Chapitre 82: Chapter 10: The Weight of the Past
[3rd February, Wednesday]
[Kurushima Pov]
"Well... I'm getting more attention than I had expected. That wasn't how I wanted it to go like."
Standing before my locker two days after the certain incident occurred in my classroom I was looking with a wryly awkward smile at my locker.
They were filled with love letters... again.
It was four times as much as the day before yesterday: a total amount of twelve.
"Did so many confess to me because... They know now who I am?"
Being the richest person in Japan seems to have made people have a change of mind about me apparently.
I disliked that very much. I did not mind it much if they confessed to me because of superficial reasons such as my appearance, but because of my wealth... that was something I always heavily disliked.
If it was not for mother teaching me always to be respectful to those who take courage to confess I wouldn't even appear and reply to them at all.
"Haah… What a drag."
"Kuku. It seems like you have all of your hands full, Kurushima."
I looked around noticing that this guy was bothering me again. "Following me around again? Are you still not past your obsession with me?"
"I told you already—"
"That you'll beat me up, right? Please just let it be. That's impossible for you to achieve. I know it and you know it as well. Spare me the trouble for heavens sake."
I continued his sentence and told him the undeniable truth to his face. Then I turned myself around to collect the love letters in my locker.
But that rude guy behind me had closed my locker before I could touch the love letters and put them in my bag.
"That's quite the rude habit you have, you know? What should I do if one of the love letters ends up getting damaged as a result? It'll be awkward and impolite if I can't even appear and properly reject them."
He looked at me with a confused question mark on his head.
"Do you really mean that, Kurushima? I didn't think a heartless bastard like you would feel obligated even appearing, yet waste your time rejecting them."
"You're completely right. I feel particularly annoyed doing this. But I promised it to someone close to me long ago. To be mindful of their feelings. That's all."
"Ironic, coming from your mouth. It seems like that person failed you, then. Perhaps that person should have made more efforts teaching you this lesson better."
I stared at him deadly in the eyes. "One more word and I'll rip your tongue out of your mouth."
He was a little bit stunned by my warning, gulping his throat for a moment since no word came out of his mouth. But then, he looked at me with his casual smile again, having recompensed himself. "Sensitive topic, huh? Calm down, Kurushima. It's just a small little joke among friends, right?"
As he was finishing his sentence he looked to the side with a mischievous grin, whereupon I followed along out of curiosity.
But the moment I laid my eyes to that direction I was particularly perplexed by the situation in front of me.
I saw the girl I had broken up a while ago. It was Hiyori Shiina, my one and only love.
The fleeting raw emotions of anger I felt dissipated when I saw her face. It was strange that I was getting this vulnerable, feeling so warm, yet also this pained whenever I looked at her.
My heart was in a turmoil right now, aching, beating like crazy. Only she could make feel like that.
"Kaoru—"
She looked at me with such pitiful and sad eyes that I wasn't sure how to react.
I knew about everything circulating about me back then, but for the people here getting to know this just now it must be a real surprise.
[Seven-year-old orphan becomes the richest person in Japan.]
[Car Malfunction leads to absolute tragedy.]
[Largest Inheritance Tax in Japan's History.]
[Too Young, Too Rich, Too Alone: The Price of Japan's Largest Inheritance.]
I could enumerate hundreds of news articles I came across but it was a very uncomfortable topic for me.
Some of these news articles labelled me as "Throwaway Child," a title orphans like myself were considered as in the eyes of many: unwanted, discarded, neglected and forgotten by society.
But even among them, I was always completely different.
Remembering how everything was many had condemned me and wished death upon me for the reason that my family's wealth wasn't contributing more to society.
No journalist could write an article about such a thing but in every news articles comment section I came across I had noticed people loathing on my bare existence itself already.
It wasn't just there but when I was outside in the public as well.
Because I was rich, they classified me with the stigmata of being 'better off dead'. The hatred they held for rich, privileged people was cast onto me, even though I was a simple victim who had just lost his family.
But no one there cared about that itself. They cared about my new inherited wealth rather than the fact that I was nothing more than a grieving child.
I was titled as privileged even in that very own circumstance as if I ever wanted to lose my family like that.
They acted like I should be happy about my new circumstance. I truly hated every single moment of my life back then.
Instead of any kind of support that would be normally expected something like this was rather the case.
That had taken quite a toll on me back then and affects me even now, somehow.
Wherever I looked there were two kinds of people: those who wanted to use me and those who didn't want me to be around at all.
Aside from Aoki that was how I perceived everyone. For most of my life as well that single principle applied to everyone.
But she was different, and a minority of the people here as well. I thought if no one knew about me I could live even for just a period of a time normally.
After my purpose here was over I would return to how everything was again. Just a small change in my life where I could truly experience what Aoki mentioned.
A school life unlike the one I had experienced. No one approached me with malicious intent to gain advantages through me or anything else.
It was in fact a complete normal one everyone experiences.
But Koenji came into the variable and I revealed in my first few days just a bit about me to avoid suspicions of the others and for one of my plans.
Nonetheless... There weren't many who cared about that information in particular. Everyone was satisfied.
For me that was a first time.
I was genuinely surprised.
But now the situation is looking different again.
Back then no one knew the precise details, but now everything is out in the clear.
I wonder why I even released that information...
To not show off any weakness?
Yeah... I acted purely out of my emotions again. It had been always my weakness. That was something I already knew. That made me who I was.
I internally sighed looking back at the girl in front of me and could not shake off how strange and vulnerable I felt right now.
Truly, I wondered what she was thinking about me right now. Was she feeling right now the same like me as well?
I could guess it based on how she looked at me naturally, but I was captivated by her instantly and couldn't shake off the amount of guilt I felt because of it.
"Hiy—" My lips were moving already on its own saying her name almost until I controlled the sudden urge and recompensed myself. "I mean I must go. Class is starting soon."
Instantly, I turned around, but my guilty expression did not change one bit. I could tell this must have pained her tremendously again and I hated myself from the bottom of my heart for it but I did not deserve her love.
Someone like me...
Did not deserve her.
She shouldn't be together with me.
I can't let her share my tragic fate as well.
I made up my mind a long time ago for revenge and that's why, I need to overcome these feelings of guilt and do not look back.
So please... Let this heart pain end and don't turn around no matter how much you would like to kiss her, hug her and reconcile again.
"Where are you going, Kurushima?" I felt how he was holding my shoulder and yet, I did not resist because at the other direction the girl I loved, Hiyori Shiina was standing there.
"Did you not forget something?"
"What do you mean?"
"Your love letters. Are you not taking them with you?"
"I'll take them later in the break. It's impolite... To read or take them out in class after all. That's common courtesy, right?"
I truly wanted to hold his wrist right now but I had not the guts of facing her face again.
The guilt and the heart pain I felt... I couldn't hide it very well on my face. I would let it slide today, so Ryūen should better release me now.
Otherwise I wouldn't know what I would do when we would meet again.
"You're pathetic..." I heard these words echoing in my ear before my shoulder was released by Ryūen's tightened grip.
I could have grabbed him and overwhelmed in and would have acted in self defense for the fact he grabbed my shoulder but in the end I knew everything he said was right.
"You don't even know anything at all about me. What makes you think you have any right to judge me? In the first place what would you know how it feels like to experience all this?"
"This enormous hatred..."
I quietly muttered the last part which I had said without thinking. I knew how well he was right but at the same time he didn't know the damn about me at all.
He was clueless of the burden I carried.
I refuted him despite the fact it would have been better to simply accept it. In some way he was right but also wasn't at all.
It wasn't like I wanted to hurt her. That was the last thing I wanted to do.
But I know the danger of her being together with me lies.
That's why... I'm doing this.
I began to walk away without looking back not waiting for his answer to the direction of my class convincing myself that I'm doing the right thing.
I truly hated myself sometimes.
Being rich should make you happy, right?
So it is said, right?
Why did I never feel happy because of it?
Instead, it felt ever since then like a permanent curse: a reminder of what I had lost.
If my parents weren't wealthy in the first place and were just ordinary people in the middle class that accident would have never occurred in the first place.
Because father decided to become a politician abruptly he was able to gain information about Project White Room.
Perhaps that's my privileged way of thinking that money is a curse, but that's how I regarded it based on my life so far.
"Haah..."
I never experienced poverty and how it feels like to have no food on the table so I should never speak about money in this way because despite everything... I was always well-fed and off.
...
Anyway... I would not like to think about this any further. I should focus on what's really important right now.
I should expel Ayanokoji as soon as possible.
The plan is in motion and there's nothing much remaining.
I can finally achieve my first step crushing 'that man'.
By now, Ayanokoji must be still pretty clueless about everything. I wonder how he will feel like once he realizes the countless of sides where I'm attacking him on.
Chabashira-sensei had interfered with me last time saving him so even now due to her I'm unsure if his father can exert enough influence to postpone an expulsion...
I wanted to primarily see if that would be the case but I was not aware that Chabashira-sensei is someone who would violate rules like that.
In the end I'm clueless...
But just to be sure...
I'm making such a large case where even if his father tried to interfere he would not be able to save him from his fate.
Perhaps I should also try to direct his father's attention somewhere else just in the case.
Well... I'll confirm that part of my plan after my conversation with Aoki today so there's no need for the hassle now.
Still that I could not get any verification for my thesis from the Mixed Training Camp because of Chabashira-sensei's interference bothers me quite much.
For that I shall make sure when I leave this class I'm doing it in the best way possible; dramatically.
"Look, there is Kurushima-kun."
Just my presence alone left everyone standing here bewildered. I could see in the hallway so many people that looked at me with pity in their eyes now that my past was an open book for everyone.
Although the incident with Yamauchi occurred two days ago everything about me was revealed yesterday in the afternoon.
The school had to sort out what can be published and what not. But I guess the primarily reason was whether I would choose to rethink my decision.
In the end it's healthier that way.
"Did you read the articles? He's really the richest person in Japan. I'm really envious..."
"Are you really? I mean... I wouldn't want to change lives with him, if you ask me. His life looks kinda... pitiful, in my opinion."
"Now that you mention it, you're probably right. I definitely wouldn't want to switch roles, then. I can't imagine living without my mother's cooking..."
I glanced at those who talked about me and felt quickly very awkward. Throughout my whole life I heard things like these always.
These familiar looks, the same kind of empty stares and whispered judgments—I'd heard them countless times before.
'Look, it's that rich orphan.'
'His family just died. I heard he inherited a fortune. Shouldn't the government tax more? It's not like he earned it.'
'Why is he staring at us like that? Did no one teach him respectful behavior?'
I hated it. That was something I hated more than anything else in this world.
"I'm not some kind of object for your pity."
It was something like that what I wanted to shout. But, like always, I swallowed the words. The only thing I did was ignore it, just like back then.
They only look at those superficial reasons without knowing a damn thing about me and how it feels like to live like this.
I'm a convenient talk of gossip, nothing more than that. Something akin to cure their temporal curiosity, an object of fascination and tragedy.
That's all I've ever been to people.
But I was accustomed to gossips like this. The only thing I did was to walk towards my classroom without paying attention to those who spoke about me.
I shouldn't waste my time with that anymore.
But... I didn't think it would still affect me this much. I thought I had overcome this long ago.
In the end no matter what, the desire to prove that I'm not someone who 'leeches' off my family's inheritance and that I'm a human also worthy of living still exists inside me deep down in the core.
"How many numbers are those? 1... 2... 3... 8... 13... That's... already in the Trillion Numbers... The exact number here says it's 2.1Trillion... Yen... "
Just from my classroom already I heard people discussing my soon-to-be wealth. It wasn't that surprising, though.
Experiences like that were so common for me and yet, I couldn't say it wasn't uncomfortable.
"That's all his, right? I thought he was just a bit rich like he said once... But this is the complete opposite of everything..."
"Yeah—"
But before the voice could continue to speak I arrived at the classroom and everyone looked at me with different kind of eyes.
I paid no heed to them and sat down at my seat. Most here didn't dare to continue their conversations ever since the incident with Yamauchi two days ago.
Although back then no one knew anything about my background now everyone knew and could imagine that my 'warning' was very real.
It wasn't even something particularly difficult I requested. Just not to speak about my family.
"Hey, Kurushima."
I was a bit surprised that someone even spoke my name out given how careful everyone was of me now not to provoke me.
So I looked to the person who spoke to me and was standing next to my seat and was a bit surprised. It was no one other than Sudo Ken, someone whom I once considered as a real friend I guess.
"Hm?" I glanced at him wondering what he wanted from me right now. I was genuinely oblivious of it so I waited for him to speak up.
"I... Uhm.... I'm sorry... For behaving like that. Acting like a prig on the bus who knew it all better. I mean you said it clearly that you wanted to be alone... and I... or we didn't respect your wish."
"Sorry for that..."
"Sure."
I quickly answered and looked outside the window back again.
I wasn't someone who would ever use my status as an advantage so even if that apology was coming due to that incident on the bus I didn't mind it.
There were some noises and it seemed like Sudo was hesitating a moment but he could tell I had no intention of communicating any further. He finally moved away going to his seat knowing I had nothing to say to him.
I couldn't tell what kind of expression he made but I showed Sudo and the rest of the class that I had no desire nor the intention to communicate with them.
Feeling nothing more than pure boredom I closed my eyes and hoped the boring lessons would end fast, today.
It was quiet for a long time until I heard the footsteps of at least three people and the sound of something else tapping on the ground very annoyingly through the hallway.
"Is Kurushima-kun here?"
When I heard that familiar voice I felt not particularly surprised. After all I heard them already. However I didn't expect her to come here, yet face me so outrageously.
My boring day suddenly had gotten a bit more interesting. I turned around and saw the small little girl looking at me with a smug grin.
Slowly, I stood up from my seat walking towards her until our eyes met. Behind her were her 'servants' standing, Hashimoto Masayoshi, Kamuro Masumi and... The one with the long blue hair... Kito something I believe.
I forgot his name so I let any further attempt on guessing his name be. My memory isn't as perfect as I'd like to portray after all.
"You're here? I didn't think you would have the audacity to appear. That's quite daring of you, Sakayanagi Arisu."
"Fufu, I was merely passing by, Kurushima-kun. But there's no need for that kind of hostility, is there?"
"Oh...? My mistake, it seems. Should I be grateful for the honor of your visit, Sakayanagi?"
I made no effort to hide the sarcasm in my tone, which seemed to amuse her even more. Her smug grin widened slightly and she moved one step further until the distance between us was half a meter.
"Grateful? No, no, not at all," she said, her voice laced with faux humility. "I merely thought it was polite to stop by and... check on you after the recent revelations about your notorious background. You've been quite the talk of the school, after all."
"Well... I suppose I owe my thanks to whoever has been spreading the rumors about me. It was admittedly a minor inconvenience, but rest assured, I intend to repay the gesture severalfold in kind. "
Sakayanagi's smile didn't falter, but there was a flicker of amusement in her eyes.
"My, how generous of you," she replied, her voice silky. "But I must say, it's quite remarkable how well you've managed under the circumstances. Lesser individuals might have crumbled under such scrutiny."
"That's something I have to agree with, as unfortunate as it is. But I suppose I'm just more resilient than most. Life has a way of testing people, and some just break under the pressure while others… adapt."
"But why do I mention that when you're the same as well. My deepest condolences. I heard about your situation. It must be pretty difficult, right? Have you prepared everything already in advance? It's quite nasty, so I reckon to deal with them quickly."
Her eyes turned cold a moment long her eyes flashing with a mix of irritation, anger and hidden vulnerability behind everything, but then she spoke up with a slight smile.
"Rest assured, there's no need to worry about that. I've heard recently quite the good news so I'm feeling lately quite positive."
"Good news?! That's good to hear... Congratulations..." I said, revealing a wryly awkward forced smile, one thought after another emerging on my mind.
If I wasn't that skilled on hiding my facial expressions and emotions it would have been bad right now. Fortunately, I replied nearly immediately, hiding any sort of a suspicious facial expression I could make but I was shocked beyond anything inside.
Even so, it was an awkward situation regardless. That news like that had to come at an inconvenient time like this was ironic...
If he wakes up in the next couple of days I'm screwed...
That wasn't good at all...
These 'good' news arrived in a very unfavorable time...
In the case he truly wakes up in the next few days I'll have to truly devise something that will prevent him of coming into contact with Atsuomi Ayanokoji.
Besides that I planned to keep him away and busy when I would expel Ayanokoji, to not let him interfere with his expulsion...
So... If those were truly good news and the chances of him waking up have increased according to the doctor I should expel Ayanokoji soon.
...
The original plan for his expulsion was supposed to happen in a week, at most two.
Damn it...
Fate is truly not on my side...
I will have to talk with Aoki...
And with 'him' as well...
There's something I need...
"Oh, thank you, Kurushima-kun. I truly appreciate your kind words," she said, her voice dripping with faux sweetness.
I offered her a tight-lipped smile, one that could easily pass for politeness, but it was a smile that hid the cold thoughts racing through my mind.
She doesn't know, right? At least… not yet.
If he was awake the school would have mentioned the news of the Chairman waking up already, alongside Aoki as well.
I conversed with him on Sunday, three days ago, so he would have called my current number if anything happened.
Yeah... I'm just overthinking everything. There was no way since I hid any kind of involvement with me.
Nonetheless I felt guilty in my heart because of what I had done. To portray it like it was her fault... That was something no one should ever experience.
I'm scum...
But I didn't lead her into thinking Ayanokoji's father was at fault. Initially I thought of doing so... But in case Atsuomi Ayanokoji investigated even a little he would know he was being framed for it and would grow suspicious.
In the end... I also shouldn't have deleted the camera footage from back then.
A mistake because I felt out of nowhere good-hearted...?
Haah...
I'm still too weak-willed...
For my goal of revenge, the only purpose I have in life, no matter how empty that fate might be, I should be ready to sacrifice every single thing.
I don't need a conscience...
So Kaoru... Don't be so weak.
Grabbing onto that determination and conviction that I had lost in these two months often I looked as usual to Sakayanagi with a smile.
There was no time to feel or overly think anything. Nothing other than my goal now mattered.
"I'm sure you're busy with other things, and I, for one have gotten bored with our trivial conversation so I'll return to my seat again."
"Well, it seems my presence has overstayed its welcome," she said with a slight tilt of her head, giggling.
"Indeed," I replied. "But before you go, I wish you the best of luck."
"Best of luck...?" she repeated what I said looking at me with her usual face.
"The hunt has begun. It has been quite a time since I felt this motivated in my empty school life so you will regret the choice you have done today."
"I won't let anyone else have my prey."
"Fufu, you're speaking my words out of your mouth, Kurushima-kun. I hope you are truly as capable as I believe. I'll be going then."
She soon left the classroom and I returned to my seat with an amused smile.
The intention of sparing her had been gone in the face of her recent insult toward my mother.
I suppose there are still some interesting things aside from expelling Ayanokoji to do in this school as well.
Who knew I would feel this thrilled to crush her?
That is certainly quite a surprise.
With a slight excited smile I looked outside the window again my mind thinking how to deal with her.
--
A/N: And this concludes the chapter.
It's sooner than the last chapter but still... did take a bit of time. Yeah University happened, and it has been quite ... difficult and time consuming.
Just mentioning I dislike Group Projects...
But oh well... nothing to be done about that.
Let's get back with the discussion of the fic again, so I want to ask you, how did you find the chapter?
Also I'm curious but how do you think Kurushima intends to expel Ayanokoji? What would you say is his plan?
A few hints were given, one more noticeable than the other. But whether you remember them in this entire chapter is something else.
I know some of you might have expected something else, something more, but please bear it with me if this wasn't towards your liking much.
Honestly, other than this I don't think I've anything left to mention so I suppose this is it for this chapter then.
As always, questions are welcome. Don't hesitate to ask.
Well... Then this is all.
Goodbye.
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État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
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