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40.9% Am I Deadpool??? / Chapter 7: Paw Patrol got nothing on this guy!

Chapitre 7: Paw Patrol got nothing on this guy!

The stolen car hurtled down the dark road, headlights slicing through the dense forest. Wade had his hands firmly on the wheel, navigating the wilderness with an intensity that bordered on manic. The night was alive with the sounds of the forest, but Wade's focus was solely on the road ahead. The sense of urgency was palpable—he was living a high-octane chase scene straight out of an 80s action flick.

In the backseat, Ken and Laura were quiet, their earlier fidgeting subdued by exhaustion. Ken, with his auburn hair in disarray, was curled up against the side of his seat. Laura, her small hand clutching a piece of Wade's suit as if it were a lifeline, was nestled beside him. They looked peaceful, but Wade knew better than to think their current tranquility would last.

(You know, we really should stop and get some snacks) the first voice in Wade's head piped up, its tone mischievous.

Or maybe try to stop and ask for directions, cause I don't think we're headed in the right direction... the second voice chimed in, more concerned about Wade's complete lack of navigational skills.

"Yeah, I'm aware," Wade muttered under his breath, glancing at his rearview mirror. "But have you seen how cute those two are when they sleep? Don't wanna wake 'em up."

(Oh, look at you, being all protective and big brotherly.)

Didn't see that one coming!

(Yeah, just wait until they start asking, 'Are we there yet?' every five minutes. You'll be wishing for some sweet, sweet silence again.)

I agreed, you got lucky because Ken idolized you and Laura is non verbal!

Wade rolled his eyes but couldn't suppress the smile that tugged at his lips. Despite the chaos and constant adrenaline, there was something almost serene about this moment—almost. The plan was as flimsy as they come, relying on the slim hope that showing up at Xavier's doorstep with a couple of kids and a makeshift costume would somehow solve all their problems. But for now, it was all he had.

"Alright, let's not get too sentimental here," Wade said to himself—or maybe to the voices in his head. Who really knew anymore? He already established himself as a crazy guy after all.

"We've got a car about to run out of gas, two kids who've been through way too much, and given the surroundings, we're probably in the 90s. Which means no fast internet. Ugh."

Wade shook his head, chuckling at his own predicament. "Focus, Wade. Focus. We need to focus getting in near the border. After that… we'll figure it out."

The road stretched out endlessly, the engine humming louder than Wade liked. The vehicle's gas was nearing empty, and he knew he needed to ditch it before they were forced to stop. With no GPS and with his non-existent skill of reading the map this has started to became total chaos but he figured it was better to abandon the car sooner rather than later.

At last, they stumbled upon a rest area, a lone bar, a minimarket, and a clothing store marking the site. Wade parked the car a short distance away, the tension easing slightly as he saw a place where he could finally catch his breath. He killed the engine, then used his shadow powers to cloak the vehicle, ensuring his siblings stayed hidden from view.

With a quick, stealthy movement, Wade made his way to the clothing store. Inside, a sleepy teenager was working the counter. Wade slipped past her, the store's shadows helping him remain unseen. He then appeared behind her and used his backhand to knock0 her unconscious, making sure she wouldn't be problem while he stole the clothes in the store.

(Dude, she living minimal wage, have a sympathy!)

Rude, really rude dude…

"I am not really sorry, we need this, I think the kid will get a frost bite sooner than later, we need warm clothes, preferably winter clothes."

Wade moved to the children's clothing section, sifting through racks. Even with a mixture of urgency, he still had creativity. He and his siblings still need to be presentable in the school after all. He tossed aside various options and muttered.

"Nope, too girly. Not that one either... ooh, what do we have here?"

(You are really picky, dude...)

Are you really sure about that one?

"Yeah, you're right. Too flashy. How about this? If I cut the jacket sleeves and pair it with this turtleneck and cargo pants, it'll kinda look like Kidpool's outfit, right? if we draw the symbols in the middle? We could rock this until we get the real stuff!"

(Oh, oh! You could pick that red facemask and pair it with these snow goggles! And don't forget the snow boots and gloves! We could totally pull this off!)

You guys are really a nerd...

Wade grabbed the clothes and made his way to the fitting room, where he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His reflection showed a young, pre-teen Hugh Jackman. Jackpot. His prayers seemed to be coming through! THANK YOU GOD, STAN LEE, AND THE FUCKER WHO MADE THIS FANFIC!!! And for the little commenters who suggested that I look like Paul Rudd and Tom Cruise too! I am really moved.

(Ladies, here we come!!! We've won the lottery!!! YEAAHH!!!)

I mean, even Ken looks kinda like him, as far as a five-year-old goes, and Laura looks like Anna Marie but with black hair.

"It's not like I could do anything with the girls anyway. I still can't touch them and not everyone's into being dead by snu-snu." Wade realizing he couldn't have anyone in his life the way he wished. Fuck. What use of his good looks if he can use it? FUUUUUCCCCKKK YOU AUTHOR!!!

(I mean, we still have so many years ahead of us! We could probably do it! And hey, isn't our dad technically dead by snu-snu once? He did fuck our mom to have us and our siblings after all! Not to mention you're going to be a total looker when you grow up—sexiest dude alive kind of thing!)

Oh, please. He's still short, probably a little bit short of 5'0" after all. And considering his father is Wolverine… You're probably a 21 years old.

"I mean it could be a possibilities, but Wolverine still got all of that chicks even when he was short in the comics, I think I am fine. I am also established that I am only 10 years old or 13 if you really wanted to stretch it,"

(But we've got the tall Wolverine as our dad; dude looks like a giant, could be 6'3" like Hugh Jackman! And we might not be ten years old yet. We could pass as 12 or 14!)

But it was in a flashback when we were a tiny little itsy bitsy toddler! Our Perspective is different!

(JUST LET ME HAVE THIS DUDE!!! I AM A FAN OF THE MAN!!! HAVE YOU SEEN THE LAST MOVIE!!! PERFECT I TELL YOU!!!)

Fine…

Wade grinned as the voices in his head continued their playful bickering. Damn, he really is a narcissistic little bitch didn't he? But the seriousness of the situation soon returned. They still needed food and a new car, preferably the one that could do long distance route, they still far from the border. Wade slipped away from the clothing store, stealing some cash from the register before heading to the minimarket.

At the minimarket, he quickly purchased some essentials and then scouted for a new vehicle. Luck was on his side when he found a trailer van in decent condition.

"Lucky!!! There's a trailer nearby, in pretty good condition too! We could survive in here and only worry about food and gas until we get to the school!"

(Bit suspicious, don't you think? To have this conveniently located trailer right next to the rest area?)

I don't know why, but the trailer seems familiar, though I can't quite place why.

"Who cares! LFG!"

Wade broke into the trailer, making a few quick adjustments before commandeering it. He drove it back to where his siblings were waiting and outfitted them in the winter clothes he'd stolen.

Unbeknownst to him, long after he and siblings were gone from there, a gruff, handsome tall man with muttonchops beard and a beautiful southern woman with auburn hair with a streak of white had just emerged from the bar to find their vehicles missing. Their expressions shifted from confusion to high alert as they discovered the empty parking lot and a faint, familiar scent that they couldn't remember from.

The trailer roared to life as Wade hit the road again, the stolen trailer trundled along the road, its engine humming steadily after weeks of travel. Wade had managed to keep a low profile and avoid detection, though it was clear that the journey had taken its toll.

"Why did I felt we missed something important in that rest area? We had cash, food, trailer, clothes…"

(I kinda felt this is one of the author wrongdoings, I think we missed something really important to the plot, he wanted to torture us,"

He probably wanted to milk this arc dry to keep the suspense…

"You know that I think about it, somehow this trailer does seems familiar, the scent also remind me of someone but I couldn't really place it on who..."

Ken and Laura were in the back, a bundle of winter clothing and blankets keeping them warm, the familiar scent also helped them relaxed in the trailer. They had started to grown accustomed to the constant movement and the makeshift lifestyle. The trailer had become a temporary home, complete with a makeshift bed and a small, inefficient stove.

(Looks like we've got a full tank and a full belly. Nice work, Wade.)

We're not out of the woods yet. Just keep your wits about you. We still have a long way to go.

"I knew, still couldn't place it why I felt familiar with this trailer..."

For the past six days, Wade had meticulously planned their stops. He'd needed to refuel and restock supplies, and every stop was carefully executed to avoid drawing attention. The trailer had seen better days, but it was still holding up. Wade had become an expert at keeping it in working condition, performing makeshift repairs with whatever materials he could find.

(I guess our dad is the Wolverine after all, the claws didn't fall that far from the wolf! We had some of his skill!!!)

I don't think that's was the phrase for that saying...

As they neared the border, the reality of their situation became more apparent. They had been living off of canned goods and dried foods for weeks, with only the occasional stolen supply run to keep them going. The cold was relentless, and the weariness was starting to show on all three of them.

They had avoided major roads and towns to minimize the risk of being caught. Their journey had taken them through less-traveled paths and small, isolated areas, where they could remain under the radar. They still on the run from Stryker after all. Wade had learned to be resourceful, scavenging what he could and making the most of their limited resources.

On the final approach to the border, Wade's nerves were on edge. He knew the border crossing would be the most annoying part of their journey. He had spent hours preparing for this moment, planning their route and considering every possible scenario. As they approached the border checkpoint, Wade took a deep breath, He considered the possibility of teleporting across the border but dismissed it. Where was the fun in that?

(Hit it, dude, live a little! Look! there is a ram near, we could use that!)

"And here I thought I was the 10-year-old one!"

Why is there a ramp near the border?

"Beats me, probably what the author actually cooked by so that our escape from the border scene could be epic, Fiuh, at least there is a kinda one person who maybe sane in my head,"

(What do you mean? We are still the same person! Hit it! Hit it! Hit it!)

This is a really bad idea, and we're going to regret it, but heh, hit it, dude!

"Alright, kids, this is it," Wade said, his voice a mix of excitement and anxiety. "We're almost at the border. Just hang tight! I am gonna speed this trailer so we could fly above the border! Maximum Efforts!"

Ken and Laura, now more resilient than before, nodded enthusiastically. The anticipation in the trailer was palpable as they neared the checkpoint.

Wade slammed his foot on the gas pedal. The trailer sped toward the border checkpoint, the engine roaring as it flying through. The border guards barely had time to react as Wade's stolen vehicle screeched through, flying and knocking over cones and kicking up dust. He gave the border patrol the middle finger and shouted, "Whoo-hoo! KEN, LAURA! SAY BYE-BYE TO CANADA!!! New York, lets fucking goooo!!!"

"X-Mansion, here we come!" Wade whooped, glancing back to see Laura and Ken now fully awake and caught up in the excitement. "Next stop, New York! Hope Professor X is ready for a little surprise."

(Or a big one. Maybe we should've called ahead?)

Nah, where's the fun in that?!

As the trailer roared away into the night, Wade felt a strange sense of triumph. They'd made it through the border, and he was pretty sure he'd just become the world's best—or worst—big brother. Now, it was just a matter of finding Xavier and hoping he could help them navigate this strange new reality. But why did the snow kept getting heavier and bolder as they go?

(You know there is a possibility that we are not in the right border, right? Isn't one to New York came with more security or something, since it was America after all? or is it only after 911?)

This place is also kinda deserted, not gonna lie. Didn't look like New York Either...

"I might be reading the map upside down..."

(DUDE!!! How that's possible!!! Now we have too find our way back???)

I knew we should just ask directions instead of sneaking in and stealing things...

"STEALING THINGS WAS YOUR IDEA THOUGHT 2!"

I AM NOT THOUGHT 2!!! I REFUSED TO BE THOUGHT 2 YOU FUCKER!!! JUST CALL ME BOLD!!! I IDENTIFIED AS BOLD!!!

(Is that mean I am Bracket? but I like Thoughtless tho, but I guess Bracket is fine too, easier to remember, but if you want to call me Thoughtless I am okay with that too!)

"God fucking dammit, I hate you two!"

ME TOO!!!

(But isn't we are the same person? Is this self-deprecating?)

Down at the border checkpoint, two officers stared in shock as the absurdity of the situation sank in. One of them, regaining his composure, turned to his partner and said, "New York? Isn't this the Alaska with Canada border, right? Should we chase those kids?"

"Give me a minute first," his partner said, still processing the surreal encounter. "A kid no older than 13 just drove that trailer, that went flying up near us and flipping us off?"

"Yeah, that's what happened. Should we chase them?"

"Should we? SHOULD WE? OF COURSE WE SHOULD, STUPID! GO TO THE CAR! DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE!!! CALL BACK UPS!!! DRIVEEE!!!"

The chase was on.


L’AVIS DES CRÉATEURS
Vha_Ann Vha_Ann

Hey, quick question, how many r rated thing you could say and write in this website? Because I realised this fic could be banned because of swear words, sexual innuendo, incest jokes, and everything else before I began to regret wrote it and delete it in the future??? Maybe I am going back to Ao3 or FFnet but Ao3 tagging scares me and I hate FFnet.

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