Chapitre 9: Ch-9 Longing For Freedom
Ayanokouji POV
The entrance ceremony was boring, I nearly fell asleep half way through. Or at least, that's what I felt like doing.
It was essentially the same as it would be in any other school. Just a group of important people giving their thanks to the students that have come to this prestigious high school.
But I did notice other people in my class sleeping and chatting at first, but not before getting silenced by the likes of Horikita, who simply brought up Kazuki's words to scare our classmates and have them pay attention.
Most of the students immediately left to the dormitories right after the ceremony. Many groups were formed and friends chatted with each other like they've known each other for years.
Some students went to the cafe to hang out or get to know each other, while the louder one's went straight to the karaoke.
I noticed a bunch of people, mainly the girls, flocking around Kazuki, who I was just about to go to.
To be honest, I felt overwhelmed and I failed to understand how he could talk to so many people at once with such a positive smile on his face. And it was all genuine too. I didn't see an ounce of deception in it.
Not wanting to bother him, I decided to just head back to the dorms. I think I'll first go check out my dorm room and then come back to get supplies from the convenience store later on.
As I stood up, I turned to look at my seatmate, the rude dark haired girl I met earlier today. The one who's name turned out to be Horikita Suzune.
I stared at her without saying a word. Yet my lack of words didn't make it any less obvious as to what I was referring to.
I was asking if she was going to tag along.
Or to be more precise, I was wondering if she'd at least try to socialize with me.
Unfortunately, she just shook her head and I had no choice but to sigh to myself, disappointed at my inability to talk to someone. Kazuki would be too busy so he's out of the question either...
I was once again, alone...
I sighed and walked out of the classroom by myself. I stepped out and made a swift but lazy turn to the direction of the dorms. I almost didn't notice a certain someone stopping in their tracks and turning around.
"Huh ? Oh, Kazuki. You're still here ?"
I was pleasantly surprised. I would have expected him to be too busy to bother coming, or staying here. I assumed he would be surrounded by girls and even some boys, making it hard for him to go out alone.
"Yeah, I mean I just left. I noticed how you planned to head back to the dorms like me. So I decided to wait a little for you." He clarified.
Ah, I see. So he had the same idea as me.
But how did he get past that crowd of women ? I'm certain he didn't just slip through. I don't think he's that kind of person.
Do did he talk his way out ? How did he convince them to let him go ? It's not like they were talking for a long time. It was barely even a minute, that he was with them after the entrance ceremony.
How does he do it ?
Perhaps, I'll find my answer if I get closer to him.
"Tienes algo que quieras decir? Siento que tú sí." (Do you have something you want to say ? I feel like you do.)
He started speaking in Spanish, like I expected. He's a very fluent speaker, and he knows exactly how to take advantage of his talents.
But in all honesty, his question surprised me. No... It would be correct to say that it completely startled me.
I don't understand. How does he know what's going on in my mind ?
No one's ever been able to see through me so easily. It's like I'm a pane of glass. He doesn't even seem like he's trying. He just stared through me, his gaze always so distant.
What kind of insane perception ability must this man have to do suddenly realise what I was thinking about ?
I stared at him, not saying anything for many seconds. I still couldn't believe it, but I figured I should start getting used to this from now on.
Kazuki seems extremely useful this far. I didn't think I'd see talent this brilliant outside of the White Room.
But... Seeing how he already caught me, I might as well just ask him.
"Yes... What did Koenji mean ?"
It was a question that has been running in my brain for the past hour. What exactly did Koenji mean by that ? What is "Freedom-kun" supposed to mean ? They seem close, very close in fact.
I even noticed them eyeing eachother on the bus. Even in the classroom, they eyed each other from time to time, though that was mostly Koenji looking proudly at Kazuki as he broke down and analyzed the S-System.
Meanwhile, Kazuki's gazes towards Koenji have always been few and far between. But every time he did look at him, he was either expecting something from him or he was just watching him, as if trying to read him.
So, he can see through Koenji as well, hm ?
It looks like he's wary, but he isn't actually cautious in any way. Was Koenji perhaps troubling ? Based on the two earlier events today, Koenji has shown me all I need to know about him.
He's a capable but troublesome individual. He's also insanely prideful, a bit too much. I've never seen a person as narcissistic as him in my life, not have I read about a condition this severe.
But I cannot let my guard down around him, at least I know that much. He's a very capable person, based on his earlier reactions.
When Kazuki was explaining the S-System, he was just smiling and nodding. He certainly figured it out as well, but I believe he never tried as much as Kazuki, to understand it. But once Kazuki began explaining it, Koenji was quick to catch on.
"About what ?"
Is he trying to be ignorant ? Or I'd it genuine confusion. My question was certainly vague, but since he knows what I'm thinking, I figured he would know.
"He referred to you as Freedom-kun, and I got curious as to what it meant. You have history with Koenji, correct ?"
Kazuki stared at me for a while, but only a short while, before cracking a smile and laughing lightly.
I don't get what's funny about what I asked. Did he not expect me to question this ? Was it a weird question to ask ? I suppose it might be.
"Didn't I tell you we'd talk in Spanish when we're in private, mi amigo ?" He quickly and suddenly reminded me with a sly smile on his face.
I paused.
I forgot about that.
I felt my eyebrows twitching lightly. He's having fun isn't he ?
"Well, to answer your question, yes. Me and Koenji are friends. I met him at a conference a couple months back. It's not anything too deep or anything. As unbearable as he may seem, he is someone worthy of respect. And I'm certain that feeling is mutual."
Ah, I see.
So that's why he was able to calm him down so easily. They're friends.
I don't know how he can handle someone like Koenji though. He sounds and looks like a very troublesome person to deal with. I know I wouldn't be able to tolerate him.
So Kazuki himself describes Koenji as "unbearable", but despite this, he still stays around him. Is that a part of friendship ? Always being with your friend ? Are friends always nice to each other? Or can they be rude or playful to each other as well ? And if they do, then does that still count as being a friend ?
And the last sentence caught my attention.
He's worthy of Kazuki's respect ?
Wow.
If Kazuki respects him, then Koenji must certainly be formidable.
I had already deemed Koenji as a capable person, but this level of praise from someone as talented as Kazuki must mean something.
And the feeling's mutual, it seems. I suppose that part is more surprising then the previous sentence. Based on his personality and behaviour, which I have seen so far, I would have assumed he didn't respect anyone but himself, much less have a friend.
But then again, Kazuki is everyone's friend.
"As for the Freedom-kun part... I honestly have no idea. He gives nicknames to all the people around him and that just happens to be mine." He said with a straight face, dull eyes showing that he was reminiscing something.
...
That's... It ?
It was just a nickname ?
But I don't understand. Why "Freedom-kun" ?
Out of all possible nicknames he could've given Kazuki, why did he choose that ?
"..."
"..."
Both of us stared at each other in silence.
I need to say something! I can't let this conversation go now.
Ugh, what can I say to him to start another proper conversation.
...
...umm....ugh...ah!
I should ask him that question. He's talented and intelligent, and I'm certain his answer will be interesting to hear. It makes me curious.
"Kazuki... Tengo algo que quiero preguntarte. (Kazuki... I have something I want to ask you.)
His eyes turned to mine, a rejuvenating look on his face as he stared at me expectedly. It made me flinch a little.
Don't tell me he expected this to.
Man... How does he do it..?
"¿Crees que existe la igualdad ?" (Do you think equality exists ?)
Of course, I know for a fact equality doesn't exist. But I truly wish to hear what he thinks about this.
He's shown himself to be a lively person, and based on his earlier interactions and his nickname, I can come up with a vague theory on his philosophy.
Though, I already know what his answer is going to be.
But I still want to hear it... From his end.
"Equality doesn't exist."
Kazuki's answer was firm and swift. It almost baffled me at how quickly he replied to my question.
It was like he knew what I would've asked him and already prepared a reply, just waiting to say it.
So I was right.
He really did expect me to ask him this.
But how is he able to read me so easily ? I didn't get trained in the art of deception within the White Room just for this random boy to literally read my mind.
What if he can actually read minds ? I know such a thing doesn't exist, but if it did, Kazuki might have this ability.
It's like he's inside me head.
I just can't hide anything from him.
It makes me happy.
Perhaps... Perhaps he can help me achieve my goal.
Maybe he can defeat me... one day.
"La igualdad es, al fin y al cabo, solo una fantasía. Una que está siempre más allá de nuestro alcance humano. El mundo es injusto y no todos viven buenas vidas.
Nadie nace igual. Incluso al nacer, algunas personas nacen con un desarrollo cognitivo superior, algunas personas tienen trastornos o defectos genéticos, algunas están lisiadas, algunas son normales. La desigualdad existe incluso en la etapa del nacimiento.
No todos tienen buenos padres. No todos los padres merecen un hijo. Todos los niños merecen buenos padres, pero muchos no los tienen. Algunos son abandonados. Algunos pierden a sus seres queridos. Algunos nunca los tuvieron desde el principio. Y algunos casi siempre están con su familia.
¿Son todos iguales? Si la igualdad existiera, todos deberían ser iguales, seguir las mismas leyes y reglas, no tener restricciones y, si las tuvieran, deberían ser las mismas. Pero, ¿lo son?
El objetivo último de las personas es llegar a la cima. Un sistema jerárquico que solo existe debido a la práctica de la humanidad. Sin esta desigualdad, la sociedad tal como la conocemos ni siquiera existiría.
Incluso el fenómeno de la selección natural y la diversidad gira en torno a la desigualdad.
Así que, en términos simples, no. La verdadera igualdad no existe y nunca existirá.
Después de todo, no existe tal cosa como la verdadera perfección."
(Equality is at the end of the day, just a fantasy. One that is forever beyond our human grasp. The world is unfair and not everyone lives good lives.
No one is born equal. Even at birth, some people are born with higher cognitive development, some people have genetic disorders or defects, some are crippled, some are normal. Inequality exists even in the stage of birth.
Not everyone has good parents. Not every parent deserves a child. All children deserve good parents but many don't have them. Some are abandoned. Some lose those close to them. Some never had them to begin with. And some are almost always with their family.
Is everyone the same ? If equality exists then everyone should be the same, follow the same laws and rules, have no restriction and if they do, it should be the same. But do they ?
The ultimate goal of people is to rise to the top. A hierarchy system that only exists because of the practice of humanity. Without this inequality, society as we know it, wouldn't even exist.
Even the phenomena of natural selection and diversity revolve around inequality.
So in simple terms, no. True equality doesn't exist and it never will.
After all, there is no such thing as true perfection.)
I stopped.
Literally.
I literally stopped in my tracks when I heard him say this.
I was expecting that answer from him, but I didn't think he'd go so deep into it.
Did he truly come up with all this on the spot ?
Seeing me stop, Kazuki also stopped walking and stared at me silently.
A few people, students and staff, walked by us and occasionally threw a confused glance at our direction, wondering what we were talking about, as they didn't understand Spanish.
When we resumed our walk, Kazuki kept speaking.
"Ayanokouji, I'll be completely honest with you. I believe in the philosophy that it is every person's basic right to be free."
He he said this, my neck snapped towards him and my full attention was directed to him.
That's what he believes in ?
Absolute freedom ?
No... I doubt he means that. That's too naive. It doesn't suit him.
But he still believes in freedom, in some way, shape or form.
Is that why he gets that nickname ?
Now I'm curious...
As a person who's never had a taste of freedom before... Someone who is only just now receiving it and experiencing it... How will his words affect me in the long run ?
What can I learn from him ?
"Elaborate."
"Es el derecho de nacimiento de todo hombre y mujer ser libres. Nacen en este mundo con el derecho de vivir sus propias vidas y no ser controlados ni retenidos por nadie. Ni por la sociedad. Ni por sus padres. Nadie.
Todos deberían tener el derecho de vivir libremente, tener comida, tener agua, tener un techo sobre sus cabezas. Las personas no deberían ser forzadas a hacer algo que no necesitan. Debes considerar sus sentimientos también.
Merecen ser libres. Después de todo, ¿qué es la vida si no puedes ser lo suficientemente libre para experimentarla ?"
(It is the birth right of every man and woman to be free. They are born into this world with the right to live their own lives and not be controlled or held back by anyone. Not by society. Not by their parents. No one.
Everyone should have the right to live freely, have food, have water, and have a roof on their heads. People shouldn't be forced to do something they don't need to. You must consider their feelings as well.
They deserve to be free. After all, what's life when you can't be free enough to experience it ?)
While I ranted to me in Spanish, I keenly listened, not daring to interrupt him when he was explaining his belief on freedom.
Everyone's birthright to be free... To not be controlled by their parents... To not be forced to do things they don't want to do...
His words were hitting a little too close to home.
And his final words hit me like a freight train.
"What's life when you can't be free enough to experience it ?"
I.. I agreed with his words.
That's what I'm after. To be free enough to do whatever I want and explore the outside world.
It made me remember my time in the White Room. That desolate place filled with no freedom or emotion.
Two things I know very little about.
Two things I wish to understand and experience.
But no matter how hard I tried... I couldn't understand the true meaning behind his words.
I couldn't understand it, because I've never felt it. I don't know what any of those things feel like.
Kazuki stopped in his tracks, turning towards me completely and staring at me with a poker face. His eyes were sharp and piercing, completely different from the charismatic, smiling man from earlier.
This one appeared more serious, more calculating and more stern. The same look he had when he revealed the S-System. That look of precision and focus.
"I don't know what you went through, Ayanokouji. I have no way of knowing. But I want you to understand one thing." He raised his hand and poked my chest with his index fingers while staring at me.
I felt my eyebrows twitching again.
"I don't know what you went through..."
Yes. He doesn't.
He doesn't know about the White Room and is ignorant of the darkness that lurks in the shadows that ordinary people cannot see.
However...
Those dark blue eyes of his... They burned with a fiery passion.
But even so. Those mere words of his managed to make my whole body flinch a little.
He doesn't know what I went through, but he already suspects something.
He knows I went through something, but he doesn't know what it is.
But how can he come up with that conclusion ? I don't believe I've made an error in my actions.
So far, I've only come off as a socially awkward introvert who is completely normal and doesn't even remotely stand out.
After that failure of an introduction, some people might even think I'm pathetic and not pay any attention to me.
But Kazuki has had his eyes latched onto me. I know he can read me like a book, but the real question is: Just how much can he read ?
How skilled is he in his perception ? Just how far can he see through my facade ?
"Don't let yourself be pushed around. Don't let others tell you what to do. Live your life the way you want to life it. And make sure you live a good one. You must break out of the shackles that bind you to your past and adapt to your new life. Don't think about the past. Let the past be the past. Be better. Make sure to fight. For yourself, and for your freedom. I have always lived life with this philosophy. I've modelled my entire life based on this philosophy. Now, I'm not telling you to do the same. I'm just telling you to take care of yourself and don't do anything you'll ever regret. Live a happy life and don't give in to fate. No matter what challenges are thrown your way, overcome them and crush them."
I let those words sink in.
Kazuki stopped speaking after this, implying that he was done for good.
How does he know ?
How does he know... that I'm bound by my past ? That I'm not free ? That I'm searching for freedom ?
He can see through me like I'm a pane of glass, yet I can't read him at all. Everything I know about him so far, is whatever he's outwardly shown me.
But I can't see what he's hiding from me.
Is his deception also as great as his perception ?
Or perhaps, he doesn't have anything to hide at all ?
I am unaware of his mental state right now, but I do know that his stare was cold. His eyes and we're swirling into my own.
An abyss. That's what his eyes were.
And yet, they weren't dark or horrifying like mine or that man's.
They were serene, calm, and tranquil. An abyss, yes. But a welcome one.
An abyss that you'd want to fall into. Just waiting for you to fall into, with open arms. Warm and welcoming.
I'm not sure if he realises how much his words actually mean to me.
So far, there has never been a single person in my lifetime, that has ever told me this. And never in my life, have I seen a more honest answer.
The only person I can compare him to is Matsuo, the only other person that cared about me. The reason why I'm at this school.
Don't let myself be pushed around...
Let go of my past...
Focus on the present...
Fight for my future...
Achieve my goals...
To be free...
To understand emotions...
To be truly happy...
It may be too early for me to do any of these things. No... It IS too early.
I cannot change... Not that quickly.
But... I'll be sure to remember.
To remember these words... And take them to heart.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
After me and Kazuki parted ways, I went back to my dorm room.
Imagine my surprise when I found our assigned dorms.
I was on the fourth floor of the first year dorm building, Room 401.
...
How fitting...
On the bright side, Kazuki was in the same floor as me. In fact, we're actually neighbours.
His dorm number is 402, which is right next to mine.
As I entered my room, I put my stuff down. Keeping by bag on the couch, I didn't bother going to the bathroom. I just laid down on the bed with my uniform on and stared at the ceiling.
Kazuki Hikaru...
Truly a man of many talents.
A man of freedom.
The first friend I've made in this school.
As his words continued to play over and over again on my mind, I closed my eyes.
He's a perfect candidate... To teach me what freedom is.
And on the way, he can also teach me what friendship is.
And also... He's a potential candidate to win against me, in order to prove that man wrong.
Three birds in one stone.
If I stay close to him, maybe one day, I can finally get what I want. Maybe then, I'll be able to truly realise the truth of this world and my existence in it.
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État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
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