me." Ianto said, sadly.
"We don't have time for this. Look, I don't care what your problem is, I want you out of this city by sunrise. There is no place for you here. Go back to London, find yourself another life. Keep stalking us, we'll wipe your memory." Jack said, grabbing my hand.
"No, but the thing is..."
"Look, any conversation between us, no matter what the subject, is over. Finished. Done. Forever. I'm getting back behind the wheel of that car. If you're still standing in the road, I'm going to drive through you. Jared, come on." Jack said, walking away with me.
"So you and Jared are not gonna help me catch this pterodactyl then?" Ianto asked.
Outside a warehouse...
Jack prepares a large hypodermic syringe.
"Okay, that is the only special equipment you've got?" Ianto asked.
"Yeah, because I keep dinosaur nets in the back of the SUV." Jack said, scoffing.
"Torchwood London would've." Ianto said, while the pterodactyl is flying around inside, and dives for us as we open the door. "Nope."
"You're kidding me. Myfanwy." I said, shutting the door again. "How did you find it?"
"Rift activity locator. Torchwood London. See? Quality kit." Ianto said, holding up a device.
"Yeah, it's quite excitable." Jack said.
"Must be your aftershave."
"Never wear any."
"You smell like that naturally?"
"Fifty first century pheromones. You people have no idea." Jack said, smiling.
"Hey. Are you two ready to calm down Myfanwy?" I asked, looking between Jack and Ianto. "Wanna have another go?"
"I'm game if you two are." Ianto said, happily.
"Three, two, one..." I said, opening the door again.
Warehouse...
"Split up." I said, running away from Jack and Ianto.
The pterodactyl lands on the floor.
"We're not gonna harm you. You can't stay here. Come back with us. We've got somewhere nice and big where you can fly around." Jack said.
"Okay, so you let the pterodactyl in but not me?" Ianto asked.
"Well, we need a guard dog that isn't the Railgun or a perverted Judgement officer." I said, sadly.
"I can be that. Like a receptionist, building maintenance, food and drink. Dry cleaning, even. Jack, that coat of yours must take a battering. And Jared, you must get hungry all the time. Like a butler, I could be a butler." Ianto said, looking between Jack and I.
"We don't need a butler." Jack said, annoyed.
"Excuse me. Dried egg on your collar." Ianto said, looking at Jack's outfit.
"It's been a busy week for us. Especially for Mikoto and I." I said, taking out some Cadbury to snack on it.
"Jack, Jared, what exactly is your plan?" Ianto asked.
"I'm going to be the decoy. I can't let Jared be the decoy. Don't want to get shocked to death by the Railgun." Jack said.
"And it will rip you to shreds." Ianto said, looking at the pterodactyl.
"Dinosaurs? Had them for breakfast. Had to. Only source of pre-killed food protein after the asteroid crashed. Long story. Here you go." Jack said, giving Ianto the hypodermic. "One injection to the central nervous cortex. I'll keep it occupied. Move."
"No." Ianto said.
"What? Why not?" I asked, holding my chocolate bar.
Ianto hands the hypodermic back to Jack, "It knows me. I'll be a better decoy."
"Way too dangerous." Jack said.
"No, I've got a secret weapon. Chocolate. Preferably dark." Ianto said, grabbing the bar of chocolate from me. "Thanks for the Cadbury, Jared. It's her favorite."
Jack, Ianto, and I split up.
"Cadbury is better than Hershey, any day." I said, smiling.
"Myfanwy? I got your favourite. Cadbury from Jared. Yeah." Ianto said, throwing the bar of chocolate to the pterodactyl while Jack sneaks up from behind. "It's good for your serotonin levels, if you've got serotonin levels."
The pterodactyl turns around and launches into the air. Jack grabs its legs and gets a quick flight around the warehouse.
"Whoa! Ianto!" Jack said, hanging on to one leg of the pterodactyl and injects the creature before falling onto Ianto and I. "Sorry."
We roll out of the way as the pterodactyl falls to the ground, then I stood up and let Jack and Ianto stare into each other's eyes.
"I should go." Ianto said, getting off Jack and walking away from us.
"Hey. Report for work first thing tomorrow. Like the suit, by the way." Jack said, happily.
I entered the SUV and placed my AmuSphere on my head. I closed my eyes to do what I would normally do to enter a virtual world, "Link Start."
(Open POV)
A CANDY WORLD...
The pod slips out of a giant chocolate-dipped cone with sprinkles and flies through cotton candy clouds. Some of the candy is sucked through the vent, shorting out an engine. The pod flies through more cotton candy, then dives under a layer of brown liquid candy, and crashes through a forest of peppermint stick trees. It comes to a halt at the edge of a cliff, and Ralph and the Cy-Bug slam against the dash.
Something beeps. It's the EJECT button!
Ralph and the Cy-Bug are catapulted out of the ship. Ralph is flung into a tree. The Cy-Bug continues on and slams into a nearby tree. It falls into a taffy pool and sinks as if dead.
"Sayonara, sucker!" Ralph said, from the red and white stripped tree top, Ralph turns to see the vast, colorful land of candy before him. "Sugar Rush?"
A huge SUGAR RUSH sign glistens. Dessert go-karts whizz across a red candy curvy race track.
"Oh, no! This is that candy go-cart game over by the Whac-A-Mole. I gotta get out of here." Ralph said, wiping the stickiness off on his shirt and realizes that his medal is gone. "Oh, no! My medal!" He stutters and spots the medal dangling from the highest branch of another peppermint tree. "No, no, no, no, my medal!"
Ralph quickly climbs down the tree as it shakes from his weight.
(Jared's POV)
EXT. THE MEDAL IN THE PEPPERMINT TREE — MOMENTS LATER...
"No, no no! My medal!" Ralph said, as the tree is surrounded by a bubbling taffy pool. Ralph teeters across some wobbly gum drops floating in the pool.
"He's funny, isn't he?" I asked, and Ralph grabs the tree and climbs, eyes on the medal. "Vanellope, get his attention."
"Hi, mister!" Vanellope said, excitedly.
"AHHH!" Ralph yelled, falling down a few feet, terrified.
It's only Vanellope von Schweetz, a 9-year-old girl with black hair and a high ponytail, looking down from a branch above him with me above her.
I have been living in Sugar Rush for a while, when I say a while, I mean months, choosing not to log off from it. I made friends with Vanellope very quickly because we are very similar. And we ran into Wreck-it-Ralph as you can see here.
"Hello." Vanellope said, smiling.
"Hey. What's up?" I asked, snacking on chocolate Pocky.
"Man, you scared me, kids. Ah, I nearly soiled myself." Ralph said, looking between Vanellope and I.
"So, what's your name?"
"Uh... Ralph. Wreck-It Ralph." Ralph said, sadly.
"You're not from here like Jared, are you?" Vanellope asked.
"No, well, yeah. I am like your friend, in a way. I mean, not from right in this area. I'm just doing some work here." Ralph said.
"What kind of work are you doing, Ralph?" I asked, placing another Pocky in my mouth.
Ralph continues climbing, "Some routine candy tree trimming. You probably want to stand back. In fact, this whole area is technically closed while we're trimming."
"Who's 'we'?" Vanellope asked.
"Candy tree department." Ralph said, climbing higher.
"Oh! Where is everybody else?" Vanellope asked.
"Ah, it's just me today." Ralph said, frowning.
"So you just meant like the royal 'we'?"
"Yep. That's right."
Vanellope springs up to a branch by Ralph's face and hangs upside down, "Are you a hobo?"
"No, I am not a hobo. But I am busy, so you go, go home with your friend." Ralph said, looking at Vanellope.
"What's that? I didn't hear you. Your breath is so bad, it made my ears numb." Vanellope said.
"Listen, I tried to be nice..."
"I tried to be nice." Vanellope said, mimicking Ralph.
"You're mimicking me." Ralph said.
"You're mimicking me." Vanellope said, still mimicking Ralph.
"Okay, that is rude, and this conversation is over." Ralph said, and he climbs on.
"That is rude and this conversation is -- hahaha." Vanellope said, still mimicking Ralph.
"Hey, Ralph! I wouldn't grab that branch if I were you." I said, watching Ralph about to grab the wrong branch.
"I'm from the candy tree department, so I know what..." Ralph said, grabbing the branch and it goes Bloop-bloop!
"It's a double stripe." I said, when the branch goes poof.
Ralph falls but catches a single-stripe.
"Double stripes break. Guh-doy! Hey, why are your hands so freakishly big?" Vanellope asked, looking at Ralph's hands.
"Uh, I don't know. Why are you so freakishly annoying?" Ralph asked.
"Well, why are you so freakishly..." Vanellope said.
"Vanellope! Look up!" I said, pointing to the glistening medal. "Get it!"
"Sweet mother of monkey milk! A gold coin!" Vanellope said, excitedly. "Thank you for telling me, Jared!"
"Don't even think about it. That is mine." Ralph said, annoyed.
"Race you for it! Let's go, buddy!" Vanellope said, moving like a monkey up the branches with me following her. "You can finally see me race!"
Ralph follows us, "Hey! I don't have to race you for it, because it's mine!"
"And Ralph, you just grabbed a..." I said, looking down when Ralph grabs a double striped branch. "...double stripe!"
POOF! It BREAKS!
"Come back here! Give it back, give it, give it!" Ralph said, angrily.
Vanellope makes it to the top with me and she grabs the medal, "The winner! You've gotten better at keeping up with me, Jared."
"I've had years of practice." I said, happily.
"Give it back! Give it!" Ralph said, looking between Vanellope and I.
"Whoa!" Vanellope said, worried.
Ralph grabs the branch Vanellope and I are on and flings us off.
"Jared!" Vanellope said, dropping the medal as Ralph catches it. "Get it!"
"Okay!" I said, diving for the medal and I missed it when Ralph landed on a double-striped branch. "Double stripe!"
Poof. Ralph falls. The medal goes flying again. He grabs the bottom branch and hangs inches above the bubbling taffy. The medal flew up into Vanellope's hand and she passed it to me for me to polish it for her.
"Thank you." Vanellope said, hopping off the tree with me to the ground, as the two of us are safely beyond the taffy. "So, race?"
"Yeah." I said, grabbing Vanellope's hand with a Pocky in my mouth.
"Look, wait! Let me talk to you for one second. Here's the thing, I'm not from the candy tree department." Ralph said, looking between Vanellope and I.
"Lying to a child. Shame on you, Ralph. Jared has never lied to me, because he loves me." Vanellope said, frowning.
"But I wasn't lying about the medal. That is my medal! That's why I was climbing the tree. It's mine! It's precious to me." Ralph said, as I polished the medal for Vanellope with her admiring it before I gave it back to her. "That thing is my ticket to a better life!"
"Well, now it's my..." Vanellope said, glitching. "...ti-i-i-i-i-i-i-icket."
"What the..." Ralph said, in awe.
"See ya, chump. Jared, come on!" Vanellope said, running off with me.
"Come back! I'll find the two of you! I will find you both!" Ralph said, angrily.
"Double stripe!" I said, excitedly.
Ralph falls into the gooey taffy pool! He bubbles up, looking like a taffy beast.
"Nowhere to hide!" Ralph said, disappearing back beneath the sticky surface.
(Open POV)
INT. GAME CENTRAL - OUTSIDE SUGAR RUSH ENTRANCE...
Surge Protector shows Felix and Calhoun the damaged entrance to Sugar Rush, "Yeah, he banged around in here like some kind of hot shot. Then he went barreling down there into that sweet, little game like a crazy person."
Calhoun studies the entrance to Sugar Rush.
"Sugar Rush." Calhoun said, with a steely Clint Eastwood-esque squint. "Cy-Bugs'll chew up that game faster than a chicken hawk in a coop of crippled roosters."
"What was that now?" Felix asked, following close behind Calhoun.
Calhoun turns on Felix, dead serious.
"What're you, thick? There was a Cy-Bug on that shuttle!" Calhoun said, off Felix's confused look. "Do you even know what a Cy-Bug IS?"
"I can't say that I do, ma'am." Felix said, sadly.
"Cy-Bugs are like a virus. They don't know they're in a game. All they know is eat, kill, multiply. Without a beacon to stop them, they'll consume Sugar Rush. But do you think they'll stop there?" Calhoun asked, like talking to a child.
"Yes!" Felix said, happily.
"WRONG! Viruses do not stop!" Calhoun said, standing up straight and majestic and looks over Game Central to all the tunnels leading to so many games and all the characters from them. "Once those Cy-Bugs finish off Sugar Rush, they'll invade every other game until this arcade is nothing but a smoking husk of forgotten dreams." She does a resolute stance. "Kohut! My cruiser."
Kohut hands her what looks like a folded surf board. Calhoun heads down the steps to the tunnel.
"Jeepers. Is she always this intense?" Felix asked.
"It's not her fault. She's programmed with the most tragic back-story ever. The one day she didn't do a perimeter check..." Kohut said, frowning. "...her wedding day."
INT. CHURCH...
Calhoun and her incredibly handsome fiance, Brad, are about to exchange vows at the altar. Just then, a giant Cy-Bug crashes through the stained-glass window and chomps down on the groom. Calhoun pulls out her automatic weapons and starts shooting through raging wails.
INT. GAME CENTRAL - OUTSIDE SUGAR RUSH ENTRANCE...
Calhoun tries to shake it off.
Felix hurries up to her in the tunnel, "Wait, Ma'am! I'm going with you."
"Like fun you are, short stack. You die outside your game, you don't regenerate." Calhoun said, reloading her gun.
"Well neither do you, ma'am. And it is my job to fix what Ralph wrecks. And I cannot ask you to risk your life cleaning up his mess. No flex on this one, ma'am. I am coming along with you." Felix said, determined.
Calhoun gives Felix a hard look, then scoots aside on her hover board, snaps, and points behind her on the board. He leaps onto it. And off they go.
(Jared's POV)
EXT. THE SUGAR RUSH RACE TRACK...
Contestants roll up to the start line as their individualized cheering squads watch from their boxes. A huge trophy cup sits atop of assorted candy in a curvy design above the START Line. A blonde girl with strawberry-pink gear and a lollipop in her mouth waves to the audience and goes to the front of a group of racers.
Vanellope and I peeped out from beside one of the boxes labelled 'Taffyta'. A green candy ball dresses the audience from the tallest box.
"Citizens of Sugar Rush..." Soul Bill said, in a flat, sad voice.
"Jared, we're just in time!" Vanellope said, excitedly.
"That, we are." I said, smiling.
"All hail our rightful ruler, King Candy." Soul Bill said.
Up in the tallest box, a curtain opens and King Candy with his Ed-Wynn-like mug and style, jumps out.
"Hello, my loyal subjects! Ha-ha! Have some candy!" King Candy said, throwing handfuls of candy into the crowd. "Thank you for that stirring introduction, Sour Bill."
"Mmmmhmmm." Soul Bill said.
"And thank you to today's avatars. It was a wonderful day of racing, it was. But now the arcade is closed, so it's time to wipe the slate clean and race to decide our new roster." King Candy said, over the microphone.
"The arcade version of Mario Kart." I said, while I am looking at the racers on the track standing proud in all their candy racing gear as King Candy explains the rules. "I love this. But I don't like him."
"Neither do I." Vanellope said, grabbing my hand.
"The first nine racers across that finish line will represent Sugar Rush as tomorrow's avatars!" King Candy said, over the microphone.
"RACE! RACE! RACE! RACE!" The crowd said, chanting.
"Yes, okay. Calm down." King Candy said, over the microphone. "Listen, this event is pay-to-play. We all know this. The fee to compete is one gold coin from your previous winnings, if you've ever won, which..." He chuckles. "...I have. Let me go first!"
King Candy pulls a lever and tosses his coin onto a red lollipop which flips it into the huge cup. King Candy's name appears on a contestant board.
"King Candy!" The announcer said, over the speaker.
King Candy leaps into the air with a flourish and poses. The crowd goes wild!
The blonde girl tosses up her coin. We follow it and watch it land in the cup, where it turns into game code and then disappears into an abyss.
"Taffyta Muttonfudge!" The announcer said, over the speaker.
Taffyta does her signature leap and pose in the air and gives the fans her catch-phrase, "Stay sweet!"
"Let me help you with that." I said, as more kids throw in their coins as Vanellope and I push her covered kart to the starting line. "You can't do it on your own."
"Thank you, my friend." Vanellope said, happily.
"Adorabeezle Winterpop! Gloyd Orangeboar!" The announcer said, over the speaker.
Vanellope scurried up to the back of the line and I hid behind a stand.
"Crumbelina Di Caramello!" The announcer said, over the speaker.
Ralph, covered in taffy, trudges his way towards the race track, "Little stealers. Wait 'till I catch those brats."
Racers continue throwing their coins into the cup.
"Minty Zaki! Snowanna Rainbeaux! Rancis Fluggerbutter! Jubileena Bing-Bing! Swizzle Malarkey! Candlehead!" The announcer said, over the speaker.
It's Vanellope's turn. She kisses the Medal of Heroes and throws it. It bounces around the rims of the cup while she stares at the leaderboard, grimacing.
"Sour Bill, who's that last one?" King Candy asked.
The medal drops into the cup, swirls inside it, turns into game code, and disappears into the abyss.
A new racer appears on the board:
"Vanellope Von Schweetz!" The announcer said, over the speaker.
The crowd gasps in horror.
"Yi-i-i-i-ippe-e-e-e! I'm in the race!" Vanellope said, glitching.
"VANELLOPE?!?" King Candy exclaimed.
Taffyta rips the tarp off of Vanellope's kart, revealing a sad, shabby kart made from recycled junk with the name 'Lickity Split' written on the side.
"The Glitch!" Taffyta said, gasping.
The crowd starts to panic.
"Now, now!" King Candy said, over the microphone before laughing. "Everything is all right! SECURITY!!!"
Two donut cops, Wynnchel and Duncan, step toward the Glitch with batons.
"C'mere, kid!" Duncan said, angrily.
"We're not gonna hurt you and your friend, you little freak!" Wynnchel said, and Vanellope made a break for it towards me with me dragging her away. "Get back here!"
"Slow down! Slow down a little bit!" Duncan yelled.
Just then, a taffy-covered Ralph, twigs and candy stuck to him, comes barrelling onto the track, looking like a creature from the taffy lagoon.
"You two! Give me back my medal right now!" Ralph said, looking at Vanellope and I.
"A-a-a-h b-o-o-oy!" Vanellope said, glitching. "Let's go, Jared!"
"I know." I said, sadly.
"What is that?" King Candy asked.
Ralph chases Vanellope and I across the line. Vanellope and I slip under a spectator's box, but Ralph lifts it up. Ralph follows us, flipping over box after box. Spectators scatter.
"Careful! What are you doing?!" King Candy exclaimed.
Vanellope and I ran out from under the stands. Ralph keeps following. He slams into a giant cupcake water tower. It tips.
"Huh?" Ralph asked, looking up and the giant cupcake fell on him, trapping him inside. His taffy-covered head and hands pop out the top. He tips over. "Come back here!" Ralph tips over. Vanellope and I slipped away. "I can't move!"
"Now we got him!" Wynnchel said, happily.
The donut cops rush up to a helpless Ralph, who points to where Vanellope and I went and mumble-yells.
"Oh, good, the cops. They went that way!" Ralph said.
They ignore Ralph and knock him with their batons.
"Hold still!" Duncan said.
"Ow!" Ralph said.
"Take that!" Wynnchel said.
"What are you doing?" Ralph asked.
"Okay folks. Calm down! Everything's all right. The monster's been caught! We'll repair all the damage. Don't worry, we will have our race before the arcade opens." King Candy said, into his microphone.
"And I'm in it. Yes! Jared, we did it!" Vanellope said, hopping into her kart and pedaling off.
"We did." I said, teleporting away in and out of existence like Shirai Kuroko does.
"There's no way that I am racing with a glitch. Rancis, Candlehead, come on." Taffyta said, looking at the other racers.
"Sour Bill, that glitch cannot be allowed to race!" King Candy said, pointing down to Ralph. "And bring THAT thing to my castle."
"Guys! They too..." Ralph said, while Wynnchel tases him.
(Open POV)
EXT. KING'S CANDY CASTLE...
Oreo guards march and chant outside a grand candy palace.
"O-re-o. O-ree-o. O-re-o. O-ree-o." The Oreo guards said, chanting.
INT. KING'S CANDY CASTLE...
The donut police roll the Ralph cupcake/taffy ball into a frilly throne room. King Candy drives his kart right into the room and backs it into his throne parking spot.
"Sour Bill, de-taffify this monster so we can see what we're up against here." King Candy said.
"Mmmm-kay." Sour Bill said, pulling off a giant glob of taffy, exposing Ralph's face and head.
Ralph screams.
"Milk my duds! It's Wreck-it Ralph?!" King Candy exclaimed.
"Yeah. Who are you, the guy that makes the donuts?" Ralph asked, getting his bearings.
"Please. No, I'm King Candy." King Candy said.
"I see you're a fan of pink." Ralph said, sadly.
"Salmon. Salmon. It's obviously sal..." King Candy said, bluffing. "What are you doing here?"
"Look, Your Candiness, this is just a big misunderstanding. Just get me out of this cupcake, I'll get my medal, and I'll be outta your way."
"Your medal?" King Candy asked, laughing. "Bad Guys don't win medals."
"Well, this one did. I earned it over in Hero's Duty." Ralph said.
"You game-jumped? Ralph, you're not going Turbo are you?"
"What? No, no no."
"Because if you think you can come in here to my kingdom and take over my game, you've got another thing coming!" King Candy said, angrily.
"EASY, Your Puffiness. It's not my fault one of your children of the candy corn and her friend stole my medal."
"Children of the candy corn? Who'd..." King Candy said, realizing what is happening before gasping. "...The Glitch! And her friend from the real world. The coin she used to buy her way into the race that she got with Jared's help, that was your medal?"
"She did what? I need that back!" Ralph said, looking at King Candy.
"Well, I'm afraid I can't help you. It's gone, it's nothing but code now. And it'll stay that way until someone wins the cup at the end of the race."
"Well, maybe I'll just have to have a little talk with the winner then."
"Is that a threat I smell?" King Candy asked, gagging. "Beyond the halitosis you so obviously suffer from?"
"Listen, Nilly-Wafer, I'm not leaving without my medal!" Ralph said, looking at King Candy.
"Yes, you are. Wynnchel, Duncan, get him out of that cupcake and on the first train back home. And if I EVER SEE YOU HERE AGAIN, WRECK-IT RALPH, I'll lock you in my Fungeon." King Candy said.
"Fungeon?"
"Fun Dungeon. It's a play on words -- Nevermind. Now, I've got a glitch to deal with, thanks to you. Goodbye, Wreck-it Ralph! It hasn't been a pleasure." King Candy said, hopping into his kart and drives out of the room.
Wynnchel knocks on the cupcake.
"This thing's hard as a rock." Duncan said.
"I can see that. Get the tools." Wynnchel said.
"What tools?" Ralph asked.
Wynnchel hits Ralph with the baton, "Quiet, you."
Duncan goes over to a chest, pulls out a chain-saw, and revs it up.
"What? No! Ah! Stay away from me!" Ralph said, terrified.
"Hey, take it easy, big boy." Wynnchel said.
Ralph flails. He rolls back onto his feet and starts hobbling towards the door.
"He's getting away!" Duncan yelled.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE DOUBLE CASTLE WINDOWS...
Ralph and the cupcake burst through the wall and fell.
INT. BACK INSIDE THE CASTLE...
Wynnchel and Duncan run to the window. They look down and see the smashed cupcake on the ground and Ralph running away.
"Quick, call out the Devil Dogs!" Wynnchel said.
(Jared's POV)
EXT. LOLLISTIX FOREST - A SHORT WHILE LATER...
Devil Dogs on leashes bound through the trees and down the ravine. They stop by a chocolate stream. They lose the scent and run off down river.
A pixie stick, poking out of the stream, moves. Ralph breaks the surface.
"Argh -- I hate chocolate." Ralph said, scrambling to the shore. "Got to get my medal back."
Ralph hears the roar of engines. Sees a bunch of racers speed by on nearby road.
"The pot goes to the winning racer!" Ralph said, running after the racers. "Hey, kids! Can I talk to you for a second?"
Ralph just misses them, as they disappear around the bend and approach Vanellope, who is working on her handmade kart with me. It's up on a jacks.
The racers sweep in and surround Vanellope and I. Vanellope pushes away any evidence of fear by grabbing my hand and we stand tall to meet them.
"Hello, fellow racers!" Vanellope said, excitedly.
Ralph peeks over the hill, "It's those little crumbsnatchers."
Taffyta gets out of her kart and approaches Vanellope.
"Candlehead, Taffyta, Rancis, you're looking well. Came by to check out the competition, huh? Well, here it is, The Lickity-Split!" Vanellope said, smiling.
Ralph looks unimpressed, "Jeesh. Looks like she built it herself."
"Built it myself. With some help from Jared. Fastest pedal-power west of the Whack-A-Mole. Check her out." Vanellope said, letting go of my hand and hopping in her kart and starts pedalling.
The gears catch and spin in Vanellope's cart.
"I love it, Vanellope." I said, as Vanellope honks a quite silly horn. "Especially that horn."
"Thank you Jared for appreciating our genius."
"Oh, Vanellope, it's so... you and Jared. But you have to back out of the race, yeah." Taffyta said.
Vanellope gets out of her kart and approaches Taffyta, "Oh, no, I don't, because, y'know, I paid my fee and I'm on the board. So, yeah, I'm definitely racing. Jared said I can race."
"You can. And you are so going to win, Vanellope." I said, smiling.
"Yeah, well, King Candy says glitches can't race." Taffyta said, looking at Vanellope.
"I'm not a glitch, Taffyta." Vanellope said, and she glitched. "I've just got pixlexia, okay?"
Ignoring her, Taffyta walks over to Vanellope's kart.
"The rules are there for a reason, Vanellope. To protect us." Taffyta said, getting in Vanellope's kart. "Say I'm you. I'm in my weird little car, and I'm driving, and I actually feel kinda cool for once. And then, all of a sudden, oh no! I'm gl-gl-gl-gl-gl-glitching!"
Taffyta rips the steering wheel right off.
"Hey!" Vanellope said, angrily.
"See? You're an accident just waiting to happen." Taffyta said, looking at Vanellope.
"Oh, no! I g-g-g-glitched, too!" Jubileena said, going over to the kart, flails and smacks the hood loose.
"Jared, my cart!" Vanellope said, rushing over to her kart with me by her side, but other racers get in our way and block us. "Stop it, please!"
"You're ruining something I made with Vanellope." I said, sadly.
Ralph is disturbed by what he's seeing, "Uncool."
The other racers tear apart the kart.
"Oh no, I glitched. I glitched. Look out, I'm glitching." The various racers said, at the same time.
"Stop it! Stop! You're breaking it! Please!" Vanellope said, grabbing Taffyta, as my best friend is glitching her as well, with her spinning Taffyta around to face her. "I just wanna race like you guys! Jared believes in me. Why don't you guys?"
"You'll never be a racer, because you're a glitch. And that's all you'll ever be!" Taffyta said, pushing Vanellope, who goes flying back, and lands splat in the mud.
That's the last straw; Ralph jumps up.
"Hey! Leave her alone!" Ralph said, running down the hill, flails his arms.
The other racers scream in terror and run to their cars.
"Let's get out of here!" Taffyta said, terrified.
The racers drive off.
"Scram, you rotten little cavities, before I throw you in the mud!" Ralph said, puffing up.
Ralph turns to Vanellope and I.
"Oh, Vanellope." I said, wiping away Vanellope's tears. "We worked so hard on this, didn't we?"
"We did." Vanellope said, as her and I were sifting through the wreckage of her kart. "What are you looking at?"
"You're welcome, you rotten little thieves." Ralph said, looking between Vanellope and I.
"We're not thieves. We just borrowed your stupid coin. We were gonna give it back to you as soon as I won the race."
"It's not a coin. It is a medal."
"Coin. Medal. Whatever. Just go back to your own dumb game and win another one."
"I can't. I didn't win it in my game. I won it in Hero's Duty." Ralph said.
"Hero's Doodie?" Vanellope asked, sniggering.
"It's not that kind of duty." Ralph said, rolling his eyes.
"I bet you really gotta watch where you step in a game called Hero's Doodie!" Vanellope said, laughing a lot.
"Vanellope. Ralph. I have a joke for you. What did you win a medal for? Wiping your doodie? I hope you washed your hands after the way you handled that medal." I said, laughing with Vanellope.
"Listen!" Ralph said, angrily.
"That's a good one, Jared. Let me give one more. One more: why did the hero flush the toilet? Say why." Vanellope said, still laughing with me.
"Why."
"Because it was his doodie!" Vanellope said, as I grabbed her hand.
"Yeah. Duty does sound like doodie!" I said, squeezing Vanellope's hand.
"How dare you two insult Hero's Duty, you little guttersnipes! I earned that medal, and both of you better get it back for me, toot-sweet, siblings!" Ralph said, looking between Vanellope and I.
"Well, unless you've got a go-kart hidden in the fat folds of your neck, we can't help you!" Vanellope said.
Ralph makes like he wants to crush Vanellope, but takes his anger out onto a few nearby candy trees instead. He then punches a giant jawbreaker. It doesn't so much as crack. He tries again.
Nothing. Incensed, he repeatedly pounds on it-- temper-tantrum style.
"Jared, what a moron he is." Vanellope said, looking at me.
"He is." I said, looking over at Ralph. "Hey, dummy! It's a jawbreaker. You're never gonna break..."
It cracks clean in half. That gives Vanellope an idea.
"Huh." Vanellope said, her eyes widening. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Yeah. I am." I said, as Ralph plops down on a rock, out of breath.
Vanellope and I come over and the two of us lean against a nearby jawbreaker.
"Enjoy your little tantrum, diaper baby?" Vanellope asked.
"Leave me alone." Ralph said, sadly.
"Look, you want that medal, right? And I want to race. So, here's what we're thinking; you help me get a new kart, a REAL kart, and I'll win the race and get you back your medal." Vanellope said.
"You want me to help you both?" Ralph asked, looking between Vanellope and I.
"Yeah. We do want your help, Ralph. All you have to do is break something for us." I said, smirking.
"Jared's right. He knows what will happen. Especially here. Come on, what do you say, friend?" Vanellope asked, holding out a hand.
Ralph doesn't take Vanellope's hand right away, "We are not friends."
"Oh, come on, pal. You son of a gun. Come on, buddy. Let's shake on it. Ah. Come on, chumbo. Ralph, my man. My main man. Hey. My arm's getting tired. We have a deal or not?"
"You better win." Ralph said, grunting, and he takes Vanellope's little hand, and they shake on it.
(Open POV)
EXT. SUGAR RUSH - CRUISER - FLYING - DAY...
Felix and Calhoun get a bird's eye view of Ralph's wreckage.
"I'll say this much, they don't call your friend Wreck-It for nothing. There's the shuttle." Calhoun said, landing the cruiser.
EXT. SUGAR RUSH - THE BROKEN SHIP...
Calhoun does a military run up to the ship, gun raised. She circles it, checks the cockpit.
Felix approaches cautiously, "Is he in there?"
"Nope. Lucky for him, otherwise I would have slapped his corpse -- No Cy-Bug either." Calhoun said, pulling out her tri-quarter bug sensor and starts scanning. "Got to find it before it lays its filthy eggs."
EXT. CANDY CANE FOREST - TAFFY PIT...
Calhoun and Felix pass the pit. She's getting a faint signal on the sensor. It scrambles. She smacks it. It scrambles more.
"It came this way, but the sugar particles in the atmosphere are jamming my sensor; can't get a read on it." Calhoun said, walking on with Felix. "So, what is it with this Wreck-it Joker, huh? Why'd he go AWOL?"
"I wish I knew, ma'am. He was acting all squirrelly last night, going on about cake and medals." Felix said, distraught. "But I never thought he'd go Turbo."
"'Go Turbo'?" Calhoun asked.
"That's right, you guys just got plugged in. Well, back when the arcade first opened..." Felix said, frowning.
NT. LITWAK'S ARCADE - EARLY 80S - FLASHBACK...
Simpler days. 80s music. 80s kids play classic games, Fix-it Felix Jr., PAC-Man, and an 8-bit racing game called Turbo Time. Turbo is basically a giant smiley face in a generic car, racing on a generic road.
"...Turbo Time was by far the most popular game." Felix said, as a voice over.
Turbo crosses the finish line and gives us a giant thumbs-up, "TURBO-TASTIC!"
"And Turbo-- well, he loved the attention." Felix said, as a voice over.
Turbo takes the first-place spot on a podium. He blocks the second-place racer down with a wave of his trophy and blocks the third-place racer from view with his Turbo thumbs-up.
"So, when RoadBlasters got plugged in and stole Turbo's thunder..." Felix said, as a voice over.
"New game! Alright!" 80s Player 2 said, excitedly.
RoadBlasters is wheeled in. Kids abandon Turbo Time to play it. Turbo is left mid-game.
"...boy, was he jealous..." Felix said, as a voice over.
Turbo's big smile turns to a frown.
The little Turbo dot cross the power cord from his game to RoadBlasters.
"...so jealous that he abandoned his game and tried to take over the new one." Felix said, as a voice over.
EXT. ROADBLASTERS — SHORT TIME LATER...
"These are the greatest graphics I've ever seen!" 80s Player 1 said, smiling.
"TURBO-TASTIC!" Turbo said.
An 8-bit Turbo drives all over the track, causing the kid to crash his car.
"Hey. Is that... That looks like Turbo." 80s Player 2 said, their eyes widening.
"What's Turbo doing in this game?" 80s Player 1 asked, when Turbo slams into the kid's car, and the game crashes. "Aw, come on!"
"Mr. Litwak!"
The workers wheel out both Turbo Time and RoadBlasters.
"Turbo ended up putting both games and himself out of order, for good." Felix said, as a voice over.
EXT. CANDY CANE FOREST - TAFFY PIT...
Calhoun shakes her head, "Yes, the selfish man is like a mangy dog chasing a cautionary tale."
They step onto a fallen peppermint tree acting as a bridge over a ravine.
"I know, right? That's why I have to get Ralph home, or the same thing's gonna happen to my game." Felix said, and there's a bloop-bloop since the entire tree is double stripe. "Huh?"
The tree disappears. They fall into a pit of chocolate powder.
"What is this?" Calhoun asked.
A sign reads: NESQUIK SAND.
"'Nesquik Sand'?" Calhoun asked, reading the sign.
"Quicksand!? Oh, I'll hop out and grab you one of those vines." Felix said, grunting. "Huh!"
Calhoun stands calm, sizing up the situation. Felix flails as he tries to hop out of the sand. But his usual 'boing' is more like a 'bllllrgh' as the sand swallows him.
"I can't hop. I'm hopless. This is hopeless! We're gonna drown here!" Felix said, worried.
"Stop thrashing! Stop moving-- you're making us sink faster!" Calhoun said, angrily.
"We're gonna die!" Felix said, still panicking.
"Get a hold of yourself!" Calhoun said, slapping Felix in the face.
Felix looks at Calhoun, shocked. Suddenly they hear giggling. They look up to see Laffy Taffy vines hanging from a tree. As the vines giggle, they stretch and lower towards them.
"The vines. They're Laffy Taffy. They're attracted to whatever makes them laugh. Here, hit me again." Felix said, while Calhoun smacks him lightly. The taffy vines retreat with a collective groan, disappointed. "That's not funny enough. Harder!"
Calhoun hesitates, "Look, you're a nice guy, I can't..."
"NO, MA'AM!! The arcade is depending on us. Now do your duty. That's an or-" Felix said, unusually forceful and Calhoun full on belts him. The taffy howls with laughter. He's got a huge back eye. "It's working, hit me again!"
"Ooh, your eye." Calhoun said, sadly.
"I can fix it." Felix said, hitting his eye with the hammer. His black eye goes away. "Now..." Whap! His nose and cheeks are swollen. "AAoooowwww!!! San Frantastic!" He hammers himself to normal. "Again!" Pow! He's got teeth missing. "Ow! You mean business!" Bling! His teeth reappear. "Ow! Yikes on bikes!" Calhoun hits Felix again. Bling. Felix fixes his face. Smack, bling, smack, bling, over and over, the vines approaching. "Wow! We're -- killing -- them! Comedy gold!"
Finally, the vines are within reach. He grabs hold, then pulls her into his arms. The vine sweeps them up and out of the quicksand. The world slows down. Music swells. Calhoun looks up at Felix. They arrive on the tree branch. For some reason he looks strong-jawed and heroic. He smiles down on her. Man, she's beautiful. There's a real chemistry between them. Calhoun notices that the Laffy Taffy are singing in a Disney-esque choir and have formed a heart shape around them. She pulls out her gun and shoots at the vines.
"Alright, enough with the goo-goo eyes. We've got work to do. Let's go." Calhoun said, looking at the sensor, all business, climbing out of the tree. "Argh, we lost the Cy-Bug. Let's go. Come on, we'll get a better view from the air. Think you can fix that shuttle?"
"Can do." Felix said, following Calhoun back towards the shuttle.
Down below the tree, unbeknownst to them, something has burrowed into the ground. We recognize the sounds of a Cy-Bug coming from the hole it made. We see the Cy-Bug from the pod emerge from the hole. It eats a striped cane root and becomes striped itself.
(Jared's POV)
EXT. GO-KART BAKERY...
An impressive facility shaped like a giant cake. Birthday candle chimneys line the top. Ralph, Vanellope, and I sneak past a guard's gingerbread booth with Beard Papa snoozing inside of it.
EXT. BAKERY WALL — MOMENTS LATER...
They slink up to a giant door with a hefty dead-bolt on it.
Vanellope's face is painted huge on the door with a circle-slash through it and the words: 'No Glitches Allowed!'
"Alright, do your thing, knuckles. Bust it open." Vanellope said, smiling.
"What's this? You're a full on criminal, aren't you?" Ralph asked, looking at Vanellope.
"Hey. You two shook on it. Now open the door, Ralph." I said, rolling my eyes.
Ralph's fist busts through the door, destroying it.
"Thank you, Jeeves." Vanellope said, smiling.
INT. KART BAKERY...
Vanellope and I ran in. It's dark. There's nothing but a start button.
"What is this place? Where are the karts?" Ralph asked.
I hit the START BUTTON. A screen lights up. It reads: CHOOSE YOUR KART. There are a bunch of cool candy karts to choose from.
"You gotta make one. This is the better form of Mario Kart. And the more sweet version!" I said, excitedly.
"What? No, no no. Look, kids, bad idea, trust me. I don't make things, I break things." Ralph said, letting out a sigh.
"Well, it looks like you're gonna be stepping outside your comfort zone then, Gladys." Vanellope said.
"Hey!" I said, spotting a kart Vanellope likes. "Ooo. Vanellope. This is a good one!"
I pressed the 'choose' button. Suddenly the entire place lights up. There are levers and pulleys and bins.
"Welcome to the bakery! Let's bake a kart!" The announcer said, over the speaker.
"What is this, another game?" Ralph asked.
"Yeah, well, it's a mini-game." I said, taking out chocolate chip cookies to eat it.
"You have one minute to win it." The voice said, over the speaker.
"What?" Ralph asked.
"Come on, Ralph! Help Vanellope!" I said, looking at Ralph.
"Go!" The voice said, over the speaker.
Oversized numbers fly through air from the background to the foreground.
Vanellope runs over to the giant steering wheel. Before her: two shoots, a balancing platform, a bowl, and a trash can.
"MIXING!" The voice said, over the speaker.
The word 'MIXING' flies through the air.
"Put the ingredients in the bowl and throw away the trash." The voice said, over the speaker.
Vanellope hangs on the wheel to steer it. Egg come out of the shoot and onto the platform. She steers the wheel. The platform tilts to drop the eggs in the batter bowl. Other objects come out of the shoots like boots, soccer balls, underpants, and hairbrushes.
A recipe card keeps score. Vanellope's having trouble with the steering and is missing the ingredients.
"Hair brush. No! Underpants, no, no! You're getting all wrong the stuff, kid." Ralph said, looking at Vanellope.
"I'm trying!" Vanellope said, worried.
"Urgh. I'll do it." Ralph said, jumping up on the platform, catches all the ingredients, throws the good ones into the bowl and the bad ones into the trash can. "No -- yes -- gross -- Milk, yes!"
The flour hits Ralph. He falls into the bowl.
"Batter up!" The voice said, over the speaker.
The beaters come down and mix the batter, Ralph and all. The batter and Ralph dump into a mold. Ralph crawls out of the batter just before it goes into the oven.
"Come on, no sleeping on the job!" Vanellope said, angrily.
"Get up, Ralph!" I said, tossing a chocolate chip cookie into my mouth.
"BAKING!" The voice said, over the speaker.
Ralph gets up, stumbles around, dizzy. The word 'BAKING' flies through the air.
"Baking! Pump up the heat and hold the perfect temperature." The voice said, over the speaker.
Vanellope runs over and jumps on the bellows. She can't get it hot enough.
"Ralph! A little help here." Vanellope said sadly.
"I'm on it!" Ralph said, pressing down and completely breaking the pump.
"Ralph! What the hell did you do?" I asked, walking over to Ralph with the box of chocolate chip cookies in my hand.
"Yeah, no problem, just give me this thing here..." Ralph said, grabbing the hose and blows into it himself.
The mercury rises.
"Okay, good! A little more. That's it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!" Vanellope said, looking up at the screen.
Ralph's cheeks are bulging. He turns red, then purple, then blue.
Ding! Just right. Vanellope and I cheered. Ralph collapses.
"Yes! Come on, get up, Ralph! Fifteen seconds!" Vanellope yelled.
"DECORATING!" The voice said, over the speaker.
The conveyor belt goes under a bunch of candy dispensers filled with everything from wheels to jimmies. We must launch eggs out of a cannon aimed at targets on the respective bins.
"We need to do the wheels first." I said, looking between Ralph and Vanellope.
"How many?" Ralph asked.
"FOUR, doi!" Vanellope said, annoyed.
"Got it." Ralph said, hitting the cannon four times hard.
Four eggs launch, hit the target and four wheels pop out of the bin, but they came out too early to be attached to the kart.
"Now, frosting. A buttload of frosting!" Vanellope said, happily.
"No problem." Ralph said, hitting the spatula several times. Several eggs go flying and smash the entire frosting bin, which topples into the next one. "Uh oh."
The other bins collapse like dominoes and spill all their content onto the kart.
The final buzzer sounds.
"Times up!" The announcer said, over the speaker.
The kart drops down a ramp into a fancy garage. They run to the garage door, on which there's a beautiful image of a perfect kart.
"Congratulations. You did it, and here's your kart!" The announcer said, over the speaker.
The garage door opens, revealing their abomination beneath spilled candy.
"Look, kids... I tried to warn you. I can't make things. I just break..." Ralph said, exclaiming.
"I love it." Vanellope said, happily.
"You do?" Ralph asked.
"I love it. I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! Look, it's got a real engine! And look at these wheels!" Vanellope said, kissing the wheels. "I love it! I finally have a real kart!" She then grabs three small pastry bags. "Come on. A work of art like this must be signed."
Ralph has a pleased grin.
(Open POV)
BACK OUTSIDE...
"Hmm, cream puffs." Beard Papa said, waking up with a start.
Beard Papa sees colored smoke puffing out of the factory stacks, then. Vanellope on the security camera. Beard Papa gasps. He grabs his Red emergency phone.
"This is Beard Papa. The Glitch is in the bakery! Get me King Candy!" Beard Papa said, worried.
(Jared's POV)
BACK INSIDE THE BAKERY...
Ralph finishes writing 'AND RALPH' in red frosting under 'and Jared' in green frosting while I have my writing under 'made by Vanellope' in turquoise. Ralph stands back to admire our work. Ralph's smiling like a sap, the first time we've seen him smile.
"Whoa. You have teeth? I've never seen you smile before." Vanellope said, her eyes widening.
"I'm not smiling. I'm gassy, okay?" Ralph asked.
We start to crack up, when we hear King Candy nearby.
"Hold it right there, Glitch!" King Candy said, angrily.
King Candy, Wynnchel, and Duncan drive in. King Candy sees Ralph and I and gasps in shock!
"And Wreck-it Ralph and the Storyteller?!" King Candy exclaimed, seeing Ralph and I.
"Uh-oh." Ralph said, aiming the pastry bag at King Candy and the donuts and sprays them in the face, temporarily blinding them. "Start the kart!"
I threw Vanellope in the driver's seat of her kart and Ralph and I hopped on the back.
"Start the kart, Vanellope!" I said, as Vanellope hovers her hand over the buttons and knobs.
"What are you waiting for?! C'mon, let's go!" Ralph said, angrily.
"I, ah, don't know how to drive a real kart." Vanellope said, frowning.
"You don't...what?" Ralph asked.
Duncan looks at King Candy, concerned.
"Are you hurt, Sire?" Duncan asked.
"No, Wreck-it Ralph just glazed me. Ho-ho-ho-ho. Get them!" King Candy yelled.
"Gang way!" Ralph said, pushing off the floor with his hands.
"Nice work, Ralph." I said, and the kart takes off.
EXT. BAKERY — CONTINUOUS...
Ralph, Vanellope, and I burst right through the wall. Ralph hand-pedals the ground faster. We catch a downhill and pick up speed, breaking the toll booth poll, which incidentally was double-stripped. King Candy and the donuts are hot on their trail.
"Stop in the name of the king; that's me!" King Candy said.
"Ralph, for God's sake! Get off the road!" I yelled, holding onto the sides of the go kart.
Ralph digs into the ground and takes a tight turn. The claw swat truck over-shoots and goes tumbling.
"Head for Diet Cola Mountain!" Vanellope said, angrily
A huge Coke-bottle shaped mountain towers above the horizon. We take a fork in the road.
"Ugh! Drive into the wall!" I said, looking over at Ralph.
"What?!" Ralph exclaimed.
"Right there, between the two sugar-free lollipops!" Vanellope said, looking at the direction of our home.
"Are you crazy?!"
"She's not! Just do it!" I said, happily.
Ralph aims the kart at the mountain head on! And just as we brace for impact, Ralph, Vanellope, the kart, and I hit the mountain wall, pixelate, and disappear.
INT. DIET COLA MOUNTAIN - CONTINUOUS...
Ralph, Vanellope, and I come sweeping into a Dali-esque world of half-built game props. We crash. The kart ends up vertical against a rock, front wheels spinning. Ralph tumbles out.
(Open POV)
EXT. DIET COLA MOUNTAIN - CONTINUOUS...
King Candy and the donut police screech to a halt. King Candy removes his goggles and looks around.
"Where'd they go? They should have just turned." King Candy said, looking at the cops. "Find that Glitch. Destroy that kart! She can't be allowed to race!"
Wynnchel and Duncan drive off. King Candy wipes his sweaty brow, upset.
(Jared's POV)
INT. DIET COLA MOUNTAIN...
Ralph picks himself up and lays into Vanellope, "Let me get this straight; you don't know how to drive."
"Well no, not technically. But I just thought..." Vanellope said, sadly.
Ralph gets to his feet.
"What did you think?" Ralph asked, in a mocking voice. "'Oh, I'll just magically win the race just because I really want to!'"
Vanellope grabs the steering wheel, eager, "Look wise guy, I know I'm a racer. I can feel it in my code. And Jared believes in me, like he really does."
"That's it, I'm never getting my medal back." Ralph said, grunting in frustration.
Vanellope jumps up and tries to push the kart off the rock. It doesn't budge.
"What is the big whoop about that crummy medal anyway?" Vanellope asked.
"The big whoop? Well, this may come as a shock to you, but in my game, I'm the Bad Guy and I live in the garbage." Ralph said.
"So what? You live like Accelerator from Academy City! That's really cool, Ralph." I said, grabbing Vanellope's hand.
"No. Not cool. And who is Accelerator? My life is unhygienic and lonely and boring. And that 'crummy medal' was going to change all that. I go home with that baby around my neck and I'll get a penthouse. Pies. Ice sculptures. Fireworks!" Ralph said, looking at Vanellope's blank stare as he grunts. "It's grown-up stuff. Neither of you would understand."
"No, I get it! That's exactly what racing would do for me!" Vanellope said, excitedly.
"And that's what not going to Trenzalore would do for me! I can't go to my grave, you guys. I just can't..." I said, squeezing Vanellope's hand.
"And Trenzalore is where you die, don't you?" Vanellope asked.
"Yeah. I die with the Doctor. In a battle amongst millions. I just...I want to live away from all that, you know. Not dying. I want to stay alive and see what's out there in the multiverse."
"Well, guess what?" Ralph asked.
"What's up?"
"News flash! The three of us aren't getting what we want!" Ralph said, stomping his foot. Boom! Something explodes nearby. "What was that?" He follows the sound and comes to a room with a bubbling pool. He reads the signs. "'Diet Cola Hot Springs. Watch out for falling Mentos?'"
"Yeah, check it out. This is the coolest room here! Look!" I said, throwing a rock at the stalactite.
I hit it. A piece of Mentos falls into the pool. Boom! A giant broiling geyser shoots up into the air.
"Oh, you gotta watch out for the splash. That stuff is broiling hot." Vanellope said, frowning.
"Yeah, I got that, thank you. What is this dump?" Ralph asked.
"I think it's some sort of unfinished bonus level. Yeah, it's pretty cool, huh? I found that secret opening, and now I live here. See, look, look look!" Vanellope said, running over to a crudely fashioned lean-to above a bed of candy-wrappers. "Welcome to my home! I sleep in these candy wrappers. I bundle myself up like a little homeless lady."
"And this is where I live." I said, looking at a sofa bed and a TV with my Nintendo Switch hooked up and there's a table with a bunch of snacks. "Perfect for a NEET. It means 'Not in education, employment, or training.'"
Nearby is a desk with my MacBook Pro there.
Suddenly, it occurs to Ralph: our plights are the same.
"With? With all this garbage around the both of you?" Ralph asked, looking between Vanellope and I.
"Well, yeah. I mean, everyone here says I'm just a mistake and that I wasn't even supposed to exist. Jared feels like he doesn't belong in the real world after everything he's done to hurt the people he loved and cared about there. What do you expect?" Vanellope asked.
"Listen, kids... I know it's none of my business, but why do you even stick around this game?" Ralph asked.
"You really don't know anything, do you? Glitches can't leave their games. It's one of the joys of being me." Vanellope said, sadly.
"And one of the joys of being me is that I know everything. It's not because I want to. It's because I need to. Knowing when someone lives or dies. It's like a race track. Knowing when it starts and when it ends for someone. It really does suck, you know." I said, while Ralph looked around at Vanellope's sad life and my sad life.
Ralph gets a thought. He raises his giant fist and starts pounding the twisted, nonsense architecture.
"Hey, what are you doing? Come on! I know it's a dump, but it's all we got." Vanellope said, grabbing my hand.
"If you're going to be a racer, Vanellope, you have to learn how to drive. And you can't do that without a track." Ralph said, still pounding away on the ground.
I teleported away to be up in the sky of the cave to see that Ralph has made a beginner's track around the hot springs.
"Vanellope! He made you a whole race track!" I said, excitedly. "He made you a Mario Kart track!"
"Whoa!" Vanellope said, happily. "I can't believe Ralph did that, Jared!"
I teleported away from the sky and reappeared back onto the ground.
Ralph picks up the kart and puts it on the track, "All right, now. Let's hustle up. We've got some driving to do."
Vanellope runs in a circle around Ralph, the kart, and I, cheering, "I'm going to learn to drive! I'm going to learn to drive! I'm gonna-Oh, wait. Do you know how to drive?"
"Yeah! I mean, I haven't done it, but... Look, I flew a spaceship today, okay?" Ralph asked.
"You crashed it." I said, sadly.
"Vanellope. Just get in. How hard can it be? Okay, uh... Start it up." Ralph said, as Vanellope starts it up and revs the engine. "There we go. So there are some buttons on the floor."
"They're pedals, Ralph."
"Pedals. Right. Now, uh, that's the go pedal. That I believe is the stopper. And this..." Ralph said, pressing the clutch pedal. "Wait. What is this? That doesn't do anything."
"Ooh, what does this joystick do?" Vanellope asked, pushing the gear shift.
The kart jumps forward, dragging Ralph with it. He lands flat on his face. Vanellope stalls.
Ralph lifts his head up, "Okay, good. Let's try that again."
"I'm going to play some tunes." I said, taking out my iPhone 15 Pro Max and connecting it to my Home Pod. "Hey Siri. Play 'Shut Up And Drive' by Rihanna."
"Oh. This is a good song, Jared." Vanellope said, smiling.
"I've been looking for a driver who's qualified / So if you think that you're the one, step into my ride..." The singer said, over the speaker.
Ralph stands in front of Vanellope.
Vanellope zips forward and slams into me.
"Ow!" I said, lifting up my leg in pain. "That hurt!"
Ralph is standing behind Vanellope.
She grinds the gears, flies in reverse, slams into Ralph. He cries out. She slams into him again.
"I'm a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine..." The singer said, over the speaker.
"Ow!" Ralph said, over the speaker.
I am hiding behind a rock.
Vanellope bucks forward, hits a stalagmite. It falls, lands on my head.
"Ow..." I said, sadly.
"With a sunroof top and a gangster lean / So if you feel me, let me know, know, know / So start me up and watch me go, go, go, go..." The singer said, over the speaker.
Vanellope is steering through an obstacle course. Ralph and I are pushing the kart from behind, guiding her around the rocks.
Ralph and I are motion-steering as Vanellope watches. She turns the wheel and slams into a rock. Spitting out a tooth, she gives a 'thumbs up'.
"Get you where you wanna go If you know what I mean / Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine /'Cause I'm 0 to 60 in three point five..." The singer said, over the speaker.
Vanellope is driving in first gear. She lifts her foot off the clutch slowly and moves forward smoothly.
"Now shift gears." I said, happily.
Vanellope shifts again and starts driving on her own.
"Baby you got the keys..." The singer said, over the speaker.
"That's good. Keep going! Shift it again!" Ralph said, happily.
"Now shut up and drive, drive, drive, drive..." The singer said, over the speaker.
Vanellope makes it around the track. Shifts perfectly.
"I told you, racing's in my code!" Vanellope said, excitedly.
"So if you feel me, let me know, know, know..." The singer said, over the speaker.
"I got that medal in the bag!" Ralph said, chuckling.
"Hey, Ralphie, Jared, watch this!" Vanellope said, jumping the track then drives right up a steep, natural ramp.
Vanellope jumps a part of broken track. Lands perfectly.
"Get you where you wanna go if you know what I mean / Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine..." The singer said, over the speaker.
"Whoo-hoo!" Vanellope yelled.
"Cause I'm zero to 60 in three point five / 'Cuz baby you got the keys..." The singer said, over the speaker.
Vanellope then aims for a giant jump...takes flight and...glitch! Her kart glitches about in the air, out of control. She's headed right for the stalactite!
"Look out!" Ralph said, worried.
"Be careful!" I said, drinking some chocolate milk.
"Whoa!" Vanellope said, ducking, but her spoiler hits the Mentos.
Vanellope glitches again and crash lands on the track on the other side.
"Shut up and drive..." The singer said, on the speaker.
Giant chunks of Mentos fall into the hot springs. Geysers shoot up. Ralph and I jumped out of the way of the boiling cola falling around us.
"Ah! Hot cola!" Ralph said, worried.
Vanellope keeps spins out of control. She skids to a stop. She looks spooked, but then she shakes it off.
"Now shut up and drive..." The singer said, on the speaker.
"So how did I do?" Vanellope asked, looking between Ralph and I.
"Um...well, you almost blew up the whole mountain." I said, sadly.
"Right, right. That's a good note."
"You got to get that glitch under control, kid." Ralph said, frowning.
"Okay, I will, I will. And then you think I got a chance? Jared said I always had a chance." Vanellope said.
"Tiny." Ralph said, contemplating.
Vanellope jumps up and around Ralph and I shouting, "Yes, I'm gonna win! I'm gonna win! I'm gonna win!"
"Top shelf." Ralph said, giving in to Vanellope's enthusiasm.
"Top shelf!" Vanellope said, happily.
"Top shelf." I said, as I fist bump with Ralph and Vanellope. "You got this, Vanellope."
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone