Chapitre 3: To Myself
Zayn sat quietly outside the counselor's office facing glances from his classmates. It wasn't strange to see him here. He's here often but he never went there voluntarily. The counselor was busy with another student so he had to wait a while.
Mrs. Kady Lin insisted the students use her first name despite protests from other staff. She didn't like being called a Mrs so never forced or asked to be called such. She felt like her first name would make students comfortable with her and it did. They felt safe with her.
"Thank Ms- I mean thanks Kady for the motivation now we both know I can be a successful politician." Another student Zayn kinda knew but never paid attention to, Mormon walked past him with a plastered smile.
"Zayn Snipes." She beckons him into the office and points to the chair diagonal to her desk. Zayn peeked around as always at the weird stuff she kept in her office. "What is the problem today Zayn? I already guessed you got someone pregnant or think you got someone pregnant. You know Zayn, I offer free condoms. Stop going bare and use protection. If I'm wrong you have an std and want to know what to do. How servere?" Zayn knew she was making joking assumptions but it still stinged a bit.
"I have not slept with anyone in two months." He quietly said. It's not like the possibility of him getting someone was slim but not impossible but he thinks he's covered. Kady read the room and realized something was definitely wrong with Zayn. His eyes seemed sunken almost. He didn't come in joking about whatever situation he was in like usual and his usual resting face of annoyance wasn't on display, he seemed bothered and uncomfortable like he was scared of something.
"Zayn, What's wrong?" She asked concerningly. He was pissed off with himself for feeling this way.
"I mean I don't even know, I just feel confused and I'm annoyed and I'm angry at myself and I just feel wrong y'know." Kady nodded, not really understanding what the boy meant but nodded to encourage him to talk more. "I honestly feel like I'm being weak right now. I don't want to feel the way I feel. It feels… wrong."
"Zayn, you're not being weak. It is good to share your feelings." She assured him but he didn't feel that feeling at all.
"I don't know if this is the right term or not but I'm….. y'know forget it"
"No no Zayn, Please talk with me." Zayn sat in his chair trying to put what he wanted to say in words but it's like he can't say it. He was thinking maybe he did like Christian in a way but he could phrase it. "Zayn?" He licked his lips, diverting his eyes.
"Okay… Maybe I- I've just been thinking this because something happened." Zayn got quiet and Kady almost didn't hear him. "Maybe just maybe I might like guys." Kady quirked an eyebrow at Zayn. She didn't expect this from him but it was a normal thing students came to her with.
"It's a normal thing. Oh my lord, I thought you were being suicidal again. This is good."
"THIS ISN'T GOOD KADY!!!" She was surprised but kept her composure at the boy's outburst.
"Okay calm down. Zayn, why is this not okay to you?" She looked at his eyes that were shifty like he was avoiding hers.
"Because I am not gay!" His voice cracked a bit ruining his facade a bit. "This is confusing!" Kady smiled trying to think of the right words to relay to the student.
"Mhm, yeah. Zayn, can you talk about why you feel like this?" He looked up at her with his glossed over eyes and relayed his story about last week. Kady understood everything he was saying, it was understandable he was unsure of his feelings but she was optimistic everything would work out in the end.
"Zayn you're not gay, probably bisexual or pansexual, or something else I cant tell you what you are only you know that." Zayn got frustrated, pulled his knees up to his head, and sat there for a few minutes. Kady heard a few sniffles but let the boy sit for a few seconds to catch himself. "Here's my question… Do you have feelings for Christian or are you just attracted to him?" This question was something Zayn couldn't answer for himself which is why he can't solve his problem.
"I…don't know."
"It's okay, you'll figure it out." she smiled at him but that didn't give him any reassurance any way it just made him feel more deep in his insecurities. Zayn gave her a half smile and waved at her before leaving her office. Zayn spent the rest of his time even more annoyed than earlier. Everything was irking.
No one cared about him at the moment; they were too busy thinking and conversing on what they were wearing to the party of how fun this party would be or what they were going to do. It annoyed him so much but he didn't want to ruin the mood with his sourness. Everyone could tell something was up but didn't want to press too much or just ignored it.
Zayn rushed to his locker to pull out a few things before he left for home but he stopped by Daniela calling him from down the hall. Of course she was paying attention to his odd behavior and monitoring him and wanted to know what was going on but didn't like pushing. She expected everyone to tell her what's going on but they never did and she never pushed too much.
"Hey." She kissed him on the cheek as a hello since she hadn't seen him since the 3rd period. "You ok there?" She asked hesitantly as she slid her hands into the pockets of her blazer jacket. Zayn flashed her a smile he was feigning to reassure her all was fine but in the back of her mind she still thought something was up. "Hey, Zayn…" She was still kinda hesitant with him which bothered him but he didn't say anything. "I know you said you won't come but… please reconsider because it could be fun…huh." He glanced at her over his shoulder as he chucked some things into his backpack. "Well if you miss me later, I'm at Ebany's." She smiled again at him and patted him on the shoulder before running off to her car. Zayn angrily stared at her disappearing figure. He felt like he had to go after being asked more than once despite not being invited.
Maybe he might find himself there; he was starting to actually consider showing up after pushing the idea of going to the back of his mind. It was annoying him and it seemed like everyone was going except him. (they were.)
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone